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[QUOTE=MisterJimmy;6144376]Stick with the agencies such as Asian Fever, Korean VIP, Dimsum, Foxy604, Yumikolove, etc. PERB. CC and Leolist are your friends. You will need a VPN service to fully enjoy / view these sites. [/QUOTE]Why do you need a vpn?
Does anyone have any good info on various lingerie modelling places? I'm going to be in town in the coming weeks staying right in downtown but I'll have a car so location isn't that important. Tuscl has very limited info with some of the most recent reviews being from years ago. From my research seems like some of the main ones are xSensual, just bliss, and pussycats?
[QUOTE=VTwelveMpg;6145024]Does anyone have any good info on various lingerie modelling places? I'm going to be in town in the coming weeks staying right in downtown but I'll have a car so location isn't that important. Tuscl has very limited info with some of the most recent reviews being from years ago. From my research seems like some of the main ones are xSensual, just bliss, and pussycats?[/QUOTE]There was a period of time where there were my go to. Easy in, pay, get laid, and leave for $200 or less. The places where that was routine have been closed. As far as I know Pussycats and XSensual are DIY. There are some reports here that Just Bliss is like the old places. Do a search here on it and you'll see some decent intel.
There are some reliable AMPs where you can get your dick wet for $200 or so. If thats your thing keep reading this forum.
[QUOTE=Zippy69;6145126]There was a period of time where there were my go to. Easy in, pay, get laid, and leave for $200 or less. The places where that was routine have been closed. As far as I know Pussycats and XSensual are DIY. There are some reports here that Just Bliss is like the old places. Do a search here on it and you'll see some decent intel.
There are some reliable AMPs where you can get your dick wet for $200 or so. If thats your thing keep reading this forum.[/QUOTE]Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely keep reading through here but any places off the top of your head you recommend? It can be somewhat cumbersome trying to come into a new forum with tens of pages and try to come up to speed.
[QUOTE=FoolOfATook;6144926]Looks like the app you described will no longer be required starting Oct. 1 ([URL]https://www.canada.ca/en/border-services-agency/services/arrivecan.html[/URL]).[/QUOTE]A very Big Thank you!
[QUOTE=Dexxzy;6144933]Why do you need a vpn?[/QUOTE]Somebody somewhere tells the Canadian site that you are accessing it from the US and then relevant content is blocked, e. G, pictures. Maybe one of our techies can explain it better.
Has anyone seen the hot Asian girl in this place? She's very hot Young I was wondering if anyone has the info on her?
Lala at Eastern on 4th Plain. Youngish, cute, fit, enthusiastic, and a little quirky. All services available with standard tip.
[QUOTE=VTwelveMpg;6145146]Thanks for the reply. I'll definitely keep reading through here but any places off the top of your head you recommend? It can be somewhat cumbersome trying to come into a new forum with tens of pages and try to come up to speed.[/QUOTE]There's a few providers who advertise on TNA who work out of exotic tan. Unsure what services you'd get if you walked in without contacting said ladies first.
I'm 99% sure there are no sexual services in this place. That's like Massage Envy which is a totally different situation and management.
[QUOTE=BillJ1984;6145271]Has anyone seen the hot Asian girl in this place? She's very hot Young I was wondering if anyone has the info on her?[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=AsianOrBust;6145527]Lala at Eastern on 4th Plain. Youngish, cute, fit, enthusiastic, and a little quirky. All services available with standard tip.[/QUOTE]Is she new? Her name doesn't appear on Rubmap reviews at this spot.
[QUOTE=CoSolo;6145701]I'm 99% sure there are no sexual services in this place. That's like Massage Envy which is a totally different situation and management.[/QUOTE]Ok good to know. Too bad she is smoking hot.
