Sexual Addiction Reports

[QUOTE=JlsG910;5219494]Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down, but I guess I understand if it does. I'm not a monger.

I'm the wife of someone who likely is a monger and it is tearing me apart. I say "likely" bc I know he comes on here and does searches for escorts and Asian massage parlors, and I know inadvertently that he has visited and tried to visit massage parlors, ones that I know he frequented before we were married. We are under lockdown bc of the pandemic (health issues) and he's talked about wishing he could get massages (he really does need them) but the fact that a) he hasn't told me about going when he's gone, b) he visits this site and has searched for escorts, and c) the place he went gets thumbs up from the monger crowd kinda has me believing he's gone for more than just muscle work.

We have a great relationship and a sex life that would make most of you green with envy. Has always been good but got even better with marriage (been married less than a year). We lived in different parts of the country for the couple of years we dated and over the past year I have learned of just how much sex he was having behind my back. Like, 15 different women (most fairly regularly, and most purely about sex, it seems). All the while also going to massage parlors and seeking out escorts.

I sort of feel like I am answering my own question, but any thoughts on possible sex addiction? And if he were you, how would you like to be approached about it? This man is the love of my life and I know I satisfy him. I'm not worried about him going to others bc he's not getting good stuff at home I'm worried that his sexual behavior is out of control. I want to stand by him and help him, presuming he wants it. He has to know all that he is risking by his behavior. He is a good guy, beautiful person, loving, and caring. And I can't help but think he's suffering. I can't help but think he has this compulsive desire and if I think about that in comparison to a drug or booze addict, he must have some sort of inner turmoil.

Anyway, I'm just looking for advice on how to reach him. I confronted him about a few relationships he was in that I found out before we married and he was a bit defensive. I've forgiven him and would still forgive him if he could work on leaving this secret life behind. Like I said, he is the love of my life (and no, I'm not young. Middle aged and second marriage, been around the block enough times to know that getting angry won't get me anywhere and I actually don't take all of this personally. I feel confident in what we have. If this is an addiction, how can I not try to help?? In sickness and in health, right?[/QUOTE]Hello. He might not realize that he has an addiction, or might not see it that way. You will need to have a frank talk with him about it eventually. You need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel. Offer to get help for him. There are groups out there for him and you. Look up celebrate recovery. It's a Christian 12 step program for any addiction really. Some have support groups for spouses of the addiction. It does help. Though the first step is admitting that you have a problem. If he's not willing to get help or doesn't think it's a problem you should still go yourself for your own peace of mind. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

Aloha gentleman,

I wanted to say hello. This is my first time hearing about this thread and I must say I'm glad I stumbled on it. I've been in the mongering game for a few years, still young too (haven't even hit my thirties yet) and I thought it was only me who was going through these addictive episodes. I'm both relieved but saddened that I am not the only one. I always considered myself below average, low self-esteem so nothing much going for me but work. When I did my first attempt seeing an escort, I ended up getting a rush of adrenaline and carnal pleasure that I never felt before. I felt like I was something more. I thought the trade of a couple bucks for that high was worth it. Kept going at it whenever a new provider came to the island (Hawaii is scarce on providers where I'm from so it's not easy to get a variety) until one day I found myself with a girlfriend. She was sweet, pretty, and she truly cares and sees me for me which makes me feel worse because I couldn't stop trying to see a provider. I was already so deep into the monger world that I would search sites everyday if anyone was available on the island. That high which was becoming less and less potent on me which made me want it more and my hatred for myself was growing larger whenever I would see a provider than my girlfriend after. The feeling of having a significant other who truly has your back and is there for you in every way is such a sharp contrast from having some attractive random girl who will do what you want but doesn't have any feelings for you. Trying to make sense of all that is too much, because I truly believe you cannot have both. It's a black hole of self-loathing folks and the outcome is either a numbness or complete and utter chaos on your emotions. Up is down, left becomes right and you have to handle all these feelings in private because you cornered yourself from being able to tell anyone. Even if you did speak about it how would you justify why you did what you did.

I reached a breaking point of my guilt and shame when they closed backpage. I literally started scrambling finding ways to see a provider (remember this is Hawaii, but not Oahu so providers are scarce). I looked like a madman when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I am an addict. You might hate me for saying this but closing BP was a good thing for me. I tried hard to pick up the pieces and try to live before my mongering. I went to therapy, I focused more on my work and I even reawakened old hobbies I long forgot. Worked out a lot whenever I felt the urge to feel that high again and I always tried to be a better boyfriend. Unfortunately, the struggle is never ending. Relapses happen which is why you see me posting here. I have not seen a provider for about a year or two, but urges find a way. I have found myself now on seeking, not all the time but when the urge is too much. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I wanted to give the realistic journey and not some fairytale.

As a closer I just wanted to say I am not one to judge anyone on their reasons or why they are doing this. Truth be told there are some who embraced this lifestyle and are doing so of their own accord. If so than I wish more power to you and all the providers to treat you well. If you feel you are an addict and want out of this vicious cycle than hang in there alright, from one stranger to another. Keep strong.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. If you think I am scum than that is alright, I deserve it. I'm weak, a coward, but I'm trying. If anyone here is reading this and going through the same thing then DON'T give up and accept it. I know you can be better than this. You will not just hurt yourselves, but others as well.

Learn from me.

Mahalo and stay safe.

This is obviously an old thread that I'm resurrecting and I doubt she'll / you'll ever read this, but I just want to say that you are being really understanding and honest about this. I think a lot of women, although generally hurt, act out a fantasy of how they should feel about it instead of confronting how they actually feel about it.

He could have a sex addiction of some kind. As far as the escorts go, maybe he peruses but never sees them. I look at the escort sites but I don't partake. Most of us aren't addicted to this because of some weird illness. It's because it's an exciting experience for not a whole lot of money. Other than the possibility of a raid, it feels very safe too. You never know what you are going to get. Especially with the AMP scene. You walk in, you are greeted by someone you have never seen before, escorted into a room you have never seen before, then are given a massage and you don't know where it will lead. Some guys know where it will lead because they know the place. I specifically look for places that I don't know anything about.

