Massage Parlor Reports

[Hrodebert]

Thank you, and better luck next time!

Long time, no post. So, a shotgun review:

Howard Street Evanston.

Saw Mary recently. I recognized her from someplace in the "real" city, but still can't remember where. The experience was very much like a burger at Five Guys: you know what you're getting, it looks fine, nothing special, nothing added to the experience to make it memorable in any way, but a fine value for a fair price. For what it's worth, the most comfortable tables in the industry. Park a street north and walk down the alley. Howard and Church rotate therapists very regularly, so go now if you're going. Or not. Four experiences in the last year; one was truly horrible and was reviewed a little bit back, the rest were fine. Oh, Rachel. I miss you, Rachel. Or Monica, or whatever. Via con dios.

Church Street Evanston.

A precipitous decline in the last six to ten months. A year or so ago, when the place on Central was still open, it was an interesting experience and some actually attractive therapists. I keep going back for their signature 30 minutes, and it gets more awful each time. Old, ugly, but really fun and nice. Then young-ish, ugly, not really fun or nice. Then old, ugly, cold fish. Sorry, I get plenty of that at home. But like I said, they rotate pretty often, so it is definitely like playing Monopoly at Jewel. You'll get something each time you go (that came out wrong, sorry) but it usually will be something not great. But once in a while.

Central Street Evanston.

Speaking of Central, OMFG. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Awful appearance, awful massage, awful pressure for unearned tip. I walked out of there understanding how my cop father and cop brother just shake their heads when they see cops on tv or movies. Whoever owns that place now needs to do some fucking research on: how to run a massage establishment, massage techniques, cleaning techniques, how to use the credit card machine techniques, how not to grow a terrarium where your table shower used to be, and how to change the sheets on the massage table techniques. Jesus Christ.

Sherman Spa Evanston.

Really? I call, ask for Cici, who was the gold standard for so long on weekday mornings. "Okay. " I show up, it's this short, fat lady who can't speak English. "An hour with Cici?" She says she is Cici. Fuck that shit. Cici is long gone I guess. Twice to Sherman in two months (counting this one). I had a crappy DIY the first time. Now, I just bail. By this time I'm ready to fucking punch Robert Kraft in the nutsack for how he's fucking fucked us all. A billionare who could have rented out a big space in an office parks and paid massage ladies to sit around on their phones all day long without a single customer, his own private Asian Massage joint, just sitting there and just waiting for him to get a pre-flight chubby. Really, Bob. I'm so disappointed in you. It's like if I could have done that for the thirty bucks currently in my bank account now, Bob, and I chose not because I was a cheap fucking bastard. Oh, Bob.

$65 for a roll of the dice on the massage, and a No on anything else. I have friends who say otherwise, but they like to drink.

NQS in Skokie.

Third time with Amy. Cute in that way asian cheerleaders at Niles North are cute, you know? All busty and with porky legs. Thinks she can dance. Thinks she has hotness and sex appeal. Adorable. Any luck? Fuck this place is all I can say. Walls that end before the ceiling and floor mean nothing is going to happen, no matter how good the tease. $240 with tips that I should have spent rescuing a puppy or something. No, definitely rescuing a puppy. Or buying vaccines for African kids. The money I've completely wasted on this hobby, I could have rescued the Ivory fucking Coast by now. I miss Technicolour.

Sunny Spa in Skokie.

Okay, suggestion box time for whoever owns this dump: put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a smile when there are ladies working here who are in a good mood and might enjoy making approximately $800 an hour for five minutes' "work," doing the only thing every 15 year old boy in America finds even easier than wasting time on Fortnite. Put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a frown on it when the rest of them are there. This place is literally a crapshoot. Literally. You will have the same therapist a week apart and call her by the same name and you will have smiling opera woman one week, frowning opera woman the next week. Fuck, that is the absolute most annoying thing in this entire hobby. The same person!

On the plus side, most of them do give a really good massage that makes your back feel much better. So what you're getting here is the great likelihood of a good massage and a spin of the roulette wheel otherwise. You know, I've been in those moods some days, and feel okay with leaving the premises with some extra green in my pocket.

Wellness Spa Skokie.

Very nice people, very nice massage. Clean. Decent price. If you go after school hours, there is an unnerving presence of school-aged lkids hanging out in the front on their phones. I don't think that should be legal. It's like having pervs have to stay away from schools, right? Am I right? And I still hate kids anyway. I'm still angry at all little kids everywhere for closing down Technicolour, the little fuckers.

I have gone three times, three strikeouts. You think short, bald, and ugly would be someone's niche, but sadly, no.

Unnamed place on Deerfield Road in Deerfield, right by the police station.

