See ALLLLLL the talk in massage thread from accounts with like 8-20 posts. How many of these are shills in your estimation?
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See ALLLLLL the talk in massage thread from accounts with like 8-20 posts. How many of these are shills in your estimation?
[QUOTE=CamsV;6998945]See ALLLLLL the talk in massage thread from accounts with like 8-20 posts. How many of these are shills in your estimation?[/QUOTE]How can we know it is a shill?
This is a response to those saying that there's no girls under 30 working in AMPs. The main reason you may have not been seeing them is because you're probably not exploring enough, not researching enough, following the crowd, and only sticking 1-3 spas that keeps on getting pushed on the OC forum. If I'm finding them and others are finding them, you can also.
The argument that someone made that they don't exist is because any girls under 30 have boyfriends to support them. This is the most absurd reasoning. If that were true, all the girls under 30 found on popular escorts sites wouldn't exist. Sex workers under 30 wouldn't exist.
[QUOTE=CamsV;6998945]See ALLLLLL the talk in massage thread from accounts with like 8-20 posts. How many of these are shills in your estimation?[/QUOTE]I think there may be a rule not to point fingers or else I would have doubled my post count. Make it triple.
[QUOTE=HoDough;6998965]This is a response to those saying that there's no girls under 30 working in AMPs. The main reason you may have not been seeing them is because you're probably not exploring enough, not researching enough, following the crowd, and only sticking 1-3 spas that keeps on getting pushed on the OC forum. If I'm finding them and others are finding them, you can also.
The argument that someone made that they don't exist is because any girls under 30 have boyfriends to support them. This is the most absurd reasoning. If that were true, all the girls under 30 found on popular escorts sites wouldn't exist. Sex workers under 30 wouldn't exist.[/QUOTE] Yeh! Or the one I keep running into is mwb (mongering while black) it was hard enough to have an established booker take a chance (an I think it's only cause I look mixedish).
I want to explore but and be diverse in my selection, I can't tell you how many times I've tried different AMPs just to be led in a room and left there for 20 minutes before I left.. Yeh!
SO if you have some tips on how to find these gems so I can be an bigger asset on these forums. And possibly a plug for Sammy Sosa strength industrial skin bleaching cream.
It'd be appreciated.
Yeh!
[QUOTE=JamesD2004;6999185]I think there may be a rule not to point fingers or else I would have doubled my post count. Make it triple.[/QUOTE]I don't even remember the names. I'm just asking for an estimate LOL but you answered as if I as asking something I wasn't!
Other guy: How can you tell a shill account? Look at the content of what they write paired with their account information like how many posts and if you want, you can even click their profile and see all the things they've written!
[QUOTE=HoDough;6998965]This is a response to those saying that there's no girls under 30 working in AMPs. The main reason you may have not been seeing them is because you're probably not exploring enough, not researching enough, following the crowd, and only sticking 1-3 spas that keeps on getting pushed on the OC forum. If I'm finding them and others are finding them, you can also.
The argument that someone made that they don't exist is because any girls under 30 have boyfriends to support them. This is the most absurd reasoning. If that were true, all the girls under 30 found on popular escorts sites wouldn't exist. Sex workers under 30 wouldn't exist.[/QUOTE]I figure I've been mongering for about 35 years. In all that time I've encountered maybe 2 or 3 girls in MPs (AMPs and LMPs) that I'd consider young hotties. Young being under about 25. I had a young Latina hottie in Downey once who couldn't have been much older than 20. I had a couple of Asian hotties who were probably in the 23 - 25 range. Outside of that, girls in their 30's and up is more the norm.
I've had a couple escorts who claimed to be 18 and their appearance supported them actually being that age. But of course they were quite expensive as compared to AMP prices.
So yeah they're out there, but you generally won't run into one by just walking into a massage shop. If you do, then you better buy a lottery ticket on your way out.
