Sexual Addiction Reports

[BLUE]I got rid of his posts because he's wrong. It's not a matter of opinion, the science is in addiction is a disease. His issue is he's an atheist and hates the idea that some people are finding a spiritual solution to their disease and since he couldn't rationally attack their success he tried to invalidate the idea that addiction is a disease.

I'm not advocating for 12 step programs, I have my story and no shame about it but they aren't for everybody. I also have no issue with atheists, some of the people I know who are 12 step inclined are atheists, doesn't seem to hurt them any. he wasn't any of those, he was just a misinformed blowhard who thought his opinion carried the same weight as scientific fact. There seems to be more and more of those these days.

In any event, best of luck to the OP and I appreciate the compassion that you guys show them and even this misinformed blowhard.

A2[/BLUE]

[QUOTE=CheezeFist;3702681]Of course, there are some people with extraordinary willpower capable of sobering up and staying sober for years. But they still have a desease, it didn't go away. They just suppress urges through extreme self-control.[/QUOTE]I've been doing it more than three decades and that's not how it works for me hoss. Not busting your chops, your post wasn't douchey so I didn't have anything to say about the rest. Just saying that me willpower, and self-control have never been well acquainted is all.

A2.

[QUOTE=Admin2;3703737]I've been doing it more than three decades and that's not how it works for me hoss. Not busting your chops, your post wasn't douchey so I didn't have anything to say about the rest. Just saying that me willpower, and self-control have never been well acquainted is all.

A2.[/QUOTE]Well, it could be 12 steps or 144 steps — nothing will work until the person takes back control of his / her life. If you were able to do it for so long, you ARE capable of extreme self-control.

[QUOTE=CheezeFist;3703806]Well, it could be 12 steps or 144 steps nothing will work until the person takes back control of his / her life. If you were able to do it for so long, you ARE capable of extreme self-control.[/QUOTE]Did you miss the part where I specifically told you that it isn't about that for me? Just curious, who do you think knows more about my life? You? Or me?

In my case it has nothing to do with will nor self control. I'm not guessing at that, this is not something I think, it's something I know. I'm [B]informing[/B] you about that. It's not a discussion, it's not open to your interpretation, it's information I'm giving you. It's like if you told me your name. If you told me your name was Joe and I said "no it's Steve" I would look kind of stupid no? So if I tell you that in my case, in my experience, it's not about self will nor self control and that in fact I am totally lacking those characteristics and you tell me that I am incorrect and that having never met me you know more about me than I do, how do you think that makes you look?

Yeah, just that stupid. Please don't argue with me about this. As with the other guy your opinion doesn't hold the weight of fact. Especially when you are putting your opinion against my experience of my very own life.

A2.

[QUOTE=Admin2;3703826]Did you miss the part where I specifically told you that it isn't about that for me? Just curious, who do you think knows more about my life? You? Or me?

In my case it has nothing to do with will nor self control. I'm not guessing at that, this is not something I think, it's something I know. I'm [B]informing[/B] you about that. It's not a discussion, it's not open to your interpretation, it's information I'm giving you. It's like if you told me your name. If you told me your name was Joe and I said "no it's Steve" I would look kind of stupid no? So if I tell you that in my case, in my experience, it's not about self will nor self control and that in fact I am totally lacking those characteristics and you tell me that I am incorrect and that having never met me you know more about me than I do, how do you think that makes you look?

Yeah, just that stupid. Please don't argue with me about this. As with the other guy your opinion doesn't hold the weight of fact. Especially when you are putting your opinion against my experience of my very own life.

A2.[/QUOTE]Sorry man, I apologize for that.

[blue]Cool, this is you being the exact opposite of dumb. Thanks, I appreciate it.

A2[/blue]

[blue][Deleted by Admin][/blue]

[b][u]EDITOR'S NOTE[/u]: [/b] [blue]This report was deleted because the content of the report was [u]pointless[/u], [u]unproductive[/u] [u]drama[/u]. Please read the Forum FAQ and the Forum's Posting Guidelines for more information. [I]Thank You! [/I]

Look man, I'm sorry your mommy or daddy let you down so badly and it turned you into a rage o holic but I'm not going to let you abuse people here.

