So, you live in Wisconsin and you need to get laid? Well, good luck with that, my friend. If you don't want to try your luck at the bars and you want to spend some hard-earned cash for sex, you do have choices. Not many, but there are some. Here are Wisconsin's options for those who want to practice "the hobby," as we call it.
I. ESCORTS
Escorts are the highest-end option. These are essentially "call girls" that you meet either at your hotel ("outcall"), or their hotel or occasionally at their home ("incall"). Some are local, some travel around the country. Rates usually start at $200 and can run up to $400 or more for top-shelf touring porn stars. $250-300 is average. Generally speaking, the younger and hotter the girl, the higher the price.
There are many escorts in Milwaukee, some in Madison, and a few in Green Bay and the Fox Valley. Touring escorts (from agencies like Miami Companions, Taylor's Elite, etc.) usually come to Milwaukee only.
How does it work? You can find out about escorts on a variety of local websites, including heaven-or-hell.com and eros-wisconsin.com. You make contact either by phone or email and arrange an appointment. Usually, the girl will tell you to call when you are in the neighborhood or outside the hotel, and give you the room number. You come in, leave the "gift" (in an envelope is best) on the table, and "get comfortable" -- ie, get naked, which reassures her that you are not a cop. What happens then is between two consenting adults.
Be aware that different escorts have different limits. Some are incredibly hot but rather mechanical and business-like. Others pride themselves on being a "GFE": a "girlfriend experience," which essentially means she either really enjoys it or acts like she does, usually with kissing, cuddling, and sometimes oral without a condom. Not every girl who claims to be a GFE really is, or is for everyone. Your Mileage May Vary (YMMV).
So are escorts worth the price? Well, that depends. Again, YMMV holds true. The best-looking girls aren't always the best value in terms of cost vs. experience. And, there are some very average girls who charge much more than they are really worth. Older ones often make up for softer bodies with greater skills. There is a general consensus in the Wisconsin community that local agencies aren't usually worth it, as opposed to indies and touring agencies. Read reviews, ask around.
II. MASSAGE PARLORS / BATH HOUSES
Don't walk into your average day spa and ask the girl for sex; this is a sure way to get your ass kicked out. But, if you want a little pampering with a nice hand release and maybe more, there are options. Sadly, there are no Asian Massage Parlors (AMPs) in Wisconsin since a crackdown in the Milwaukee area several years ago. These places, usually run by Koreans, set the standard for quick and easy satisfaction throughout much of the country. Following are your choices.
MILWAUKEE:
There are a couple of independent African-American women who have their own massage practices and offer sensual full-body massage for around $125. They frequently advertise on milwaukee.craigslist.org and do a nice job, though the offerings are limited.
Other indy girls have advertised on craigslist as well, but none have stayed around long enough to establish a reputation. Ads in the Shepherd Express and Onion (which have mostly stopped now anyway) are almost always a disappointment.
If you have money to burn, there is a provider of tantric massage in Milwaukee who has several girls that work with him. His website is tantricmassage.net, and a four-hand massage in your home or hotel (him and a girl or two girls; he will not send a single girl and does not offer incall) will cost $200-250. This is a legitimate massage with Eastern mystic "energy work," and it is quite enjoyable and erotic (the girl does that part). He also does couples if you want to include your significant other in your activities.
RACINE:
Nancy Rae's Spa has been around forever, and so had Nancy Rae herself until she passed away in the fall of '05. It is truly a bottom-of-the-barrel experience, on Douglas in a not-so-nice neighborhood, but it is the single cheapest option in Wisconsin short of trolling the streets -- $40 for a light-touch massage with hand release. The women are old, the place is dirty, but sometimes you just feel like slumming it. They are usually only open in the daytime.
MADISON:
Madison has two "bath houses," Geisha House and Rising Sun. Both offer a reasonable experience, with either a massage or full service available in 40 or 60 minute programs, and a variety of woman of all physical types and ages.
Geisha House is on the Northeast side, on Washington just north of Hwy 30. It is quite nice, with real massage tables and showers offered. You choose your girl when you enter, pay the girl the house fee of $60, and then an additional tip to the girl, either $60 for massage with release or $120 for full service. Shower, do your thing, shower, and leave happy. Some girls, however, do not offer FS, and some will upsell. YMMV.
Rising Sun is downtown near the capitol, on the second floor at 117 W. Main right off the square. The procedure is generally the same as at the Geisha House, except service is provided in a private room with a twin mattress on the floor. Kind of like your first apartment. It is generally not as nice as the Geisha House but there is less upselling for full service.
III. STREET WALKERS
The streets are your cheapest option (as little as $20 for a suck and spit, or $60 for FS), but also the most dangerous -- you can get ripped off, arrested, or catch something nasty far more easily than with the safer options. The best information on the street scene in Wisconsin and around the country can be found on the relevant pages of this website.
If you must indulge, here are some rules to follow. Never pick up a girl who isn't walking; if she's standing on a corner, it's probably a sting. Never discuss business through the window; a real SW will get in your car. Never go where she tells you to do the deed; this is a good way to get mugged by her pimp/boyfriend. And never leave valuables where she can get at them; use your trunk or a locked glove compartment, because most are accomplished pickpockets.
