Massage Parlor Reports

[QUOTE=VAmongerman;4833831]Especially at AMPs, the gates of heaven may not open for everyone. Also, reviews sometimes may be enhanced for various reasons. It really is YMMV and the presence of a super review does not alter the YMMV rule.[/QUOTE]This is so true. I've had people put me onto providers that they have smashed BB many times and were guaranteed good times. Then I give them a try and the girls act as if that has never been on the menu. It's a high risk low reward activity, so if you aren't vibing, you probably aren't going to get that. Back to the target at hand, I've seen Tori and had the experience that Bentaki had, but my list of misses is plenty long.

[QUOTE=FrankDigitola;4829746]I've been working from home while this quarantine has been going on. Due to the nature of my job though, I am required to travel to various offices around the area and this was the case this past week. I found myself close to the Maple Avenue area of Vienna also. There was a Chinese spot that I went to a few months ago that was really good. I got a great massage and a nice tugger there. Unfortunately they weren't answering the phone yesterday. A quick check of RM and no other real in depth research shows me that another establishment is very close. That establishment is I Spa.

I walk through the front door of the place and I am welcomed by the clang of what sounds like $593 worth of wind chimes hanging from the door knob. In hindsight I now know that the sound of those chimes were my audible cue that I was being whisked away to another realm. That door was like the door to the wardrobe leading to Narnia, although this place wasn't near as magical. The front door opens to a staircase. I ascend and I'm greeted at the top by two things.

The first thing I'm greeted by is the potent smell of recently cooked Chinese food. The second is a woman in her mid to late 50's who looks like the comic book version of the Joker. This lady was thin, gangling, had messy, stringy hair that was half pinned up and had a big Joker smile. She tells me that I can only have a hhr and leads me to the room. I pray she is mama. The room looked like the set of every crime scene from every "a hooker was strangled to death in this room by her panties" movie ever made. Dank walls, carpet, the room is lit up by red lights, and there is a couch in the room that was probably a prop from CSI SVU. The couch is old and covered in an old grubby sheet with an even grosser throw pillow. The massage table however is clean and smells of detergent.

In returns The Joker. But not going to lie. The Joker gave me a pretty good massage. She's decently strong and has good technique. She's nowhere near as good as the elites in the area, but she's good. Speaking of butt, The Joker began to tease there and do the ball and taint dance. I am hot toweled and flipped. She tickle teases the front with emphasis on my bozack and despite the view being lackluster I'm ready to go. She proceeds to give me a really nice Hugh Jackman. I place a hand on her ass but then quickly remove it. If I wanted pancakes I'd be at Cracker Barrel.

Eventually I shoot ropes everywhere and then The Joker got weird. She brought paper towels over to the table after grabbing lube for the tugger. But after I popped, she has the big Joker smile, grabs the pop with her finger tips and says "wow you shot X times" and picked it up off of me and played with it with her fingers for a few seconds before cleanup. Now, if one of the angels from the Hall of Fame would've done that would I have been weirded out? Maybe not. I may have gotten even harder and asked for another hhr. But her doing it with that Joker smile and face, in that generic, Netflix crime scene reenactment setting, convinced me that the food I smelled as I walked in was the last monger that visited 8 MM Narnia and I needed to go before The Joker realizes that she'd like to know what burly mulatto tastes like covered in Kung Pao sauce. I got up to get dressed and she told me I could sit on the couch that looks like it's covered in HIV and COVID-19 to put my shoes and stuff on. Little does she know, you couldn't pay me to sit on that couch. Well maybe you could. But it'd have to be enough to cover my inevitable clinical fees and buy a new project car.

If this level of vice sounds like your cup of tea, "I Spa Vienna" is the Google search and I paid 4 house and 4 to The Joker. Stay safe brahs.

Frankie.[/QUOTE]Frankie,

You write one hell of an entertaining report! Informative, too!

Off of a recommendation I traveled to FC to visit the spa. I did not know what to expect, so I chose a mixed option of services. There was only one masseuse (mid to late 40's), and I was not really attracted to her. Expecting nothing special, the massage seemed pretty legit and exceptional good, but the shower scrub seemed very professional at first. Sometime after the flip is when all of the excitement began. She gets on top and slides me slowly inside her and just sits there for a moment before we get into it. Afterwards, she cleaned me up and met me in the front professionally as a few women come into the spa for massages. So, this is another another case of YMMV, but I had a great time even though I may never return. Total provided $$5.

[QUOTE=BigCoolie;4835352]Off of a recommendation I traveled to FC to visit the spa. I did not know what to expect, so I chose a mixed option of services. There was only one masseuse (mid to late 40's), and I was not really attracted to her. Expecting nothing special, the massage seemed pretty legit and exceptional good, but the shower scrub seemed very professional at first. Sometime after the flip is when all of the excitement began. She gets on top and slides me slowly inside her and just sits there for a moment before we get into it. Afterwards, she cleaned me up and met me in the front professionally as a few women come into the spa for massages. So, this is another another case of YMMV, but I had a great time even though I may never return. Total provided $$5.[/QUOTE]Did she require a cover, or did she just pop it in?

