Sexual Addiction Reports

[BaseHit]

I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.

The way you feel and think about yourself is more common than you think. I too share many of the same traits. Not until recently did I discover I am a codependent. The more I learned about it the more I understood myself and my actions. For me personally I was always looking for more intimacy that's why I bounced from one escort to another hoping to get that rush It's the same reason I never dated anyone for more than a few months. I'm still trying to kick this habit and I have a long way to go however I'm gaining ground as to what and why the urge hits giving me some pause to reconsider my actions. I use to seek out an escort at least once a month now it's every few months if that. When I do I'm able to process why I did and not beat myself up for it. We're all damaged goods my friend, the key is to identify the wound and treat it. Your mind and body will thank you for it. Good luck in whichever path you take.

[Dj Hunter]

It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.

I feel you. I'm truly not sure I can do it either but I won't know until I try (and I've already given it about 15 half-hearted tries over the years). I hope that all of us who are acknowledging this as a problem in our lives continue trying. I'm also motivated by the fear of what happens if I don't try to quit. My wife will likely find out, or I'll get a disease, or both, or I'll just continue spiraling down the cycle of depression, lying, and self-medicating until one or more of the former happen and I take myself off this planet. Those are the frightening alternatives I have, while my addiction deludes me into thinking I just need to bust one more nut to feel better. But I also want (and need) to really change as a person because I'm tired of acting and feeling like a selfish piece of shit dysfunctional misfit who's always down on himself.

[MosesBlack]

Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.

It will absolutely be a monumental undertaking for all of us. I'll be honest when I say I'm not sure I can do it. I've realized that much just stems from loneliness and false beliefs like if I don't have a super active sex life I'm a loser which is not true. There have been plenty of people who lived celibate lives through history and accomplished quite a bit.

I suffer the same thing especially comparing and checking out women in public to the extent that I believe it goes beyond normal behavior. The comparing is terrible because there is no end. I currently see an escort who looks like a model and I still think to myself it's not good enough, what's next, can I fuck a hotter woman? Now imagine what this does to your partner, a person who loves you.

Then there's going to strip clubs and seeing the old men who still are there. To me it's sad, and it's like a gambling or drug addict that never quit.

I've tried many things, counseling, organized religion, retreats, and some have worked for a while but so still have not stopped. I wish you the best my man in this.

[Dj Hunter]

Which is the first step. I used to think that all this was harmless because I'm just a normal man with a high sex drive right. It is far from harmless and I'm coming to the conclusion that you can get sucked in too deep and ruin yourself, your family, and your reputation. I also fluctuate between this is normal to this is fucked up. Slowly I'm coming to terms with why I do this and the traumas of the past. Same with any woman in this industry, do you think a normal woman with a healthy loving family would do this? That's why when you hear their stories it's usually a train wreck. But yes getting out for good is hard.

Honestly confronting and admitting to ourselves that we have a problem is a huge first step. I remember looking at myself in the mirror one night and seeing myself for who I am, a sex addict. I don't want to believe it but its true and that was the hardest look over myself that I'd ever had to do. And I've made all of those same excuses. That I'm biologically wired as a man to behave this way, or that my wife isn't attractive enough and I can fuck someone who looks better (which is usually not the case because I meet with streetwalkers and bottom-feeder escorts, most of whom look much worse than my wife will ever look), all types of crazy and untrue things.

Getting out for good is probably going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do in my life. My personality has been shaped around this hobby. Recently, I realized that I spend so much time looking at women in public. It kinda startled me because my head always stays on a swivel. And I'll weaponize all of that imagery to compare random women to my wife, or store it for a jerk session, or worse it'll feed my desire to let it off with a worker. There are so many subtle parts of this addiction that are easy to ignore which is makes it so difficult to escape. Re-wiring myself and making a lasting change of personality is going to be hard and I'm quite scared. I keep wanting to convince myself that I'm simply not ready. But if I don't start down the path of quitting, this motherfucker will take me down and completely fracture and devestate my wife and family.