MILWAUKEE:
Street action is much less available than it used to be since the new police chief came on board. There are lots of stings. The traditional strolls are on the North side, on North Ave. between 3rd and 35th and Lisbon between 27th and 35th, and on the South side, on National, Greenfield and Lincoln between 6th and 35th. Late nights are best, but you can spot girls any time of the day -- or cruise for hours and see none, even at night. Be aware that many SWs are crackwhores who can range from butt ugly to downright frightening, in a dangerous way. But you can also find reasonably nice ones. It's far from a sure thing.
MADISON:
The street trade in Madison is very spotty. The main stroll is Badger Road between Park and Fish Hatchery. Watch out for LE.
RACINE:
SWs, mostly black, can often be found on Douglas and the neighborhood around.
IV. GENTLEMENS CLUBS
To quote Chris Rock: "There is no sex in the Champagne Room. There's champagne in the Champagne Room, but there is no sex in the Champagne Room." Strip clubs are usually not a good value for your hobby dollar, unless you just want to look at mostly naked, reasonably attractive (not a given in this state...) young women. This isn't Texas or Florida, and real fun is not always going to happen in the club. It can sometimes happen, but generally speaking, your new best friend named "Sindee" really doesn't give a damn about you; as long as you keep stuffing bills in her garter belt, she's your best friend. Private dances in this state often can't even be called "lap dances"; touching of any sort is almost never allowed by management. However, some dancers have more relaxed standards than others; you just need luck and persistence.
However, it is sometimes possible to arrange to have "more fun" with a girl after hours. Your best bet for getting "take out" (as it is called) is usually black dancers at Milwaukee's clubs (most likely the inner city clubs, almost never at On The Border or Silk), or especially those who travel to outstate clubs. Showtime in Wausau has been mentioned many times in this regard.
Be aware, though, that you will usually have to spend a lot of money on beer, dollar tips, and private dances to make this happen, and you can end up paying escort rates before you are done. But for many guys, the thrill of the chase is as much a part of the attraction as the actual score, and in that case, this can be a good way to go. It's probably best to approach the strip club option as entertainment on its own, and if you can "get lucky," so much the better.
V. GO TO ILLINOIS
If you live in the southern part of the state, a trip across the border to Bear country can be worthwhile.
AMPs:
There are AMPs in Libertyville, off I-94 just past Six Flags. They are usually not full service and the women aren't always young, but if you have the urge for a nice assisted table shower, sauna, massage and hand release, it will set you back $100-120 ($60 for half-hour, $80 for full hour, $40 tip). For more info, see the "Libertyville AMPs" thread under Illinois>Waukegan/Gurnee.
Sadly, Rockford's excellent AMP scene ended with a major police crackdown in '05.
EMPs:
The Mt. Prospect and Deerfield area is home to several European Massage Parlors. Prices and programs are similar to AMPs, with girls mostly from Eastern Europe. Generally not full service. See Illinois>Mt. Prospect for info.
BELVIDERE MPs:
The small town of Belvidere, just east of Rockford, is home to two massage parlors, Executive Relaxation Station and C'est La Vie. A one-hour massage with an American girl in these places costs $85, with tip appreciated but not required (the $15 change from your Franklin is usually appropriate). You will not get more than a hand release or sometimes Russian, but she will get naked (you must take off her swimsuit) and let you massage her as well. Exec is generally considered the better bet, but both are pretty sure things for what they offer. See Illinois>Belvidere for info.
ROCKFORD LINGERIE SHOPS:
Rockford no longer has AMPs that are worth visiting, but it does have two "Lingerie Shops," Exclusive and Chantilly Lace. You go in, pay $75 for a semi-private room with a hot (or not-so-hot) girl in lingerie, and she will model for you and you can service yourself. Tip her, and you can get service from her. FS can be had, but usually not on the first visit, and the price varies by girl. The girls are uneven in looks, frequently have bad attitudes, and sometimes have worked the streets; it is pretty much the definition of YMMV. Consensus is younger, hotter girls but worse service at Chantilly, older girls but better chance of FS at Exclusive. See Illinois>Rockford for info.
CHINESE APARTMENTS:
There are Chinese-run "brothels" in private apartments in the northern Chicago suburbs, advertised on chicagoafterdark.com under "Massage." You call and get a general location from a Chinese man (usually very difficult to understand), then call again when you arrive to get the exact location. Sometimes the girl greets you at the door, sometimes the man, who will occasionally be in the living room while you go to the bedroom with the girl. The cost is usually $80 to the house and $80 to the girl, and it is full service.
CAs are very hit-or-miss, but can be a great value at $160 if you get a good girl. Some are young, very beautiful and love their work, others are old, ugly and half-hearted at best. There is usually no way to tell what you are going to get because the girls move around frequently, though reviews are sometimes posted under Illinois>Evanston/Skokie and occasionally Illinois>Mt. Prospect.
