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[QUOTE=Bad Bad Boy]My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big ugly red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a freaking diamond.
BBB[/QUOTE]
why did you write this in the first person context? People could easily misconstrue this post.
Dec 4, 2:37 PM EST
[b]Plane diverted after passengers smell burning matches[/b]
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) -- An American Airline flight bound for Dallas-Fort Worth was diverted in Nashville after passengers reported smelling burning matches.
Airport officials had 99 passengers and five crew members disembark the plane after it landed around 6:40 a.m. Monday, Nashville Airport Authority spokeswoman Lynne Lowrance said.
The plane, which was en route from Reagan National Airport in Washington, was searched and luggage was screened.
Matches were found in the seat of one passenger, who was detained and questioned by the FBI. The matches were safety matches allowed in carry-on luggage under Transportation Security Administration rules.
"It turned out she was trying to conceal body odor," Lowrance said.
The woman, who was not identified, was released without being charged, but was not allowed back on an American Airlines flight.
The remaining passengers were screened, and the plane resumed its flight around 10:30 a.m.
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A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Home Depot customers.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.
On the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Nov 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.
1. What's the quickest answer most Americans would give when asked to name three Brazilians?
Lindsay, Britney and Paris.
2. What do Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan all have in common with your local library?
They're "open" to the public.
3. What did George Bush Sr. say that is similar to the recent "statement" made by Britney Spears?
Bush Sr. said "Read my lips... No new taxes!" Britney said "Freed my lips... Show you waxes!
4. What do Britney, Paris and Lindsay all have in common with naked mole rats?
They have tunnels with no fur, and people are shocked when they see one come up for air.
5. What do Paris, Lindsay and Britney have in common with the Grand Canyon?
Well explored wide open spaces that are better seen from a distance than up close.
[QUOTE=Bad Bad Boy]1. What's the quickest answer most Americans would give when asked to name three Brazilians?
Lindsay, Britney and Paris.
2. What do Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan all have in common with your local library?
They're "open" to the public.
3. What did George Bush Sr. say that is similar to the recent "statement" made by Britney Spears?
Bush Sr. said "Read my lips... No new taxes!" Britney said "Freed my lips... Show you waxes!
4. What do Britney, Paris and Lindsay all have in common with naked mole rats?
They have tunnels with no fur, and people are shocked when they see one come up for air.
5. What do Paris, Lindsay and Britney have in common with the Grand Canyon?
Well explored wide open spaces that are better seen from a distance than up close.[/QUOTE]
Sort of like this one:
Q. How is a blonde like a screen door?
A. The more often you bang it the looser it gets.
Guys, Listen to this!....
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oChizeNbViE&eurl=[/url]
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood.
When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing! "
She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up. "
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and when he comes back he says,
"Man! My hands are really freezing! "
She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up. " He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again,
"Honey, my hands are really freezing! "
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"
Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.
One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass."
Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.
Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.
"That's okay," the blonde replied, "If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fucking car."
Can you say "White Trash?"
[url]http://www.thedailytimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061204/NEWS/612040306&SearchID=73265833006433[/url]
By the way...they are being charged for their behaviour...and deservedly so.
One cannibal says to another cannibal,
"I hate my mother in law"
The other one replies,
"No biggie. Just eat the noodles."
If you see a fat man... Who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard
and a red flannel suit, and if he is chuckling and laughing away,
while flying around in a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer
to pull him along, then let's face it...
Your eggnog's too strong!
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she
Wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini
Line.
She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then
Instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with "Merry Christmas" up on her
Left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is
Getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, "If you don't mind,
Could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your
Thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that
there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
A blast from the past
Dean Martin & Foster Brooks
I thought maybe someone would like this one
Click here: YouTube - Dean Martin & Foster Brooks
(if this link doesn't work trying to one below)
[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3UDCoQnXjA[/url]
Why did the blonde ask her gynecologist for birth control pills?
Somebody told her that she was fucking herself.
Double Nickle
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow
goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is
as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."