"Sugarbabies" / "Arrangements" Amateurs or Not?

[BagIt]

A real SB wouldn't agree to go straight to the for a pre-agreed price. A real SB wants to meet you and see if there's chemistry, you may not be the one. By the very definition of what you described, they are UTR or pro, even if very good at faking it.

Honestly they are not utr or pro. I have a reason why I don't want to meet them in public and I tell them this from get go on SA, that I have no interest in dinners or dates. I am sending messages to girls I know are no pro or utr and tell them in 1 or 2nd message, "I am looking for an SB who will come see me for fun and bed, no dinners and dates, you open to it?" You will be surprised how many respond yes, but then will want to know the allowance.

[Madaboutmax]

I agree with JZ.

"These girls I'm talking about are not pros or utr's either, just sb types who ARE WILLING TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE SACK EVEN BEFORE A PUBLIC MEET UP".

....You are pretty much guaranteed they are a pro, utr or completely desperate.

A real SB wouldn't agree to go straight to the for a pre-agreed price. A real SB wants to meet you and see if there's chemistry, you may not be the one. By the very definition of what you described, they are UTR or pro, even if very good at faking it.

[JZLizard]

So how do you handle when the girl wants to know what allowance is being offered when she asks it through a message on SA, never even met her yet. Many of them will do this because I tell some straight up that I'm not into dinners and dating, just want to go to the fun and bed from the get go. These girls I'm talking about are not pros or utr's either, just sb types who are willing to go straight to the sack even before a public meet up.

A real SB wouldn't agree to go straight to the for a pre-agreed price. A real SB wants to meet you and see if there's chemistry, you may not be the one. By the very definition of what you described, they are UTR or pro, even if very good at faking it.

[CoolPix]

So how do you handle when the girl wants to know what allowance is being offered when she asks it through a message on SA, never even met her yet. Many of them will do this because I tell some straight up that I'm not into dinners and dating, just want to go to the fun and bed from the get go. These girls I'm talking about are not pros or utr's either, just sb types who are willing to go straight to the sack even before a public meet up.

I'm far from an expert about this, especially here on the Richmond board, but I never discuss allowance on SA at all. My initial PMs indicate I'm looking for private time and after a couple of PMs, we move to email or text. Of course, I target the SBs whose profiles indicate there on the site for the same reason I'm there. I think that's the first step.

As for others, it's clear there are many who actually work a completely different angle.

The best advice, however, is to go back and look at the SB thread that is pinned. You'll find some of the best advice you'll find anywhere about the bowl, that's for sure!

[Hungre1234]

How committed are you guys to keeping things am arrangement?

What I mean by that is recently I've hit a streak of finding these girls on there, making the move to another messaging app and hitting them with game. I'm not Casanova but I know how to talk. I'm finding that the next thing I know all talk of arrangements cease and these girls are just looking for straight FS. It's almost becoming "seeking fwb's" for me LOL. Now I'm not complaining about it by any means but in a way I kind of like the dynamics of the arrangements, including helping these girls financially.

What say you guys? Have any of you had these kind of situations? How do you handle them?

[Mark User]

Shout out to Richmond! I am from Durham, NC but have learned so much from all why'all and my SB experiences in Richmond. Later this summer I'll be in the Boston area, so I checked out their board, and folks up "nawf" are raving about all the good information on the Richmond board! Just wanted to send a general thanks to one and all who have contributed to my education and that of many others, even those quite a piece up the road.

Trivia: Rt 1 (JD Highway in Richmond) is continuous and is known as the Boston Post Road up the coast!

Mark.

[Josephr9999]

A few years ago, I had drinks with a friend who was unhappily married and I told him about sugar dating. He got pretty crazy with it. Long story short, one of his old babies texted him out of the blue the other night to tell him, she had a new place she was living and it's with some roommates. She texted him the neighborhood etc. He shit his pants and started blowing up my phone asking for advise. The neighborhood? Is his and the house is literally 350 ft up the road. GULP. Now this girl is semi-stable, but was borderline transient for a while, out a pathological liar. She wasn't like drama crazy, but he told me he never trusted her. He think she launched a missile across his bow and might want something. Why else would she just blurt out the new neighborhood? She's acting nice so far and he's doesn't even know if she knows for sure. (could just be a small world thing) but the guy is miserable and filled with paranoia looking out his window, waiting for that knock, waiting to see her talking out on the street to his wife, etc. Etc.