Maybe you can help me with something though. Why is it you guys who insist on calling people snowflakes are the ones that do the most crying? It's the case every time.

Sorry man, you can't do this anymore. I know you think you have an ownership stake on this forum but you don't and you have been abusing people for years and you're going to have to adjust that it's over.

A2

PS, I'm not censoring you, I'm muzzling you.[/blue]

[QUOTE=Admin2;3703737]I've been doing it more than three decades

A2.[/QUOTE]High 5 to you. It's rare to hear of someone with so many years. The world is a better place because of this decision you made years ago.

Me too. It hasn't always been easy but it has been worthwhile.

My goal / legacy is to get to 50 years (2031). At that point I feel this one achievement will trump any failure (s) I had in life.

One morning 13 mos ago my younger brother didn't wake up. He died with a bottle in his hand.

Some people get it. Some don't. But For The Grace Of God ... There I Walk.

My name is Doug, and I am a sex addict.

For several years, I regularly contributed to this forum. That was over 10 years ago. I had well over 100 posts. The majority of them, unlike this one, contained real information intended help others. Then came a day when my membership here caused me tremendous grief in my personal life. I retreated from this site and the hobby for a long time. I thought I could change who I was and what I had been doing. I found new ways to occupy my time, new things to think about. I tried to keep the my secret inner beast at bay. I was successful for awhile. Just when I thought I was out, this thing pulled me back in. Slowly at first, then more and more often I looked here for information which I put to "good" use in my quests. I really should have rejoined the ranks of the posters some time ago. But I felt like doing so would be an acknowledgement that I had completely relapsed. Well, turns out the only person I was fooling was myself. So here I am again.

[QUOTE=DougStamper;3788531]My name is Doug, and I am a sex addict.

For several years, I regularly contributed to this forum. That was over 10 years ago. I had well over 100 posts. The majority of them, unlike this one, contained real information intended help others. Then came a day when my membership here caused me tremendous grief in my personal life. I retreated from this site and the hobby for a long time. I thought I could change who I was and what I had been doing. I found new ways to occupy my time, new things to think about. I tried to keep the my secret inner beast at bay. I was successful for awhile. Just when I thought I was out, this thing pulled me back in. Slowly at first, then more and more often I looked here for information which I put to "good" use in my quests. I really should have rejoined the ranks of the posters some time ago. But I felt like doing so would be an acknowledgement that I had completely relapsed. Well, turns out the only person I was fooling was myself. So here I am again.[/QUOTE]Hope you don't cause tremendous grief in your personal life this time.

[QUOTE=MeyghaMann;3794286]Hope you don't cause tremendous grief in your personal life this time.[/QUOTE]I hope so too. Trying to limit risk, but what can I do?

I'm an addict.

ADDICT = (Noun.) The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

[QUOTE=DougStamper;3788531]My name is Doug, and I am a sex addict.

For several years, I regularly contributed to this forum. That was over 10 years ago. I had well over 100 posts. The majority of them, unlike this one, contained real information intended help others. Then came a day when my membership here caused me tremendous grief in my personal life. I retreated from this site and the hobby for a long time. I thought I could change who I was and what I had been doing. I found new ways to occupy my time, new things to think about. I tried to keep the my secret inner beast at bay. I was successful for awhile. Just when I thought I was out, this thing pulled me back in. Slowly at first, then more and more often I looked here for information which I put to "good" use in my quests. I really should have rejoined the ranks of the posters some time ago. But I felt like doing so would be an acknowledgement that I had completely relapsed. Well, turns out the only person I was fooling was myself. So here I am again.[/QUOTE]

I was really trying to cut back (hopefully stop completely) and stay truer to my marriage. At least I wanted to refrain from mongering except while traveling. For a while I was doing better, but I've relapsed considerably in the past 3-4 months, to the point where I've BBFS at a local AMP twice in the past month. And that's just part of it, taking all sorts of my time, money and more. So conflicted as part of me is excited about these new adventures, and part of me dreads losing the quality of my marriage as well as much more.

