I could have set fire to a pile of cash, but instead I went to Total Relax
	
	
		Worst experience I've ever had, hands down. Went to Total Relax on Archer and Kedzie. Papasan joint. Opted for this spot after considering a few others. As I thought it might be less crowded. My last visit here was a fucking mess, but that was a year ago, decided to try again. Details:
I counted out 1. 4 to start, and she kept fanning the funds out and passing it from hand to hand, so I gave her another 20 for standard 1. 6. Then she kept saying TWO HUNDRED. I told her very clearly no I took the money back and started to leave. "OK OK OK BABY".
I should have gone up the block but put the bills back on the table. I decided to start with a quick rubdown. Meh. Half ass CBJ. Then time for main course. To get right to the punchline, after a few uh thrusts, I looked down and saw dark spots and smears. "what the fuck?
"oh little period. ".
Oh.
If I know you and I like you, and we're cool like that, yeah whatever. But this? No head up? Nah.
Pulled the bag off, washed off, left. Probably 10 seconds of actual action. Got so flustered I didn't even think to ask for any money back. My loss. I don't think I will be visiting Total Relax on Archer again.