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HOBO gets back alley BJ, then takes off as he cums in record time, with cash still in hand.
[url]http://efukt.com/20880_Hobo_Outwits_Prostitute_[CLASSIC].html[/url]
Very funny video about a blow-up doll.
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-Irs1ewDoM&feature=player_embedded[/url]
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said,"I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy,"what is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's. '
Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds."
Two couples were playing poker one evening.
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there? ' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500. 'After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 pm Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 pm
Sharp. And after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500. They went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 pm And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon? ' With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon. ' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500? ' Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500. ' Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me.
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back. ' Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player.
The madam opened the brothel door
And saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late
Forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied,"I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies.
Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the
Madam.
He replied,"No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man
She charged $5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five
Thousand Dollars and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more
Demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two
Nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still
$5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to
Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third
Consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a
Row.
Where are you from?"
The man replied," Hobart"
"Really," she said."I have family in Hobart."
"I know." the man said."Your sister died, and I
Am her Lawyer.
She asked me to give you your $15, 000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life
Are certain:
1. Death.
2. Taxes.
3. Being screwed by a lawyer!
[url]http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7295d2feed[/url]
A chicken farmer went to a local bar. Sat next to a woman and
Ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of
Champagne, too! '
'What a coincidence' the chicken farmer says. 'This is a special day for
Me. I am celebrating'
'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating! ' says the woman.
'What a coincidence! ' says the chicken farmer! As they clinked glasses
The man asked, 'What are you celebrating? '
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my
Gynecologist told me that I am pregnant! '
'What a coincidence, ' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years
All of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized
Eggs. '
'That's great! ' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile? '
'I used a different cock, ' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence. '
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here. This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot'. That is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying a really bad word.
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong? ' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
A while back, when I was considerably younger and single, I picked up a lovely date at her parents' home.
I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant.
She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster Patron. Champagne.
I asked her,"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?"
"No," she replied."But my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight."
I said "Would you care for dessert? '
An Israeli glamour model is recovering after a boa constrictor bit her chest and died of silicon poisoning as a result.
[url]http://www.thejc.com/news/israel-news/46612/snake-has-kiss-death-israeli-model[/url]
A guy goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,"Do you have the new book for men with short penises? I can't remember the title."
She replies,"I'm not sure if it's in yet."
The man says,"That's the one".
A little off topic, but still humorous.
This "prostitute" dates a judge 8 times then busts him by secretly videotaping him. Claiming she performed oral sex on him against her will.
"A criminal complaint said the prostitute told police that she had visited Murdoch approximately eight times in his home after he answered an online personals ad and exchanged money for sexual acts."
[url]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43827814/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/[/url]
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier." Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room,"and Gentlemen, remember. You're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her".
The room suddenly went very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
"Yes?" answered the Instructor.
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed. '
Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! '
St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken. '
Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here? '
'Not bad, ' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm going to explode! '
'You're ovulating, ' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '
'Never, ' said Ed.
'Well, just relax and let it happen, ' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. '
He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg. His joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard."Ed, wake up! You shit the bed!"
Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!