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1. I fucked a girl in Japan. She screamed,"I feel the earth move and I'm getting wet."
2. I was talking to my Japanese real estate agent. I said 'is there a school in this area. ' She said 'not now, but just wait."
3. What does every Japanese person have in their apartment? Flood lights.
4. I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, 'They'll be another one floating by any minute now. '
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are the only animals that stutter', she says.
A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! '
'That must've been scary', said the teacher.
'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'. And before he could say 'Fuck', the Rottweiler ate him! '
Two nuns go walking in a park. At one point two men jump out and drag them into the bushes. As the men proceed to accost them one of the nuns looks up to the heavens and says "forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he does". The other nun leans over to her and says "mine does".
My wife and I were at home watching TV. I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
She became more and more annoyed and finally said: "For God's sake, leave it on the porn channel! You already.
Know how to fish!"
[url]http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073&embed[/url]
Can't resist a good BJ.
[url]http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=0f461a6a8d[/url]
[QUOTE=Gdlint; 1160039][url]http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=3073&embed[/url][/QUOTE]That is the most interesting chart I have seen in a good while. Had to do an inches to centimeter conversion to see how I measured up (pun intended).
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques.
She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband.
Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the lady doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And that will now be your new career! '
At this the woman broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought. '
Slide show of Superfans that take their obsession to a whole new level. First guy is pretty crazy looking to start with. His entire upper body is covered in Julia Roberts tattoos.
[url]http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/Crazy-Superfans-11813.gallery?gt1=28148[/url]
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, nor ***** and loved to have sex!
But it was a long, long time ago, and it was just that one Day!
[QUOTE=Lombardo; 1160446]Can't resist a good BJ.
[url]http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=0f461a6a8d[/url][/QUOTE]Was that show from Mad TV?
[QUOTE=Columbo1492; 1160788]Slide show of Superfans that take their obsession to a whole new level. First guy is pretty crazy looking to start with. His entire upper body is covered in Julia Roberts tattoos.
[url]http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/Crazy-Superfans-11813.gallery?gt1=28148[/url]
[/QUOTE]This one doesn't make sense to me:
[quote][i]Manchester resident Darren Hassall is such a fan of Madonna that, as of 2008, he has gone to 68 of her concerts since becoming a fan in 1990. Hassall follows Madonna around the world as she tours often traveling throughout Japan, Europe and the United States[/i][/quote]Wow, a whole 68 shows in 18 years. The average Deadhead did that over a summer.
[url]http://www.targetmap.com/viewer.aspx?reportId=5285[/url]
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this? '
'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish. '
This shit is funny as hell!
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyLSstqMvH8[/url]