Today I was randomly in Keizer. On my way home I drove past a new place so I decided to check it out. (River rd and Keizer. Right across from Caliber Collision. It's in a business strip mall in front of apartments. Kind of a weird location but discreet, so that's a plus. I walk in and wait. No one comes out for a couple of minutes but I can tell all doors of the rooms are shut so they must be busy. Anyhow, not in any rush so I just chill in the waiting room for about 5 minutes when this young girl comes out of a room and is smoking. Nice rack, pretty face, thin, must be around 22-24, and was wearing a little plaid skirt. What was crazy is that she must have been having so much fun with one of you, she forgot to put on her panties. I didn't see this at first, but she bent over to get me a water and right there was the most beautiful, completely waxed, tight box. So hot. Her shirt was buttoned but barely and she was nippin hard. I could see her tits easily and damn I was immediately ready. She told me that she and the other girl both had about 20 minutes left with customers. I had nothing to do so she led me back to a room that was in between the rooms that were occupied. I could tell the girl that greeted me was having fun when I showed up her face was red, she was a bit sweaty on her forehead. Anyhow, while I'm getting comfortable in my room, two of you guys were having fun in yours. I could hear the girl who greeted me (let's call her girl #1) moaning saying, "suck my pussy, suck me baby" while in the next room #2 was getting pounded. I mean just loud slapping and heavy panting. The walls are paper thin so I feel like I'm at a porn theater or something LOL. #1 then said something to the effect of "let me ride you". And #2 say "fuck me with your big cock". Absolutely crazy. I'm not one for sloppy seconds but I'm not going to lie, it was pretty wild. I listened to #1 & #2 get destroyed for a solid 18 minutes or so. Anyhow to my surprise, #2 came in my room. She was short, small little titties, but had a great bubble butt and really pretty smile. She was wearing a very short skirt, almost like a tube top. I'd guess she's in her early 30's. She looked like she was exhausted but I was ready to rock and I'm big LOL. Took my time during my 60 minutes. I'm sure she'll be sore tomorrow but you can tell she loves it. Anyhow, standard pricing, young / er hotties, and a lot of fun. Was told #3 is coming October 1st. Didn't get any names. This is the only reason to come to Keizer LOL. Good luck!
Anyone ever come across any actual Thai shops or providers? Always thought with the substantial population in town there would be more of that option or other SE Asian. But seems very rare, almost all are Ch. Bella at Foot Heaven is VN (and pretty cute, younger, nice tits, and game. .) and on a couple occasions the shop in the plaza on Division between 92nd & 205 has seemed to have some VN. But that place is a little sketchy, they have pulled the switcheroo on me waiting for "Coco" to show up, then got "Helen" instead. Although she also told me to come to the apartments nearby next time, not sure what the scene is there. Didn't check it out. Used to see some Thai girls up around Seattle but not for a while. Not sure why but there is something about them. And that style of massage is awesome as well. Need to get down to San Diego (for some Latina action) or up to Vancouver BC, lots of variety & quality up there.
[QUOTE=MisterJimmy;6146184]Is she new? Her name doesn't appear on Rubmap reviews at this spot.[/QUOTE]They reply to text, ask them.
[QUOTE=Bubbabaloo;6147438]Anyone ever come across any actual Thai shops or providers? Always thought with the substantial population in town there would be more of that option or other SE Asian. But seems very rare, almost all are Ch. Bella at Foot Heaven is VN (and pretty cute, younger, nice tits, and game. .) and on a couple occasions the shop in the plaza on Division between 92nd & 205 has seemed to have some VN. But that place is a little sketchy, they have pulled the switcheroo on me waiting for "Coco" to show up, then got "Helen" instead. Although she also told me to come to the apartments nearby next time, not sure what the scene is there. Didn't check it out. Used to see some Thai girls up around Seattle but not for a while. Not sure why but there is something about them. And that style of massage is awesome as well. Need to get down to San Diego (for some Latina action) or up to Vancouver BC, lots of variety & quality up there.[/QUOTE]The only Thai spa I've come across was in Vancouver and it was non erotic.
After reading the glowing review, I made it a point to get down there first thing this morning. I met two girls there, the first one was overweight, the second one was cute, but nothing special. I did not stay, perhaps I was expecting too much based on the review.
I do agree this place has privacy, parking is on the back side of the building, so you are not noticed from the street. It is the new place diagonally across River Road from caliber collision.
I was happy to discover that Wendy is still working at Rainbow.
Also met an attractive lady with nice boobd at Lucky, across from DQ sign on Market.
