Bedtime stories

[Da Game]

This was a while back. Got shit faced drunk w/my new GF at the time.We started to get hot and heavy, when I nudged her head down to my stick. She gets to doing the deed and starts going further for some rim action. I'm in this upside down cockaroach position and feeling good and relaxed when out of nowhere, I rip one that must have been trapped air from years past. She must have swallowed some air because within seconds, she throws up on my nuts. Exorcist kine. Was gross then, but I fuckn laugh about it now.

Frickin' funny stuff guys. Sounds like a scene from a Judd Apatow movie. Classic!

[All In]

This was a while back. Got shit faced drunk w/my new GF at the time.We started to get hot and heavy, when I nudged her head down to my stick. She gets to doing the deed and starts going further for some rim action. I'm in this upside down cockaroach position and feeling good and relaxed when out of nowhere, I rip one that must have been trapped air from years past. She must have swallowed some air because within seconds, she throws up on my nuts. Exorcist kine. Was gross then, but I fuckn laugh about it now.

Too darn funny.

[Alohashorts]

This was a while back. Got shit faced drunk w/my new GF at the time.We started to get hot and heavy, when I nudged her head down to my stick. She gets to doing the deed and starts going further for some rim action. I'm in this upside down cockaroach position and feeling good and relaxed when out of nowhere, I rip one that must have been trapped air from years past. She must have swallowed some air because within seconds, she throws up on my nuts. Exorcist kine. Was gross then, but I fuckn laugh about it now.

[Talon X]

Ok! How am I suppose to sleep after laughing so much. Come on guys.

Here's one: My friend and I go to the Men's Room in Exotic Nights to take a pisser. We both get side by side urinals (with the small wall between). My friend plucks a small tile off the wall, reaches over the small wall, and drops the tile into my urinal. What he doesn't know is that my urinal is plugged and full of water and piss. The tile hits the water and generates this tower of fluid that soars upward and comes crashing down into the urinal. This causes a Urinal Tsunami, which splashes all over my pants (belt to knees). I yell and he peeks around the wall to see what happened. Everyone in the bathroom is laughing. My friend runs out of the bathroom. Everyone outside hears the laughter in the bathroom and are looking in that direction. Then I come out with soaked pants. Everything stops and everyone is looking at me. Even I couldn't stop laughing. My friends lucky I thought it was funny. His head could have been the next thing in the urinal. LOL. TX.

[CurtisMoto69]

Back in the day there was a thick but solid blonde with great tits. I had an unreal experience with her. Picked her up did the whole where to go and cost. Got CBJ and then FS. I thought she was soaking wet, but it was something else, yes guys she had her monthly thing. Thank goodness it didn't get all over the seat. Only a dot which, (still kinda gross) smell like iron which is in our blood. Just gotta shake my head. Well be safe and who knows it might return to those days!

[Brett Pounder]

Here it goes:

This one girl I was with insisted only on cbj after much persistence she allowed cfs. She started off with cg then mish as soon as I asked for k9 she said no but allowed it after asking a few more times. As soon as we went to k9 I finally figured out why she didn't want to do any fs her pu##! Smelled worse than a can of tuna that left on a dashboard for 2 days. All I could think was cum faster damn it! I don't even know how I stayed hard so then we switched to mish but the vapors were still emitting from bellow finally completion took of the cover myself (big mistake) got dressed and left on the way home I could smell her fumes not only on my hands but seeping threw my jeans wtf that was some potent punani.

Nothing like pusshing for FS only to get blasted with a rotten pussy. That can ruin anyone's night.

[Punsai69]

I was with a friend sitting at the bar having a few one early weekend afternoon. Nobody else was in the bar except the two of us, the bartendress and barback/waiter. My friend tells me that he has to take a shit so he goes to the bathroom. A little while later he returns and warns me, "DON'T go in there".

The bartendress went back to the kitchen to get something then came back behind the bar. She asks the barback/waiter, "can you go check in the men's bathroom, I think something died". She was serious, she didn't know my friend just took a shit. We were trying NOT to laugh but it was too funny.