[QUOTE=BigCoolie;4835352]Off of a recommendation I traveled to FC to visit the spa. I did not know what to expect, so I chose a mixed option of services. There was only one masseuse (mid to late 40's), and I was not really attracted to her. Expecting nothing special, the massage seemed pretty legit and exceptional good, but the shower scrub seemed very professional at first. Sometime after the flip is when all of the excitement began. She gets on top and slides me slowly inside her and just sits there for a moment before we get into it. Afterwards, she cleaned me up and met me in the front professionally as a few women come into the spa for massages. So, this is another another case of YMMV, but I had a great time even though I may never return. Total provided $$5.[/QUOTE]Excuse my ignorance, but FC? Don't recall what that is or seeing it on the board.

[QUOTE=Korman23;4835862]Excuse my ignorance, but FC? Don't recall what that is or seeing it on the board[/QUOTE]Falls Church. You can google fruit and spa. It will be the first one.

I thought that place was 100 percent legit.

Read in these pages that Angel spa in McLean was legit and I was looking for a good one. Stopped in and Michelle met in the lobby with no mask on. She's about 5'9" or so and wore a shirt that showed some midriff and white jeans. Into the room and onto the table. Her massage was pretty good, attentive but I've had better and the price was ok, . 7 or. 6 I can't remember. She really spent a lot of time on my butt which led me to believe, especially since her shirt was made for roaming, that I might just get a bit more that day but it wasn't to be. I wouldn't go out of my way to see her again but if I'm in the area I might stop in for a good butt rub.

Later that day I'm in Vienna and remembered I-Spa. In the mood for a bit of strange I stopped in there too and got the full load of chimes, Chinese food and a bit of cigarette smoke to round out the experience. Whatever he name is she's not the Joker but I'd swear I've seen that face carved into a jack o'lantern somewhere. Good thing she's fairly cheap, . 6, because her massage is clearly below par. She offered to give me some help at the end but steadfastly refused to let me roam. With a face like hers you'd expect her to want all the roaming she could get. "I guess a rock's out of the question. " Monger elsewhere.

PS No response from some PMs so could someone tell me if Jiji has natural tits? I'd like to know what FC is too.

[QUOTE=BigCoolie;4835352]Off of a recommendation I traveled to FC to visit the spa. I did not know what to expect, so I chose a mixed option of services. There was only one masseuse (mid to late 40's), and I was not really attracted to her. Expecting nothing special, the massage seemed pretty legit and exceptional good, but the shower scrub seemed very professional at first. Sometime after the flip is when all of the excitement began. She gets on top and slides me slowly inside her and just sits there for a moment before we get into it. Afterwards, she cleaned me up and met me in the front professionally as a few women come into the spa for massages. So, this is another another case of YMMV, but I had a great time even though I may never return. Total provided $$5.[/QUOTE]So I PMd for info as well, but started to dwell on this post because I'm a no good degenerate. But I'm a no good degenerate with a brain. So I started zoning in on the possibilities of spas in my data base with the abbreviation of FC or FC massage. But I came up empty. But I see here that coolie gave us a clue. He said fruity place. So then I'm thinking, well maybe this is a spa with some sort of fruit moniker. FC then isn't the name but the location. Falls Church. Sure enough with those clues in place I looked up spas in Falls church and came across Fruit Spa on Arlington Blvd. I remember passing by the place since it's close to seven therapy. Always figured it was legit. I tried to TOFFT and make an appt but they close at 7 pm which is unfortunate since I'm stuck at work. So if one of you brahs want to complete the mission for me, don't forget to hook me up with your findings.

GnS.

[QUOTE=SunCap3;4834308]Must be NYC thing. Women are too pushy and kills the atmosphere. I walked out after shower and asked for money back. That is how bad it was.[/QUOTE]She offered the steak and quoted $$5. I said "look at yourself, you think you are in your 20's"? You can see her eyes got wider and shocked. I got up and left. Yes siree!

[QUOTE=DevilVRod;4836379]She offered the steak and quoted $$5. I said "look at yourself, you think you are in your 20's"? You can see her eyes got wider and shocked. I got up and left. Yes siree![/QUOTE]I stopped seeing Korean providers a long time ago because of this stuff. While they are attractive, they lack the tenderness and intimacy that others can provide.

[QUOTE=GripNSip;4835912]So I PMd for info as well, but started to dwell on this post because I'm a no good degenerate. But I'm a no good degenerate with a brain. So I started zoning in on the possibilities of spas in my data base with the abbreviation of FC or FC massage. But I came up empty. But I see here that coolie gave us a clue. He said fruity place. So then I'm thinking, well maybe this is a spa with some sort of fruit moniker. FC then isn't the name but the location. Falls Church. Sure enough with those clues in place I looked up spas in Falls church and came across Fruit Spa on Arlington Blvd. I remember passing by the place since it's close to seven therapy. Always figured it was legit. I tried to TOFFT and make an appt but they close at 7 pm which is unfortunate since I'm stuck at work. So if one of you brahs want to complete the mission for me, don't forget to hook me up with your findings.