I like to be surprised.

Life can be pretty damned boring and any excitement can grab us and not let us go.

If it were me and my wife tried to "confront" me about it I don't know what I would do. But, if she came up to me and just said "Look, I think I know about the places you go and things that you do. I need you to stop if you love me. " I would be completely devastated and it could be enough for me to change. As I write this, I wonder what my SO knows about my problem. For me, it is. I'm deeply conflicted and ashamed of it. I had a friend convince me that getting "happy endings" while on travel was kind of a perk that all men should partake of. "It makes the heart grow fonder, lets you blow out some steam" kind of thing. He didn't seem to have any guilt about it, he told me his wife even knew about it but she didn't care. I thought the "happy ending" thing was a myth until he told me about it - so I gave it a go. But then it became more regular the the endings got more than "happy."

I never feel good about myself after I go. I feel terrible. I think about my wife, I think about the money and how I could have spent it on more nice things for the family, I think about my morals and faith. It's awful. Then, somehow, it's a brand new day and I want to go again. I want to never go to another one of these places again in my life - but when I get out there on the road for business that "thrill seeking" part of me comes out and I repeat the behavior. I'm about to travel next week and I've been hunting all of this week planning for where I'm going to have an encounter. Maybe it is a sickness now that I think about it. It's ludicrous.

Best of luck to you, if you ever read this.

[QUOTE=JlsG910;5219494]Hopefully this post doesn't get taken down, but I guess I understand if it does. I'm not a monger.

I'm the wife of someone who likely is a monger and it is tearing me apart. I say "likely" bc I know he comes on here and does searches for escorts and Asian massage parlors, and I know inadvertently that he has visited and tried to visit massage parlors, ones that I know he frequented before we were married. We are under lockdown bc of the pandemic (health issues) and he's talked about wishing he could get massages (he really does need them) but the fact that a) he hasn't told me about going when he's gone, b) he visits this site and has searched for escorts, and c) the place he went gets thumbs up from the monger crowd kinda has me believing he's gone for more than just muscle work.

We have a great relationship and a sex life that would make most of you green with envy. Has always been good but got even better with marriage (been married less than a year). We lived in different parts of the country for the couple of years we dated and over the past year I have learned of just how much sex he was having behind my back. Like, 15 different women (most fairly regularly, and most purely about sex, it seems). All the while also going to massage parlors and seeking out escorts.

I sort of feel like I am answering my own question, but any thoughts on possible sex addiction? And if he were you, how would you like to be approached about it? This man is the love of my life and I know I satisfy him. I'm not worried about him going to others bc he's not getting good stuff at home I'm worried that his sexual behavior is out of control. I want to stand by him and help him, presuming he wants it. He has to know all that he is risking by his behavior. He is a good guy, beautiful person, loving, and caring. And I can't help but think he's suffering. I can't help but think he has this compulsive desire and if I think about that in comparison to a drug or booze addict, he must have some sort of inner turmoil.

Anyway, I'm just looking for advice on how to reach him. I confronted him about a few relationships he was in that I found out before we married and he was a bit defensive. I've forgiven him and would still forgive him if he could work on leaving this secret life behind. Like I said, he is the love of my life (and no, I'm not young. Middle aged and second marriage, been around the block enough times to know that getting angry won't get me anywhere and I actually don't take all of this personally. I feel confident in what we have. If this is an addiction, how can I not try to help?? In sickness and in health, right?[/QUOTE]

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I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.

[QUOTE=DreamCatching;5314390]Aloha gentleman,

I wanted to say hello. This is my first time hearing about this thread and I must say I'm glad I stumbled on it. I've been in the mongering game for a few years, still young too (haven't even hit my thirties yet) and I thought it was only me who was going through these addictive episodes. I'm both relieved but saddened that I am not the only one. I always considered myself below average, low self-esteem so nothing much going for me but work. When I did my first attempt seeing an escort, I ended up getting a rush of adrenaline and carnal pleasure that I never felt before. I felt like I was something more. I thought the trade of a couple bucks for that high was worth it. Kept going at it whenever a new provider came to the island (Hawaii is scarce on providers where I'm from so it's not easy to get a variety) until one day I found myself with a girlfriend. She was sweet, pretty, and she truly cares and sees me for me which makes me feel worse because I couldn't stop trying to see a provider. I was already so deep into the monger world that I would search sites everyday if anyone was available on the island. That high which was becoming less and less potent on me which made me want it more and my hatred for myself was growing larger whenever I would see a provider than my girlfriend after. The feeling of having a significant other who truly has your back and is there for you in every way is such a sharp contrast from having some attractive random girl who will do what you want but doesn't have any feelings for you. Trying to make sense of all that is too much, because I truly believe you cannot have both. It's a black hole of self-loathing folks and the outcome is either a numbness or complete and utter chaos on your emotions. Up is down, left becomes right and you have to handle all these feelings in private because you cornered yourself from being able to tell anyone. Even if you did speak about it how would you justify why you did what you did.

I reached a breaking point of my guilt and shame when they closed backpage. I literally started scrambling finding ways to see a provider (remember this is Hawaii, but not Oahu so providers are scarce). I looked like a madman when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I am an addict. You might hate me for saying this but closing BP was a good thing for me. I tried hard to pick up the pieces and try to live before my mongering. I went to therapy, I focused more on my work and I even reawakened old hobbies I long forgot. Worked out a lot whenever I felt the urge to feel that high again and I always tried to be a better boyfriend. Unfortunately, the struggle is never ending. Relapses happen which is why you see me posting here. I have not seen a provider for about a year or two, but urges find a way. I have found myself now on seeking, not all the time but when the urge is too much. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I wanted to give the realistic journey and not some fairytale.

As a closer I just wanted to say I am not one to judge anyone on their reasons or why they are doing this. Truth be told there are some who embraced this lifestyle and are doing so of their own accord. If so than I wish more power to you and all the providers to treat you well. If you feel you are an addict and want out of this vicious cycle than hang in there alright, from one stranger to another. Keep strong.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. If you think I am scum than that is alright, I deserve it. I'm weak, a coward, but I'm trying. If anyone here is reading this and going through the same thing then DON'T give up and accept it. I know you can be better than this. You will not just hurt yourselves, but others as well.

