Sexual Addiction Reports

[LustCaution]

Hey why'll.

I got into the game very early. Around when I was 20/21 years old? I had / have pretty low self esteem in the past so I guess the thought of having sex easily appealed to me greatly. To add to that, the thrill of backpage was something else. Anyway, I used my parents money to see girls and when I graduated and got my own job I started trying to quit. For me its like once the feeling latches on, I'm doing nothing but scrolling forums, calling girls. I feel very much helpless when I get in this phase. I have been doing very well though. The last time I saw someone was like at least 7-8 months ago? Since then I have contacted an escort and cancelled on my way twice. I have convinced myself naturally that the lying and mental damage the game will do to me (as I view it, no dig on people who view mongering differently), will be irreparable and when I do get intimate with a girl one day, this will be an issue. So that's how I stop myself, another way is to imagine the damage it would do to my mom and my family. The disappointment would be immense. Also I think its easier to start thinking about quitting after you start to feel intense guilt on the way back home. Even easier if the experience itself was nothing special or bad in some way.

Recently, I have been perusing this site and my go-to agencies in my area. However, I am managing to kind of stop myself a bit, but ngl if this one provider texted me back right now, I'm not sure what I would do. I'm in a weird head space where I have quit on the way multiple times but somehow feel I am ready to fuck up 2021 for myself by doing this.

On another note, how linked do you think your hunger for escorts is to porn? I feel like maybe pornography is maybe the thing that always leads my mind wandering back.

Nice to see some other people's struggles though, thanks for posting, I am looking into some authors that have been mentioned like Rob Weiss, maybe can find some inspiration to keep my streak going.

[Dj Hunter]

In Sex Addicts anonymous. They say 'progress not perfection', so if you feel like you are moving in the direction of sobriety you should be grateful.

Thanks. I think that saying means a lot. I still feel bad about slipping and, moreover, slipping in such a risky way (getting a BBBJ and putting my peter anywhere near her vag). That's way too much for me these days, and this is coming from a person whose had his fair share of BBBJ / BBFS encounters. I also don't want to have to make "emergency" clinic visits but I'm not taking chances.

Outside of the lingering feelings of shame and guilt, I still feel optimistic that I can come out the other side of this and get it out of my life for good. I just need to get past this recent episode. Thanks for those words.

[Csheen]

Can't sum up my feelings any better than that. I failed last night. Over the past two years, I'd managed to dial my habits way back, to the point where I would mostly get a handjob from an SW and even then it was very infrequent. The last couple times I got full service I realized I didn't have much more stomach for the immediate shame and guilt. However, last night, a bunch of life stresses forced me to venture out for relief. Met up with an old provider I used to see, got a BBBJ and finished off nutting with my tip barely inside of her. The shame, guilt, and fear hit me immediately. I ran home, did my bleach protocol (few drops of bleach diluted in warm water, soaking my knob in it) and sat depressed and ashamed. What was I thinking, fooling myself that I could be on the other side of this?

Overall, I still feel like I'm coming out the other side of my addiction. I've had less than ten encounters this year, most no more than kissing and a HJ, and I'm even trying to curtail those. Maybe I needed this experience to reiterate why I need out of this thing. I still can't shake the guilt, shame, and other feelings, and I think I just bought myself a trip to the clinic for a screening. Fuck this hobby. I seriously want out of this shit.

In Sex Addicts anonymous. They say 'progress not perfection', so if you feel like you are moving in the direction of sobriety you should be grateful.

[Dj Hunter]

Can't sum up my feelings any better than that. I failed last night. Over the past two years, I'd managed to dial my habits way back, to the point where I would mostly get a handjob from an SW and even then it was very infrequent. The last couple times I got full service I realized I didn't have much more stomach for the immediate shame and guilt. However, last night, a bunch of life stresses forced me to venture out for relief. Met up with an old provider I used to see, got a BBBJ and finished off nutting with my tip barely inside of her. The shame, guilt, and fear hit me immediately. I ran home, did my bleach protocol (few drops of bleach diluted in warm water, soaking my knob in it) and sat depressed and ashamed. What was I thinking, fooling myself that I could be on the other side of this?