Way back in the day, I used to go to a place that was operating out of a big mansion in Bel Air. That was pre-internet days when you had to drop a quarter into the dispensers on the sidewalks and pick up a copy of the La X-Press. You'd always look around until you had a clear break to go get one because you felt like a royal pervert getting one of those in broad daylight. For those who don't know, those were newspapers with pictures of topless girls on the front page with stars covering their nipples, and they were full of sex ads. This place advertised "real college girls" and all of the girls literally looked like they could have just walked off the UCLA campus. I actually tried dating one but could never get her to fully agree. She was 18 and I was in my early 20's at the time. Basically it was a fancy jack shack. She'd get naked and spend an hour rubbing her tits all over you and then jerk you off. I went there about half a dozen times before it disappeared. Unfortunately I've never seen anything like it pop up since. I mean it wasn't a whole lot different than today's nuru shops, except all of the girls were very young and very hot, and most were white, locally grown girls.
[URL]https://www.newsweek.com/mpox-wastewater-california-san-francisco-1940156[/URL] (Mpox Detected in San Francisco Wastewater).
[URL]https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/health/2024/08/16/mpox-covid-california-your-morning[/URL]
** IMP ** [URL]http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/media/monkeypox/data/index.htm[/URL] (PLEASE SEE THESE WORRYING NUMBERS, over 95% of the infected are MALE).
Though not fatal unless you have a really compromised immune system, it is a horrible thing to contract with the lesions and all. It might leave you scarred. So take care mongers and if you do suspect or have symptoms of the virus infection, please stay away from infecting the ladies.
P.S.: I'm taking a hiatus till this thing blows over. Might consider getting vaccinated.
[QUOTE=CrazyOrc;7000566][URL]https://www.newsweek.com/mpox-wastewater-california-san-francisco-1940156[/URL] (Mpox Detected in San Francisco Wastewater).
[URL]https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/health/2024/08/16/mpox-covid-california-your-morning[/URL]
** IMP ** [URL]http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/media/monkeypox/data/index.htm[/URL] (PLEASE SEE THESE WORRYING NUMBERS, over 95% of the infected are MALE).
Though not fatal unless you have a really compromised immune system, it is a horrible thing to contract with the lesions and all. It might leave you scarred. So take care mongers and if you do suspect or have symptoms of the virus infection, please stay away from infecting the ladies.
P.S.: I'm taking a hiatus till this thing blows over. Might consider getting vaccinated.[/QUOTE]Isn't this mainly a disease spreading through the gay community?
Last time around I heard it was primarily hitting the gay community.
[QUOTE=Grimmy23;7000304]I figure I've been mongering for about 35 years. In all that time I've encountered maybe 2 or 3 girls in MPs (AMPs and LMPs) that I'd consider young hotties. Young being under about 25. I had a young Latina hottie in Downey once who couldn't have been much older than 20. I had a couple of Asian hotties who were probably in the 23 - 25 range. Outside of that, girls in their 30's and up is more the norm.
I've had a couple escorts who claimed to be 18 and their appearance supported them actually being that age. But of course they were quite expensive as compared to AMP prices.
So yeah they're out there, but you generally won't run into one by just walking into a massage shop. If you do, then you better buy a lottery ticket on your way out.
[/QUOTE]I started with this in the late 90's. At that time, the korean girls weren't all that old. Would have put me in Mid / Late 20's, and some were younger than me, most felt about my age, few felt older than I.
Today, well, a good number are younger than I, some older, some same age. It is rare to find a girl that I would suspect would be in lower 20's, most, in 30's I'd guess, probably some in 40's.
Even the K-Girls, all advertise as being 24 ish, and have been advertising that age for nearly 20 years. I have one specifically in mind, LOL.
[QUOTE=Domelike2020;7001046]Isn't this mainly a disease spreading through the gay community?
Last time around I heard it was primarily hitting the gay community.[/QUOTE]No, its not. It is transmitted through contact with an infected individual.