Learn from p

Mahalo and stay safe.[/QUOTE]Hi DreamCatching. How goes the fight? Are you winning? I've had my ups and downs and personally know it is a tough road. Don't beat yourself up. You are not scum. When I read your post I can tell you have a good heart and a good moral compass. Don't forget to look in the mirror and remind yourself of that. I do it daily and it does help. Keep up the good fight learn from your mistakes when you make them and carry on.

Tony.

[QUOTE=Dicdic;5510402]I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.[/QUOTE]I too am a sex addict. Seeking prostitutes, watch a ton of porn, masturbate several times a day everyday.

If you're like me or think you're an addict or know someone that you think maybe an addict, search "The Most Personal Addiction" book by Joe Zychik. You can download a pdf, it's free.

If you do, I'd like your thoughts. I have no affiliation with the author, I just understood where he was coming from. It just made things a bit more clear. I also don't agree with everything, but I did find it very helpful in understanding this addiction better. I still struggle as I am married, but my wife doesn't understand and is not as supportive as I was hoping for, which I believe is vital to success in overcoming this addiction.

Somewhere there is a scale following the title, but w / a 4th stage, interdependency, that I omitted as I've forgotten the difference. It was used to describe relationships in general, but I'm applying it to sexuality relationships, specifically. Dependency we know. We call it addiction; independency we know when having been dependent, we study and grow or gain sobriety. Inter. Is being sexual but not judging it, I think. Intra. Is being inclusive to the entire drama (that I am about to share).

It's a lot like the Stages of Faith work of James Fowler, describing human maturity along Ericksonian lines. 0-6 yr, 7-12, 13-18, 19-34, 35-55, & 56 on. As toddler / imaginative, pre-teen / literal, teen / group level, early adult / personal, mid-adult / mystical, and finally elder adult / sacrificial. Some folks stay at the group mind level, in churches. And in sexual awareness, as I understand it. In faiths, Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, MLK Jr, have all attained the 6th level. So sure of their understandings of life that they are willing to die for it.

It helps having a framework for our understanding, and an ability to keep looking into it. In sexuality, it was Victorian era English who put strict stds on what is proper and what is not, such that most are rebelling at it, and less can extract themselves from it, getting sobriety as generally spoken. But while some personalities can fit into that mold, others have a more playful side, wanting to share love and explore their sensuality and sexuality. In Victorian era English, those with diverse tastes, were usually driven underground. And were likely part of the control-file nature of politics. Catherine Austin Fitts talks of this to some extent. Knowing the depths that some elitist will go to retain their power, and to influence or extort others to go along with their plans, sadly. The whole thing has skewed the fuller maturation process that sexuality goes through, when not usurped to serve a political objective.

Oriental cultures have studied the body longer, developing wholistic medicine incorporating energy lines and points, called meridians. Then heightened or lessened via acupuncture. Whenever at an Asian Massage Parlor, and getting a rub, it is nice to be teased. Ideally, it need not happen all the time. Tantra yoga notes we can channel our sexual seeds up the spine to depart along chakra points - 1st, sexually into children; 2nd with others in relationships; 3rd to heighten our self esteem via arts, crafts, work; 4th to augment our ability to love which is also healing from love scars of past lovers or abuses; 5th is to be vocalized along anything spoken or sung; 6th is to be aware of the seat of our soul, in this 3rd eye point; 7th is to live out our highest and best self, even being able to re-start our endocrine system and prolong our lifetime into our 100's. As with Stages of Faith, most stay between the 2nd or 3rd level, though as others do more into 4th chakra work, it creates a 100th Monkey-effect to allow others to ascend to that level as well.

So to make a long story short, many spiritual seekers have talked of putting restraints upon our carnal instincts, as our ego in psychological terms. But rather than keeping it immature, we can also grow above that, to mature it. To have a fuller sensual and sexual experience. Ego / psych students have either the basic resource to get into a problem, then get out of it, and never go back in. Certainly, addicts who've relapsed will say it is impossible to do so, yet I believe it is only impossible for some types. See the Meyers-Briggs personality profiling book, Gifts Differing; some cannot, but a rare few can attain the Boddhisatvic level, and bring the rest of us further along. I'm not there, just being a gate-holder, or trying to open an alchemical channel to show that we can turn our base emotions into golden wisdom - - - Ross Hamilton has a great talk on this on Dr Rita Louise Youtube show, from how pyramids were to channel magnetic energy deep in the earth. Like our bodies. By connecting up to the electrical nature of the sky. Oddly, the RH talk is of the Serpent Mound in Ohio. Bringing us back full circle to sexuality, spirituality and the ascension or descension of the planet and its peoples.

[QUOTE=Admin2;3703737]I've been doing it more than three decades

A2.[/QUOTE]Hopefully you're still doing it. Is it 3.5 decades now?

This path that we're on sometimes still has some hurdles on it but for the most part they're mainly speed bumps. Right?

Congrats! Man.

I went to a meeting two weeks ago but there were too many gay men, I didn't feel comfortable. Does anyone use online meetings? I have been to a couple other support groups online and I just prefer being around people.

Last week I booked a lady from google directory I don't no for name but I booked for 1 hour first she was come to location to late then I open a door I see She is totally change I was shocked what's The problem this is a bigger scam for me. Anyone know that where I searching for service?

He wants sex more than she does.

Fun fact about "addiction"-it is a SUBJECTIVE TERM, and there is NO "clinical criteria" in the ICD-10 (the "bible" of medical diagnoses), or the "DSM-5" (the "bible" of psychological diagnoses! "Addiction" to one is a "habit" to another. I do NOT recommend ANY "12 Step" program of ANY kind for ANY "addiction", since ending the damned thing is NOT it's goal! Basically, you CANNOT change the addict, but you CAN change your "relationship"/ interaction WITH the addict. Give the person a CHOICE-you or the drug, you or the addiction, you or the hookers, etc. When you have cut off all communication with the addict, then he will see that you are serious about the "line in the sand" that you drew and he / she violated. YOU get to move on. The "addict" CHOSE NOT TO!