[H Mobius]

This shitty story didn't seem funny when it happened years ago, but now I can laugh about it. I had been with a downtown provider several times, and then felt comfortable enough to bring her to my home. Just before we left, she needed to use the toilet. Of course, I waited away from the bathroom, with the bathroom door closed. When I later returned home, I went into the bathroom and noticed that the toilet paper dispenser was empty. Then I smelled a bad odor, and started looking around the bathroom. Soon I discovered the source of the odor: she had wiped her ass with the clean bathroom towel, folded the towel to hide the smeared feces, and placed the folded towel back on the towel rack! This woman was an immigrant (from an area that shall remain nameless), so maybe that affected her strange behavior. Anyway, I never dated her again after that "shitty" experience.

Probably shouldn't put this, plus it's only a little story, but recently I went to a girl's room even though I felt a sore stomach coming on. I was actually dorky enough to tell her what the problem was, but she said no problem, I can "go" there if I had to.

Well, turns out I had to (mid-session).

Too bad the bathroom door had slats on it (gas can flow through) and there was a big space between the bottom of the door and the floor (gas can flow through).

Well as I sat there, I did the math and sure enough, I heard her fire-up the living room fan full-throttle, and I smelled what seemed like a whole pack of cigarettes rather than just a match. Yup it was embarrassing and I felt bad for gassing her alive like that.

She didn't say anything and we resumed, but her face was like "Ho man dis guy wasn't kidding!"

I admire you guys who get rim jobs.

[Kaminari]

Oh Kap,

Ain't that some "shit" lol.

[Stewart Ya]

Here it goes:

This one girl I was with insisted only on cbj after much persistence she allowed cfs. She started off with cg then mish as soon as I asked for k9 she said no but allowed it after asking a few more times. As soon as we went to k9 I finally figured out why she didn't want to do any fs her pu##! Smelled worse than a can of tuna that left on a dashboard for 2 days. All I could think was cum faster damn it! I don't even know how I stayed hard so then we switched to mish but the vapors were still emitting from bellow finally completion took of the cover myself (big mistake) got dressed and left on the way home I could smell her fumes not only on my hands but seeping threw my jeans wtf that was some potent punani.

This shitty story didn't seem funny when it happened years ago, but now I can laugh about it. I had been with a downtown provider several times, and then felt comfortable enough to bring her to my home. Just before we left, she needed to use the toilet. Of course, I waited away from the bathroom, with the bathroom door closed. When I later returned home, I went into the bathroom and noticed that the toilet paper dispenser was empty. Then I smelled a bad odor, and started looking around the bathroom. Soon I discovered the source of the odor: she had wiped her ass with the clean bathroom towel, folded the towel to hide the smeared feces, and placed the folded towel back on the towel rack! This woman was an immigrant (from an area that shall remain nameless), so maybe that affected her strange behavior. Anyway, I never dated her again after that "shitty" experience.

[Kapalua]

Anyone (mongers or providers) got any funny / f***** up bedtime stories

This shitty story didn't seem funny when it happened years ago, but now I can laugh about it. I had been with a downtown provider several times, and then felt comfortable enough to bring her to my home. Just before we left, she needed to use the toilet. Of course, I waited away from the bathroom, with the bathroom door closed. When I later returned home, I went into the bathroom and noticed that the toilet paper dispenser was empty. Then I smelled a bad odor, and started looking around the bathroom. Soon I discovered the source of the odor: she had wiped her ass with the clean bathroom towel, folded the towel to hide the smeared feces, and placed the folded towel back on the towel rack! This woman was an immigrant (from an area that shall remain nameless), so maybe that affected her strange behavior. Anyway, I never dated her again after that "shitty" experience.

[Seenum]

Anyone (mongers or providers) got any funny / f***** up bedtime stories, I'll go first there was this one time at band camp.......
Sometime ago i decided to visit ivy / yoyo for a bbbjcim damn she can give some head, but anyway when the milkman arrived he delivered tons of yogurt instead her cheeks puffed up like a chipmunk but eventually burst open yogurt ended up on the both of us actually everywhere. She was coughing a little but kept a hold of jr with her hand and kept on stroking while yogurt kept on shooting on her face and hair. I honestly felt sorry for her since she must have swallowed some protein shake.

Moral of the story:
Play it safe guys and girls us the cover its easier to clean up the yogurt.