[QUOTE=CrazyOrc;7001137]No, its not. It is transmitted through contact with an infected individual.[/QUOTE]Looking at the site for the third link cited below, it looks like the LA County infection rate is 48 men to 1 woman, setting aside our transgender and nonbinary friends. So it would seem like it's mostly gays. For now. But it does give me pause.
Lift Her Up.
[QUOTE=LiftHerUp;7001467]Looking at the site for the third link cited below, it looks like the LA County infection rate is 48 men to 1 woman, setting aside our transgender and nonbinary friends. So it would seem like it's mostly gays. For now. But it does give me pause.
Lift Her Up.[/QUOTE]2% of women are infected versus 96% men. Unless the 2% of women are fucking all the guys, the numbers point to it spreading in the gay community.
I'm not making any type of judgment. I'm just trying to be accurate in regards to the risk to straight males.
[QUOTE=CrazyOrc;7000566][URL]https://www.newsweek.com/mpox-wastewater-california-san-francisco-1940156[/URL] (Mpox Detected in San Francisco Wastewater).
[URL]https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/health/2024/08/16/mpox-covid-california-your-morning[/URL]
** IMP ** [URL]http://publichealth.lacounty.gov/media/monkeypox/data/index.htm[/URL] (PLEASE SEE THESE WORRYING NUMBERS, over 95% of the infected are MALE).
Though not fatal unless you have a really compromised immune system, it is a horrible thing to contract with the lesions and all. It might leave you scarred. So take care mongers and if you do suspect or have symptoms of the virus infection, please stay away from infecting the ladies.
P.S.: I'm taking a hiatus till this thing blows over. Might consider getting vaccinated.[/QUOTE]More contiguous that the last strain.
"appears to be spreading through sexual networks".
[URL]https://www.cnbc.com/2024/08/21/why-the-latest-mpox-outbreak-is-raising-alarm-among-health-experts.html[/URL]
For example, if a 300 lb man with pimples and scars on his face walks in, and he stinks like a homeless man. If it's a slow day, would most providers take him in, or make an excuse to turn him away?
[QUOTE=HoDough;7008353]For example, if a 300 lb man with pimples and scars on his face walks in, and he stinks like a homeless man. If it's a slow day, would most providers take him in, or make an excuse to turn him away?[/QUOTE]Without exception they say as long as they are clean so if he stank no but they would offer him a shower.
Some chicks won't do cowgirl on a guy that fat because the have to spread their legs and some aren't comfortable in missionary if they are working alone (he dies they are trapped under him).
But the VAST majority don't care as long as you are clean.
Agreed, In my decades of this hobby and the numerous conversations I've had with every kind of provider there is one universal axiom, they don't like stinky dirty guys. If you're new to this game, use the old time Honored triple S rule,(shit shower and shave). If you can't bathe, at least use their bathroom and clean yourself with soap water and towels.
[QUOTE=Admin2;7008748]Without exception they say as long as they are clean so if he stank no but they would offer him a shower.
Some chicks won't do cowgirl on a guy that fat because the have to spread their legs and some aren't comfortable in missionary if they are working alone (he dies they are trapped under him).
But the VAST majority don't care as long as you are clean.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=HoDough;7008353]For example, if a 300 lb man with pimples and scars on his face walks in, and he stinks like a homeless man. If it's a slow day, would most providers take him in, or make an excuse to turn him away?[/QUOTE]One of my ATF's told me she would tell undesirable clients HJ only instead of FS, and just take less money so she could move on to the next guy.
[QUOTE=ArtVandalay90;7009400]One of my ATF's told me she would tell undesirable clients HJ only instead of FS, and just take less money so she could move on to the next guy.[/QUOTE]That sounds reasonable. I am sure many use that strategy.