[QUOTE=Gumpy1989;5254315]Hello. He might not realize that he has an addiction, or might not see it that way. You will need to have a frank talk with him about it eventually. You need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel. Offer to get help for him. There are groups out there for him and you. Look up celebrate recovery. It's a Christian 12 step program for any addiction really. Some have support groups for spouses of the addiction. It does help. Though the first step is admitting that you have a problem. If he's not willing to get help or doesn't think it's a problem you should still go yourself for your own peace of mind. If you have any questions feel free to message me.[/QUOTE]

I am young man! I am addicted to sex from last 7 years! Yes I am! I really need suggestions to get out of this darkness. Before sex addiction, I was always watching porn everyday and musterbeting. When came to know about all this escorts massage and strip clubs, I was in run to test every other girl! Still I am always thinking about to have fun with new girls. I always want to see and have feelings to see their face and expressions when I am having fun. Yes I am stupid that I feel every time that I am going to tear her up and see her expression and get pleasure from it! I feel so guilty every time I have fun. I am earning good money now but I am also spending a lot and this addiction is all over me currently. I have seen more than 100 girls in my past 7 years. I am still under thirty's. I was seeing girls before my marriage and now also, yes I am married now. I tried so many times not to look for reviews and not to see but I feel this addiction is like alcohol, no matter how you control yourself but you keep going back to your addiction. I do not have any other addiction. My spouse doesn't know anything about my current situation. I don't know what I do to control myself. I really need support, I could not seek for any rehab or medical care because I don't want that my spouse will come to about this.

I am seen massage, Strip club, escorts, SB. 80%-90% gave me compliments that I am really good person! I am not overthinking of myself but I never forced or disrespected anyone of I have seen! I always stay calm and give them respect. I all are doing for reason. I am really tired of this and feel myself guilty everyday in mirror that How can I control! How! Please any suggestions welcome. Thank you.

[QUOTE=RayPugh;5848840]I went to a meeting two weeks ago but there were too many gay men, I didn't feel comfortable. Does anyone use online meetings? I have been to a couple other support groups online and I just prefer being around people.[/QUOTE]I would assume that just like everything else that is done by phone or zoom, it is even more useless than the real thing.

I used to walk on the beach in Venice California and listen to an AA meeting as I stole their free coffee and donuts. The pandemic shut that down but there are a few that creep up. Most of it is just drunks complaining about how their childhood trauma makes them drink or bullshit like that.

As for sex addiction and gay men, I would be horrified if I was in the same room as a gay guy who self confessed to be a sex addict.

Look dude, if you are on this board, it is because you like sex. If you like it too much, well then you need to manage it. But do not try to solve it- this is not like drugs or booze that can lead you to death or DUI, it is just fooking. Jeez.

If you do see this.

There's a hindu proverb about a woman who takes her son to a guru to get the son to quit eating sugar. The guru says "come back in a week. " She came back a week later and he said "come back in another week. " This went on for some time. Finally the guru gave her the answer to stop her sons sugar habit. She thanked him and asked "why did you keep telling me to come back?

The guru replied, I had to figure out how to stop my sugar addiction first.

You see where this is going. If anyone had an answer we'd fix our own problem. The internet has made this very easy. We can watch all the porn we want, find a girl online, whatever. Back in the day you had to get porn at an adult store, find girls in the street or club, or wherever other seedy locations. It's very easy these days to have a "double life. " You can really be a great and standup guy 23/7. It's that little hour though, or more, that you can be a real piece of work.

All I can say is keep trying and the conventional wisdom is not to tell your wife. They may say that they want to know. But if you love her even women will tell you not to tell her. Deal with it, stop doing it, make a firm resolve. It's going to be very hard. People will give me shit for it but go to confession if that's in your faith system.

[QUOTE=JayPm;6324626]I am young man! I am addicted to sex from last 7 years! Yes I am! I really need suggestions to get out of this darkness. Before sex addiction, I was always watching porn everyday and musterbeting. When came to know about all this escorts massage and strip clubs, I was in run to test every other girl! Still I am always thinking about to have fun with new girls. I always want to see and have feelings to see their face and expressions when I am having fun. Yes I am stupid that I feel every time that I am going to tear her up and see her expression and get pleasure from it! I feel so guilty every time I have fun. I am earning good money now but I am also spending a lot and this addiction is all over me currently. I have seen more than 100 girls in my past 7 years. I am still under thirty's. I was seeing girls before my marriage and now also, yes I am married now. I tried so many times not to look for reviews and not to see but I feel this addiction is like alcohol, no matter how you control yourself but you keep going back to your addiction. I do not have any other addiction. My spouse doesn't know anything about my current situation. I don't know what I do to control myself. I really need support, I could not seek for any rehab or medical care because I don't want that my spouse will come to about this..[/QUOTE]

Something I've come to terms with in my life. Yes, I am a sex addict. I'm trying really hard to not be anymore. I'd be lying if I said my addiction didn't negatively affect relationships with women. I've never physically mistreated women, but I know I've emotionally have been a piece of shit to women in the past. It's something I regret. I have seemed to have gotten watching porn under control. One day I just got bored with porn and stopped going to pornhub and xvideos. I do look at hot women's pictures and videos on instagram and stuff. I guess you can loosely call that porn but the hardcore videos I've stopped watching completely. I have noticed a drastic improvement in maintaining erections, so it's a start. Started working out and going to the gym again after 10 years of being mostly inactive. That has helped my mental health and overall health in general. Still not where I need to be but I'm getting there and seeing results. Yes, I still do see escorts and massage girls which started when I was only 18 right out of HS. More on that below. I took a self imposed hiatus for a few months to reflect on all this. Gave up porn and got rid of the male sex toys I had. Just threw them in the trash. Now I seek out quality and I'm selective of who I see. I still have needs after all.