He asked me if he should just meet with her and get the elephant out of the room and tell her. See if she is angling for anything or not. I told him if she's going to do anything, she will. Period and paying her off won't matter. Should he confront her? Let it ride, set her straight up front? This girl will get desperate and make his life hell. That is my gut feeling. She also been in and out of trouble with the law and hangs with some bad characters. Just looking for advise to offer him.

If it was really a text out of the blue, and they hadn't had contact for a long time. Ignore her text. She has no clue if he changed his number, moved, or died. If he already responded, DO NOT lost control of yourself. Stay firm, take JZL's advice and see how she responds.

[BagIt]

So how do you handle when the girl wants to know what allowance is being offered when she asks it through a message on SA, never even met her yet. Many of them will do this because I tell some straight up that I'm not into dinners and dating, just want to go to the fun and bed from the get go. These girls I'm talking about are not pros or utr's either, just sb types who are willing to go straight to the sack even before a public meet up.

[Geechie Dan]

Sorry for the blasphemy, but I felt a shout out to the big guy was warranted. I've been on SA for a couple of years but never got fully invested in it until about the last 9 or 10 months. I recently made a good connection with a lady in her early 30's who has turned into a keeper.

We went on a couple of dinner dates, where I only paid for the dinner. I think she was feeling me out to make sure I was mentally stable, and that we had some kind of connection. Third date, she came back to my place and fucked me righteously.

The next date finished with an even more righteous fuck.

No clock watching. She seems agreeable to everything thus far. She hangs out with me for several hours at a time, and I'm hittin' it for much less than GPS rates. A hot brunette with a strippers body.

For those who haven't found that special SB, hang in there and keep plugging away.

Once again, God bless Sugar dating.

[JZLizard]

A few years ago, I had drinks with a friend who was unhappily married and I told him about sugar dating. He got pretty crazy with it. Long story short, one of his old babies texted him out of the blue the other night to tell him, she had a new place she was living and it's with some roommates. She texted him the neighborhood etc. He shit his pants and started blowing up my phone asking for advise. The neighborhood? Is his and the house is literally 350 ft up the road. GULP. Now this girl is semi-stable, but was borderline transient for a while, out a pathological liar. She wasn't like drama crazy, but he told me he never trusted her. He think she launched a missile across his bow and might want something. Why else would she just blurt out the new neighborhood? She's acting nice so far and he's doesn't even know if she knows for sure. (could just be a small world thing) but the guy is miserable and filled with paranoia looking out his window, waiting for that knock, waiting to see her talking out on the street to his wife, etc. Etc.

He asked me if he should just meet with her and get the elephant out of the room and tell her. See if she is angling for anything or not. I told him if she's going to do anything, she will. Period and paying her off won't matter. Should he confront her? Let it ride, set her straight up front? This girl will get desperate and make his life hell. That is my gut feeling. She also been in and out of trouble with the law and hangs with some bad characters. Just looking for advise to offer him.

It is a small world, that's one reason my primary rule is never to play too close to home. I even go so far as to ask new POTS in other cities where they're from, where they have family, etc. So that I can avoid ones with connections to my area. Once, there was a girl I wanted bad, but she was going to college in a city that's safe for me, but she grew up in a town about 20 minutes from where I live and still went to stay with parents during breaks. It was too risky so I passed. About a year later, I'm 99% I saw her walking into a grocery store (this grocery store was about mid way between her city and mine). I was alone and she didn't see me, but it could have been bad if I had spent time with her and my SO was with me in the grocery store. So, that particular advice is too late for your friend but he should consider it for future reference.

His guess that it's a shot over the bow was the same thing that struck me when I read the situation. Who just all of a sudden texts someone and starts talking about specifics of the new neighborhood they live in? Sounds more like she found out where he lives and is trying to get a reaction out of him. Whenever they do that, it's best to stay completely collected and stoic and never show that it's stressing you even if it is -- poker face.

Anyway my answer here is simple, and in all but the rarest of situations effective. He should just say that since they last spent time together, he has entered an exclusive relationship with someone and wants to give it the best possible shot of working, so he's off the dating market for a while. But close by saying he will definitely give her a call if things fell apart (with no intention of actually doing so, of course). That way if he actually is seen at the grocery store or something with the SO, it's already been per-emptively explained.

The beauty of the "I'm in an exclusive relationship at the moment" is that it totally lets the girl save face, and they even respect this (assuming they believe you) and usually respond with something like "Wow, that's great I hope it all works out for you".