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[b][u]EDITOR'S NOTE[/u]:[/b] [blue]This report was redacted or deleted to remove sections of the report that were [u]largely argumentative[/u]. Please read the Forum FAQ and the Forum's Posting Guidelines for more information. [i]Thank You![/i][/blue]
[QUOTE=MisterJimmy;6148074]At the risk of incurring the wrath of Mr. Big, I cry bullshit on his reviews.[/QUOTE]I'm not here to pick on anyone but I definitely did not have the same experience he did. I was deflated after driving an hour, feeling excited until I got there.
[QUOTE=MisterJimmy;6148074]At the risk of incurring the wrath of Mr. Big, I cry bullshit on his reviews.[/QUOTE]His review of Sunflower was reasonably accurate.
[QUOTE=WarpFactor69;6147821]After reading the glowing review, I made it a point to get down there first thing this morning. I met two girls there, the first one was overweight, the second one was cute, but nothing special. I did not stay, perhaps I was expecting too much based on the review.[/QUOTE]Impressed at your response time more than anything.
[QUOTE=MisterJimmy;6146184]Is she new? Her name doesn't appear on Rubmap reviews at this spot.[/QUOTE]Decided to give Eastern another shot after this review. Saw LaLa for an hour. Little tank top upstairs, short skirt and leggings on bottom.
After she brought me to the room she re-entered sans leggings.
Mediocre massage began, light teasing here and there. Then in comes another guy, then another, and another. She went out each time. On her return I asked if she was the only one working. She said another was there.
The build up and attitude changed. Flip, what do you want, how much. No balking at 1. 4 for FS.
Finished up and she started thanking me like we were done. I asked if she was coming back in to finish the remaining 20 minutes. She said no, too busy. I told her I want 20 back for the shortage or to finish my time. She complied eventually and gave me 20, saying guys usually don't mind, and that she will give full time next time.
Sticking with Sunnys for Vancouver.
[QUOTE=WarpFactor69;6147821]After reading the glowing review, I made it a point to get down there first thing this morning. I met two girls there, the first one was overweight, the second one was cute, but nothing special. I did not stay, perhaps I was expecting too much based on the review.
I do agree this place has privacy, parking is on the back side of the building, so you are not noticed from the street. It is the new place diagonally across River Road from caliber collision.
I was happy to discover that Wendy is still working at Rainbow.
Also met an attractive lady with nice boobd at Lucky, across from DQ sign on Market.[/QUOTE]Happened to be on Salem yesterday and did check out rainbow and was lucky to see Wendy for a 30 minute appointment. She actually has a really nice body and an ass that was a surprisingly tight.
Its a bit of a hike to get down there but next time I am there will for sure hit it up.
Had some time on my hands so pain the friendly house on Brooklyn another visit.
This time I actually got to have a full massage then she got to doing what she seems to love and I have come to appreciate (rimming) and was extra with that BBBJ this time.
Good times.
Already planning my next adventure there.
Check out his other reviews and they all seem similar, he goes into an AMP, a girl comes out to greet him in skimpy clothes, but he has to wait for his turn, and in the meantime listens to other guys going at it. These reviews sound more like someone's fantasy of what it would be like to visit an AMP rather than someone who's actually been there.
I will be in the Keizer area tomorrow and will swing by to check it out.
[QUOTE=WarpFactor69;6148094]I'm not here to pick on anyone but I definitely did not have the same experience he did. I was deflated after driving an hour, feeling excited until I got there.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Pdx503;6143857]Any reviews for Richmond or Vancouver BC? I spend a lot of time in downtown Vancouver BC. Feel free to PM me.
.[/QUOTE]DM for vanc intel. I have lots of independents I see. All Asian and under 30. Most recent was early this month.
[QUOTE=Pdx503;6143857]Any reviews for Richmond or Vancouver BC? I spend a lot of time in downtown Vancouver BC. Feel free to PM me.
.[/QUOTE]Like others have said there a tonne of options. It's not the nicest place, but Atlantis spa in Richmond will usually have at least a couple hotties working. There's usually about 5-10 girls, just ask to see who's working. Platinum club in downtown is overpriced but usually super hot girls, although this was years ago. I don't know if they survived Covid. If you're looking to skip the massage part, coco collective (no space and add dot ca) is a good option as well as there being numerous independent providers. I always did a tonne of researh beforehand but I've yet to have a bad experience with independents.
