Sexual Addiction Reports

[LacroixPapi]

I am also a sex addict. I just needed to write this down somewhere. I cleared 300 K last year of working and a good bit of that went towards ******. I'm going to re-evaluate my life and my financial situation. Most of the money was spent on girls and also hiding it from my SO in forms of booking hotels. Sometimes up to 500 per visit for some of these girls. It's shameful and pleasurable at the same time. I guess that's the hook. My SO has no idea, I've always remained clean and safe during this "hobby" despite some close calls. Even had a pregnancy close call due to a potential IUD failure. Everything about this ride has been exhilarating at times but I need to make a change. But, change to what? The alternative doesn't seem exciting. Monogamous sex on an infrequent basis (what percentage of husbands out here are really fucking their wives as much as they want to). This shit is depressing af LOL.

[Member #6450]

Something I've come to terms with in my life. Yes, I am a sex addict. I'm trying really hard to not be anymore. I'd be lying if I said my addiction didn't negatively affect relationships with women. I've never physically mistreated women, but I know I've emotionally have been a piece of shit to women in the past. It's something I regret. I have seemed to have gotten watching porn under control. One day I just got bored with porn and stopped going to pornhub and xvideos. I do look at hot women's pictures and videos on instagram and stuff. I guess you can loosely call that porn but the hardcore videos I've stopped watching completely. I have noticed a drastic improvement in maintaining erections, so it's a start. Started working out and going to the gym again after 10 years of being mostly inactive. That has helped my mental health and overall health in general. Still not where I need to be but I'm getting there and seeing results. Yes, I still do see escorts and massage girls which started when I was only 18 right out of HS. More on that below. I took a self imposed hiatus for a few months to reflect on all this. Gave up porn and got rid of the male sex toys I had. Just threw them in the trash. Now I seek out quality and I'm selective of who I see. I still have needs after all.

Back to when I first started seeing escorts. I was too young and didn't realize I was addicted. I didn't have the emotional maturity to handle it. Not sure what happened when I was young because I grew up in a good family, went to good schools, and parents still together. Yes, my parents were kind of strict when I was growing up. I wasn't allowed to "date" until well into high school. It was always supervised dates so there was always an adult around. All my friends had girlfriends but I wasn't allowed to have one. I liked girls, but not wanting to piss off my parents I was too scared back then to even talk to girls. This resulted in social awkwardness and anxiety. I've since broken out of that but still have some confidence issues to this day. Not nearly as bad as back then though. After HS, I still hadn't been laid yet, so I thought let's make this easier on myself and get an escort. I lost my virginity to a god damn hooker. She was nothing special and in fact I remember her being kind of a *****. How's that for my first experience getting laid. Sad! I had to pay someone for the shitty experience. Yeah thanks.

I was addicted to hookers/escorts and didn't realize it. It was more the thrill and anticipation of seeing a new girl not knowing what she was going to look like. This was pre-internet days, 1989/1990 when it started. I wish I never met the guy who introduced me to the weekly news rag which had an adult section that was full of ads for escorts, strippers, phone sex lines, etc. This guy also introduced me to strip clubs as we would often go to a local one after work. I was only 18, but this one club was 18 and over. He was a coworker and we were working for the town we lived in. Got the job out of HS and made good money. A lot of escort girls were $150 an hour FS back then. I have had only a few normal relationships with women in my life. I've been engaged a couple of times, but never married and no children. I do kind of regret that at 52 years old now. I've spent heaven knows how much money on girls over the years. Easily 6 figures. One woman I may have had a normal relationship with I ruined myself. This was about 20 years ago. I know she really liked me. We had sex the in first weekend we met and she was very much into me. Then after I wanted nothing to do with her. She was beautiful and I was a piece of shit to her. I broke that girls heart. I could tell she never really had a boyfriend in her life and took advantage. A mutual friend who introduced us later told me I ruined this poor woman emotionally. I did run into her years later and her demeanor was downright cold and could tell there was an edge to her. She was jaded and I am positive it was my fault. After all, all I had mostly known was paying a woman to fuck and then just leave.
I'm not proud of this. Maybe that's my punishment for treating her the way I did. My punishment is I have to be alone for the rest of my life and I'm not allowed to have a meaningful relationship with a woman ever again. I've also dated escort girls and I can say this was unequivocally a bad decision. All ended in disaster both emotionally and financially. If anybody is considering doing that, please dont and get far away as possible. You will not be the one to save her and it's going to end badly. These women belong to the streets as the kids say. I've come to terms that this is my life. I wish it were different but I've accepted it.

[Jarston1]

If you do see this.