[QUOTE=HoDough;7008353]For example, if a 300 lb man with pimples and scars on his face walks in, and he stinks like a homeless man. If it's a slow day, would most providers take him in, or make an excuse to turn him away?[/QUOTE]Despite the bullshit that the Holier than Thou NGOs spread, most hookers are free to refuse any client for any reason (like the sign says in restaurants and bars). Of course if a woman continually refuses clients, the boss may decide that she is not suited for the position and hire another to replace her. That is just like any job at all except the hookers have more leeway to refuse clients than waitresses or hairdressers.
On the other hand, aside from guys who are so dirty and stinky that they offend even the mamasan who takes their house fee, why should a masseuse refuse a guy? He is a source of income. She has a lot of control over the situation. She can say she only does handjobs; no FS, no BJ, not even massage. Just hand release. She can ask for as much tip as she likes.
The lesson for you brothers is you should try to be as presentable and clean and smell as nice as you can. Shit, shave and wash before you play. The play will be more fun.
[QUOTE=HoDough;7008353]For example, if a 300 lb man with pimples and scars on his face walks in, and he stinks like a homeless man. If it's a slow day, would most providers take him in, or make an excuse to turn him away?[/QUOTE]On average, from seeing other mongers coming and going, they are not many Brad Pitts. Moreover, women generally care less about looks than men do. Valuing decency, kindness, and yes cleanliness. And even further, Chinese women in the sex business are probably even less picky about good looks or six packs. I think they appreciate a clean guy who is respectful and somewhat generous. Its possible if they see the proverbial 300 lb dude in the dark, they won't see the pimples. And they may think that this guy will be more appreciative of a good time than us seasoned mongers whose dicks have a high gloss finish after being hand waxed and polished so many times. When she is pulling his pickle, she is probably thinking more about how this 10 minute episode will earn her as much money as she would make in a week back home.
[QUOTE=Grimmy23;7000304]I figure I've been mongering for about 35 years. In all that time I've encountered maybe 2 or 3 girls in MPs (AMPs and LMPs) that I'd consider young hotties. Young being under about 25. I had a young Latina hottie in Downey once who couldn't have been much older than 20. I had a couple of Asian hotties who were probably in the 23 - 25 range. Outside of that, girls in their 30's and up is more the norm.
I've had a couple escorts who claimed to be 18 and their appearance supported them actually being that age. But of course they were quite expensive as compared to AMP prices.
So yeah they're out there, but you generally won't run into one by just walking into a massage shop. If you do, then you better buy a lottery ticket on your way out.
Way back in the day, I used to go to a place that was operating out of a big mansion in Bel Air. That was pre-internet days when you had to drop a quarter into the dispensers on the sidewalks and pick up a copy of the La X-Press. You'd always look around until you had a clear break to go get one because you felt like a royal pervert getting one of those in broad daylight. For those who don't know, those were newspapers with pictures of topless girls on the front page with stars covering their nipples, and they were full of sex ads. This place advertised "real college girls" and all of the girls literally looked like they could have just walked off the UCLA campus. I actually tried dating one but could never get her to fully agree. She was 18 and I was in my early 20's at the time. Basically it was a fancy jack shack. She'd get naked and spend an hour rubbing her tits all over you and then jerk you off. I went there about half a dozen times before it disappeared. Unfortunately I've never seen anything like it pop up since. I mean it wasn't a whole lot different than today's nuru shops, except all of the girls were very young and very hot, and most were white, locally grown girls.[/QUOTE]There is a really cute 19 year old in SH on Mag and Westmin. Gorgeous. Soft long hair that kinds of brushes against you as she leans over you. She kinda presses her B-cups into your head from behdi as she is doing the seated massage. She is graceful and wonderful. Only one slight downside. She only does legit massage. Not even a hint of a tease. She won't even touch your legs except through the towel. She doesn't even bring water to you as you get dressed. Personally I can't imagine trying to corrupt an innocent youth, so I just let her do her thing and don't push it or shove it into her hand.
