Sexual Addiction Reports

[BSouthgate]

Reading many of the posts below, one gets the impression that many men are making themselves miserable because they are essentially normal.

It is normal to desire lots of sex with multiple partners. Most of our brains are wired to try to have as many satisfying sexual experiences as possible.

1. We, men and women, have different natural levels of desire or libido. Some men and women are horny every day whenever they are awake. Some get horny only once per week. Others once per month, and some never. No libido level makes you abnormal. So stop feeling guilty because you think about sex all of the time or because you never think about it.

2. Most men and women, during their lives, desire sex with more than one partner. That is called polyamory, not addiction. It is normal. It is just as normal to, throughout life, desire sex with only one person or with nobody. Participating in a marriage ceremony does not remove the desire for multiple partners. Neither do weddings make an asexual person with no desire for lovemaking suddenly want to fuck with their spouse. After marriage, naturally polyamorous people will either seek out other partners or suffer from guilt, anxiety, and depression. Naturally, asexual people will suffer undeserved guilt because they blame themselves for their lack of desire.

3. The problems that many identify as "symptoms" of sex addiction are due to erroneous decisions people make, which decisions do not include having sex with multiple partners. These errors include dishonesty with one's spouse, spending too much of one's wealth or income for sexual pleasure, and careless and unsafe sexual practices. Prosecutions for soliciting are not due to the fault of the polyamorous person but rather due to social sickness, that is, illegality of sexual practices of prostitution and, in some countries, of infidelity.

4. There are ways to address overspending on sex. One can simply limit the number of encounters or spend less on each encounter. These methods of mitigating overspending will work whether the partners are pros or not. For pros, limit visits to the massage parlor to once per week or once per month. Or, you can go to a less expensive parlor. This is no different than how you limit spending on vacations or golf or other things you enjoy. For casual lovers, limit gifts that you buy or expensive hotel rooms that you rent.

5. Addressing the problem of dishonesty is the most difficult. Remember that the problem is dishonesty, not infidelity. If you are married and your spouse is demanding celibacy outside of her / his bed, you should never have made the promise that you can do that. You should have been honest with yourself and with her from the beginning. Similarly, if you cannot tell your husband that you are trysting with your coworkers or with gigolos, your mistake was made when you failed to tell him that you are naturally polyamorous. There are two ethical ways to address the problem of dishonesty. The first is to tell your spouse that you are naturally polyamorous, that you cannot and do not want to change your nature, and that you want to work this out with him or her. The second way is to stop all sex at home and understand that you must be careful not to let him / her know. The second way will separate the relationships in your life: spiritual with your marriage partner and sexual with others. You must decide which path to take.

6. Always practice safe sex if you are polyamorous. With your spouse or with others. Always.

Surely many here will disagree with the above. If you disagree, let us dialogue in this thread.

[BSouthgate]

That is a great story, and mirrors my life in a way, except that she would never step out. Thank you for justifying "this" as normal male behavior. Bottom line is that Monogamy is unrealistic and basically bullshit (for many of us).

Monogamy (sex with one partner) is unrealistic and bullshit for many of us. For others, it may work.

Polyamory is not sick; it is not "addiction" like in the title of this thread. Spiritual and intellectual fascination with sex is natural and the basis of much art and literature. Michelangelo is said to have frequent pros. He may also have had multiple male partners. No doubt, his sexual encounter inspired his sensuous paintings on the Sistine Chapel walls and elsewhere.

[DaveSalem]

The story.

Joe had serial girlfriends in college. He would keep one for six months, break up, and find another when the former was not perfect. Sometimes, his relationships overlapped. He had to keep them separate or lose them both.

After graduation, Joe worked in an office. He met a female colleague whom he found attractive and fun. She had had several sex partners in college, liked sex, and was good in bed. Joe and Sue tied the knot. For the first year, they only had eyes for each other. Their first child was born. Sue started losing interest in lovemaking. Joe had to take week-long business trips to different cities. Lonely nights in hotel rooms became unbearable. He turned to porn. An old friend told him about hand job MPs. He found this new experience delightful. Of course, he could not tell Sue. Once, a masseuse offered oral sex. Wow! Better than Sue's mouth. Soon, he was frequenting escorts and FS parlors a few times per month. He did not have to bother Sue so much. She was busy with the baby.