[DirtyDeeds38]

A few years ago, I had drinks with a friend who was unhappily married and I told him about sugar dating. He got pretty crazy with it. Long story short, one of his old babies texted him out of the blue the other night to tell him, she had a new place she was living and it's with some roommates. She texted him the neighborhood etc. He shit his pants and started blowing up my phone asking for advise. The neighborhood? Is his and the house is literally 350 ft up the road. GULP. Now this girl is semi-stable, but was borderline transient for a while, out a pathological liar. She wasn't like drama crazy, but he told me he never trusted her. He think she launched a missile across his bow and might want something. Why else would she just blurt out the new neighborhood? She's acting nice so far and he's doesn't even know if she knows for sure. (could just be a small world thing) but the guy is miserable and filled with paranoia looking out his window, waiting for that knock, waiting to see her talking out on the street to his wife, etc. Etc.

He asked me if he should just meet with her and get the elephant out of the room and tell her. See if she is angling for anything or not. I told him if she's going to do anything, she will. Period and paying her off won't matter. Should he confront her? Let it ride, set her straight up front? This girl will get desperate and make his life hell. That is my gut feeling. She also been in and out of trouble with the law and hangs with some bad characters. Just looking for advise to offer him.

[TopGun9]

The sum of the posts I've written in this thread probably amounts to a couple of books. LOL. Free of charge too!

Yes, wealth of information in this thread. It would take months to go back and read from post #1 thoroughly.

[JZLizard]

Or to put it more succinctly than JZ, some of you need to stop acting like chumps and act like men. Stop letting the girls dictate the terms for everything and try leading for a change.

That's definitely good advice, and clearly overlaps part of what I wanted to convey, however my overall philosophy on this isn't quite as brief or simple.

For example, I know some folks like the anticipation. Sometimes wanting for something is as much fun as actually receiving it. I once met a Chinese grad student on a civy dating site (her profile indicated an open-minded age range) in a non-sugar related capacity. Around the time I met her, she met a guy her age she fell in love with, but was unhappy with his performance in bed. We went to dinner a couple of times (I never gave or offered sugar, in fact she explicit told me she's not looking for financial help), but the first couple of dates consisted only of kissing and groping -- we kept running into time constraints (either hers or mine) and didn't have time to fuck. One day she calls me clear out of the blue asking if she can come by for sex because she needs it (sadly, I headed off to work and told her I need a rain check). And, when I didn't cancel work to fuck her on the day she asked me to, that only made her want it more. By the time we actually were able to carve out time to fuck, it was extraordinarily intense (maybe even in my top 20 most memorable fucks of all time), because of all the tension that had been building up over the last month or so.

So, I totally get that some guys want to play the anticipation game. Note the key concept in that story with the grad student though -- there was no sugar (only a couple of free meals). My point here is that an SD can still benefit from extended tension build-up, without putting her in control of the situation.

Every SD needs to understand the concept of "intermittent variable rewards". This is a psychological concept used by media / marketing people and apps like social media to get their audience hooked and keep them coming back. One of the keys to making it work is that the reward is neither predictable in its frequency or the same reward each time. Meaning, if you give a girl a set amount of cash on each meet, it's the worst possible strategy for great sex -- there is no hook because lack of variance in the reward.

So paying more, and paying up front, might very well guarantee to get her in bed or win her attention over another potential SD, but it works against the SD in both the long and short run because the reward is too predictable. When a proper hook has been set and she's banging you because she wants to, you can set your own cash gift varying amount, presented as a reward for performance instead of an offer to provide performance, and she will ultimately be happier with it.

If there's any downside to playing at this level, it's that they can be a little TOO hard to get rid of sometimes. This is why I now have a policy of no more than 2 consecutive nights with a single SB. Too hard to get away from them afterward.

So while "man up and don't be a chump" is good advice overall, as SDs we tend to be simple creatures that look for simple solutions. Unfortunately women are extremely complex, as are some of the most effective solutions for dealing with them.

[JZLizard]

Let me know when your book on sugaring hit the shelves. Love to have a copy of it.

The sum of the posts I've written in this thread probably amounts to a couple of books. LOL. Free of charge too!

[EvilTmp]

Or to put it more succinctly than JZ, some of you need to stop acting like chumps and act like men. Stop letting the girls dictate the terms for everything and try leading for a change.

The issue is that there is a great deal of variance in game among the SD population (I. E. Skill and experience level of dating, and social interactions with women, everything from obtaining sex to handling all of the other matters that go with it). The bottom line is that once you've acquired a certain level of skill playing the game, financial support becomes "icing on the cake for them" rather than the end game. The idea here is that you can save yourself a great deal of cash by finding ways to make them genuinely interested in you.