[QUOTE=BSouthgate;7009676]Despite the bullshit that the Holier than Thou NGOs spread, most hookers are free to refuse any client for any reason (like the sign says in restaurants and bars). Of course if a woman continually refuses clients, the boss may decide that she is not suited for the position and hire another to replace her. That is just like any job at all except the hookers have more leeway to refuse clients than waitresses or hairdressers.
On the other hand, aside from guys who are so dirty and stinky that they offend even the mamasan who takes their house fee, why should a masseuse refuse a guy? He is a source of income. She has a lot of control over the situation. She can say she only does handjobs; no FS, no BJ, not even massage. Just hand release. She can ask for as much tip as she likes.
The lesson for you brothers is you should try to be as presentable and clean and smell as nice as you can. Shit, shave and wash before you play. The play will be more fun.[/QUOTE]One of the girls at SH told me that she never has to deal with a customer she doesn't want to, and that PPS is supportive of the girls. That being said, I have never at any time seen any evidence that others mongers or myself were ever approved or vetted by girls. Usually PPS says "1 hour combo" and you are lead to the darkened mini-room of carnal pleasures. I have never seen a girl look you up and down, and say "Well OK, I'll accept this one as a client". Maybe if they are going to reject they tell you that your girl has another appointment and suggest you see the new girl who doesn't know how to massage at all as a substitute.
Anyone got recommendations for psych counseling around Costa Mesa, Santa Ana that deals with this stuff?
(I hear that now they're saying it can be related to ADHD).
Sure feels a lot like when I was psychologically addicted to weed back in the 90's and 00's.
[QUOTE=ArtVandalay90;7009400]One of my ATF's told me she would tell undesirable clients HJ only instead of FS, and just take less money so she could move on to the next guy.[/QUOTE]One of the girls I used to visit a lot told me that if she didn't like someone, she would just ask another girl to attend to him. I've also read some Rubmaps reviews where a girl would do the massage part and then have a different girl do the main event part.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7010586]Anyone got recommendations for psych counseling around Costa Mesa, Santa Ana that deals with this stuff?
(I hear that now they're saying it can be related to ADHD).
Sure feels a lot like when I was psychologically addicted to weed back in the 90's and 00's.[/QUOTE]Some men like sex with men. They are not addicted. They are gay. It is useless to try to "convert" them with therapy or medicines.
Some men like sex with multiple partners. They are not addicted. They are polyamorous. It is useless to try to convert them.
Don't fall for the bullshit about sex addiction. You will always want sex with more partners. It is completely normal. Accept yourself and find a way to adjust to life as a polyamorous man.
See this post for more info:
[URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL]
[QUOTE=BSouthgate;7011195]Some men like sex with men. They are not addicted. They are gay. It is useless to try to "convert" them with therapy or medicines.
Some men like sex with multiple partners. They are not addicted. They are polyamorous. It is useless to try to convert them.
Don't fall for the bullshit about sex addiction. You will always want sex with more partners. It is completely normal. Accept yourself and find a way to adjust to life as a polyamorous man.
See this post for more info:
[URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL][/QUOTE]Interesting. I thought poly "amory" was about "love," which is not my problem. Looked it up though, and it seems you're right.
That said, I'm married to a wonderful woman who did NOT sign up for this, and being able to CHOOSE our behavior instead of being ruled by impulse is supposed to be a part of what separates us from the animals, so.
In my case, "adjust (ing) to life as a polyamorous man" would ideally mean learning to live without mongering. Sort of like I don't eat Prime Rib with horseradish or McDonald's much anymore because my cholesterol is high. And sadly. So far. I lack the self discipline for mongering that I seem to have towards my favorite foods.
[QUOTE=Admin2;7008748]Without exception they say as long as they are clean so if he stank no but they would offer him a shower.
Some chicks won't do cowgirl on a guy that fat because the have to spread their legs and some aren't comfortable in missionary if they are working alone (he dies they are trapped under him).