This is NOT sex addiction. This is normal. Human beings are naturally polyamorous. They naturally prefer more than one partner. Joe and Sue were polyamorous in college. Joe is still practising polyamory. Sue would also have more partners if she had the opportunity.

That is a great story, and mirrors my life in a way, except that she would never step out. Thank you for justifying "this" as normal male behavior. Bottom line is that Monogamy is unrealistic and basically bullshit (for many of us).

[BSouthgate]

The story.

Joe had serial girlfriends in college. He would keep one for six months, break up, and find another when the former was not perfect. Sometimes, his relationships overlapped. He had to keep them separate or lose them both.

After graduation, Joe worked in an office. He met a female colleague whom he found attractive and fun. She had had several sex partners in college, liked sex, and was good in bed. Joe and Sue tied the knot. For the first year, they only had eyes for each other. Their first child was born. Sue started losing interest in lovemaking. Joe had to take week-long business trips to different cities. Lonely nights in hotel rooms became unbearable. He turned to porn. An old friend told him about hand job MPs. He found this new experience delightful. Of course, he could not tell Sue. Once, a masseuse offered oral sex. Wow! Better than Sue's mouth. Soon, he was frequenting escorts and FS parlors a few times per month. He did not have to bother Sue so much. She was busy with the baby.

This is NOT sex addiction. This is normal. Human beings are naturally polyamorous. They naturally prefer more than one partner. Joe and Sue were polyamorous in college. Joe is still practising polyamory. Sue would also have more partners if she had the opportunity. She is now busy being a mother. But when the child is away in college, Sue will also long for sex with other men. And she may very well achieve fulfilment of those fantasies.

The problem is not addiction. The problem is the aberration of monogamous marriage. The problem is dishonesty.

[MrHardBody]

I have wondered whether one reason I can't attract a side piece in everyday life is I give off a certain vibe as a result of dumpster diving in the hobby. In other words, women can sense I live some kind of double life.

No. I think you're fine. I read a headline that stated American is in a sex recession. I laughed because it's true. You can thank social media and the #Metoo Movement of this. Facebook, for one, is filled with women who have unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. What they want in a man simply doesn't exist.

I don't speak to women unless they speak to me first. I'm not taking a chance of sexual harassment because I've read about it and seen it happen in real life. It'd like to, but I don't want them to think I want them. Pre MeToo and social media, you could talk to women easily. Nowadays, the mood is completely different in a bad way.

Technology and bullshit has changed the way we interact with one another.

[UOnlyLiveOnce]

I can relate to the feeling of having "two faces". Most people consider me an easy-going, mild mannered family man. Meanwhile, I've stepped away from my family on countless occasions to fuck a drug addict raw in a seedy motel room. Opportunity is also one of the influencing factors. Wife is away? I'm going to find an escort to fuck and deal with the emotional consequences later. Thankfully, I've been able to keep myself away from partaking over the past eight months but it's been a lot of work. Therapy and journaling have been very helpful. The unfortunate reality, though, is that you're not likely to find any fully recovered people on here. This forum is way too triggering for anyone in serious recovery. I don't consider myself in serious recovery yet, as I feel I still have one foot in and one foot out. But I know enough about the reality of what I'm doing that it ultimately keeps me from partaking. I also use porn if my desires are too strong. If you can step away from porn and this hobby for at least a week, with no wacking it during that time, assuming you're healthy your desire for your wife will come back. But you have to re-wire your brain.

I can relate to having "two faces. " People would be shocked to find out about this other side of me.

Not sure what to do, though. Have had a dead bedroom at home for years. I have no desire to rekindle it. I rarely have realistic options for a side piece that's not from the hobby. It's been so long since I had sex outside the hobby that it would feel really strange if it did happen.

I have wondered whether one reason I can't attract a side piece in everyday life is I give off a certain vibe as a result of dumpster diving in the hobby. In other words, women can sense I live some kind of double life. Spending some serious time away from the hobby, porn, whacking off, everything could only help.