Overall, I still feel like I'm coming out the other side of my addiction. I've had less than ten encounters this year, most no more than kissing and a HJ, and I'm even trying to curtail those. Maybe I needed this experience to reiterate why I need out of this thing. I still can't shake the guilt, shame, and other feelings, and I think I just bought myself a trip to the clinic for a screening. Fuck this hobby. I seriously want out of this shit.

[SsStuntCock]

Just have to chime in with my two cents here. After my back to back nightmares (which you can read in my post history), I'm beginning to wonder what happened to the hobby, and what the answer to this problem is.

Just curious. Do you interpret those experiences as more than just a one-off and more like time to "get out?

[TailHunter69]

Just have to chime in with my two cents here. After my back to back nightmares (which you can read in my post history), I'm beginning to wonder what happened to the hobby, and what the answer to this problem is.

[Urbanite]

I don't miss the lying, the discomfort of possible discovery, and the health hazards. I do miss the rush. So much.

Thats exactly it.

[Bozoner]

I don't miss the lying, the discomfort of possible discovery, and the health hazards. I do miss the rush. So much.

[DarkSideOfMe]

I've been inactive in meet ups ever since this pandemic took off. I've noticed my family life getting better. I've noticed my finances improve. I've noticed that I have taken more time to engage in healthy eating and exercising. Overall I'm a better person who's actively pursuing more of my interests. I think a lot of that is tied into my not meeting up with girls, not spending as much energy on trying to homework on girls to meet up with. I think that in a lot of ways I should be much happier and running away from this hobby. Yet I'm still checking theses boards, less frequently, but still more than I'm happy with. I've started to scope out postings again. I've never truly gotten any level of enjoyment from a girl that hasn't been attached to some level of shame. I guess I'm not really sure what direction to go in anymore. I don't see SA as a place for me based off some comments I've been reading here, but I think it's becoming clearer to me that this is not something that I'm in control of anymore. What other options have you men found for dealing with addiction? Have you found threads that have been helpful here? Have you found them elsewhere? I'm not sure what my next steps are, or if I'll go back to the hobby later, but I think it's worth exploring more now.

Just thought I'd stop by see how my crazy Bro's where doing in this Cov -19 time of depression, loneliness. LOL Yes, we all feel the same way, we have cut back, or maybe stopped our addiction temporary, we say, but still we have that urge that's overpowered our mind, and to still think with our little head. Will it ever go away? Family life has gotten better, more time with the wife, more money, less lie's, but I so miss that high, I need to get me through the day's, thinking about the young, old woman I've fucked and the thrill it gave me, only to need more, more more?

Am I a addict?

Fuck Yaaaa!

Stay safe.

[Urbanite]

I've been inactive in meet ups ever since this pandemic took off. I've noticed my family life getting better. I've noticed my finances improve. I've noticed that I have taken more time to engage in healthy eating and exercising. Overall I'm a better person who's actively pursuing more of my interests. I think a lot of that is tied into my not meeting up with girls, not spending as much energy on trying to homework on girls to meet up with. I think that in a lot of ways I should be much happier and running away from this hobby. Yet I'm still checking theses boards, less frequently, but still more than I'm happy with. I've started to scope out postings again. I've never truly gotten any level of enjoyment from a girl that hasn't been attached to some level of shame. I guess I'm not really sure what direction to go in anymore. I don't see SA as a place for me based off some comments I've been reading here, but I think it's becoming clearer to me that this is not something that I'm in control of anymore. What other options have you men found for dealing with addiction? Have you found threads that have been helpful here? Have you found them elsewhere? I'm not sure what my next steps are, or if I'll go back to the hobby later, but I think it's worth exploring more now.

Definitely going through the same stuff. Since the pandemic, theres been no acting out, but have still ventured here on occasion. I will say that reading the works of Robert Weiss (Sex and Love Addiction) expert has been helpful. He's non judgmental and not pushy on 12 step, but the way he frames everything is spot on. Rediscovering other interests and financial benefits are eye opening and rewarding, but the cycle is still easy to fall back in if not careful.

