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The victim of an awful automobile accident was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital,
And the emergency nurse was ordered to prepare the body for the undertaker.
Removing his clothes, she discovered that the young man had died with the most massive
ERECTION she had ever seen. Unable to take her eyes off it, she finally yielded to temptation,
Took off her panties, straddled the stiff and proceeded to enjoy herself.
She was just getting down from the table when a second nurse came in and saw her
And promptly reprimanded her for her obscene behavior.
"What's the harm?" shot back the first nurse. "I enjoyed it, and HE surely didn't mind it.
Besides, he can't complain and I can't get pregnant. Why don't YOU give it a try too?"
"Oh, I can't possibly," said the second nurse, blushing. "First, he's dead and second,
I've got my period. Anyway, listen, the doctor wants you." And so the first nurse left.
The second nurse got to work, but soon found herself terribly excited by this massive
Hard-on and finally climbed on top of it. Just as she was starting to cum, she was astonished to feel the man climax too!
Looking down and seeing his eyelids starting to flutter, she exclaimed in shock, "I thought you were dead!"
"Lady, I thought I was too," said the man, "until you gave me that blood transfusion."
_______________
Chandro the Lead Elf says, "Man, I've been waiting for this for six months.
I'm getting my ass down to Miami. I'm gonna do nothin, but suck down margaritas, bang as many babes
As I can, and soak up the sun til I get this damn cold out of my bones.."
So he gets to Miami, checks into his hotel and then heads straight for the bar.
He spots a gorgeous, tall, well built blonde sitting alone sipping a drink.
So he goes over, climbs on the stool next to her and orders a margarita. Downs it,
Orders another one, downs that too. He smiles at the blonde and says,
"Hi sweetie, I'm Chandro, Santa's lead elf. What would you say to a little fuck"
She looks down and says. "Hello you little fuck".
Gentlemen:
I am writing to you to warn you of something that
happened to me as I am a victim of the latest scam
at a mall while shopping. This happened at the
Broward Mall and it could happen to you. Here's how
the scam works :
.
Two good looking 18 year old women come to your car as
you are leaving the mall while you are placing your
packages on the floor of the front seat.
One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and
Windex while the other comes to your window saying
"Hi" while bending over with her breasts almost coming
out of her blouse. It will be impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say
"No" and beg you for a ride to the Sawgrass Mills
Mall. You agree and tell them to sit in the back seat.
On the way, they start having sex with each other in
the back seat. Then one of them climbs over into the
front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the
other one steals your wallet.
I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and
Friday, but I couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday.
Be careful.
A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have you been?"
Him: "I was out getting a tattoo."
Her: "A tattoo?" "What kind of tattoo did you get? "
Him: "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."
Her: "What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
Him: "Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow . . .
Number two, once in a while, I like to play with my money . . .
Third, I like how money feels in my hand . . .
And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.
Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto
to the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field.
The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she
possibly continue to feed her family now?
In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself.
When the husband awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began
to see the hopelessness of the situation, and he shot himself in the head.
Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow),
and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself.
When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.
She said, “I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have
sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you.”
The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to
satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.
Next the second oldest son woke up.
After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.
The mermaid said to him, “If you will have sex with me ten times in a row,
I will make everything right.”
And while the son tried his best (seven times), it was not enough to satisfy
the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.
The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his
brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in.
And there he also met the mermaid.
“I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row.”
The young son replied, “Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?”
The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.
Then he said, “Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?”
And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said,
“Why not THIRTY times in a row?”
Finally, she said, “Enough Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row,
then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.”
Then the young son asked, "Wait, how do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"
A man gets a notice from the IRS that he has to pay a $10,000 tax bill by Thursday, and only having $5,000 he decides to pray.
GOD says 'Go to Vegas!'
The man goes to Vegas, walks in the Sahara and sits down at the BJ table.
GOD says 'Bet it ALL!!!'
The guy bets all $5000, and gets a 3 and a 2.
GOD says 'Take a hit.'
Guy gets a 5, now he's got 10.
GOD says 'take another hit.'
Guy gets a 4, now he's at 14.
GOD says 'Take a hit.'
Guy gets a 3, now at 17.
GOD says menacingly 'TAKE A HIT!!!'
Guy is nervous but takes the hit...a 3! Now he has 20.
GOD screams from the heaVens trembling the earth, 'TAKE A HIT!!!!!!!'
The guy takes the hit and draws an ACE!
GOD: 'UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!!!!'
One day, two ladies decide to go to the zoo. As they walk by the monkey house, a gorilla reaches out and grabs one of the ladies.
He pulls her into the cage and starts to hump her. The second lady rushes off and summons help to rescue her friend.
A few days later, the second lady visits her friend in the hospital. When she sees her in her hospital bed, she asks, "How are you feeling? Are you hurt?"
Her friend replies, "Of course I'm hurt, two days have passed and he hasn't called or anything."
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
"I want to get screwed," said the man.
"Okay, mister, but this is a private club, so slip 20 bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
"Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"
"What?" said the voice, "Again?"
A Jewish friend of mine told me this, so don't think I'm anti-Semitic:
[quote]Q: Why do married Jewish men die young?
A: They want to.[/quote]
We need more Immigrants like *this* =
[URL]http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11046018/[/URL]
[ Don't forget to launch the Video !! ]
A study was done in the US to determine why the head of a man's member is bigger than the rest of it. After 1 year and 1.5 million dollars they concluded that it was to give the man more pleasure.
A similar study was done in France. After 3 years and 5 million dollars, they concluded that it was to give the woman more pleasure.
Canada, not to be outdone, also studied the same subject. After 2 weeks and 8 cases of beer they determined that it was to keep the man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.
[ :) The author has clearly never read the postings on the forum.]
A picture is worth a thousand words...
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her... "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all his beer.
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The
first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my
wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your
wife look like?
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue
eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your
wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
I am writing to you to warn you of something that happened to me as I am
a victim of the latest scam at a mall while shopping. This happened
at Middletown Mall and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam
works:
Two good looking 18 year old women come to your car as you are leaving
the mall while your are placing your packages on the floor of the front
seat. One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex while the
other comes to your window saying "Hi" while bending over with her
breasts almost coming out of her blouse. It will be impossible not to
look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and beg you
for a ride to Fairhaven Mall. You agree and tell them to sit in the
back seat.
On the way, one of them climbs over into the front seat
and has her way with you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but I
couldn't find them Saturday or Sunday.
Be careful out there!!!!!!