There's a hindu proverb about a woman who takes her son to a guru to get the son to quit eating sugar. The guru says "come back in a week. " She came back a week later and he said "come back in another week. " This went on for some time. Finally the guru gave her the answer to stop her sons sugar habit. She thanked him and asked "why did you keep telling me to come back?

The guru replied, I had to figure out how to stop my sugar addiction first.

You see where this is going. If anyone had an answer we'd fix our own problem. The internet has made this very easy. We can watch all the porn we want, find a girl online, whatever. Back in the day you had to get porn at an adult store, find girls in the street or club, or wherever other seedy locations. It's very easy these days to have a "double life. " You can really be a great and standup guy 23/7. It's that little hour though, or more, that you can be a real piece of work.

All I can say is keep trying and the conventional wisdom is not to tell your wife. They may say that they want to know. But if you love her even women will tell you not to tell her. Deal with it, stop doing it, make a firm resolve. It's going to be very hard. People will give me shit for it but go to confession if that's in your faith system.

I am young man! I am addicted to sex from last 7 years! Yes I am! I really need suggestions to get out of this darkness. Before sex addiction, I was always watching porn everyday and musterbeting. When came to know about all this escorts massage and strip clubs, I was in run to test every other girl! Still I am always thinking about to have fun with new girls. I always want to see and have feelings to see their face and expressions when I am having fun. Yes I am stupid that I feel every time that I am going to tear her up and see her expression and get pleasure from it! I feel so guilty every time I have fun. I am earning good money now but I am also spending a lot and this addiction is all over me currently. I have seen more than 100 girls in my past 7 years. I am still under thirty's. I was seeing girls before my marriage and now also, yes I am married now. I tried so many times not to look for reviews and not to see but I feel this addiction is like alcohol, no matter how you control yourself but you keep going back to your addiction. I do not have any other addiction. My spouse doesn't know anything about my current situation. I don't know what I do to control myself. I really need support, I could not seek for any rehab or medical care because I don't want that my spouse will come to about this..

[PriscillaM]

I went to a meeting two weeks ago but there were too many gay men, I didn't feel comfortable. Does anyone use online meetings? I have been to a couple other support groups online and I just prefer being around people.

I would assume that just like everything else that is done by phone or zoom, it is even more useless than the real thing.

I used to walk on the beach in Venice California and listen to an AA meeting as I stole their free coffee and donuts. The pandemic shut that down but there are a few that creep up. Most of it is just drunks complaining about how their childhood trauma makes them drink or bullshit like that.

As for sex addiction and gay men, I would be horrified if I was in the same room as a gay guy who self confessed to be a sex addict.

Look dude, if you are on this board, it is because you like sex. If you like it too much, well then you need to manage it. But do not try to solve it- this is not like drugs or booze that can lead you to death or DUI, it is just fooking. Jeez.

[JayPm]

I am young man! I am addicted to sex from last 7 years! Yes I am! I really need suggestions to get out of this darkness. Before sex addiction, I was always watching porn everyday and musterbeting. When came to know about all this escorts massage and strip clubs, I was in run to test every other girl! Still I am always thinking about to have fun with new girls. I always want to see and have feelings to see their face and expressions when I am having fun. Yes I am stupid that I feel every time that I am going to tear her up and see her expression and get pleasure from it! I feel so guilty every time I have fun. I am earning good money now but I am also spending a lot and this addiction is all over me currently. I have seen more than 100 girls in my past 7 years. I am still under thirty's. I was seeing girls before my marriage and now also, yes I am married now. I tried so many times not to look for reviews and not to see but I feel this addiction is like alcohol, no matter how you control yourself but you keep going back to your addiction. I do not have any other addiction. My spouse doesn't know anything about my current situation. I don't know what I do to control myself. I really need support, I could not seek for any rehab or medical care because I don't want that my spouse will come to about this.

I am seen massage, Strip club, escorts, SB. 80%-90% gave me compliments that I am really good person! I am not overthinking of myself but I never forced or disrespected anyone of I have seen! I always stay calm and give them respect. I all are doing for reason. I am really tired of this and feel myself guilty everyday in mirror that How can I control! How! Please any suggestions welcome. Thank you.

[Sudcciv]

Fun fact about "addiction"-it is a SUBJECTIVE TERM, and there is NO "clinical criteria" in the ICD-10 (the "bible" of medical diagnoses), or the "DSM-5" (the "bible" of psychological diagnoses! "Addiction" to one is a "habit" to another. I do NOT recommend ANY "12 Step" program of ANY kind for ANY "addiction", since ending the damned thing is NOT it's goal! Basically, you CANNOT change the addict, but you CAN change your "relationship"/ interaction WITH the addict. Give the person a CHOICE-you or the drug, you or the addiction, you or the hookers, etc. When you have cut off all communication with the addict, then he will see that you are serious about the "line in the sand" that you drew and he / she violated. YOU get to move on. The "addict" CHOSE NOT TO!