[MosesBlack]

Which is the first step. I used to think that all this was harmless because I'm just a normal man with a high sex drive right. It is far from harmless and I'm coming to the conclusion that you can get sucked in too deep and ruin yourself, your family, and your reputation. I also fluctuate between this is normal to this is fucked up. Slowly I'm coming to terms with why I do this and the traumas of the past. Same with any woman in this industry, do you think a normal woman with a healthy loving family would do this? That's why when you hear their stories it's usually a train wreck. But yes getting out for good is hard.

[Dj Hunter]

I'm in the same boat. I've had so many dangerous situations in the last 10 years, got burned twice by girls who said they were 'clean' (lucky I didn't give anything to my other) and despite these crazy situations I still draw myself back in. Although I haven't really done FS in many years and for the most part do massage and HJ ending.

Recovery is tough. I've started down this path several times and failed each time. Change is scary, and I think that quitting this thing that has become a part of my identity over decades is daunting because I really have to change who I am. That sounds monumentally difficult. But I think I'm going to keep trying. There are a lot of past things that led me here and I have to deal with my past. I've also been haunted by terrifying shame and guilt. I've gotten to this point in the past but never really translated any of it to lasting change. I just felt sorry for myself and went back to engaging in this behavior.

Next step for me is just taking things one day at a time and working with my therapist. Perhaps finding and joining SAA and definitely taking more stock in myself, owning up to my shitty behavior, and honestly seeking change. I deserve better in my life and I'm a better person than this. I know relapse is possible and I'm aware that I'll eventually reach a baseline where I'm not feeling so introspective and I'll want to fuck a random woman again. The psychological roller coaster is, and has been, something else. If you're religious, please pray for me and I'll do the same for you and for all of us.

[LasVegas1976]

Per the famous Scarface line: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" That's how this game feels. I've had several fits and starts, times when I just want to be done with this dangerous hobby and others when I just want to cum inside the orifice of a stranger. I have a good wife and family and its absolutely depressing knowing that I'm willing to risk all of that for this. I'd also never imagined myself as a cheater, let alone a cheater with prostitutes and escorts. However, 15 years later here we are. It is a sick mental balancing act of having to navigate the shame, guilt, desire, depression, and a punch bowl of other emotions. I will always regret allowing myself into this game.

As far as help, I'll say that one important thing is having someone or others to confide in. There are groups as well as therapists. There are also members here. I befriended a couple members from the board whom I felt I could trust and was regularly in touch with them for a time. We tried to hold each other accountable and be each others' sounding boards since we could relate to each others' experiences and not be judgmental, but its been a while since we last talked. I will say that there are options. I've learned that its very difficult to escape addiction and that is a scary notion. I don't want to know how far this road goes and where it leads because I doubt its anywhere good.

I'm in the same boat. I've had so many dangerous situations in the last 10 years, got burned twice by girls who said they were 'clean' (lucky I didn't give anything to my other) and despite these crazy situations I still draw myself back in. Although I haven't really done FS in many years and for the most part do massage and HJ ending.

[Dj Hunter]

I have a beautiful girlfriend but keep getting drawn back in. I don't want to cheat but I have. Like the addrenalin rush and doing something taboo. The sex is not nearly as good as what I have. I don't know how to get help. Are there groups or something.

Per the famous Scarface line: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!" That's how this game feels. I've had several fits and starts, times when I just want to be done with this dangerous hobby and others when I just want to cum inside the orifice of a stranger. I have a good wife and family and its absolutely depressing knowing that I'm willing to risk all of that for this. I'd also never imagined myself as a cheater, let alone a cheater with prostitutes and escorts. However, 15 years later here we are. It is a sick mental balancing act of having to navigate the shame, guilt, desire, depression, and a punch bowl of other emotions. I will always regret allowing myself into this game.

As far as help, I'll say that one important thing is having someone or others to confide in. There are groups as well as therapists. There are also members here. I befriended a couple members from the board whom I felt I could trust and was regularly in touch with them for a time. We tried to hold each other accountable and be each others' sounding boards since we could relate to each others' experiences and not be judgmental, but its been a while since we last talked. I will say that there are options. I've learned that its very difficult to escape addiction and that is a scary notion. I don't want to know how far this road goes and where it leads because I doubt its anywhere good.

