The Most Functional English Word
Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, (or duck when the shit hits the fan) .
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without any shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head..........
Well, Shit Happens!!!
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Catholic Church to Combat Sexual Predator Choirboys with Burqas
From the news:
Catholic church to combat sexual predator choirboys with burqas
The Vatican has announced today that to tackle the problem of Catholic priests being given the come-on by pre-pubescent choirboys in revealing robes, choristers will now be required to wear the more sober burqa traditionally worn by Muslim women.
I think we all accept that in hindsight, the customary cassock and surplice probably hasnt done priests any favours, said Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi today. Those flowing robes, allowing mischievous boys to flash their innocent, winsome smiles on vulnerable priests, have much to answer for in the systematic corruption of the priesthood. These honest, red-blooded celibates often have to carry out their holy work in extremely testing circumstances even Jesus might not have fared so well in the desert had the devil had access to a trainee monks habit.
A Vatican study shows that over time the average drop of the choristers robe has reduced, with many now clearing the floor by as much as two or three inches, enough to provide the attentive onlooker with the occasional eyeful of ankle. The study also found that 91% of priests felt choirboys were asking for it by dressing in such a provocative way, a suspicion confirmed by many also being involved in the under-age drinking of alcohol during Mass.
The introduction of burqas for choirboys is just one of a number of proposals to combat allegations of priest-taunting by organised choral gangs. The Pope has personally approved a policy of moving on victimised priests to other dioceses known for the ugliness of their children, and the Catholic church is introducing a new back-to-the-floor programme in which priests will spend time volunteering with groups involved in tackling similar problems, such as Scout leaders and PE teachers.
However, the launch of the new choirboys uniform has not been without its problems. The first batch of burqas had to be recalled after a choirboy allegedly gained access to design consultant Cardinal Ottaviani and insisted on the garment having a couple of Holy Communion holes to allow for the admission and evacuation of the body of Christ. It is another example of what we are up against, sighed the Cardinal. But rest assured, the chorister in question has been taken in hand as part of our new disciplinary regime. I wouldnt be surprised if he cant even bring himself to sit with the others on those hard wooden pews tonight.