I want to stop now, but already have plans for tomorrow, then want to stop after that. Crazy, no doubt.

What do you mean by trauma?

Cessation doesn't cause me severe trauma. I often have to pause the hobby due to family events / trips or work related priorities or because of review sites being down (as they have been recently). But I don't suffer anything that can be described as trauma. I could easily see myself segueing into another hobby. But I continue because I like it. And we only live once.

[QUOTE=DougStamper;3796840]I hope so too. Trying to limit risk, but what can I do?

I'm an addict.

ADDICT = (Noun.) The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.[/QUOTE]

I find myself maybe being to much into this time to time where I just have to resist. Since I am in CO, weed seems to help a ton for me LOL if the urge get's to crazy.

One night drank a lot, smoked a lot. I don't think I could even get a stiffy for a few days, was starting to get worried LOL. Once cleared my system fully though, came back all good.

I do think of myself at times, to be 'border line', was bad for a while but I've improved.

Just use to take off randomly in middle of night and try to find a pickup, where I could be looping for hours to find something good.

Couple experiences though, changed that mind set quite fast. Doing it so freely at least.

[QUOTE=Glennie;3798011]What do you mean by trauma?
Cessation doesn't cause me severe trauma. I often have to pause the hobby due to family events / trips or work related priorities or because of review sites being down (as they have been recently). But I don't suffer anything that can be described as trauma. I could easily see myself segueing into another hobby. But I continue because I like it. And we only live once.[/QUOTE]I quickly pulled that definition off the web. Perhaps trauma is a bit of a stretch. But not much. Ever see an addict that needs a fix? Here are the behavioral characteristics of a drug addict. When you read them, mentally change every mention of the word drugs with SEX. That is how it is with me. You said you could move to another hobby. That is fantastic news for you. I have tried; more times than I can count. I am unable to quit.

Obsessive thoughts and actions:

Acquiring and using the drug become the main priorities of life while all or most other obligations including work, family, or school are sidelined.

Disregard of harm caused:

Although the drug abuse is causing physical and mental distress to the individual and their loved ones, the person struggling with addiction continues using drugs or alcohol.

Loss of control:

Even in the face of wanting to stop or reduce their drug use, the person cannot do so.

Denial of addiction or hiding drug use:

When confronted, the person battling addiction will deny or downplay their drug use. To avoid having to explain themselves to others, the person may do drugs in secret.

I think we have to be careful to equate sex addiction with drug addiction. Health professionals are reluctant to even acknowledge that the former exists as a separate disorder. It may be wrapped up in other known disorders. These disorders are products of the mind, unlike a physical addiction to a substance like heroin. It seems to me that if it's a product of the mind then there is some hope to control it, the same way you control any behavior. I've read a bit about the mind. It's interesting that there are two halves, which have a fair amount of redundancy. For example, when a part on the left is damaged, it may be rewired through therapy to operate on the right. There are, in effect, two people in your brain and they even have different personalities. One half can talk the other out of doing certain things. I know it works with me, as I have arguments with myself often about what's best to do. There's also an emotional processing center whose job it is to render decisions about complex problems with imperfect or incomplete information input. I'll admit I'm not an expert on any of this stuff, but it's what I've read and good enough for this forum, LOL.

In the last few years I've been immune from all forms of sex addiction except for sugar babies. I certainly don't judge anyone for liking street prostitution or other stuff because I've been there done that. It's just that I've gotten older, the fires are cooler, and I find what's available unappealing. But now a sugar baby, OMG! A pretty young woman who kisses you and admires you and is nice to you -- that is addictive! But expensive. And my main tool to control this addiction has been keeping a careful budget. I recently had a nearly 4 month affair with a SB, which I ended when I realized I was going to have a hard time paying for some expenses that were coming up this summer. I have a family and they tend to take what they know should be available, given my income. My family (mainly my wife) will grant me a "fun budget" but an SB costs about twice my normal fun budget. So I ended the SB / SD relationship and told her the honest explanation why. The SB, who was very sweet, said she understood and I could come back when my situation changes. For now I'm going cold turkey while saving money. Maybe I relapse in September? I don't know.