Political Jokes, Photos and Cartoons

**Lurker X** · 04-28-12 19:28

Give a man a welfare check, a free cell phone with free monthly minutes, food stamps, Section 8 housing, a forty ounce malt liquor, a crack pipe and some Air Jordans. And he'll vote Democrat for the rest of his life.

The 1 in 7 Americans currently on food stamps certainly appreciate the opportunity to dine on lobster and porterhouse steak at YOUR EXPENSE. What's for dinner at your house tonight?

It's real:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/signs/receipt.asp

**Lurker X** · 04-23-12 21:51

A black guy,

An illegal alien,

A Muslim,

And a Communist.

Walk into a bar.

The bartender asks,

"What can I get you, Mr President?"

**Gdlint** · 03-14-12 10:07

Keystone Pipeline clogged by massive turd.

**A John** · 02-16-12 07:03

Old Butch.

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens) , called 'pullets, ' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint LawrenceCounty Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, the bells are not always audible.

**A John** · 01-14-12 21:24

Three Legendary Americans

**A John** · 01-06-12 23:57

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week. ' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week. ' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. ' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

**A John** · 01-04-12 06:23

The proper way to shoot tequila and eat the worm.

**A John** · 01-04-12 06:20

Nothing like the thought of sunshine, a backyard BBQ, a Cold Beer and maybe even a SEXY blonde, doing the cooking!

Well shit, two out of three ain't bad. Have a Super Day Anyway!

**A John** · 01-04-12 06:15

Remember the deported RUSSIAN SPY Anna Chapman?

I wonder how she managed to get so close to men with government secrets?

Dirty rotten Russian spy. I can barely stand to look at her.

I'm sending this so you can get an idea of what to look out for.

Next time you see someone who looks like this, just remember she might be a Russian spy. So be on the alert!

**Seva Lurker** · 12-23-11 09:14

Originally Posted by A John [View Original Post]

Democrats don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Republicans don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Liberals don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Neocons don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Allow me to explain.

Let's say, you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood.

Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit?

Your choice is coming next November. Don't miss the opportunity.

AMEN. There are 435 Congressidiots and either 33 or 34 POSs (Pieces Of Shit) from the Senate up for reelection.

DO NOT RETURN ANY OF THEM TO OFFICE. They are the problem, regardless of what they say to the media.

**A John** · 12-22-11 18:49

Have you wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right" and Liberals are called the "left." By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: "The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left." Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV). Thus sayeth the Lord. Amen.

Can't get any simpler than that.

Spelling lesson: The last four letters in American; I can. The last four letters in Republican; I can. The last four letters in Democrats; rats. End of lesson. Test to follow in November. 2012. Remember, November 2012 is to be set aside as rodent extermination month.

**A John** · 12-06-11 18:13

Democrats don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Republicans don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Liberals don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Neocons don't understand THE DEBT CEILING.

Allow me to explain.

Let's say, you come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood.

Your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.

What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings or pump out the shit?

Your choice is coming next November. Don't miss the opportunity.

**LordBlackAdder** · 10-20-11 11:08

I am generally a Tory but, the socailist view of women and sex has some pluses as far as I see it.

**A John** · 10-19-11 22:15

A GREAT NEW WORD FOR OUR VOCABULARY!

I knew someone would find a name for our election process for this year.

Electile Dysfunction: the inability to become aroused over any

Of the choices put forth by either party in the 2012 election year.