Top 10 signs it's an erotic massage parlor from my exp
Okay, so this is a little off topic. But I ran across this and found it funny and decided to pass it along.
1. Any massage parlor open after say 9 pm is bound to be packing an assortment of extras, nobody virtuous goes looking for a therapeutic back rub at 1 am on a Tuesday!
2. It's packing Neon signs with words like "massage", "bodyrub" or "fellatio barn". There's just something seedy / appealing about a flashing neon signs, they know degenerates like us can't resist the lure of a good neon sign.
3. Odd / distant Location If the massage shop is smack in the middle of an industrial area there's a good chance they'll have buckets of extras as they're often driven out of the 'burbs by nosy fuckers with erection problems and church groups who believe a that administering a handjob = holiday in Hades.
4. If the masseuse is wearing / displaying any of the following then it's probably going to be sensual miniskirt, high-heels, tight-dress, side-boob, lingerie, snorkel.
5. The seedier / ramshackle the place the better your chances of a happy ending, if I ever see a scummy mattress on a floor I always think I'm odds on for a handjob (or lice).
6. Check out the customers. If it's all nervous looking men then you've probably hit the jackpot. A nervous man walking out of a massage place is the sign of a man with freshly emptied babysacks. I love when I see guys about to walk into a massage joint which I know is a 100% erotic and they start twisting / stretching there arms like they're a little sore and are just there to get some knots rubbed out. We know where the knot is bro!
7. The masseuse doesn't leave the room whilst you get unchanged. This rarely happens and when it does, it's always awkward as fuck. Kinda retarded to feel awkward I know, she's about to see me naked and will soon be milking my man-jam but there's a system people WHEN THE MACHINE BREAKS DOWN, WE BREAK DOWN.
8. The massage slogan "Oriental" or "Asian" massage is always a good erotic shot but are not to be confused with "Thai Massage" which always results in something in me dislocating.
9. The massage room has items like vaseline, lubricant, dog-collars or a box of tissues so big that you could wipe up one of Thor's loads.
10. The Masseuse walks in and takes off her clothes. If I got to explain this one then you belong in that Sarlacc pit son.
HA!
Jenny at West Therapy. NO YOU DINNA! OH, YES I DID!
Using my highly developed monger detective skills, I had deduced that Linda from West was my old atf from JJ Accu in San Pedro. So, I rolled out to resample that blast from the past. Called from the parking lot to ask if she was in, but the line went dead. Went up and rang the buzzer and a mature Chinese lady let me in. I asked for Linda. She said Linda was not working there anymore because she didn't have a massage license. She seemed to think I might bail, so I asked her name and shook her hand. She said, "Jenny". Right then I knew my plan had turned to shit. I decided to go with her.
First, I've got to say, she must have been a stunner thirty years ago, be cause she still had traces of her good looks. She said fifty for a half hour. I took sixty from my cash stash and asked her to bring me back the change, which she did. She started to put a towel on me, but I told he I didn't need one. She proceeded to give me a BS massage mixed with some teasing. Finally she rubbed some lube on and hopped on the edge of the table and put me in. The room was dark and I was grinding away when I looked down and saw her pussy. I thought to myself that if I can see her pussy that means I'm in her ASS! FUCK! But, I figured as long as I'm in there I might as well keep going. Her ass felt like a pussy and I was wondering if I was going to pop, which I eventually did. I asked her if she had a rag, but she didn't understand me and put me back in. I tried to go a little more, but she finally did a package check and realized I was done.
I should of grabbed my money when she left the room. When we were finishing up I was holding one twenty and asked her if one was alright. But, of course she indicated one twenty, "Just like Linda!
I told her I would still like to see Linda. Half the time she seemed to agree we were talking about the same Linda, at other times she was trying to play it off. Ultimately I got the feeling Linda might be there on a different day and she was just trying to turn me into clientele.
I'm on dick watch right now, ocassionally checking my package. My question my fellow board members: is Linda still there? If not, any idea where she went?
Cheap massage joints chorchaba Thai massage
Anyone remember Chorchaba Thai massage on highland and Santa Monica? And the one near the walk of fame emphoria massage? I got a good massage at Chorchaba. I went to get another massage over a year ago and they were closed. Any of you guys get any extras there? It was a legit massage only for me with no extras. They put a towel over you during the massage.
Near Hollywood and Highland
Accidentally posted in the wrong area. Visiting Lala land soon and looking for a nice Asian massage. FS optional.