But the VAST majority don't care as long as you are clean.[/QUOTE]Words of wisdom here. People overthink attraction but what matters is cleanliness and behavior. In countries where it is legal the rules list always say you have to be clean, off drugs, and not violent. The women don't care about your attractiveness. If you are very large they may have to work around it in practical terms, that's all.
I have never had a stripper or SW hop off of me and say you are an old man I'm not doing this. Quite the opposite I present myself well and they let me go to town on them.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7011912]Interesting. I thought poly "amory" was about "love," which is not my problem. Looked it up though, and it seems you're right.
That said, I'm married to a wonderful woman who did NOT sign up for this, and being able to CHOOSE our behavior instead of being ruled by impulse is supposed to be a part of what separates us from the animals, so.
In my case, "adjust (ing) to life as a polyamorous man" would ideally mean learning to live without mongering. Sort of like I don't eat Prime Rib with horseradish or McDonald's much anymore because my cholesterol is high. And sadly. So far. I lack the self discipline for mongering that I seem to have towards my favorite foods.[/QUOTE]I am also very happily married to a wonderful wife. The way I look at mongering is that it's a transactional thing that keeps me and my marriage healthy. Do I feel good that I monger? For the most part, no. Sometimes knowing that I do this makes me feel like a piece of shit. It kills me that I have this little secret part of my life that I'll never be able to let my SO in on. But at the same time I have sexual urges and desires that being monogamous doesn't fulfill. I can't / won't have an actual affair or hook up with a sex partner at a bar. I'd never be able to forgive myself if I did. That's acting on a physical and / or emotional attraction and would fall firmly in the cheating category, and I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I ever did that. But by going to see a provider once in a while, it's a purely transactional thing where she gets me off, I pay my money, and leave. There's no emotional attachment. There may or may not be a little bit of physical attraction. But once I have my clothes back on and am out the door, it's over, and I likely won't ever see that person again. There are very few providers that I've seen more than once or twice. That's all I normally do, because if I do become a regular it starts to become an attachment, and I don't want that. That arm's length relationship is how I personally deal with it. By going to see a provider to get my pipes cleaned once in a while, I've never had a desire to have a real fling with anyone else.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7011912]Interesting. I thought poly "amory" was about "love," which is not my problem. Looked it up though, and it seems you're right.
That said, I'm married to a wonderful woman who did NOT sign up for this, and being able to CHOOSE our behavior instead of being ruled by impulse is supposed to be a part of what separates us from the animals, so.
In my case, "adjust (ing) to life as a polyamorous man" would ideally mean learning to live without mongering. Sort of like I don't eat Prime Rib with horseradish or McDonald's much anymore because my cholesterol is high. And sadly. So far. I lack the self discipline for mongering that I seem to have towards my favorite foods.[/QUOTE]Before you were married, did you have multiple sex partners? Perhaps Tinder dates? Perhaps, women you met in bars? Perhaps friends at work, college, etc. ? I would bet that your wife is not your first lover. She did not sign up for marriage to a man who needs sex with multiple women. Just like a woman who marries a gay or bisexual man did not sign up for a man who needs sex with guys. But bisexual and polyamorous men cannot change.
With therapy two or three times a week and weekly attendance at those twelve-step programs, with pills for ADHD, your behavior may be reversed. But your nature will never be converted. You will suffer depression and anxiety worse than you now suffer. You will dream about sex with other women. You are likely to slip and have sex with a colleague on a business trip or with a woman you meet in a museum or with a massage girl at Right Spa. You will suffer so much because you are normal and you are trying to force yourself to confirm to what is not normal for you.
There are other ways around this.
Does your wife love you? If she does, she may be much more understanding than you imagine. Consider squaring with her. There are lots of ways you can be fulfilled as a polyamorous man. Some choose swinging. Some partners allow their spouses weekly or monthly trips to the brothel. Think hard about this before you do it. But this might be the best solution to this problem.