[Vbenny]

I've been inactive in meet ups ever since this pandemic took off. I've noticed my family life getting better. I've noticed my finances improve. I've noticed that I have taken more time to engage in healthy eating and exercising. Overall I'm a better person who's actively pursuing more of my interests. I think a lot of that is tied into my not meeting up with girls, not spending as much energy on trying to homework on girls to meet up with. I think that in a lot of ways I should be much happier and running away from this hobby. Yet I'm still checking theses boards, less frequently, but still more than I'm happy with. I've started to scope out postings again. I've never truly gotten any level of enjoyment from a girl that hasn't been attached to some level of shame. I guess I'm not really sure what direction to go in anymore. I don't see SA as a place for me based off some comments I've been reading here, but I think it's becoming clearer to me that this is not something that I'm in control of anymore. What other options have you men found for dealing with addiction? Have you found threads that have been helpful here? Have you found them elsewhere? I'm not sure what my next steps are, or if I'll go back to the hobby later, but I think it's worth exploring more now.

[Bozoner]

I have not been to SAA meetings or even heard of them.

But I got busted years ago and S. O. Sent me to SA Counseling. It started out OK, "you shouldn't do this because of AIDS, immoral, diseases", etc. FINE. I get it. Then after a few weeks she showed me this circle of the evolution of Sexual Addiction.

Starts with Porn.

Then actual meets, cheating or prostitutes.

Then 3 somes.

Then Group sex.

Then possible Bi interactions.

OK I was with her up to this point. I wasn't even bi-curious but I can see how that can happen. I mean with a blindfold on, head is head, right?

OK then the next ring is pedophile!

That's when I left and never returned. No way would that ever happen!

I was busted too, and sent to a therapist. After he expressed what almost seemed like disappointment when I confirmed that I had no interest in "peeping," he sent me to SAA. I am not sure why an overactive libido is instantly classified as "addiction. " One could also label obesity as "food addiction" I suppose.

[DaveSalem]

I have not been to SAA meetings or even heard of them.

But I got busted years ago and S. O. Sent me to SA Counseling. It started out OK, "you shouldn't do this because of AIDS, immoral, diseases", etc. FINE. I get it. Then after a few weeks she showed me this circle of the evolution of Sexual Addiction.

Starts with Porn.

Then actual meets, cheating or prostitutes.

Then 3 somes.

Then Group sex.

Then possible Bi interactions.

OK I was with her up to this point. I wasn't even bi-curious but I can see how that can happen. I mean with a blindfold on, head is head, right?

OK then the next ring is pedophile!

That's when I left and never returned. No way would that ever happen!

Has anyone ever gone to SAA meetings?

[Bozoner]

Has anyone ever gone to SAA meetings? Like AA but its all about Sex and Love Addiction.

I attended a few meetings and I think I was mostly in denial at the time, but to hear some of the struggles it certainly showed how serious this can be. One of the worst part was hearing from some of the young guys in their early 20's that have porn Addiction and porn induced erectile dysfunction. Literally brain is hooked and cannot meaningfully do anything in their lives except look at porn all day. Really sad state of affairs.

I went to quite a few about twenty years ago. I got very uncomfortable with the cult-like feel of the 12 step program and came to realize it was not relevant to my situation. I am not an addict due to any trauma or self-loathing issues and found it curiously odd to be sitting in a group of men (women do not go to SAA meetings in my experice) who I had little in common with other than a sex drive I find difficult to control. It was oppressive in the extreme and depressing in its practice.

[Urbanite]

I am same as one of you here. Thinking lot of time to quit. Get addicted but also can control. But again addition is addiction. More or less dpesnt matter. I'm glad visit this page. Because lot of time I feel like I want to discuss this with someone and like to hear something from others. I found this is the place to share feelings.

Has anyone ever gone to SAA meetings? Like AA but its all about Sex and Love Addiction.

I attended a few meetings and I think I was mostly in denial at the time, but to hear some of the struggles it certainly showed how serious this can be. One of the worst part was hearing from some of the young guys in their early 20's that have porn Addiction and porn induced erectile dysfunction. Literally brain is hooked and cannot meaningfully do anything in their lives except look at porn all day. Really sad state of affairs.