[Dj Hunter]

Hey guys. Like many of you, I can't believe there is a thread for this. Also like some, I two faces. The one I let my wife, family, friends and the rest of the world see. And the other is my true face. I have been for as far back through my childhood as I can remember, an addict of SEX and the female form. Fast forward several decades later, I am a split personality. Like one fellows post on here, everyone that knows me thinks I'm a super nice guy with good morals, when actually I'll binge on porn for days then when I can't get hard for that, I'll hatch an elaborate scheme and try to find an escort locally. I'll then time when my wife leaves for and when I need to be at work to try and get a morning session in. Half the time it's a disaster and I usually end up leaving without cumming. That's when the fear sets in what if that girl tries the blackmail me. Did I catch something and here's my favorite, what if that girl somehow dies soon after and my number is the last one in her phone. I have racked up thousands of $$ spending money I didn't have and pretty much killed my sex life at home. My wife is a beautiful and wonderful person. She doesn't deserve that. I have been trying to quit this hobby for the last couple of years now. I'm so de-sensitized now. I wish I could somehow rekindle my sex life with my awesome wife without having to pop ED pills every time. It feels really good to write this out for people to read. So is there anyone on here that has beat this addiction? And are you able to have a normal sex life? Thanks guys.

I can relate to the feeling of having "two faces". Most people consider me an easy-going, mild mannered family man. Meanwhile, I've stepped away from my family on countless occasions to fuck a drug addict raw in a seedy motel room. Opportunity is also one of the influencing factors. Wife is away? I'm going to find an escort to fuck and deal with the emotional consequences later. Thankfully, I've been able to keep myself away from partaking over the past eight months but it's been a lot of work. Therapy and journaling have been very helpful. The unfortunate reality, though, is that you're not likely to find any fully recovered people on here. This forum is way too triggering for anyone in serious recovery. I don't consider myself in serious recovery yet, as I feel I still have one foot in and one foot out. But I know enough about the reality of what I'm doing that it ultimately keeps me from partaking. I also use porn if my desires are too strong. If you can step away from porn and this hobby for at least a week, with no wacking it during that time, assuming you're healthy your desire for your wife will come back. But you have to re-wire your brain.

[Db3203]

Hey guys. Like many of you, I can't believe there is a thread for this. Also like some, I two faces. The one I let my wife, family, friends and the rest of the world see. And the other is my true face. I have been for as far back through my childhood as I can remember, an addict of SEX and the female form. Fast forward several decades later, I am a split personality. Like one fellows post on here, everyone that knows me thinks I'm a super nice guy with good morals, when actually I'll binge on porn for days then when I can't get hard for that, I'll hatch an elaborate scheme and try to find an escort locally. I'll then time when my wife leaves for and when I need to be at work to try and get a morning session in. Half the time it's a disaster and I usually end up leaving without cumming. That's when the fear sets in what if that girl tries the blackmail me. Did I catch something and here's my favorite, what if that girl somehow dies soon after and my number is the last one in her phone. I have racked up thousands of $$ spending money I didn't have and pretty much killed my sex life at home. My wife is a beautiful and wonderful person. She doesn't deserve that. I have been trying to quit this hobby for the last couple of years now. I'm so de-sensitized now. I wish I could somehow rekindle my sex life with my awesome wife without having to pop ED pills every time. It feels really good to write this out for people to read. So is there anyone on here that has beat this addiction? And are you able to have a normal sex life? Thanks guys.

[NickyGoogle]

Hi guys. I have been dealing with more or less the Addiction to the thrill of seeing a SW. Its not even about the sex really. Most times I can't even perform well but I am addicted to the chase.

What works for me is when I leave work for the weekend I make sure to lock my Debit / ATM card away in my desk and only take less than 100 in cash for my needs. This takes the impulsivity of being able to withdraw cash to see a SW. I generally am too busy during the workweek to Monger. One thing I noticed is once you break your cycle and see someone your never satisfied and it ends up being a "binge" if you will and next thing you know you blew 500 bucks over 3 days. Keep in the fight guys!

[BlutoMadison]

Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.

You're not alone. I feel the same way. Bad habits take on a life of their own.

[BlutoMadison]

I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.

Great advice. Focus on what you can change. Accept what you can't. Like the past.

[BlutoMadison]

Sometimes that might be what it takes. Hit bottom. Face the risk of losing what really matters to you. In some devastating way. Ruining the lives of the people who matter to you. Ruining your reputation. Are these fleeting and forgettable moments worth all that? Probably not. But we're all like frogs in water, gradually heating up. Eventually it's boiling. And we die.