[Wiggles0923]

I can relate to a lot of what you and the last couple guys have said. I alternate between the "I'm a man and I have needs" type of thing and having that sense of emptiness or dread. The dread being that I've been doing this for most of the past 12 years and that no winning streak lasts forever. The more I do it and the longer I'm in the game, more opportunities arise for something to go really wrong like catching a disease, getting robbed, getting stabbed, being spotted by someone I know, etc and that it will happen when I least expect it.

I hope to someday get action again because of real attraction and not because of the benjamins in my pocket. But I'm getting older and that window will be closing soon.

Meanwhile, I will go back and forth between playing the game when I can't stand the dry spells anymore and sitting out to minimize my risk and the dent in my wallet.

Stay safe out there.

I have a beautiful girlfriend but keep getting drawn back in. I don't want to cheat but I have. Like the addrenalin rush and doing something taboo. The sex is not nearly as good as what I have. I don't know how to get help. Are there groups or something.

[UOnlyLiveOnce]

I can relate to a lot of what you and the last couple guys have said. I alternate between the "I'm a man and I have needs" type of thing and having that sense of emptiness or dread. The dread being that I've been doing this for most of the past 12 years and that no winning streak lasts forever. The more I do it and the longer I'm in the game, more opportunities arise for something to go really wrong like catching a disease, getting robbed, getting stabbed, being spotted by someone I know, etc and that it will happen when I least expect it.

I hope to someday get action again because of real attraction and not because of the benjamins in my pocket. But I'm getting older and that window will be closing soon.

Meanwhile, I will go back and forth between playing the game when I can't stand the dry spells anymore and sitting out to minimize my risk and the dent in my wallet.

Stay safe out there.

I go through fits of just embracing it. I say myself "You know what, I'm a man and this is what I'm going to do. No more little this and little that, QV here or AMP there. I'm going to see quality wh0 res. I deserve it. Best of the best. Pat my kids on the head and kiss my wife on the cheek, call my mother on her birthday. Nothing wrong with me at all."

Seriously, this is the conversation I have with myself. But the reality is that all we are doing is making a deeper and deeper crater that can't be filled. It hit me the other day I wanted to see a call-girl so badly but for whatever reason I couldn't. I was so irritated, like an addict who ran out of smack. Then I saw a girl I used to know, what a stunner, who was starting to show signs of age. It broke my heart. Or maybe I see one and I can now see the signs of drug use. Also broke my heart and reminded me of the reality here.

It's just a fucked up thing of ours and I can't see ever being able to really embrace it. And if you're not fully embracing it you're not really enjoying it. If you do fully embrace it though, I fear you lose your soul. As far as sex with the wife, she wants it more than I do. We're too busy, she's too much of a *****. I just want nothing to do with her really.

Keep trying. I know I am. I am still relapsing pretty often but I'm trying to just keep trucking when I do.

[Jarston1]

I go through fits of just embracing it. I say myself "You know what, I'm a man and this is what I'm going to do. No more little this and little that, QV here or AMP there. I'm going to see quality wh0 res. I deserve it. Best of the best. Pat my kids on the head and kiss my wife on the cheek, call my mother on her birthday. Nothing wrong with me at all."

Seriously, this is the conversation I have with myself. But the reality is that all we are doing is making a deeper and deeper crater that can't be filled. It hit me the other day I wanted to see a call-girl so badly but for whatever reason I couldn't. I was so irritated, like an addict who ran out of smack. Then I saw a girl I used to know, what a stunner, who was starting to show signs of age. It broke my heart. Or maybe I see one and I can now see the signs of drug use. Also broke my heart and reminded me of the reality here.

It's just a fucked up thing of ours and I can't see ever being able to really embrace it. And if you're not fully embracing it you're not really enjoying it. If you do fully embrace it though, I fear you lose your soul. As far as sex with the wife, she wants it more than I do. We're too busy, she's too much of a *****. I just want nothing to do with her really.

Keep trying. I know I am. I am still relapsing pretty often but I'm trying to just keep trucking when I do.