Back to when I first started seeing escorts. I was too young and didn't realize I was addicted. I didn't have the emotional maturity to handle it. Not sure what happened when I was young because I grew up in a good family, went to good schools, and parents still together. Yes, my parents were kind of strict when I was growing up. I wasn't allowed to "date" until well into high school. It was always supervised dates so there was always an adult around. All my friends had girlfriends but I wasn't allowed to have one. I liked girls, but not wanting to piss off my parents I was too scared back then to even talk to girls. This resulted in social awkwardness and anxiety. I've since broken out of that but still have some confidence issues to this day. Not nearly as bad as back then though. After HS, I still hadn't been laid yet, so I thought let's make this easier on myself and get an escort. I lost my virginity to a god damn hooker. She was nothing special and in fact I remember her being kind of a *****. How's that for my first experience getting laid. Sad! I had to pay someone for the shitty experience. Yeah thanks.

I was addicted to hookers/escorts and didn't realize it. It was more the thrill and anticipation of seeing a new girl not knowing what she was going to look like. This was pre-internet days, 1989/1990 when it started. I wish I never met the guy who introduced me to the weekly news rag which had an adult section that was full of ads for escorts, strippers, phone sex lines, etc. This guy also introduced me to strip clubs as we would often go to a local one after work. I was only 18, but this one club was 18 and over. He was a coworker and we were working for the town we lived in. Got the job out of HS and made good money. A lot of escort girls were $150 an hour FS back then. I have had only a few normal relationships with women in my life. I've been engaged a couple of times, but never married and no children. I do kind of regret that at 52 years old now. I've spent heaven knows how much money on girls over the years. Easily 6 figures. One woman I may have had a normal relationship with I ruined myself. This was about 20 years ago. I know she really liked me. We had sex the in first weekend we met and she was very much into me. Then after I wanted nothing to do with her. She was beautiful and I was a piece of shit to her. I broke that girls heart. I could tell she never really had a boyfriend in her life and took advantage. A mutual friend who introduced us later told me I ruined this poor woman emotionally. I did run into her years later and her demeanor was downright cold and could tell there was an edge to her. She was jaded and I am positive it was my fault. After all, all I had mostly known was paying a woman to fuck and then just leave.
I'm not proud of this. Maybe that's my punishment for treating her the way I did. My punishment is I have to be alone for the rest of my life and I'm not allowed to have a meaningful relationship with a woman ever again. I've also dated escort girls and I can say this was unequivocally a bad decision. All ended in disaster both emotionally and financially. If anybody is considering doing that, please dont and get far away as possible. You will not be the one to save her and it's going to end badly. These women belong to the streets as the kids say. I've come to terms that this is my life. I wish it were different but I've accepted it.

I am also a sex addict. I just needed to write this down somewhere. I cleared 300 K last year of working and a good bit of that went towards ******. I'm going to re-evaluate my life and my financial situation. Most of the money was spent on girls and also hiding it from my SO in forms of booking hotels. Sometimes up to 500 per visit for some of these girls. It's shameful and pleasurable at the same time. I guess that's the hook. My SO has no idea, I've always remained clean and safe during this "hobby" despite some close calls. Even had a pregnancy close call due to a potential IUD failure. Everything about this ride has been exhilarating at times but I need to make a change. But, change to what? The alternative doesn't seem exciting. Monogamous sex on an infrequent basis (what percentage of husbands out here are really fucking their wives as much as they want to). This shit is depressing af LOL.

I go through fits of just embracing it. I say myself "You know what, I'm a man and this is what I'm going to do. No more little this and little that, QV here or AMP there. I'm going to see quality wh0 res. I deserve it. Best of the best. Pat my kids on the head and kiss my wife on the cheek, call my mother on her birthday. Nothing wrong with me at all."

Seriously, this is the conversation I have with myself. But the reality is that all we are doing is making a deeper and deeper crater that can't be filled. It hit me the other day I wanted to see a call-girl so badly but for whatever reason I couldn't. I was so irritated, like an addict who ran out of smack. Then I saw a girl I used to know, what a stunner, who was starting to show signs of age. It broke my heart. Or maybe I see one and I can now see the signs of drug use. Also broke my heart and reminded me of the reality here.

It's just a fucked up thing of ours and I can't see ever being able to really embrace it. And if you're not fully embracing it you're not really enjoying it. If you do fully embrace it though, I fear you lose your soul. As far as sex with the wife, she wants it more than I do. We're too busy, she's too much of a *****. I just want nothing to do with her really.

Keep trying. I know I am. I am still relapsing pretty often but I'm trying to just keep trucking when I do.

[QUOTE=LacroixPapi;6546369]I am also a sex addict. I just needed to write this down somewhere. I cleared 300 K last year of working and a good bit of that went towards ******. I'm going to re-evaluate my life and my financial situation. Most of the money was spent on girls and also hiding it from my SO in forms of booking hotels. Sometimes up to 500 per visit for some of these girls. It's shameful and pleasurable at the same time. I guess that's the hook. My SO has no idea, I've always remained clean and safe during this "hobby" despite some close calls. Even had a pregnancy close call due to a potential IUD failure. Everything about this ride has been exhilarating at times but I need to make a change. But, change to what? The alternative doesn't seem exciting. Monogamous sex on an infrequent basis (what percentage of husbands out here are really fucking their wives as much as they want to). This shit is depressing af LOL.[/QUOTE]

I can relate to a lot of what you and the last couple guys have said. I alternate between the "I'm a man and I have needs" type of thing and having that sense of emptiness or dread. The dread being that I've been doing this for most of the past 12 years and that no winning streak lasts forever. The more I do it and the longer I'm in the game, more opportunities arise for something to go really wrong like catching a disease, getting robbed, getting stabbed, being spotted by someone I know, etc and that it will happen when I least expect it.

I hope to someday get action again because of real attraction and not because of the benjamins in my pocket. But I'm getting older and that window will be closing soon.

Meanwhile, I will go back and forth between playing the game when I can't stand the dry spells anymore and sitting out to minimize my risk and the dent in my wallet.