Right by the police station, okay? So nothing except an actually really fantastic massage by this little Chinese lady that weighed less than my black lab.

Melody Spa in Wilmette.

I walk in, see all the ladies, walk out. I'm creepy, not stupid.

[GeorgeHerbert]

Long time, no post. So, a shotgun review:

Howard Street Evanston.

Saw Mary recently. I recognized her from someplace in the "real" city, but still can't remember where. The experience was very much like a burger at Five Guys: you know what you're getting, it looks fine, nothing special, nothing added to the experience to make it memorable in any way, but a fine value for a fair price. For what it's worth, the most comfortable tables in the industry. Park a street north and walk down the alley. Howard and Church rotate therapists very regularly, so go now if you're going. Or not. Four experiences in the last year; one was truly horrible and was reviewed a little bit back, the rest were fine. Oh, Rachel. I miss you, Rachel. Or Monica, or whatever. Via con dios.

Church Street Evanston.

A precipitous decline in the last six to ten months. A year or so ago, when the place on Central was still open, it was an interesting experience and some actually attractive therapists. I keep going back for their signature 30 minutes, and it gets more awful each time. Old, ugly, but really fun and nice. Then young-ish, ugly, not really fun or nice. Then old, ugly, cold fish. Sorry, I get plenty of that at home. But like I said, they rotate pretty often, so it is definitely like playing Monopoly at Jewel. You'll get something each time you go (that came out wrong, sorry) but it usually will be something not great. But once in a while.

Central Street Evanston.

Speaking of Central, OMFG. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Awful appearance, awful massage, awful pressure for unearned tip. I walked out of there understanding how my cop father and cop brother just shake their heads when they see cops on tv or movies. Whoever owns that place now needs to do some fucking research on: how to run a massage establishment, massage techniques, cleaning techniques, how to use the credit card machine techniques, how not to grow a terrarium where your table shower used to be, and how to change the sheets on the massage table techniques. Jesus Christ.

Sherman Spa Evanston.

Really? I call, ask for Cici, who was the gold standard for so long on weekday mornings. "Okay. " I show up, it's this short, fat lady who can't speak English. "An hour with Cici?" She says she is Cici. Fuck that shit. Cici is long gone I guess. Twice to Sherman in two months (counting this one). I had a crappy DIY the first time. Now, I just bail. By this time I'm ready to fucking punch Robert Kraft in the nutsack for how he's fucking fucked us all. A billionare who could have rented out a big space in an office parks and paid massage ladies to sit around on their phones all day long without a single customer, his own private Asian Massage joint, just sitting there and just waiting for him to get a pre-flight chubby. Really, Bob. I'm so disappointed in you. It's like if I could have done that for the thirty bucks currently in my bank account now, Bob, and I chose not because I was a cheap fucking bastard. Oh, Bob.

$65 for a roll of the dice on the massage, and a No on anything else. I have friends who say otherwise, but they like to drink.

NQS in Skokie.

Third time with Amy. Cute in that way asian cheerleaders at Niles North are cute, you know? All busty and with porky legs. Thinks she can dance. Thinks she has hotness and sex appeal. Adorable. Any luck? Fuck this place is all I can say. Walls that end before the ceiling and floor mean nothing is going to happen, no matter how good the tease. $240 with tips that I should have spent rescuing a puppy or something. No, definitely rescuing a puppy. Or buying vaccines for African kids. The money I've completely wasted on this hobby, I could have rescued the Ivory fucking Coast by now. I miss Technicolour.

Sunny Spa in Skokie.

Okay, suggestion box time for whoever owns this dump: put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a smile when there are ladies working here who are in a good mood and might enjoy making approximately $800 an hour for five minutes' "work," doing the only thing every 15 year old boy in America finds even easier than wasting time on Fortnite. Put a Chinese opera mask poster in the window that has a frown on it when the rest of them are there. This place is literally a crapshoot. Literally. You will have the same therapist a week apart and call her by the same name and you will have smiling opera woman one week, frowning opera woman the next week. Fuck, that is the absolute most annoying thing in this entire hobby. The same person!

On the plus side, most of them do give a really good massage that makes your back feel much better. So what you're getting here is the great likelihood of a good massage and a spin of the roulette wheel otherwise. You know, I've been in those moods some days, and feel okay with leaving the premises with some extra green in my pocket.

Wellness Spa Skokie.

Very nice people, very nice massage. Clean. Decent price. If you go after school hours, there is an unnerving presence of school-aged lkids hanging out in the front on their phones. I don't think that should be legal. It's like having pervs have to stay away from schools, right? Am I right? And I still hate kids anyway. I'm still angry at all little kids everywhere for closing down Technicolour, the little fuckers.

