Jokes & Humorous Stories

[QUOTE=A John; 1114445]Fire Fighter of the Year.

[url]http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=video&file=firefighteroftheyear.wmv[/url]

[/QUOTE]There is no video at this link

Paris Hilton used her nipples to carve the Christmas turkey

Did you hear the one about the guy with 5 penises?

His underwear fit him like a glove.

[url]http://instantrimshot.com/[/url]

How cold is it?

[QUOTE=Animalatnight;1116719]Paris Hilton used her nipples to carve the Christmas turkey[/QUOTE]
[url]http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=downer[/url]

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire. '

The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.

Look what it has done to me Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner? '

The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up And I am taking over. '

The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop. '

The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair,

I will give you a head start. '

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking And running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and.

- BOOM. He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit. Third gay rooster I bought this week. '

Moral of this Story? .

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS. Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery Always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE

[url]http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=rooster[/url]

Our little girl is growing up! BIRTHDAY REMINDER

This week we celebrate a special birthday.

Monica Lewinsky turns 44. Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,

Putting everything in her mouth.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

[url]http://instantrimshot.com/index.php?sound=yeehaw[/url]

Merry Christman from the Second Amendment.

[url]http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=video&file=MerryChristmas__fromthe2ndAmendment.wmv[/url]

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security.

Terrorist Discovered 0.

Transvestites 133.

Hernia's 1,485.

Hemeroid Cases 3,172.

Enlarged Prostates 8,249.

Breast Implants 59,350.

Natural Blondes 3

This link keeps coming up dead. It's not helping your joke John.

[QUOTE=A John; 1117778]Merry Christman from the Second Amendment.

[url]http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=video&file=MerryChristmas__fromthe2ndAmendment.wmv[/url][/QUOTE]

[url]http://www.chilloutzone.net/video/wrong-hole-song.html[/url]

Thanks Gdlint, Lucky Gene said somthing the other day as well. Not sure WTF is happend, does anyone have in put on converting Vidos?

[QUOTE=Gdlint;1117791]This link keeps coming up dead. It's not helping your joke John.[/QUOTE]

Today it was working. YourFileHost has a bandwidth allowed for files per day. Once you pass that you have to wait.

[QUOTE=A John;1118627]Thanks Gdlint, Lucky Gene said somthing the other day as well. Not sure WTF is happend, does anyone have in put on converting Vidos?[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Richmond Fotog;1118631]Today it was working. YourFileHost has a bandwidth allowed for files per day. Once you pass that you have to wait.[/QUOTE]If you're posting a video that doesn't have adult only content or doesn't violate YouTube's agreement, then post it there.

They always have plenty of Band Width.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQqT98BN-MU[/url]

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqVEp1Nqbt8[/url]

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvMdEsoqgJ8&feature=related[/url]

How Spain stops a terrorist.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjK8sYLSgog&playnext=1&list=PLA13C44355CB4807C&index=26[/url]

[QUOTE=Richmond Fotog;1118631]Today it was working. YourFileHost has a bandwidth allowed for files per day. Once you pass that you have to wait.[/QUOTE]Thanks

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello,"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2, 000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90, 000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980, 000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900, 000. They'll probably.

Take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks,"Anyone know who's phone

This is?"