Stay safe out there.

[QUOTE=Jarston1;6551174]I go through fits of just embracing it. I say myself "You know what, I'm a man and this is what I'm going to do. No more little this and little that, QV here or AMP there. I'm going to see quality wh0 res. I deserve it. Best of the best. Pat my kids on the head and kiss my wife on the cheek, call my mother on her birthday. Nothing wrong with me at all."

Seriously, this is the conversation I have with myself. But the reality is that all we are doing is making a deeper and deeper crater that can't be filled. It hit me the other day I wanted to see a call-girl so badly but for whatever reason I couldn't. I was so irritated, like an addict who ran out of smack. Then I saw a girl I used to know, what a stunner, who was starting to show signs of age. It broke my heart. Or maybe I see one and I can now see the signs of drug use. Also broke my heart and reminded me of the reality here.

It's just a fucked up thing of ours and I can't see ever being able to really embrace it. And if you're not fully embracing it you're not really enjoying it. If you do fully embrace it though, I fear you lose your soul. As far as sex with the wife, she wants it more than I do. We're too busy, she's too much of a *****. I just want nothing to do with her really.

Keep trying. I know I am. I am still relapsing pretty often but I'm trying to just keep trucking when I do.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=UOnlyLiveOnce;6556251]I can relate to a lot of what you and the last couple guys have said. I alternate between the "I'm a man and I have needs" type of thing and having that sense of emptiness or dread. The dread being that I've been doing this for most of the past 12 years and that no winning streak lasts forever. The more I do it and the longer I'm in the game, more opportunities arise for something to go really wrong like catching a disease, getting robbed, getting stabbed, being spotted by someone I know, etc and that it will happen when I least expect it.

I hope to someday get action again because of real attraction and not because of the benjamins in my pocket. But I'm getting older and that window will be closing soon.

Meanwhile, I will go back and forth between playing the game when I can't stand the dry spells anymore and sitting out to minimize my risk and the dent in my wallet.

Stay safe out there.[/QUOTE]I have a beautiful girlfriend but keep getting drawn back in. I don't want to cheat but I have. Like the addrenalin rush and doing something taboo. The sex is not nearly as good as what I have. I don't know how to get help. Are there groups or something.

[QUOTE=Wiggles0923;6561337]I have a beautiful girlfriend but keep getting drawn back in. I don't want to cheat but I have. Like the addrenalin rush and doing something taboo. The sex is not nearly as good as what I have. I don't know how to get help. Are there groups or something.[/QUOTE]Per the famous Scarface line: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" That's how this game feels. I've had several fits and starts, times when I just want to be done with this dangerous hobby and others when I just want to cum inside the orifice of a stranger. I have a good wife and family and its absolutely depressing knowing that I'm willing to risk all of that for this. I'd also never imagined myself as a cheater, let alone a cheater with prostitutes and escorts. However, 15 years later here we are. It is a sick mental balancing act of having to navigate the shame, guilt, desire, depression, and a punch bowl of other emotions. I will always regret allowing myself into this game.

As far as help, I'll say that one important thing is having someone or others to confide in. There are groups as well as therapists. There are also members here. I befriended a couple members from the board whom I felt I could trust and was regularly in touch with them for a time. We tried to hold each other accountable and be each others' sounding boards since we could relate to each others' experiences and not be judgmental, but its been a while since we last talked. I will say that there are options. I've learned that its very difficult to escape addiction and that is a scary notion. I don't want to know how far this road goes and where it leads because I doubt its anywhere good.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6576783]Per the famous Scarface line: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" That's how this game feels. I've had several fits and starts, times when I just want to be done with this dangerous hobby and others when I just want to cum inside the orifice of a stranger. I have a good wife and family and its absolutely depressing knowing that I'm willing to risk all of that for this. I'd also never imagined myself as a cheater, let alone a cheater with prostitutes and escorts. However, 15 years later here we are. It is a sick mental balancing act of having to navigate the shame, guilt, desire, depression, and a punch bowl of other emotions. I will always regret allowing myself into this game.

As far as help, I'll say that one important thing is having someone or others to confide in. There are groups as well as therapists. There are also members here. I befriended a couple members from the board whom I felt I could trust and was regularly in touch with them for a time. We tried to hold each other accountable and be each others' sounding boards since we could relate to each others' experiences and not be judgmental, but its been a while since we last talked. I will say that there are options. I've learned that its very difficult to escape addiction and that is a scary notion. I don't want to know how far this road goes and where it leads because I doubt its anywhere good.[/QUOTE]I'm in the same boat. I've had so many dangerous situations in the last 10 years, got burned twice by girls who said they were 'clean' (lucky I didn't give anything to my other) and despite these crazy situations I still draw myself back in. Although I haven't really done FS in many years and for the most part do massage and HJ ending.

[QUOTE=LasVegas1976;6590699]I'm in the same boat. I've had so many dangerous situations in the last 10 years, got burned twice by girls who said they were 'clean' (lucky I didn't give anything to my other) and despite these crazy situations I still draw myself back in. Although I haven't really done FS in many years and for the most part do massage and HJ ending.[/QUOTE]Recovery is tough. I've started down this path several times and failed each time. Change is scary, and I think that quitting this thing that has become a part of my identity over decades is daunting because I really have to change who I am. That sounds monumentally difficult. But I think I'm going to keep trying. There are a lot of past things that led me here and I have to deal with my past. I've also been haunted by terrifying shame and guilt. I've gotten to this point in the past but never really translated any of it to lasting change. I just felt sorry for myself and went back to engaging in this behavior.

Next step for me is just taking things one day at a time and working with my therapist. Perhaps finding and joining SAA and definitely taking more stock in myself, owning up to my shitty behavior, and honestly seeking change. I deserve better in my life and I'm a better person than this. I know relapse is possible and I'm aware that I'll eventually reach a baseline where I'm not feeling so introspective and I'll want to fuck a random woman again. The psychological roller coaster is, and has been, something else. If you're religious, please pray for me and I'll do the same for you and for all of us.