I have gone three times, three strikeouts. You think short, bald, and ugly would be someone's niche, but sadly, no.

Unnamed place on Deerfield Road in Deerfield, right by the police station.

Right by the police station, okay? So nothing except an actually really fantastic massage by this little Chinese lady that weighed less than my black lab.

Melody Spa in Wilmette.

I walk in, see all the ladies, walk out. I'm creepy, not stupid.

[Silvio]

Can I get info on Howard street location. They about the same as EV. There a table shower there. How's parking. Thanks in advance.

[Walker333]

Anyone know about Mary at Howard?

Nope, we don't, but why don't you check her out and report back here? We all will appreciate. Good luck and stay safe.

[Box999]

Anyone know about Mary at Howard?

[Walker333]

Monica rarely works at Howard or Church. Heard she may be out west but continue to handle the phones, texts.

A friend saw Mary (another new MT) on Howard. Mid to early 30's, solid massage and a bit more playful then most.

Will try to get over there today.

Good luck, although I would be surprised if the menu there open up.

[GentleBen1]

Have not been back since a bad experience a few months ago. Rachel / Monica (same girl) does't seem to work anymore she just answers the phone and books appointments. It used to be a very good massage with full breast play and at least some pussy rubbing if not full FIV to go with the L1 finish. First 4-5 girls there were al excellent. It seems massages have gotten worse and play time is restricted so I don't feel compelled to go back. Too bad cause I work in Ev not too far from there.

Anyone who remembers Rachel / Monica have a better angle?

Monica rarely works at Howard or Church. Heard she may be out west but continue to handle the phones, texts.

A friend saw Mary (another new MT) on Howard. Mid to early 30's, solid massage and a bit more playful then most.

Will try to get over there today.

[ZzTopSterZz]

Stopped at EV on Church for first time ever. Walked right in, rang the bell and an attractive woman who I later learned was Lilly let me in. Her English is near zero, but she was very pleasant. Very pretty woman but I'd put her at 45-50 (which was fine). Massage was good, but not great. Good L1 finish though I tried like crazy for L2--she absolutely wouldn't do it. Lots of roaming under shirt and over pants. 65 + 50. Nice place.

Have not been back since a bad experience a few months ago. Rachel / Monica (same girl) does't seem to work anymore she just answers the phone and books appointments. It used to be a very good massage with full breast play and at least some pussy rubbing if not full FIV to go with the L1 finish. First 4-5 girls there were al excellent. It seems massages have gotten worse and play time is restricted so I don't feel compelled to go back. Too bad cause I work in Ev not too far from there.

Anyone who remembers Rachel / Monica have a better angle?

[GentleBen1]

Nope, no extras, ss, after some teasing. Then pps will text you with discounts offers. It's a fucked up, rip off, bs place. Avoid. Good luck.

Couldn't agree more. Extras last summer when Amy from technicolor was there. Not sure what happened to her.

Gina from NaNa works there now. Nothing from her at both places. Massage is average at best.

[Walker333]

Anyone tried sysong spa lately? I drove by in a few times, but not sure if they are offering extras.

Nope, no extras, ss, after some teasing. Then pps will text you with discounts offers. It's a fucked up, rip off, bs place. Avoid. Good luck.

[Lamer12]

Anyone tried sysong spa lately? I drove by in a few times, but not sure if they are offering extras.

[Bryzzo]

Stopped at EV on Church for first time ever. Walked right in, rang the bell and an attractive woman who I later learned was Lilly let me in. Her English is near zero, but she was very pleasant. Very pretty woman but I'd put her at 45-50 (which was fine). Massage was good, but not great. Good L1 finish though I tried like crazy for L2--she absolutely wouldn't do it. Lots of roaming under shirt and over pants. 65 + 50. Nice place.

[Pasquelo]

Went to church and did doubles with Lilly and GG just got the standard l1 with no hint of more except otc touch. Was a bit disappointed after what I read I was hoping for more. Mama said 1 m (Monica or michelle) not working there and the other will be there tomorrow. .

[JackRam]

New talent is not curvy, unless there is a newer addition that I'm not aware of.

There is a new girl at Howard and she has lots of curves. Her name is Judy and she has a body not normally seen on a Chinese girl. Her top is fitted with perfect C's and her bottom is firm and strong. Doesn't appear to be an ounce of fat on her. Really good massage with just the right amount of tease. Lots of fun with a very playful personality. Too bad she's going to be gone in a few days, but I hear she may be back at the end of the month. Enjoy and be safe.

[Walker333]

Anyone have any info on the new curvy talent at howard?

New talent is not curvy, unless there is a newer addition that I'm not aware of.