I'd highly recommend creating a perb dot cc account, you'll be able to search for reviews. Name and last 4 of the phone number was always my go to. And then if you have a vpn (if you're not in Canada), leolist is where the vast majority advertise. My process was always find someone on LL, search for reviews on perb.
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I've been reading the reviews a lot on here and it seems there are plenty of places to choose from for a first time. I am also reading a lot and so many acronyms I do not understand what so ever haha (it'll come with time I guess).
Was just wondering on some recommendations on a parlor that maybe you wished you went to the first time. I live in the Tabor area and something close to that would be preferred.
Also how would I go about the wording on the phone when making the appointment? Anything specific I should ask to see if they "offer."
I'm a 30 M and would like to keep it in that range if possible.
I see I should have 200 on me and that's no problem.
Thanks ahead of time, all your reviews has been very helpful.
[QUOTE=Slife2269;6149257]
Also how would I go about the wording on the phone when making the appointment? Anything specific I should ask to see if they "offer."
[/QUOTE]Phone? Appointment? You're wayyyyy overthinking this. NEVER EVER call and ask what services are provided, that's really up to the girl. She can veto it if she doesn't like you. But the process is simple.
Pick a place and just show up. Be VERY clean (scrub those balls and that asshole!) if you're uncircumcised make sure you've got that cleaned up too, no two-week-old dick cheese in there. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, just smell decent, clean breath.
When you arrive you'll be asked for the door fee. Pay it. You might want to do an hour first time out so you have a little more time to flirt if the girl is not aggressive, but more generally 30 min is a better investment. That's been discussed here plenty.
She will lead you to a room. Strip NUDE and lay on table. Do not cover up. At all. Lay bare-assed on table. Feels weird the first time but be confident. This is a signal that you know what's up. When girl comes in be friendly and say yes, you've been before but it's been awhile. The girl you saw was maybe named cici or lala but you don't remember. When she rubs give ooh and ahh land "that feels so good". When she's standing by your head start the flirting by rubbing her legs and mmm some more, and " that feels so nice" and "you are pretty". She'll take it from there.
99% of the game is building rapport with the girl. Be friendly, crack a joke or two and if she finds you easy to get along with and hygienically good then good things will happen naturally. Be a dick or condescending and they won't. A good part of the game is finding someone you click with and really enjoy so your first time out might be underwhelming.
I don't party on the east side but you should be able to find a likely place based on the reviews here.
Good luck!
[QUOTE=k__rat;6149460]Phone? Appointment? You're wayyyyy overthinking this. NEVER EVER call and ask what services are provided, that's really up to the girl. She can veto it if she doesn't like you. But the process is simple.
Pick a place and just show up. Be VERY clean (scrub those balls and that asshole!) if you're uncircumcised make sure you've got that cleaned up too, no two-week-old dick cheese in there. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, just smell decent, clean breath.
When you arrive you'll be asked for the door fee. Pay it. You might want to do an hour first time out so you have a little more time to flirt if the girl is not aggressive, but more generally 30 min is a better investment. That's been discussed here plenty.
She will lead you to a room. Strip NUDE and lay on table. Do not cover up. At all. Lay bare-assed on table. Feels weird the first time but be confident. This is a signal that you know what's up. When girl comes in be friendly and say yes, you've been before but it's been awhile. The girl you saw was maybe named cici or lala but you don't remember. When she rubs give ooh and ahh land "that feels so good". When she's standing by your head start the flirting by rubbing her legs and mmm some more, and " that feels so nice" and "you are pretty". She'll take it from there.
99% of the game is building rapport with the girl. Be friendly, crack a joke or two and if she finds you easy to get along with and hygienically good then good things will happen naturally. Be a dick or condescending and they won't. A good part of the game is finding someone you click with and really enjoy so your first time out might be underwhelming.
I don't party on the east side but you should be able to find a likely place based on the reviews here.
Good luck![/QUOTE]Excellent advice. I'll add to lay face down at first, let her get comfortable with you. Don't talk loud, and when the time comes for the flip and possible extras, gestures and that type of sign language is more discreet. Let things flow naturally, you will be more comfortable and so will the girl on future visits. Don't be disappointed if the majority of women you meet are in their late 30's to mid 40's.
I'm looking for BBW-sized ladies with a large backside. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
[QUOTE=Slife2269;6149257]
Also how would I go about the wording on the phone when making the appointment? Anything specific I should ask to see if they "offer."