Which is the first step. I used to think that all this was harmless because I'm just a normal man with a high sex drive right. It is far from harmless and I'm coming to the conclusion that you can get sucked in too deep and ruin yourself, your family, and your reputation. I also fluctuate between this is normal to this is fucked up. Slowly I'm coming to terms with why I do this and the traumas of the past. Same with any woman in this industry, do you think a normal woman with a healthy loving family would do this? That's why when you hear their stories it's usually a train wreck. But yes getting out for good is hard.

[QUOTE=MosesBlack;6621509]Which is the first step. I used to think that all this was harmless because I'm just a normal man with a high sex drive right. It is far from harmless and I'm coming to the conclusion that you can get sucked in too deep and ruin yourself, your family, and your reputation. I also fluctuate between this is normal to this is fucked up. Slowly I'm coming to terms with why I do this and the traumas of the past. Same with any woman in this industry, do you think a normal woman with a healthy loving family would do this? That's why when you hear their stories it's usually a train wreck. But yes getting out for good is hard.[/QUOTE]Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6621874]Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.[/QUOTE]It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.

[QUOTE=MosesBlack;6624677]It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.[/QUOTE]I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6624844]I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.[/QUOTE]The way you feel and think about yourself is more common than you think. I too share many of the same traits. Not until recently did I discover I am a codependent. The more I learned about it the more I understood myself and my actions. For me personally I was always looking for more intimacy that's why I bounced from one escort to another hoping to get that rush It's the same reason I never dated anyone for more than a few months. I'm still trying to kick this habit and I have a long way to go however I'm gaining ground as to what and why the urge hits giving me some pause to reconsider my actions. I use to seek out an escort at least once a month now it's every few months if that. When I do I'm able to process why I did and not beat myself up for it. We're all damaged goods my friend, the key is to identify the wound and treat it. Your mind and body will thank you for it. Good luck in whichever path you take.

I have been a sex addict most of my life. I have also always had a need to take care of people who I care about. Something is screwy in me for sure. I don't know what. 30 years ago I gave up alcohol and all drugs. And to top it all off, I have a pretty crappy life. But, I have a little money and all I know is that when I am having sex, all that other stuff and stress go away. So I chase. I am older and more mature. I know much of this problem stems from my personal insecurity. I don't really know what to do about it and if I did, I'm not sure I would do it. I do know that sex takes me away. And it makes my life better for that hour. And then some. For a guy like me, who's home life reality is pretty bad, that's something. I am now a care taker for a sick spouse. But, as other posters have pointed out, I view women everywhere as a source of an escape. Doesn't matter where I am, I undress them in my mind. It truly is exhausting and far from the way most men without this affliction live their life.

I would rather not be a sex addict. But, given the choice of Alcoholic, drug addict or anything having to do with kids, I'd rather be what I am. I work hard, take care of my family financially, I love them. And they know it but, I have secret life that I am pretty ashamed of.

I hit rock bottom last month. I travelled to Japan and saw providers who were 19 to 23 years old at legal a legal establishment. At first, I felt like the luckiest man. Wow, I have the time and resources now to travel to see providers across the world. I'm in my 30's, so the fact that I was in a room with a much younger woman felt like a dream initially. Typically younger providers in the USA are addicted to something or in bad mental shape.

While having sex, I kept thinking about the reasons why women aged 19-23 would even partake in this world. They even allowed video recording for extra money, which I declined. Digital footprint is real, and I was surprised that they would even allow that kind of option. Some of their eyes had signs of emotional detachment. In a weird way, I felt a connection despite the language barrier. I did not have the happiest childhood and remember a lot of my youth crying from abuse. I don't blame my parent anymore, but I forgave them after I began seeing sex workers. My trip wasn't exclusively for sex, so I spent a lot of my time roaming Japan thinking about my life and how it ended up this way. I don't want pity because I am in a good place financially. The fact that I am able to travel for fun alone screams privilege.

Of course I like having sex, but I find a lot of enjoyment just talking about vulnerable topics while cuddling with sex workers. My friends think I'm some sort of outstanding guy with morals. It kills me deep down every time someone compliments me for being a good person.

Feel like I'm trapped. I put on a fake persona when meeting up with friends. I end dates with women early when they start poking around my past. No one knows about my sex addiction and I plan to keep it that way.

Just wanted to write this down somewhere. Feels nice to admit being a sex addict. Even on a sex forum.

For the past year and a half, every time I've came, it's been while high on a substance known for its energizing properties, similar to Adderall, but could lead to a very methed up life if you're not careful.

I've grown addicted to the climax while in that state since I can easily string 4 or more climaxes back to back over the course of 5 minutes. How could I not once I experience that?

I can understand labeling it a problem if a monger spends $1 million on AMPs over the course of 10-15 years, IF this amount of $$ has a negative effect on their financial well-being. But how about mongers who still have plenty of $$ after fucking about 5000 different AMP girls over the course of 15 years?

Rolling Cols OH streets for last decade, flee from mundane life usually. Infrequently to celebrate a success tho that is few and far between. Cruised 4 or 5 times a week, at my peak, cause I could, and since chasing women at bars or at dating sites often meant getting strung along for weeks, without a hint of sex from the lady. Streetwalkers can be a sure thing. Tho I'd been ripped off many a time. Now aging and seeing a lesser need to cruise, I think of a bucket list. As if I could actually walk away from the hobby. SW'ers or AMPs. Never got into escorts or strip clubs very much.

Reading "The Seat of the Soul" by ex-Green Beret, Gary Zukav. Is 4 sections, and the 3rd is Responsibility, with chapters of Choice, Addiction, Relationships and Souls. To release an Addiction, one must first admit that there is one. To acknowledge it, is to say that part of our life is out of control. (it is a fine line, requiring each to decide, or continue to run away or minimize a problem) The experience of addictive sexual attraction is an experience of powerlessness, and a desire to feed off a weaker soul. THE WAY OUT of it is to remind yourself when you feel the attraction, you are feeling powerlessness and desiring to prey upon a soul that is weaker than yourself.

