Sexual Addiction Reports

[Snake27]

Here's a short essay I wrote for an SB I dated. She was impressed, although in the meantime she's decided she doesn't like me.

The difference between men and women can be understood using an energy model. The energy required for reproduction is different. Women have a 9 month gestation period, which is a major investment in energy, while men in principle only need to have sex to contribute to making a baby, which is a small investment in energy. Women also tend to do more of the child-rearing, another big energy investment.

Here is where morality steps in, however. Morality is the resolution of a conflict of desires; the women desire that the men invest a similar amount of energy through long-term commitment to child rearing to help produce a well-developed offspring. Society supports this moral precept and teaches the males from an early age to respect women and to commit to a relationship.

Many men will attempt to adopt a two-prong approach to reproduction: to have a wife and family, while secretly pursuing short affairs outside of marriage. The women, because of the energy required, are more circumspect about their choices, which thwarts the efforts of most men. However, some women will exploit a man's relative promiscuity to profit economically -- what sugarbabies (prostitutes) do.

[PartyTimeGuy]

As Men, why is having sex with exciting young beautiful women important in our lives?

Testosterone is a powerful hormone. The average male has a sexual thought every few minutes. We are the product of billions of years of evolution that has finely honed our sex drive. It is the reason our species survived to be here in the first place The question is not why some of us are sexually addicted but why aren't ALL of us sexually addicted?.

Why do we equate having sex with a beautiful young woman as a "rare quality experience"? If I had stayed the straight and narrow with only a handful of lovers in my life, I would have never dreamed of having dates with fine beautiful quality women. And of course not so great. That experience is important to me. And doing it over and over and over again became habitual.

Even the most beautiful young woman can become tedious with repetition. If I could find a woman who could make me feel different every time then I probably would never stray. But such a fantasy woman does not exist. For me, sexual addiction is the continual search for new conquests and sexual variety.

Trying to justify and weigh the pros and cons like any good addictive behavior person would. But I feel Drugs vs Sex are different.

Because doctors tell us that there IS a safe healthy sexual lifestyle.

There is no such thing as a safe healthy narcotic lifestyle.

Quite true. At least sex doesn't cause negative physical effects like alcohol or drug abuse. And who is to say that a "healthy sexual lifestyle" isn't nailing as many pretty young things as one can?

Pros.

Makes me feel good.
Sex when ever I want.
Fulfilling fantasies.
Get to experience many different types of girls.
Collect fond memories and experiences for when I'm very old.
Adrenaline rush.
Potential genuine friendship.
Hear and collect many personal stories.

All very valid points. Definitely reasons I enjoy fucking a wide variety of young women.

Cons.

Financial ruin.

Fortunately for me, I have plenty of funds. It isn't likely I will run out.

Exploitation of the vulnerable.

I don't see the truth in this one. It is a financial transaction for both sides. Thinking you are exploiting a woman you hire for sex would mean you would feel the same way hiring her to mow your lawn. She wants money. You have money. She is willing to do something you want for that money. It is a classic example of market dynamics, supply and demand.

Ruined marriage and family relationships.

This is a big one and would have been true when I was married or had a serious gf. Now I have no SO so this one doesn't even apply.

Social Stigma.

I am so past this. Americans are too uptight about sex and so hypocritical. To avoid drama I keep my sexual trysts private (except anonymously revealed in this forum). But I laugh at the possibility that there is a social morality here that bears serious consideration.

Arrest.

I may be sexually addicted but I am careful. I have never been arrested for anything, let alone paying for sex. And since I almost exclusively play with SBs I recruit in the wild, the probability of arrest is not zero but it is quite low.

Diseases.

Always a possibility. I have had 3 STDs in my entire lifetime of hundreds of paid for sexual encounters. All were from uncovered oral with SWs. I never ever fuck uncovered even if the girl is on birth control. So disease risk is there, but no more than anyone who is very active sexually.

Being robbed.

Again, I am very careful and never carry any more cash than I need for the transaction. Not that this ever has applied because I never have been robbed in hundreds of transactions with SWs, escorts or UTRs. Now that I virtually exclusively play with SBs I have personally recruited in the wild, my robbery risk is even lower.

Potential Injury or Death.

Same reaction as the robbery risk. I just don't see this as an important factor in the way I have chosen to play.

Blackmail.

Two have tried. But they didn't even know who I was. I use burner phones and rented cars. Blackmail is not impossible but highly improbable. Besides, I have many successful strategies to combat this if it ever occurred.

Maybe there is something I am missing, but it seems to me that my sexual addiction to banging pretty college-aged women and the occasional horny MILF actually IS a very healthy sexual lifestyle.

[Timonelama]

Just been 2 weeks in the sex addiction thereapy. 4 times a week x 1 hour. Feel a lot better. The whole intense process takes like 6 months.

[TwistedBrother]

Great post and much appreciation. I don't know if you've considered the 12 step programs that have been posted, but I hope you consider them. It's easier if you're not doing it alone.

Still struggling, though not as much lately.