I am also a sex addict. I just needed to write this down somewhere. I cleared 300 K last year of working and a good bit of that went towards ******. I'm going to re-evaluate my life and my financial situation. Most of the money was spent on girls and also hiding it from my SO in forms of booking hotels. Sometimes up to 500 per visit for some of these girls. It's shameful and pleasurable at the same time. I guess that's the hook. My SO has no idea, I've always remained clean and safe during this "hobby" despite some close calls. Even had a pregnancy close call due to a potential IUD failure. Everything about this ride has been exhilarating at times but I need to make a change. But, change to what? The alternative doesn't seem exciting. Monogamous sex on an infrequent basis (what percentage of husbands out here are really fucking their wives as much as they want to). This shit is depressing af LOL.

[LacroixPapi]

I am also a sex addict. I just needed to write this down somewhere. I cleared 300 K last year of working and a good bit of that went towards ******. I'm going to re-evaluate my life and my financial situation. Most of the money was spent on girls and also hiding it from my SO in forms of booking hotels. Sometimes up to 500 per visit for some of these girls. It's shameful and pleasurable at the same time. I guess that's the hook. My SO has no idea, I've always remained clean and safe during this "hobby" despite some close calls. Even had a pregnancy close call due to a potential IUD failure. Everything about this ride has been exhilarating at times but I need to make a change. But, change to what? The alternative doesn't seem exciting. Monogamous sex on an infrequent basis (what percentage of husbands out here are really fucking their wives as much as they want to). This shit is depressing af LOL.

[Member #6450]

Something I've come to terms with in my life. Yes, I am a sex addict. I'm trying really hard to not be anymore. I'd be lying if I said my addiction didn't negatively affect relationships with women. I've never physically mistreated women, but I know I've emotionally have been a piece of shit to women in the past. It's something I regret. I have seemed to have gotten watching porn under control. One day I just got bored with porn and stopped going to pornhub and xvideos. I do look at hot women's pictures and videos on instagram and stuff. I guess you can loosely call that porn but the hardcore videos I've stopped watching completely. I have noticed a drastic improvement in maintaining erections, so it's a start. Started working out and going to the gym again after 10 years of being mostly inactive. That has helped my mental health and overall health in general. Still not where I need to be but I'm getting there and seeing results. Yes, I still do see escorts and massage girls which started when I was only 18 right out of HS. More on that below. I took a self imposed hiatus for a few months to reflect on all this. Gave up porn and got rid of the male sex toys I had. Just threw them in the trash. Now I seek out quality and I'm selective of who I see. I still have needs after all.

Back to when I first started seeing escorts. I was too young and didn't realize I was addicted. I didn't have the emotional maturity to handle it. Not sure what happened when I was young because I grew up in a good family, went to good schools, and parents still together. Yes, my parents were kind of strict when I was growing up. I wasn't allowed to "date" until well into high school. It was always supervised dates so there was always an adult around. All my friends had girlfriends but I wasn't allowed to have one. I liked girls, but not wanting to piss off my parents I was too scared back then to even talk to girls. This resulted in social awkwardness and anxiety. I've since broken out of that but still have some confidence issues to this day. Not nearly as bad as back then though. After HS, I still hadn't been laid yet, so I thought let's make this easier on myself and get an escort. I lost my virginity to a god damn hooker. She was nothing special and in fact I remember her being kind of a *****. How's that for my first experience getting laid. Sad! I had to pay someone for the shitty experience. Yeah thanks.

