Post of the year! Funniest EVER
[QUOTE=PhatDaty;1959558]I already contribute to several charities. This is more about putting to rest who the best pussy eater in the city is, so you are damn straight, I am chest pounding.[/QUOTE]There has got to be something in the water in SinSinati. You guys are the most ass backwards egomaniacs I have ever seen. I think Jerry Springer put a spell on your guys and made you live a life full of shennanigans you have the most outrageous posts and ideas I have ever read in my entire 25 years of mongering.
Does that D stand for Dumb?
[QUOTE=DGoesDown;1960277]Two men were walking in the woods when they came upon a bear. The bear gave chase and as the two men were running for their lives, one said to the other" we have to outrun this fucking bear" to which the other man replied" I just have to outrun you ". Your statement is a true comparison. Whomever wins isn't the best in the city. They are just better than you or vice versa. As for the above comment, you just can't help but show your ass can you?[/QUOTE]As anyone that has actually spent time in the wilderness will tell you, that is a stupid saying. Besides you got the saying wrong along with the poor spelling and grammar.
There are two versions:
Each involves a guide.
In the first version, the guide instructs the other man on about not being able to outrun a bear (which is indeed is very true if you have ever seen one in person be it black, brown, grizzly, or polar, they are some fast bastards when motivated). When they encounter the bear, the guide calmly sits down and replaces his heavy hiking boots with track shoes and the poor fellow gets the same response that you gave: "I just have to out run you.
In the second version, the one the Alaskans tell, it involves a naive person loading a .357 into his pack. The guide tells him it will be useless unless he has several fast loaders, as even with an expert shot, it will most likely bounce off their very thick frontal skull and just piss the bear off. Later they encounter a bear. The guide once again calmly sits down and reaches into his pack and pulls out a small .22 pistol. The man asks him what he is going to do with that if even a .357 won't drop a bear. The guide smiles at him and shoots him in both knees: "I just have to out run you.
Both of these are silly stories though. I was taught how to deal with bears by an experienced Doyon Inuit Eskimo a long time ago:
You don't have to outrun the bear or your companion. If at first you can't scare it off simply buy banging a stick and ringing a bear bell (which every hiker in deep wilderness should carry), you just throw salmon jerky at it (which you keep sealed until you need it) then toss the rest to each side of the trail and simply walk calmly further down the trail. It will leave you alone because it will busily search the brush for hours for the scattered scent.
It works like a charm. I have done it several times, once in Denali, once in Yosemite, and once in Boone National Forest.
Merry Christmas, even if you are often a douche.