Jokes & Humorous Stories

[QUOTE=A John; 1106596]SEX AFTER SURGERY?

A surgeon went to check on his blonde patient

After an operation. She was awake, so he examined her.

"You'll be fine," he said.

She asked,"How long will it be before I am able

To have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause,

Which alarmed the girl.

"What's the matter Doctor?

I will be alright, won't I?"

He replied,"Yes, you'll be fine.

It's just that no one has ever asked me that

After having their tonsils out."[/QUOTE]She could probably have started out immediately. They give one ice cream to sooth the throat, why not let her try some warm cum?

Miserable ***** doesn't even deserve this.

After more than 40 years, the VietNam Veterans of the United States of America raised a phenomenal amount of money to memorialize one of Hollywood's loyal American citizens who went out of her way to aid and abet the enemy and congratulate them on their treatment of USA POW's.

This memorial says it all!

I get all teary eyed when I see this.

Mr. Bean:

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J5xs2ukksE&feature=grec_index[/url]

[url]http://www.archive.org/details/vd_is_for_everybody[/url]

67 year old Vietnam Vet gets harrassed by a punk on the bus.

DON'T PICK ON WHAT YOU THINK IS JUST AN OLD LOOKING PERSON!

[url]http://www.youjotube.com/watch/bLQ3mXqAq_Y[/url]

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank. '

Passenger: 'Who? '

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time. '

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody. '

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.

Passenger: Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right. '

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then. '

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake.

No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman. '

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him? '

Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died and I married his fuckin wife. '

Best divorce Letter Ever!

Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the

Doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.

Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.

Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.

About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,

'Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

Could we please do it one more time? '

Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch.

And realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.

He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,

'Honey, please. Just one more time before I die. '

She says, 'Of course, Dear, '

And they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

Morris, however, worried about his impending death,

Tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses.

'Honey, I have only 4 more hours.

Do you think we could. '

At this point the wife sits up and says,

'Listen Morris, enough is enough I have to

Get up in the morning. You don't. '

Merry Christmas from Fatboygetdown. LOL.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3zGlmYMJvk[/url]

On behalf of all of us that just went blind, thanks!

Hahahhahahha!

[QUOTE=Lurker X; 1109758]Merry Christmas from Fatboygetdown. LOL.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3zGlmYMJvk[/url]

[/QUOTE]

White Women's Workout.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yuFy_qjolU[/url]

[QUOTE=Lurker X; 1106272]These guys actually talk some young soldier kid into drinking his own piss and eating his own shit by convincing him it's the best protection against the H1N1 virus!

Using a fake name, Brown told Samuel he was calling from the motel's front desk. Claiming that, 'we've got a bit of a situation that needs your attention at this point, ' Brown told Samuel that the prior occupant of his room 'has just reported to us that they have contracted the H1N1 flu virus. ' Samuel replied, 'Oh, shit. ' Brown went on to say that, 'we are in contact now with the hospital and the doctor and that they're telling us that our normal standard sanitation procedures may not have killed entirely the virus. '

[url]http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/internet/vile-phone-prank-pulled-iraq-vet[/url]

[/QUOTE]Now the soldier is too embarrassed to press charges.

[url]http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/tariq-malik/soldier-victimized-vile-phone-prank-too-embarrassed-press-criminal-charges[/url]

Now, here's a football game I could get into!

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDWNZ_pk3_E&feature=player_embedded#[/url]

This girl can really call a turkey.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYfDnc42wog[/url]

Somebody has a good lawsuit here.

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeo-xyY8nt8&feature=youtube_gdata_player[/url]