[TCap5225]

I just wanted to share some advice that was given to me that is really helping me (so far). And that was a getting over the shame and self loathing over what you have done. Learning to forgive yourself and move on in a happier life. The past will only cripple you if you choose to dwell there. If you find yourself thinking about what you've done and you're beating yourself up over it, you need to stop, acknowledge it, and remind yourself there is nothing you can do to change your past, but you can feel better by focusing on your present and future by being better. I'm just at the start of the journey but, that advice really resonated with me.

[Dj Hunter]

I can understand labeling it a problem if a monger spends $1 million on AMPs over the course of 10-15 years, IF this amount of $$ has a negative effect on their financial well-being. But how about mongers who still have plenty of $$ after fucking about 5000 different AMP girls over the course of 15 years?

Its only a problem if you think its a problem. Has nothing to do with money spent. For me, money spent is only an indicator of a lack of control even though I've never been able to not afford the hobby. I'm otherwise a pretty frugal and financially responsible person, but I've probably spent easily over $30 k in the last decade alone on this. That speaks to a pattern of behavior if nothing else.

[Dj Hunter]

Rolling Cols OH streets for last decade, flee from mundane life usually. Infrequently to celebrate a success tho that is few and far between. Cruised 4 or 5 times a week, at my peak, cause I could, and since chasing women at bars or at dating sites often meant getting strung along for weeks, without a hint of sex from the lady. Streetwalkers can be a sure thing. Tho I'd been ripped off many a time. Now aging and seeing a lesser need to cruise, I think of a bucket list. As if I could actually walk away from the hobby. SW'ers or AMPs. Never got into escorts or strip clubs very much.

Reading "The Seat of the Soul" by ex-Green Beret, Gary Zukav. Is 4 sections, and the 3rd is Responsibility, with chapters of Choice, Addiction, Relationships and Souls. To release an Addiction, one must first admit that there is one. To acknowledge it, is to say that part of our life is out of control. (it is a fine line, requiring each to decide, or continue to run away or minimize a problem) The experience of addictive sexual attraction is an experience of powerlessness, and a desire to feed off a weaker soul. THE WAY OUT of it is to remind yourself when you feel the attraction, you are feeling powerlessness and desiring to prey upon a soul that is weaker than yourself.

Remind yourself that the partner to whom you are drawn (at a mall, bar or streets) is equally drawn to others. Sexual attraction is a weakness detection system. When it locates a person who is weak enough to be susceptible to you, to be seduced by you, it triggers within you the experience of sexual attraction. The need to dominate is the same as the need to be submissive. It is a power to choose. Test your power of choice because each time that you choose otherwise, you disengage the power of your addiction more and more, and increase your personal power more and more. (maybe some of you are already doing this; I tried to quit, pre-covid, but the social isolation had me running to the streets for connection; then it was invaluable; now I have other choices).

Make yourself aware of the consequences of your decisions, upon yourself and upon your finances, mental and emotional health, children or partners, etc. You stand between 2 worlds of your lesser self and your fuller self. Your lesser self tempts you with irresponsibility, unconsciousness and no discipline. Your fuller self is aligned with your non-physical help. The work to be done is yours, but assistance is always there for you in your guides, teachers, mentors, and expansive thoughts. You may hear or feel their guidance, but not be ready to take that step. Your guides do not know time, so they know you will eventually move away from it. At times, there is wisdom in waiting until all of you prepares for the journey away from your addiction. There is no shame in that decision, as the Universe does not judge.

Eventually you will come to authentic empowerment. You will know the power of forgiveness, humbleness, clarity and love. You will evolve beyond the human experience, beyond the learning environment of Earth school. When you die, you leave your personality and your body behind as well as your powerlessness, inadequacies, fears, angers, and time. You will perceive with loving eyes and compassionate understanding the experiences of your life, including those that seemed so much to control you. You will see what purposes they served. You will survey what has been learned and you will bring these things into your next incarnation.

Much of what you quoted really resonates with me. Lately, I've narrowed down the reasons why I've partaken in this hobby and it comes down to a few primary things: validation seeking, "new pussy", escape, pleasure seeking, and an attitude of "because I can". I picked apart each reason and what I've found is that none of these are truly good and defendable reasons, especially considering that these encounters really don't serve me in a productive way and haven't made me feel better about myself in a very long time. Nowadays, I typically feel shame, regret, anger, resentment, and fear afterwards. I know I'm not living up to my core values and I'm harming myself and others. Its mostly an act of avoidance for me. Therapy and daily journaling have been very helpful in peeling back the onion.