Sounds like a lot of nothing!
GeorgeHerbert. You wrote a lot. But every place you mention sounds Nicht so Gut! Do you know any good places that take good care of customers?
[QUOTE=GeorgeHerbert;4350600]Long time, no post. So, a shotgun review:
Howard Street Evanston.
Saw Mary recently. I recognized her from someplace in the "real" city, but still can't remember where. The experience was very much like a burger at Five Guys: you know what you're getting, it looks fine, nothing special, nothing added to the experience to make it memorable in any way, but a fine value for a fair price. For what it's worth, the most comfortable tables in the industry. Park a street north and walk down the alley. Howard and Church rotate therapists very regularly, so go now if you're going. Or not. Four experiences in the last year; one was truly horrible and was reviewed a little bit back, the rest were fine. Oh, Rachel. I miss you, Rachel. Or Monica, or whatever. Via con dios.
Church Street Evanston.
A precipitous decline in the last six to ten months. A year or so ago, when the place on Central was still open, it was an interesting experience and some actually attractive therapists. I keep going back for their signature 30 minutes, and it gets more awful each time. Old, ugly, but really fun and nice. Then young-ish, ugly, not really fun or nice. Then old, ugly, cold fish. Sorry, I get plenty of that at home. But like I said, they rotate pretty often, so it is definitely like playing Monopoly at Jewel. You'll get something each time you go (that came out wrong, sorry) but it usually will be something not great. But once in a while.
Central Street Evanston.
Speaking of Central, OMFG. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Awful appearance, awful massage, awful pressure for unearned tip. I walked out of there understanding how my cop father and cop brother just shake their heads when they see cops on tv or movies. Whoever owns that place now needs to do some fucking research on: how to run a massage establishment, massage techniques, cleaning techniques, how to use the credit card machine techniques, how not to grow a terrarium where your table shower used to be, and how to change the sheets on the massage table techniques. Jesus Christ.
Sherman Spa Evanston.
Really? I call, ask for Cici, who was the gold standard for so long on weekday mornings. "Okay. " I show up, it's this short, fat lady who can't speak English. "An hour with Cici?" She says she is Cici. Fuck that shit. Cici is long gone I guess. Twice to Sherman in two months (counting this one). I had a crappy DIY the first time. Now, I just bail. By this time I'm ready to fucking punch Robert Kraft in the nutsack for how he's fucking fucked us all. A billionare who could have rented out a big space in an office parks and paid massage ladies to sit around on their phones all day long without a single customer, his own private Asian Massage joint, just sitting there and just waiting for him to get a pre-flight chubby. Really, Bob. I'm so disappointed in you. It's like if I could have done that for the thirty bucks currently in my bank account now, Bob, and I chose not because I was a cheap fucking bastard. Oh, Bob.
$65 for a roll of the dice on the massage, and a No on anything else. I have friends who say otherwise, but they like to drink.
NQS in Skokie.
Third time with Amy. Cute in that way asian cheerleaders at Niles North are cute, you know? All busty and with porky legs. Thinks she can dance. Thinks she has hotness and sex appeal. Adorable. Any luck? Fuck this place is all I can say. Walls that end before the ceiling and floor mean nothing is going to happen, no matter how good the tease. $240 with tips that I should have spent rescuing a puppy or something. No, definitely rescuing a puppy. Or buying vaccines for African kids. The money I've completely wasted on this hobby, I could have rescued the Ivory fucking Coast by now. I miss Technicolour.
Sunny Spa in Skokie.
Okay, suggestion box time for whoever owns this dump: put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a smile when there are ladies working here who are in a good mood and might enjoy making approximately $800 an hour for five minutes' "work," doing the only thing every 15 year old boy in America finds even easier than wasting time on Fortnite. Put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a frown on it when the rest of them are there. This place is literally a crapshoot. Literally. You will have the same therapist a week apart and call her by the same name and you will have smiling opera woman one week, frowning opera woman the next week. Fuck, that is the absolute most annoying thing in this entire hobby. The same person!
On the plus side, most of them do give a really good massage that makes your back feel much better. So what you're getting here is the great likelihood of a good massage and a spin of the roulette wheel otherwise. You know, I've been in those moods some days, and feel okay with leaving the premises with some extra green in my pocket.
Wellness Spa Skokie.
Very nice people, very nice massage. Clean. Decent price. If you go after school hours, there is an unnerving presence of school-aged lkids hanging out in the front on their phones. I don't think that should be legal. It's like having pervs have to stay away from schools, right? Am I right? And I still hate kids anyway. I'm still angry at all little kids everywhere for closing down Technicolour, the little fuckers.
I have gone three times, three strikeouts. You think short, bald, and ugly would be someone's niche, but sadly, no.
Unnamed place on Deerfield Road in Deerfield, right by the police station.
Right by the police station, okay? So nothing except an actually really fantastic massage by this little Chinese lady that weighed less than my black lab.
Melody Spa in Wilmette.
I walk in, see all the ladies, walk out. I'm creepy, not stupid.[/QUOTE]