Is your wife, like you, secretly polyamorous? You can immediately say "no". But are you 100% sure she is not having affairs, or trysting with work partners or even seeing male masseuses once in a while? She may be suffering from the same ambiguity and guilt you suffer. She may be suffering extreme anxiety because she has to repress normal desires, just like you.
If you cannot open up with her, that is too bad, but there is still a solution. See my post here. [URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL].
[QUOTE=FreeWally;7012145]Words of wisdom here. People overthink attraction but what matters is cleanliness and behavior. In countries where it is legal the rules list always say you have to be clean, off drugs, and not violent. The women don't care about your attractiveness. If you are very large they may have to work around it in practical terms, that's all.
I have never had a stripper or SW hop off of me and say you are an old man I'm not doing this. Quite the opposite I present myself well and they let me go to town on them.[/QUOTE]Totally agree. Too bad so many of these new MPs do not have showers.
[QUOTE=BSouthgate;7012387]
Does your wife love you? If she does, she may be much more understanding than you imagine. Consider squaring with her. There are lots of ways you can be fulfilled as a polyamorous man. Some choose swinging. Some partners allow their spouses weekly or monthly trips to the brothel. Think hard about this before you do it. But this might be the best solution to this problem.
.[/QUOTE]You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.
[QUOTE=SCJohn;7012646]You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.[/QUOTE]If he takes the path of sex addiction treatment. Part of that treatment is to square with your partner. And if you do not square, you have to continuously lie about why you are going to therapy sessions twice a week, why you have a 12-step sponsor, and why you are taking those pills for ADHD.
SCjohn, if you had read all of my post, including the reference, you would see that I propose another path which is not the ridiculous sex addiction treatment nor letting the cat out. Here is the reference again. [URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL].
Jhadiib's problem is not that he needs sex with multiple partners. All of us have this need. His problem, and the problem many of us suffer from, is that we do not want to admit that we are polyamorous. Not even to ourselves, let alone to our loved ones. Polyamorous people need to come out of the closet as gay people did in the end of the last century. Polyamorous people are not sick, perverted or addicted. They are genetically predisposed to a certain sexual preference.
[QUOTE=SCJohn;7012646]You are certainly entitled to your opinion and can run your life the way you want to. But to advise others to follow your path, is reckless. For anyone considering doing what BSouthgate is advocating; Once you let the cat out of the bag, there's no going back. You will never know how your partner will react to this news. If you do decide to go down this path, be prepared for the consequences, upto and including divorce.[/QUOTE]Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.
An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).
Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.
Coffee is an addiction. But it's affordable for most people. Numerous studies claim that coffee is beneficial (probably sponsored by Starbucks). It's not going to hurt any other people. If you want to save some money paying for sex, go for counseling by all means if you think it will work. Sex by itself is not harmful and somewhat self-regulated. I don't think you need to suppress your urges; that's evolution.
Guilt is what you feel. If your sexual urges are not satisfied by your SO, it's only natural to find satisfaction somewhere else. Just don't let your religion or morality get the better of you.
By definition, I'm somewhat in a polyamorous relationship. I have various (paid) partners, and they have other partners. Do I like it? Hell no. Do I like my ATF being fucked by other clients and put their dick into her mouth? No. But for money makes it OK; I can't afford exclusive. If she goes to bed with another person because she likes it, I'm jealous. I'm not only paying for pure sex and attraction. I need more to get more buck out of the money.
Am I mono or poly? I tend to settle down on the one who satisfies me most and enough. But mostly I'm in various stages of audition.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7013216]Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.
An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).
Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.[/QUOTE]I understand precisely what you are going through. I have been there. I wasted thousands on sex addiction therapy. I wasted hours at "I am Bobby. I am a sex addict. " 12-step meetings. After all the useless therapy and meetings, I divorced my former wife, realizing that "I am who I am. I am polyamorous".
I found my way out of the shadows of shame and guilt and into the light of self-realization. I am now married to a truly loving woman who understands me for who I am, not for what her church tells her I should be. I enjoy her love immensely as well as an occasional visit to the massage parlor.