I was addicted to hookers/escorts and didn't realize it. It was more the thrill and anticipation of seeing a new girl not knowing what she was going to look like. This was pre-internet days, 1989/1990 when it started. I wish I never met the guy who introduced me to the weekly news rag which had an adult section that was full of ads for escorts, strippers, phone sex lines, etc. This guy also introduced me to strip clubs as we would often go to a local one after work. I was only 18, but this one club was 18 and over. He was a coworker and we were working for the town we lived in. Got the job out of HS and made good money. A lot of escort girls were $150 an hour FS back then. I have had only a few normal relationships with women in my life. I've been engaged a couple of times, but never married and no children. I do kind of regret that at 52 years old now. I've spent heaven knows how much money on girls over the years. Easily 6 figures. One woman I may have had a normal relationship with I ruined myself. This was about 20 years ago. I know she really liked me. We had sex the in first weekend we met and she was very much into me. Then after I wanted nothing to do with her. She was beautiful and I was a piece of shit to her. I broke that girls heart. I could tell she never really had a boyfriend in her life and took advantage. A mutual friend who introduced us later told me I ruined this poor woman emotionally. I did run into her years later and her demeanor was downright cold and could tell there was an edge to her. She was jaded and I am positive it was my fault. After all, all I had mostly known was paying a woman to fuck and then just leave.
I'm not proud of this. Maybe that's my punishment for treating her the way I did. My punishment is I have to be alone for the rest of my life and I'm not allowed to have a meaningful relationship with a woman ever again. I've also dated escort girls and I can say this was unequivocally a bad decision. All ended in disaster both emotionally and financially. If anybody is considering doing that, please dont and get far away as possible. You will not be the one to save her and it's going to end badly. These women belong to the streets as the kids say. I've come to terms that this is my life. I wish it were different but I've accepted it.

[Jarston1]

If you do see this.

There's a hindu proverb about a woman who takes her son to a guru to get the son to quit eating sugar. The guru says "come back in a week. " She came back a week later and he said "come back in another week. " This went on for some time. Finally the guru gave her the answer to stop her sons sugar habit. She thanked him and asked "why did you keep telling me to come back?

The guru replied, I had to figure out how to stop my sugar addiction first.

You see where this is going. If anyone had an answer we'd fix our own problem. The internet has made this very easy. We can watch all the porn we want, find a girl online, whatever. Back in the day you had to get porn at an adult store, find girls in the street or club, or wherever other seedy locations. It's very easy these days to have a "double life. " You can really be a great and standup guy 23/7. It's that little hour though, or more, that you can be a real piece of work.

All I can say is keep trying and the conventional wisdom is not to tell your wife. They may say that they want to know. But if you love her even women will tell you not to tell her. Deal with it, stop doing it, make a firm resolve. It's going to be very hard. People will give me shit for it but go to confession if that's in your faith system.

I am young man! I am addicted to sex from last 7 years! Yes I am! I really need suggestions to get out of this darkness. Before sex addiction, I was always watching porn everyday and musterbeting. When came to know about all this escorts massage and strip clubs, I was in run to test every other girl! Still I am always thinking about to have fun with new girls. I always want to see and have feelings to see their face and expressions when I am having fun. Yes I am stupid that I feel every time that I am going to tear her up and see her expression and get pleasure from it! I feel so guilty every time I have fun. I am earning good money now but I am also spending a lot and this addiction is all over me currently. I have seen more than 100 girls in my past 7 years. I am still under thirty's. I was seeing girls before my marriage and now also, yes I am married now. I tried so many times not to look for reviews and not to see but I feel this addiction is like alcohol, no matter how you control yourself but you keep going back to your addiction. I do not have any other addiction. My spouse doesn't know anything about my current situation. I don't know what I do to control myself. I really need support, I could not seek for any rehab or medical care because I don't want that my spouse will come to about this..

[PriscillaM]

I went to a meeting two weeks ago but there were too many gay men, I didn't feel comfortable. Does anyone use online meetings? I have been to a couple other support groups online and I just prefer being around people.

I would assume that just like everything else that is done by phone or zoom, it is even more useless than the real thing.

I used to walk on the beach in Venice California and listen to an AA meeting as I stole their free coffee and donuts. The pandemic shut that down but there are a few that creep up. Most of it is just drunks complaining about how their childhood trauma makes them drink or bullshit like that.

As for sex addiction and gay men, I would be horrified if I was in the same room as a gay guy who self confessed to be a sex addict.

Look dude, if you are on this board, it is because you like sex. If you like it too much, well then you need to manage it. But do not try to solve it- this is not like drugs or booze that can lead you to death or DUI, it is just fooking. Jeez.