THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked it."
(Editorial Note: Of course, who hasn't paid big time on occassion for a love that was lost?!)
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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked it."
(Editorial Note: Of course, who hasn't paid big time on occassion for a love that was lost?!)
Hello,,,
This is said at the front door often wearing bra & miniskirt, no panties.
You been here before?
You want Massagee? Always pronounce the e in massage as long e. $60 house She's not in real estate. This is just the entry/door charge.
Wow, you very strong. When she comes back to the room and sees you naked. You may be a runt. It means you have a big penis. Not all girls say this (or maybe it is just they don't all say it to me).
You want shower? Meaning a table shower.
Ulie Facedown Username of an esteemed RI member. Also position to assume.
Turnover Not the dessert pastry. Roll over, rover.
You like? (as she gently touches penis) Say no and say bye bye to extras.
Get up Off the shower table so she can towell you off [repeat Ulie Facedown, Turnover for massage]
What you Want? If you just look stupid, easy for some of us, you may get:
You want Everything? Meaning at least CBJ and FS.
Upayminow Not a town in Pennsylvania. She wants you to pay her now.
More Ante up, you cheap bastard.
Over? Not the end. She wants to know if you want a turn on top.
You pop? She's not asking if you're a father. Have you come/cum yet?
I'll be back An Arnold Schwarzenegger imitation or she's getting a hot towel.
You come back see me soon You're so lucky having sexy me service you.
Bye Bye He likes me, he really likes me. Sally Fields move over.
K-girls speak their 2nd or 3rd language much better than we mongers speak our first. Monger responses: um, Hi,, um, yes, um, OK, um, thanks..55
[QUOTE=Headfirst]THOUGHT FOR THE DAY !
"It is better to have loved and lost than to have paid for it and not liked it."
(Editorial Note: Of course, who hasn't paid big time on occassion for a love that was lost?!)[/QUOTE]It is better to have paid for it and sent it home than to have loved and lost.
LoveLOS
Why do women have legs? So they don't leave snail marks in the sand.
Today being me and the Mrs. wedding anniversary and it was 3 pm already and I had forgot all about it she said I'm going shopping and when I get home there better be a big box in the driveway with something that goes 0-200in 6 seconds.Well later when she arrived there it was,she couldnt wait so she tore into the box and found a set of bathroom scales. Shes my ex-wife now.
Men Strike Back !
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.-
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy .
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
God created woman perfect from the waist up, from the waist down was man made by an italian, who else would put a shit house next to a snack bar.
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.
"And what will your third wish be? "
The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet? "
"You have had two wishes already, " the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left. "
"Okay, " said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads. "
"Sheesh! I wish you'd make up your mind, " said the genie as he granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too! "
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember ...
1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
3. The difference between the Pope and your boss...the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.
12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
14. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided the brothel and took all the girls outside and made them line up.
Suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear? "
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, Lulu told her that the police were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself, " Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it, old girl? "
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck 'em' dry. "
The policeman fainted.
The World's Shortest Books:
***********************
FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________
MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno _________________________________________________
ALL THE WOMEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Barney Frank (D-Mass) ____________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
_________________________________
Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________
MY LITTLE BOOK OF
PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT
DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
__________________________________
THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_______________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
___________________________________
A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
________________________________
ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
_________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
______________________________________
DELICIOUS SPOTTED
OWL RECIPES
b y PETA
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
Lies I've told the American People
by George W. Bush
Ways to Steal from the American TaxPayer
by Haliburton Press
Buckshot Removal for Dummies
by Dick Cheney
I'm the Most Arrogant, Deluded Prick in the World
by Rush Limbaugh
No, I'm the Most Arrogant, Deluded Prick in the World
by Donald Rumsfeld
and a children's book:
What does "deluded" mean?
by George W. Bush
[QUOTE=Crash11]
No, I'm the Most Arrogant, Deluded Prick in the World
by Donald Rumsfeld
I met Joe Theismann he takes the cake
The young hooker reports for her first day at the brothel. The madam says to her, "Do you have any questions?"
The hooker replies, " Yes, I was wondering how long penises should be sucked?" The madam says, "The same as the short ones."
There is a morning radio show where the host calls a husband and asks three questions, next the host calls the wife and asks the same questions. If she answers the same as her husband did, then the couple wins a prize. The story goes as follows.
First, the host called the husband.
Host: "How often do you have sex?"
Husband: "3 times a week"
Host: "When is the last time you had sex?"
Husband: "This morning."
Host: "Where?"
Husband: "In the kitchen."
Then the host called the wife, while leaving the husband connected.
Host: "How often do you have sex?"
Wife: "3 times a week."
Host: "When is the last time you had sex?"
Wife: "This morning."
Host: "Where?"
The wife hesitates...
Husband (intervening): "Go ahead Honey, its OK."
Wife (sheepishly): "In the ass...."