I couldn't find anywhere else to post this that would get views and let me anonymous and get through the censors. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Douche Bag Blog.
Volume 1. 10/15/22.
In this blog I will attempt to document the activities of a group of douche bags. I live across the street from head douchebag who I will call Head db. You see Head db is on home arrest and lives with mommy. So all his db friends hang out on the friggin step. And I your narrator live directly across the street. I smoke and I'm always outside and I get to witness this daily douchebaggery.
You may think that sucks and in general it does. But on occasion I witness such assholery that I get a nice laugh. I hope to document my ups and downs in this space. I have some old stories I'll tell and I'll try to make a daily diary of the dbs.
Tonight all the regular dbs are present. Of course main db. Then bald db the most frequent db. Weasel db because he looks like one. The homeless couple, whistle db and blonde db. Lastly tonight there is bike db.
A short minute on the names. No actual names are used. On the off chance one of these idiots can actually read and stumbles across this blog in their drug addled states it would be obvious who yours truly is. I'm positive they would never figure this naming convention out.
I've known main db forever since I've lived in south Philly my whole life. I'm older by 6 years. I'm 53 so I'm talking about dbs in their mid fucking forties. Main db still lives with his mommy. Even as a young kid I knew he would be main db. Cause main db was NEVER at fault even though he was a little prick in the 80's.
Ok main bd we know as a loser, never had a job, been arrested on many petty crimes, in and out of jail, lives with mommy and sells drugs. This is just the start, there will be more as I write this over time. Bald db may be his cousin since he is allowed in the house. Weasel db should be self explanatory but think of the guy in the last suicide squad movie. Just a little less hair. Bike db always comes on a bike was a big guy but has now gone all fat and walks all bent over for some reason. Of the regulars lastly we have the what I think is the the homeless couple. The dude, whistle db talks and has a whistle like a kind of lisp. Fucking annoying. And his girlfriend, blonde db, a blonde tubby mess with a high pitch voice that makes me want to stick a rag in her mouth.
Tonight weasel db is playing shitty rap music on his phone. I had to get that out since that is a new wrinkle. This may open me up for passive aggressive revenge. I like death metal and I may go out with my speaker and listen to some. It is October after all and I need to make my Halloween playlist!
So besides the fun rap music they are having the usual conversations about who the fuck knows what. I can't understand these Neanderthals and I've lived hear my whole life. Once in a while a kind of get the drift and then I laugh. Cause it is always some story from 20 years ago and they were still dbs then. Or about when they did time for this or that and how long they spent in this jail or that jail. Fucking dbs.
Usually two different conversations at the same frickin time with a blunt thrown in here and there. Surprisingly they normally break up around 10. Probably a curfew set by main dbs mom. Remember he is 47. He is a total waste of life. Trust me I'll share.
I just had a smoke and weasel db is gone and bike db left while I was out there. Yay I'm down to to four dbs!
Unbelievable! They are gathered around a phone looking at something with rap music. A video or some crap. Oh fucking wait. They found a karaoke site. Now whistle db is fucking rapping. You see this is classic shit. Now I'm laughing on my step. Now my annoyance at this shit is a little less watching this friggin spectacle.
Ahhh 9:52 and no dbs.
I hope you enjoyed my initial offering. Let know what you think. If anything writing will at least be cathartic. I expect the daily fucking activities to trail off soon since only bald db can go in the house and it is starting to get cold I'm hoping the dbs stay away. But who the fuck knows? I know I'll be here documenting this crap cause it makes me laugh to do it and I hope someone else gets a kick out of it to.