Hello. He might not realize that he has an addiction, or might not see it that way. You will need to have a frank talk with him about it eventually. You need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel. Offer to get help for him. There are groups out there for him and you. Look up celebrate recovery. It's a Christian 12 step program for any addiction really. Some have support groups for spouses of the addiction. It does help. Though the first step is admitting that you have a problem. If he's not willing to get help or doesn't think it's a problem you should still go yourself for your own peace of mind. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

[Sinbadd]

He wants sex more than she does.

[Johnny Shakes]

Last week I booked a lady from google directory I don't no for name but I booked for 1 hour first she was come to location to late then I open a door I see She is totally change I was shocked what's The problem this is a bigger scam for me. Anyone know that where I searching for service?

[Ray Pugh]

I went to a meeting two weeks ago but there were too many gay men, I didn't feel comfortable. Does anyone use online meetings? I have been to a couple other support groups online and I just prefer being around people.

[Head First]

I've been doing it more than three decades

A2.

Hopefully you're still doing it. Is it 3.5 decades now?

This path that we're on sometimes still has some hurdles on it but for the most part they're mainly speed bumps. Right?

Congrats! Man.

[N Gorged]

Somewhere there is a scale following the title, but w / a 4th stage, interdependency, that I omitted as I've forgotten the difference. It was used to describe relationships in general, but I'm applying it to sexuality relationships, specifically. Dependency we know. We call it addiction; independency we know when having been dependent, we study and grow or gain sobriety. Inter. Is being sexual but not judging it, I think. Intra. Is being inclusive to the entire drama (that I am about to share).

It's a lot like the Stages of Faith work of James Fowler, describing human maturity along Ericksonian lines. 0-6 yr, 7-12, 13-18, 19-34, 35-55, & 56 on. As toddler / imaginative, pre-teen / literal, teen / group level, early adult / personal, mid-adult / mystical, and finally elder adult / sacrificial. Some folks stay at the group mind level, in churches. And in sexual awareness, as I understand it. In faiths, Buddha, Jesus, Gandhi, MLK Jr, have all attained the 6th level. So sure of their understandings of life that they are willing to die for it.

It helps having a framework for our understanding, and an ability to keep looking into it. In sexuality, it was Victorian era English who put strict stds on what is proper and what is not, such that most are rebelling at it, and less can extract themselves from it, getting sobriety as generally spoken. But while some personalities can fit into that mold, others have a more playful side, wanting to share love and explore their sensuality and sexuality. In Victorian era English, those with diverse tastes, were usually driven underground. And were likely part of the control-file nature of politics. Catherine Austin Fitts talks of this to some extent. Knowing the depths that some elitist will go to retain their power, and to influence or extort others to go along with their plans, sadly. The whole thing has skewed the fuller maturation process that sexuality goes through, when not usurped to serve a political objective.

Oriental cultures have studied the body longer, developing wholistic medicine incorporating energy lines and points, called meridians. Then heightened or lessened via acupuncture. Whenever at an Asian Massage Parlor, and getting a rub, it is nice to be teased. Ideally, it need not happen all the time. Tantra yoga notes we can channel our sexual seeds up the spine to depart along chakra points - 1st, sexually into children; 2nd with others in relationships; 3rd to heighten our self esteem via arts, crafts, work; 4th to augment our ability to love which is also healing from love scars of past lovers or abuses; 5th is to be vocalized along anything spoken or sung; 6th is to be aware of the seat of our soul, in this 3rd eye point; 7th is to live out our highest and best self, even being able to re-start our endocrine system and prolong our lifetime into our 100's. As with Stages of Faith, most stay between the 2nd or 3rd level, though as others do more into 4th chakra work, it creates a 100th Monkey-effect to allow others to ascend to that level as well.

So to make a long story short, many spiritual seekers have talked of putting restraints upon our carnal instincts, as our ego in psychological terms. But rather than keeping it immature, we can also grow above that, to mature it. To have a fuller sensual and sexual experience. Ego / psych students have either the basic resource to get into a problem, then get out of it, and never go back in. Certainly, addicts who've relapsed will say it is impossible to do so, yet I believe it is only impossible for some types. See the Meyers-Briggs personality profiling book, Gifts Differing; some cannot, but a rare few can attain the Boddhisatvic level, and bring the rest of us further along. I'm not there, just being a gate-holder, or trying to open an alchemical channel to show that we can turn our base emotions into golden wisdom - - - Ross Hamilton has a great talk on this on Dr Rita Louise Youtube show, from how pyramids were to channel magnetic energy deep in the earth. Like our bodies. By connecting up to the electrical nature of the sky. Oddly, the RH talk is of the Serpent Mound in Ohio. Bringing us back full circle to sexuality, spirituality and the ascension or descension of the planet and its peoples.