GnS.[/QUOTE]Fruit had a young man at the appointment desk. Unfortunately for me they were ALL booked up for the day. As others have said it all looks legit. It seems that I'll have to schedule an appointment. This board usually doesn't lead us astray.

So on to my Backup Plan C (C&C) . I decided I too would like to see if (YEMV) with Tori. DO YOU FEEL LUCKY PUNK. Well yes, it was my lucky day.

[QUOTE=Start2;4837224]Fruit had a young man at the appointment desk. Unfortunately for me they were ALL booked up for the day. As others have said it all looks legit. It seems that I'll have to schedule an appointment. This board usually doesn't lead us astray.

So on to my Backup Plan C (C&C) . I decided I too would like to see if (YEMV) with Tori. DO YOU FEEL LUCKY PUNK. Well yes, it was my lucky day.[/QUOTE]Hmmm. I'm not sure what I did wrong w / Tori. To me she made it seem like she NEVER gave FS. Wouldn't let me anywhere near the thing.

I'm not an ugly dude either. I guess I just have to start working out again hahaha. Something about my physique isn't gellin'.

If you mongers got some health tips, feel free to share it's going to a good cause. Getting me laid LOL.

BodyRubShop and CityXGuide have been seized by DOJ, DHS, USSS, & Texas local.

Also passed by CS off 28, open sign in window.

Thanks gentlemen that responded about the FC thing. I was trying to come up with a spa with those letters, wasn't thinking about the place. I did guess that the "fruity" title might have something to do with it but since I'm mainly a MD guy it just never occurred to me.

I got to chance to TOFFT and visited spa fruit.

I was greeted by a young man (red flag no1) who ushered me into the room for my massage package (red flag 2). They do an array of different things in addition to the basic FB massage and when I asked if they had a table shower I was given this deluxe vichy shower. So it's a 30 min massage followed by a 30 min vichy shower. The whole place smelled of legit. Massage tables, sauna, and three shower rooms. It's a pretty big place. So I'm finally am greeted by lily. She's a 40-50's Vietnamese woman. Very small very thin. Couldn't tell if you if she was good looking. She was covered head to toe and wearing a face mask, gloves, and face shield. A staple warrior ready to take on Covid19. (Red flag no 3). So she begins the massage portion first. Which I questioned her on, "shouldn't we do table shower first?" "No. Massage first" (red flag no 4) I place my clothes into a nice bag and am directed to bring it with me when we enter the other room for the TS post massage.

The massage was pretty nice. I tried to break the ice by finding out more about Lilly. She says she's a single mother with 2 sons who help her with managing the day to day spa, which explained the young man working the reception. She doesn't own the place she told me it's a side business of a gov worker (red flag no 4).

It was a good massage and she is a pleasant lady. No flip. Covered all the time. Once it was done she ushered me to the shower, where she kept Johnny covered and when I asked if she would scrub him as well she told me politely and professionally that while she won't touch I'm more than welcome to soap and do myself.(Flag de Rojo) This Vichy shower is fully decked out like high end spas with tons of shower heads placed above a table in a line, it was a pretty nice experience. Just, legit. Once that was done so was my hour. At least I wasn't shorted. I said welp that's all huh? She told me many clients opt to a 30 min massage after and since I was thinking with little brain I thought that might be the secret password to get what I came for.

So my journey continues to a third professional looking room with candles and another comfortable massage table. The tables here aren't just two stacks of ply wood covered with bedsheets. They're contoured and automated. (Red flag no. Where was I? 6? Yeah let's say 6) here she told me to lie face up (and that was the only shining hope of something more) so I complied face up, but completely covered (well, shit.) stretching of the arms and legs, some face massage. Honestly, I can't even be that angry. Lilly gives a damn good massage. But, after 30 more minutes, I left with heavy testicles and light wallet. There's nothing here, at least not for me.

The 90 min excursion cost me $$.16 schmeckles. Would I be stupid again and repeat? Sure, maybe not for the whole spa package
BS but I did walk away feeling more limber.


Analysis time: Maybe I lead you all astray. Maybe there is a banana spa somewhere in falls church and I fucked up. Maybe I played all my cards wrong. Maybe I was supposed to say some secret phrase and failed some extensive LEO test. Whatever the case there is something clear. Maybe I saw someone different than Coolie, the place is certainly big enough to hold more than one staff. I’d love to dissect my experience with Coolie for sure. But one thing is certain. YMMV is working against me. Hard.

I can't help but shake the fact I've lost my monger spark. I feel like that baseball player whose best years are behind him. Ive gone from cracking bad boys out the park to striking out bat after bat. I'm in a covid slump.
-GnS.