Did Shiny: lackluster. Did Shiny lack luster!
I went to see Pea based on intelligence traffic in this forum. Or is it Bee? I have trouble distinguishing one labial plosive from another. And no, I'm not talking about pussy farts: I'm just a cunning linguist.
As usual I called 30 mins before I got there. And as usual, Pea was available, willing, and waiting--nay pining--just for me reportedly with nothing better to than sit on the futon watching re-runs of Korean period sitcoms, eating bon-bons. So I abandoned my car right outside (I usually park around the corner--it would be awkward to be spotted) and ran up the stairs. Rang the bell and said I called for Pea. I was told she was gone and "really needed a break". What the hell have you guys been doing to her, I pondered. And whatever it was, what can possibly have happened in the last 30 mins. I'm sure I'll get it one day. But until I do, I'm going to continue calling, believe what I'm told, and end up horny and disappointed.
So what I'd turned into an elaborate and detailed story during the drive down as the first chance encounter between me and the next Mrs Nogbad, that we'd glance at each other from down the hall, lock eyes, approach slowly, duck, furtively, into an adjoining empty room, make passionate love for hours and hours, stopping only to shower and order take-out. Well all that turned out to be crap.
I stood my ground with the "I'll get you someone nice" routine, asked to be shown the line-up, and waited a few minutes in the room. I spent the time looking for hidden cameras. I didn't see any but I did find some excellent hiding places. It's got to happen from time to time. Anyway, in walks mama-san and a small essay of trollops. I say small, but at 4 it ties the largest selection I've ever gotten. Introduced one by one by mamasan like a proud teacher before her students' piano recital, I checked each one off as we went down the line trying to apply logic to my choice so that when it came down to it I wouldn't fall apart and embarrass myself. Ellie: done already, average, a little heavier than I like, but pretty and took it like a champ. Angie: done already, better than average, a bit mechanical. XXXXXX (my mom's name): cannot afford the therapy I'd need if I went with her, and in any case would have to give up mongering to pay for it. Shiny: new, interesting-looking, nice bod. "Shiny" I said with conviction and authority. So Shiny it was. If she had moved even one facial muscle when I called her name I'm sure it would have been to register pleasure. But she didn't.
At this point in the proceedings, I can offer you a premonition: all that glitters is not gold.
The TS was noteworthy in its non-noteworthyness. We did not chat, grope, smile much, or much of anything, in fact. It was hard to get a rise out of any of the participants, if you get my meaning. And I think you do. But here's the thing I noticed. The main purpose, in my book, is to clean what's being referred to in this forum as the critical areas (plural? Did someone tear you a new one? ). And Shiny avoided that one thing, the TS raison d'être, the very thing we lie face-down in everyone else's dirty bath water to get. I think she may have poked the soap there, briefly, but whatever she did was definitely at arm's length. Inauspicious start. It gets worse. Or better depending on your take on schadenfreude.
Still feeling disappointingly dirty instead of refreshingly squeaky clean and frankly a little concerned about drying off too vigorously back there with the fluffy sandpaper they call towels, we went straight to the room skipping the tiny sauna. There, Shiny toweled me dry, with me clenching a bit because I got a bit preoccupied by the total lack of the one thing I have to say has been an enjoyable constant at OS and other places. I let it go and moved on when she stopped toweling.
The massage--sorry body rub--was perfunctory to be generous. A way to pass the time rating just a little less awkward than awkward silence. I let it continue far too long thinking, stupidly, that perhaps *she* was getting something out of it. Enough already. I turned over and started exploring a bit. She asked me what I wanted, which was kind of surprising when I realized I'd actually given up on anything resembling conversation and had contented myself with grunts back-and-forth. Here we were going to have our first real conversation. A question followed by an answer. "Everything", I said. I think I might have been more honest saying "something" or "anything". It was embarrassingly bad. She grunted and gestured to me to pay first before pumping. I considered going well under my usual $. 4 but then it occurred to me that being at the mercy of this inept taciturn woman could actually get even worse if she were pissed off too. So I went with the usual. She counted it. Slowly. Out loud.
So she's now lying face up beside me and I'm getting my first good look. Slim, natural B's, nice smooth tan skin, pretty-enough face. I feel her through her bikini top. I was startled to feel they were almost rock-hard and tossed out my initial all-natural certification. But it turned out that the cups of the bikini contained kevlar inserts. I guess I'm busted, so to speak, as a man-of-the-world but that was a first for me. First inclination was correct. I removed her bikini and started fooling around. She did actually have a pretty nice response to being touched so I kept it up. Suddenly, she bolted to the table to get supplies. Startled, I sat on the edge of the bed and a CBJ broke out. Or at least it almost did.
I wasn't watching too closely and I could feel a lot of poking going on. I knew I'd lose my waning wood entirely if I looked and it wasn't, say, a tongue piercing or another good kind of poking. So I leant back and tried to let it wash over me, anticipating some slurping in my very near future, or something. Well the near future came and went, so I looked. Regretted it. There she was digging in her nails trying to hook the cover over a strip of Kleenex at the base of my penis. Now I could either pretend that this happens all the time and you're all idiots for not knowing about it. Or I could just ask for enlightenment. Anyone? It was at this point I knew I had something to write about.
It was time to take charge. So I fucked her vigorously and relentlessly in all standard positions until I was done. Doggie was best because I pushed her shoulders all the way down and grabbed her butt for some serious slap-slap-slap. Then I dressed and left.
I'll be back to One Spa because there's simply no equal. But I will skip Shiny. And, I humbly submit, so should you.
But what was that thing with the strip of Kleenex???
[QUOTE=Tommy Anonymus]Oh man, did you just lay some cable before you got there or something? Maybe you could have spritzed up a little in the bathroom yourself. But I do feel your pain, I've been there. Thanks for not leaving skid marks on the towels for us! And thanks for the great (as in helpful) review.[/QUOTE]No cable, TA, (I prefer FIOS in any case). But I just wanted to be squeaky-clean and wasn't, that's all. I'd come to expect it and missed it. We should move on.
On to the main question in my report. What's going on with the strip of Kleenex wrapped around the base of my cock under the condom?
Anyone?
Nogbad