[/QUOTE]You will NEVER get good info over the phone. It amazes me that people try. I actually don't mind providers answering their phones while working on me and I've often been amused by their end of the conversations:
"No, we only do professional massage here" - stated while her free hand was wrapped around my copilot.
"Sorry, we don't do happy ending here" - said while completely naked and about to put a cover on me.
[QUOTE=Slife2269;6149257]
Also how would I go about the wording on the phone when making the appointment? Anything specific I should ask to see if they "offer."
I'm a 30 M and would like to keep it in that range if possible.
Thanks ahead of time, all your reviews has been very helpful.[/QUOTE]Good luck finding a 30's provider. Most reviews underestimate the age of the provider. When you lay down on the table position your hands in front of your head like your are holding on to the edge of the table. When she gets in front of you to rub your back if she pushes her body into your hands start exploring with your hands. If she does not take your hands away she is good to go for extras.
I stopped by today and there were two older women who were not even close to matching the description of the girls in this report. They were dressed conservatively with full length dresses.
Plus, this shop is in a strip mall right next door to a law office. I kind of doubt the types of noises described in this report would be tolerated around there.
There are plenty of much, MUCH better options around, than what I encountered while checking this place out. No, I did not stay.
[QUOTE=MrBigPdx;6147199]Today I was randomly in Keizer. On my way home I drove past a new place so I decided to check it out. (River rd and Keizer. Right across from Caliber Collision. It's in a business strip mall in front of apartments. Kind of a weird location but discreet, so that's a plus. I walk in and wait. No one comes out for a couple of minutes but I can tell all doors of the rooms are shut so they must be busy. Anyhow, not in any rush so I just chill in the waiting room for about 5 minutes when this young girl comes out of a room and is smoking. Nice rack, pretty face, thin, must be around 22-24, and was wearing a little plaid skirt. What was crazy is that she must have been having so much fun with one of you, she forgot to put on her panties. I didn't see this at first, but she bent over to get me a water and right there was the most beautiful, completely waxed, tight box. So hot. Her shirt was buttoned but barely and she was nippin hard. I could see her tits easily and damn I was immediately ready. She told me that she and the other girl both had about 20 minutes left with customers. I had nothing to do so she led me back to a room that was in between the rooms that were occupied. I could tell the girl that greeted me was having fun when I showed up her face was red, she was a bit sweaty on her forehead. Anyhow, while I'm getting comfortable in my room, two of you guys were having fun in yours. I could hear the girl who greeted me (let's call her girl #1) moaning saying, "suck my pussy, suck me baby" while in the next room #2 was getting pounded. I mean just loud slapping and heavy panting. The walls are paper thin so I feel like I'm at a porn theater or something LOL. #1 then said something to the effect of "let me ride you". And #2 say "fuck me with your big cock". Absolutely crazy. I'm not one for sloppy seconds but I'm not going to lie, it was pretty wild. I listened to #1 & #2 get destroyed for a solid 18 minutes or so. Anyhow to my surprise, #2 came in my room. She was short, small little titties, but had a great bubble butt and really pretty smile. She was wearing a very short skirt, almost like a tube top. I'd guess she's in her early 30's. She looked like she was exhausted but I was ready to rock and I'm big LOL. Took my time during my 60 minutes. I'm sure she'll be sore tomorrow but you can tell she loves it. Anyhow, standard pricing, young / er hotties, and a lot of fun. Was told #3 is coming October 1st. Didn't get any names. This is the only reason to come to Keizer LOL. Good luck![/QUOTE]
I prefer 60 minutes because I actually like getting a real massage. Also maybe gives the girl time to get more comfortable with you?
It's not even necessary to flirt. I prefer to let the girl take the lead, let her concentrate on the massage. If she changes to some touching that is obviously more sensual, then it's game on to show her you like it by reciprocating.
After the flip she will probably ask what you want and then it's time to negotiate.
And yes, please no loud taking. I doubt the girl appreciates it and the other guys who have to listen to it sure don't.
Oh and don't let the little head do the thinking for you and take the first girl you see. If you are presented with a grandma, tell them you were just checking prices and will come back later. If they can't bring a decent girl from the back room, bail and find another place. Make a list of several possible locations near each other so you have something to fall back on. This is probably the most important advice.