Remind yourself that the partner to whom you are drawn (at a mall, bar or streets) is equally drawn to others. Sexual attraction is a weakness detection system. When it locates a person who is weak enough to be susceptible to you, to be seduced by you, it triggers within you the experience of sexual attraction. The need to dominate is the same as the need to be submissive. It is a power to choose. Test your power of choice because each time that you choose otherwise, you disengage the power of your addiction more and more, and increase your personal power more and more. (maybe some of you are already doing this; I tried to quit, pre-covid, but the social isolation had me running to the streets for connection; then it was invaluable; now I have other choices).

Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, upon yourself and upon your finances, mental and emotional health, children or partners, etc. You stand between 2 worlds of your lesser self and your fuller self. Your lesser self tempts you with irresponsibility, unconsciousness and no discipline. Your fuller self is aligned with your non-physical help. The work to be done is yours, but assistance is always there for you in your guides, teachers, mentors, and expansive thoughts. You may hear or feel their guidance, but not be ready to take that step. Your guides do not know time, so they know you will eventually move away from it. At times, there is wisdom in waiting until all of you prepares for the journey away from your addiction. There is no shame in that decision, as the Universe does not judge.

Eventually you will come to authentic empowerment. You will know the power of forgiveness, humbleness, clarity and love. You will evolve beyond the human experience, beyond the learning environment of Earth school. When you die, you leave your personality and your body behind as well as your powerlessness, inadequacies, fears, angers, and time. You will perceive with loving eyes and compassionate understanding the experiences of your life, including those that seemed so much to control you. You will see what purposes they served. You will survey what has been learned and you will bring these things into your next incarnation.

[QUOTE=NGorged;6734683]Rolling Cols OH streets for last decade, flee from mundane life usually. Infrequently to celebrate a success tho that is few and far between. Cruised 4 or 5 times a week, at my peak, cause I could, and since chasing women at bars or at dating sites often meant getting strung along for weeks, without a hint of sex from the lady. Streetwalkers can be a sure thing. Tho I'd been ripped off many a time. Now aging and seeing a lesser need to cruise, I think of a bucket list. As if I could actually walk away from the hobby. SW'ers or AMPs. Never got into escorts or strip clubs very much.

Reading "The Seat of the Soul" by ex-Green Beret, Gary Zukav. Is 4 sections, and the 3rd is Responsibility, with chapters of Choice, Addiction, Relationships and Souls. To release an Addiction, one must first admit that there is one. To acknowledge it, is to say that part of our life is out of control. (it is a fine line, requiring each to decide, or continue to run away or minimize a problem) The experience of addictive sexual attraction is an experience of powerlessness, and a desire to feed off a weaker soul. THE WAY OUT of it is to remind yourself when you feel the attraction, you are feeling powerlessness and desiring to prey upon a soul that is weaker than yourself.

Remind yourself that the partner to whom you are drawn (at a mall, bar or streets) is equally drawn to others. Sexual attraction is a weakness detection system. When it locates a person who is weak enough to be susceptible to you, to be seduced by you, it triggers within you the experience of sexual attraction. The need to dominate is the same as the need to be submissive. It is a power to choose. Test your power of choice because each time that you choose otherwise, you disengage the power of your addiction more and more, and increase your personal power more and more. (maybe some of you are already doing this; I tried to quit, pre-covid, but the social isolation had me running to the streets for connection; then it was invaluable; now I have other choices).

Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, upon yourself and upon your finances, mental and emotional health, children or partners, etc. You stand between 2 worlds of your lesser self and your fuller self. Your lesser self tempts you with irresponsibility, unconsciousness and no discipline. Your fuller self is aligned with your non-physical help. The work to be done is yours, but assistance is always there for you in your guides, teachers, mentors, and expansive thoughts. You may hear or feel their guidance, but not be ready to take that step. Your guides do not know time, so they know you will eventually move away from it. At times, there is wisdom in waiting until all of you prepares for the journey away from your addiction. There is no shame in that decision, as the Universe does not judge.

Eventually you will come to authentic empowerment. You will know the power of forgiveness, humbleness, clarity and love. You will evolve beyond the human experience, beyond the learning environment of Earth school. When you die, you leave your personality and your body behind as well as your powerlessness, inadequacies, fears, angers, and time. You will perceive with loving eyes and compassionate understanding the experiences of your life, including those that seemed so much to control you. You will see what purposes they served. You will survey what has been learned and you will bring these things into your next incarnation.[/QUOTE]Much of what you quoted really resonates with me. Lately, I've narrowed down the reasons why I've partaken in this hobby and it comes down to a few primary things: validation seeking, "new pussy", escape, pleasure seeking, and an attitude of "because I can". I picked apart each reason and what I've found is that none of these are truly good and defendable reasons, especially considering that these encounters really don't serve me in a productive way and haven't made me feel better about myself in a very long time. Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.

[QUOTE=SkeletonKey6;6721324]I can understand labeling it a problem if a monger spends $1 million on AMPs over the course of 10-15 years, IF this amount of $$ has a negative effect on their financial well-being. But how about mongers who still have plenty of $$ after fucking about 5000 different AMP girls over the course of 15 years?[/QUOTE]Its only a problem if you think its a problem. Has nothing to do with money spent. For me, money spent is only an indicator of a lack of control even though I've never been able to not afford the hobby. I'm otherwise a pretty frugal and financially responsible person, but I've probably spent easily over $30 k in the last decade alone on this. That speaks to a pattern of behavior if nothing else.

I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.

Sometimes that might be what it takes. Hit bottom. Face the risk of losing what really matters to you. In some devastating way. Ruining the lives of the people who matter to you. Ruining your reputation. Are these fleeting and forgettable moments worth all that? Probably not. But we're all like frogs in water, gradually heating up. Eventually it's boiling. And we die.

[QUOTE=TCap5225;6749865]I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.[/QUOTE]Great advice. Focus on what you can change. Accept what you can't. Like the past.

[QUOTE=DjHunter;6749831]Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.[/QUOTE]You're not alone. I feel the same way. Bad habits take on a life of their own.