[QUOTE=Steve PA; 1225955]November Bikini Gentleman's Club. That's actually what is scrawled on the outside wall. I haven't been here since 2008 but now I remember why! It is surreal! Got there at 8:30 and I'm the only guy there, now think "Apocalypse Now" *when Martin Sheen finally meets Kurtz (Marlon Brando) and Kurtz whispers "the Horror". Its dark hot humid. The female Asian owner is shooting pool with herself, there are 2 bikini dancers: one nameless 45 year old with the body of an 11 year old no ass no tits screaming into her cell phone,"Well fuck you too" repeatedly and Candy the one who had a baby 9 months ago and now looks to be 3 months along introduced herself and showed me her smart phone collection of Johnny Depp photos while professing her love of Captain Jack Sparrow, let's call this her manic phase, We chatted and I found out that no matters how many kids she has Child Services keeps taking them. Now they have all 3. As she was speeding through this tale she says buy me a beer and then I'll give you a great dance. She has the been and enters her Depressive phase. So on to the VIP where she said I got in trouble last Saturday because I was so drunk I was dancing nude and doing stuff and I almost got fired! I told her Bing Bing her boss said it was OK because the boss and me are old friends. Candy takes off bikini jumps on me and is really into it. She asked is that your finger in there? She was sharp like on jeopardy the $10 question in the Objects up my snatch. Ever the boyscout I place on my cover and she's bouncing, the closest person is 50 feet away the music is blaring and she says you I'm exclusive with my boyfriend, her phone rang and she said she had to get it because it was her lawyer, and sat on me still and starts to cry and stands up. The state wants to severe her parental rights and put her kids up for adoption. She says buy me another beer, I told her I had to go. She said that's too bad but after Court on Friday I'll be working are you coming back? I lied! As I was saying bye to Bing 3 400 pound lesbians came in, hey everyone has to live, they where sitting in a circle and the 45/11 year old was sitting on their faces, going in order. I was beginning to believe I was in an alternate dimension but as the lights on Prince came into view I knew I was home. Dorothy is right there's no place like home.
Results: November is less strip club than a quick view of what an Insane Asylum is, but with a pinch of "The Carnival of Lost Souls" added YMMV. If you go buy Candy a beer![/QUOTE]What. The fuck. Did I just read? LOL