[LJ Looking]

I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.

I too am a sex addict. Seeking prostitutes, watch a ton of porn, masturbate several times a day everyday.

If you're like me or think you're an addict or know someone that you think maybe an addict, search "The Most Personal Addiction" book by Joe Zychik. You can download a pdf, it's free.

If you do, I'd like your thoughts. I have no affiliation with the author, I just understood where he was coming from. It just made things a bit more clear. I also don't agree with everything, but I did find it very helpful in understanding this addiction better. I still struggle as I am married, but my wife doesn't understand and is not as supportive as I was hoping for, which I believe is vital to success in overcoming this addiction.

[BaseHit]

Aloha gentleman,

I wanted to say hello. This is my first time hearing about this thread and I must say I'm glad I stumbled on it. I've been in the mongering game for a few years, still young too (haven't even hit my thirties yet) and I thought it was only me who was going through these addictive episodes. I'm both relieved but saddened that I am not the only one. I always considered myself below average, low self-esteem so nothing much going for me but work. When I did my first attempt seeing an escort, I ended up getting a rush of adrenaline and carnal pleasure that I never felt before. I felt like I was something more. I thought the trade of a couple bucks for that high was worth it. Kept going at it whenever a new provider came to the island (Hawaii is scarce on providers where I'm from so it's not easy to get a variety) until one day I found myself with a girlfriend. She was sweet, pretty, and she truly cares and sees me for me which makes me feel worse because I couldn't stop trying to see a provider. I was already so deep into the monger world that I would search sites everyday if anyone was available on the island. That high which was becoming less and less potent on me which made me want it more and my hatred for myself was growing larger whenever I would see a provider than my girlfriend after. The feeling of having a significant other who truly has your back and is there for you in every way is such a sharp contrast from having some attractive random girl who will do what you want but doesn't have any feelings for you. Trying to make sense of all that is too much, because I truly believe you cannot have both. It's a black hole of self-loathing folks and the outcome is either a numbness or complete and utter chaos on your emotions. Up is down, left becomes right and you have to handle all these feelings in private because you cornered yourself from being able to tell anyone. Even if you did speak about it how would you justify why you did what you did.

I reached a breaking point of my guilt and shame when they closed backpage. I literally started scrambling finding ways to see a provider (remember this is Hawaii, but not Oahu so providers are scarce). I looked like a madman when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I am an addict. You might hate me for saying this but closing BP was a good thing for me. I tried hard to pick up the pieces and try to live before my mongering. I went to therapy, I focused more on my work and I even reawakened old hobbies I long forgot. Worked out a lot whenever I felt the urge to feel that high again and I always tried to be a better boyfriend. Unfortunately, the struggle is never ending. Relapses happen which is why you see me posting here. I have not seen a provider for about a year or two, but urges find a way. I have found myself now on seeking, not all the time but when the urge is too much. I wish this story had a happy ending, but I wanted to give the realistic journey and not some fairytale.

As a closer I just wanted to say I am not one to judge anyone on their reasons or why they are doing this. Truth be told there are some who embraced this lifestyle and are doing so of their own accord. If so than I wish more power to you and all the providers to treat you well. If you feel you are an addict and want out of this vicious cycle than hang in there alright, from one stranger to another. Keep strong.

Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. If you think I am scum than that is alright, I deserve it. I'm weak, a coward, but I'm trying. If anyone here is reading this and going through the same thing then DON'T give up and accept it. I know you can be better than this. You will not just hurt yourselves, but others as well.

Learn from p

Mahalo and stay safe.

Hi DreamCatching. How goes the fight? Are you winning? I've had my ups and downs and personally know it is a tough road. Don't beat yourself up. You are not scum. When I read your post I can tell you have a good heart and a good moral compass. Don't forget to look in the mirror and remind yourself of that. I do it daily and it does help. Keep up the good fight learn from your mistakes when you make them and carry on.

Tony.

[Dicdic]

I have been in this hobby for about 10 years first the strip clubs, then the AMPs and topping it off with backpage. I have seen friends busted and families destroyed. I have even been caught by my SO who JlsG910 remind me of and I still don't know why I do it I always have buyers regret. This is the first time that I am being honest about this I don't know if I have a problem but this is my first step and thank you Jarston1 for sharing.

[Chuckrr]

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