Polyamorous of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your shame; you have a hell of a lot of pussy to win.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7013216]Yeah. I knew when I posted that this was an odd place to ask for a therapist referral. LOL.
An even more unlikely place to actually GET the counseling I'm looking for (BSouthgate).
Happy Mongering, gentlemen. I'll figure it out.[/QUOTE]There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.
[QUOTE=Grimmy23;7013514]There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.[/QUOTE]Should have figured that some clever therapist would figure out a new way to surreptitiously rip us off for our normal behaviour.
Try it and report back.
[QUOTE=Grimmy23;7013514]There are some app-based counseling services where you can go on a video call with a therapist once a week and it isn't that expensive. Like $30 for a counseling session. Mindspace and Better Help are two that I can think of off the top of my head. You could do that somewhat anonymously without having to worry about actually going to a therapy session and explaining to people why you're in therapy.[/QUOTE]Appreciate your thoughts and good intentions. All of you guys. Not sure there's a wrong or right. Why'know: different strokes (no pun intended) for different folks.
Each of you has hit on some truths, and the rest is just individual circumstances and preferences.
[QUOTE=Jhadiib;7014556]Appreciate your thoughts and good intentions. All of you guys. Not sure there's a wrong or right. Why'know: different strokes (no pun intended) for different folks.
Each of you has hit on some truths, and the rest is just individual circumstances and preferences.[/QUOTE]I have to say this now.
A brother recently criticized my advice to a third brother regarding opening up to one's spouse. I had advised a troubled brother who was concerned about his perceived "sexual addiction" to square with his wife and try to get her to accept him for who he was rather than for what she wanted him to be. Alternatively, since he would always be polyamorous and seek relations with other women, he could continue the hobby and cease having sex with his wife. The criticizing brother called my advice reckless because it might lead to divorce.
It is reckless to continue living a lie. It is irresponsible for polyamorous people who have had multiple relationships before marriage to promise their spouses that they will be loyal forever when it is likely that they will not be loyal forever. Many, including myself, have made this mistake.
I married, loved, fathered two children, and secretly led a second life with lovers, affairs, one-night stands, and hookers. My wife contracted asymptomatic HPV and, during her pregnancy, contracted PID. My God! What shame for such disgusting recklessness. She eventually discovered my second life.
To save my sick marriage, I underwent useless sex addiction therapy and absurd 12-step programs and read Patrick Carnes's book, only to find that I could not change my nature. Like a closeted gay guy who dreams every night about cocks, I dreamt every night about pussies, lots of them. The one thing that the addiction therapists got right was that I should have opened up to my wife earlier in my life. What they got wrong was that I could somehow change my nature.
After a six months of celibacy, I picked up a street girl for a joyous hour of uninhibited sex in a hotel room. The shame of that hit me the next day after I had come down from the bliss of the event. Again, I tried celibacy, therapy, "I am Bobby, I am a sexaholic" meetings. I spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours trying to convert.
A month later, on a business trip, I took a dinner companion to my hotel room for a night of orgasmic joy. Again, guilty, guilty, guilty.
Finally, I realized that I would never change. I decided that I could induce my wife to change. I urged her to try swinging groups with me and to go to singles bars to meet new guys and have new experiences. I loved her and wanted her to enjoy the kind of joy I had with other people. No luck. She was not polyamorous. She could not convert, and neither could I. She could not accept me, and I could never change.
I left to live in another country. I divorced.
I finally found a partner who accepts me for who I am. I am delighted with her and want to die in her arms. She is my angel.
So, guys, it is not reckless to tell your spouse. It is reckless not to tell her and to endanger her health without her knowledge. You are not sex addicts or perverts. You are polyamorous. Be honest with her and with yourselves. Accept yourself and rejoice. Polyamorous pride forever.
See my other post on this here.
[URL]http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?4228-Sexual-Addiction-Reports[/URL]