Top 10 signs it's an erotic massage parlor from my exp
Okay, so this is a little off topic. But I ran across this and found it funny and decided to pass it along.
1. Any massage parlor open after say 9 pm is bound to be packing an assortment of extras, nobody virtuous goes looking for a therapeutic back rub at 1 am on a Tuesday!
2. It's packing Neon signs with words like "massage", "bodyrub" or "fellatio barn". There's just something seedy / appealing about a flashing neon signs, they know degenerates like us can't resist the lure of a good neon sign.
3. Odd / distant Location If the massage shop is smack in the middle of an industrial area there's a good chance they'll have buckets of extras as they're often driven out of the 'burbs by nosy fuckers with erection problems and church groups who believe a that administering a handjob = holiday in Hades.
4. If the masseuse is wearing / displaying any of the following then it's probably going to be sensual miniskirt, high-heels, tight-dress, side-boob, lingerie, snorkel.
5. The seedier / ramshackle the place the better your chances of a happy ending, if I ever see a scummy mattress on a floor I always think I'm odds on for a handjob (or lice).
6. Check out the customers. If it's all nervous looking men then you've probably hit the jackpot. A nervous man walking out of a massage place is the sign of a man with freshly emptied babysacks. I love when I see guys about to walk into a massage joint which I know is a 100% erotic and they start twisting / stretching there arms like they're a little sore and are just there to get some knots rubbed out. We know where the knot is bro!
7. The masseuse doesn't leave the room whilst you get unchanged. This rarely happens and when it does, it's always awkward as fuck. Kinda retarded to feel awkward I know, she's about to see me naked and will soon be milking my man-jam but there's a system people WHEN THE MACHINE BREAKS DOWN, WE BREAK DOWN.
8. The massage slogan "Oriental" or "Asian" massage is always a good erotic shot but are not to be confused with "Thai Massage" which always results in something in me dislocating.
9. The massage room has items like vaseline, lubricant, dog-collars or a box of tissues so big that you could wipe up one of Thor's loads.
10. The Masseuse walks in and takes off her clothes. If I got to explain this one then you belong in that Sarlacc pit son.
HA!
Gettaway massage on Camelback
I had been here a long time ago and at that time was not impressed with the service or girls, this time was different. Paid a visit yesterday, met Gaby there. I opted for 1 hr at the normal. 6. Massage itself was ok, not the best, not the worst, did have me relaxing. She is attractive and fun. I initiated contact while face down, rubbing her legs and ass under her dress, pretty soon the flip came. Wanted 1. For hand, told her no, . 60, she said it would be worth it, agreed on. 8. What happened was more than I had expected, however YMMV. We got so into things that we were body to body, shaft to clit, almost went in. A heavy petting a make out sess. She was dripping wet and came 5 times, very loud. I too had multis. Needless to say when is was over we both needed to shower as we were covered in sweat and juices. It was the best experience that I have had without intercourse. I will be seeing her again.