[QUOTE=k__rat;6149460]Phone? Appointment? You're wayyyyy overthinking this. NEVER EVER call and ask what services are provided, that's really up to the girl. She can veto it if she doesn't like you. But the process is simple.
Pick a place and just show up. Be VERY clean (scrub those balls and that asshole!) if you're uncircumcised make sure you've got that cleaned up too, no two-week-old dick cheese in there. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, just smell decent, clean breath.
When you arrive you'll be asked for the door fee. Pay it. You might want to do an hour first time out so you have a little more time to flirt if the girl is not aggressive, but more generally 30 min is a better investment. That's been discussed here plenty.
She will lead you to a room. Strip NUDE and lay on table. Do not cover up. At all. Lay bare-assed on table. Feels weird the first time but be confident. This is a signal that you know what's up. When girl comes in be friendly and say yes, you've been before but it's been awhile. The girl you saw was maybe named cici or lala but you don't remember. When she rubs give ooh and ahh land "that feels so good". When she's standing by your head start the flirting by rubbing her legs and mmm some more, and " that feels so nice" and "you are pretty". She'll take it from there.
99% of the game is building rapport with the girl. Be friendly, crack a joke or two and if she finds you easy to get along with and hygienically good then good things will happen naturally. Be a dick or condescending and they won't. A good part of the game is finding someone you click with and really enjoy so your first time out might be underwhelming.
I don't party on the east side but you should be able to find a likely place based on the reviews here.
Good luck![/QUOTE]
On the East side, Hollywood and Wonderland, same owner, seems to have a monopoly on the younger <30 girls. They used to have some really nice girls there but some of the recent ones are greedy with a bad attitude.
[QUOTE=OneOne9;6149664]Good luck finding a 30's provider. Most reviews underestimate the age of the provider. When you lay down on the table position your hands in front of your head like your are holding on to the edge of the table. When she gets in front of you to rub your back if she pushes her body into your hands start exploring with your hands. If she does not take your hands away she is good to go for extras.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Joepdx;6149709]On the East side, Hollywood and Wonderland, same owner, seems to have a monopoly on the younger <30 girls. They used to have some really nice girls there but some of the recent ones are greedy with a bad attitude.[/QUOTE]The problem with those two places is they are not known for full service. I'm under the pressure that the gentleman wanting to go for his first visit was hoping for a home run, based on him mentioning he's bringing 200 with him.
The good news is, he can score at eight out of 10 places that have been reviewed here, especially the ones on my long list with the title "reality check".
- First time visit to Massage Oak in Hillsboro. Looks like this place just opened this week. Parking in the back but you need to walk around to the front door to get in. Place was clean and the sheets smelled fresh washed. $70 for 60 minutes and they have a table shower that I did not see or try.
- Next first: I had NO interest in extras. I am pretty open minded (age / body) and will partake if offered, but today was a big NO. The lady / grandma was wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt that said and didn't gardener any extras. Back massage was a 4 out of 10. No teasing and honestly I was totall not feeling it. On the flip she asked if I wanted a standard and I. For the first time said no thanks. Got the full hour but even for just a massage, wasn't worth it. Tipped 20.
Now when I came in I did see a hint of another girl and I was hopeful that I could at least give a review, saying to ask for her. But, on my way out, I got a good look, and she was 10 times worse looking then who I got. SMH.
So, just a heads-up. Maybe wait till they will get better girls. Or won't.
[QUOTE=Aeris420;6149564]I'm looking for BBW-sized ladies with a large backside. Any input would be greatly appreciated.[/QUOTE]I've never seen anything close to that at the AMPs I've been to. I wouldn't mind finding a provider with some huge floppy tits to play with even if she's BBW but again, nothing close to that has shown up on the AMPs. Post if you find one. Sometimes a change of pace can be fun.
[QUOTE=k__rat;6149914]I've never seen anything close to that at the AMPs I've been to. I wouldn't mind finding a provider with some huge floppy tits to play with even if she's BBW but again, nothing close to that has shown up on the AMPs. Post if you find one. Sometimes a change of pace can be fun.[/QUOTE]Just how big and nasty would you like. Do you want FS or just a handy and would 45-50 yo work? A big ass usually comes with a big gut.