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years. There were periods during those years where I was insanely active. Paying for extras at strip clubs, dating escorts on Craigslist and Backpage, making rounds on the street, just going wherever I could get my nut off. At a certain point in that time I decided to propose to the girl I'd been dating on and off for a few years. I thought that'd be the changing moment. I actually fucked who I'd christened as my "last girl" the morning of the day I proposed. What a fucking joke, thinking I could force myself to change just because I was getting engaged. I've been married for six years now, and it's only been in these last two that I began doing the serious digging required to move the quitting needle in any significant way. Prior to that, I'd had a couple STD scares, once mistakenly texted my wife while I was trying to text my escort date (was REALLY shaken by that one), and had other stupid situations that made me temporarily consider quitting but were me simply me succumbing to the guilt. I wasn't genuinely trying to change shit. Hell, as long as I didn't get caught, I was good.

The thought of quitting was always playing silently in the background though. Four years ago, I started dating the girl who gave me my first BBFS experience. I dated her several more times, most times with no cover, and it became the thing I sought out in dates. I got so adept, I could tell from assessing a girl's pics whether or not she'd be likely to let me hit raw, and I was fairly accurate. During that time I had the STD scares (that fortunately turned out to be nothing) and hit a brief phase of deep depression, unbeknownst to my wife. A couple times I just sat in my car and cried before coming home from work. It made me start taking the hard look at myself, though. Who I was, what I thought of myself, and why I was like this. When I started out in this hobby, I'd operated on the idea that man is biologically hardwired to "spread his seed" and that the hobby was was simply a byproduct of man's biological nature. But that was bullshit. While the biology may be a factor to a minimal extent, I've come to believe that sex addiction is deeply rooted in, and borne from, my personal experiences. Honestly, smoking weed really encouraged and enhanced my introspection and even heightened the imaginings of some of the worst things that could happen from this hobby. And I spent several nights over the course of about a year having these scary, dark, and entirely plausible fantasies. Over the course of time, my thoughts gradually shifted to introspection. I realized several things through self assessment: I had low self esteem, I wasn't nurtured much by my mother and sought validation through girls and women to fill the void (since an adolescent), and I'd become so adept at spotting the right escorts because I'd been seeking out escorts who had the lowest self esteem and didn't give as much of a shit about themselves.

Over the last two years, I'd also started focusing seriously on my health. I changed my diet, started running, and going to the gym. It became a natural distraction. I saw my body changing and I felt the best that I'd ever fucking felt. I was motivated and naturally filling the void through simply realizing my potential and worth. The few times that I did partake during this time felt worse than ever. I felt like I was sabotaging myself and my progress. More importantly, I felt like I had no more excuses because I'd been shown all the answers, the reasons why I am this way, and the things that could most certainly happen if I stay active in this hobby. It's gotten to a point that, although I still browse escort sites, I don't have much taste for anything. I don't drive aimlessly along the "stroll". I can finally drive past the strolls most times without feeling an overwhelming need to turn down those streets. It's been almost eight months since I last dated. It might sound cliche but I feel so much better. Through my health journey, I realized how much I've begun to care about myself and how conflicting and threatening the hobby is to that notion. The stress and guilt of the hobby is unhealthy, as is the time and money wasted. Iv'e assessed myself, my marriage, and what I want from life that I know I can get, and the hobby doesn't fit into any of that. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments. The challenges still linger and I still have urges. I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

[Timonelama]

I am a sex addict and I have known this for a 10 years now.

But I use escort services and that requires money. Time is money. If I use escort, it takes about 30 mins to find her and go to her place, then 1 hour with her and 30 minutes back. That is a total of 2 hours. But if I am going to the bar and pick up girls, it will take tons of money and time. So I think it is better to be sex addict and use escorts. Especially if you read Las Vegas hooking-up article; https://hookuptravels.com/wiki/Las_Vegas.

You will then realise it takes much less time to hire an escort than hook-up with a local "good" girl.

[Head First]

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years. There were periods during those years where I was insanely active. Paying for extras at strip clubs, dating escorts on Craigslist and Backpage, making rounds on the street, just going wherever I could get my nut off. At a certain point in that time I decided to propose to the girl I'd been dating on and off for a few years. I thought that'd be the changing moment. I actually fucked who I'd christened as my "last girl" the morning of the day I proposed. What a fucking joke, thinking I could force myself to change just because I was getting engaged. I've been married for six years now, and it's only been in these last two that I began doing the serious digging required to move the quitting needle in any significant way. Prior to that, I'd had a couple STD scares, once mistakenly texted my wife while I was trying to text my escort date (was REALLY shaken by that one), and had other stupid situations that made me temporarily consider quitting but were me simply me succumbing to the guilt. I wasn't genuinely trying to change shit. Hell, as long as I didn't get caught, I was good.

The thought of quitting was always playing silently in the background though. Four years ago, I started dating the girl who gave me my first BBFS experience. I dated her several more times, most times with no cover, and it became the thing I sought out in dates. I got so adept, I could tell from assessing a girl's pics whether or not she'd be likely to let me hit raw, and I was fairly accurate. During that time I had the STD scares (that fortunately turned out to be nothing) and hit a brief phase of deep depression, unbeknownst to my wife. A couple times I just sat in my car and cried before coming home from work. It made me start taking the hard look at myself, though. Who I was, what I thought of myself, and why I was like this. When I started out in this hobby, I'd operated on the idea that man is biologically hardwired to "spread his seed" and that the hobby was was simply a byproduct of man's biological nature. But that was bullshit. While the biology may be a factor to a minimal extent, I've come to believe that sex addiction is deeply rooted in, and borne from, my personal experiences. Honestly, smoking weed really encouraged and enhanced my introspection and even heightened the imaginings of some of the worst things that could happen from this hobby. And I spent several nights over the course of about a year having these scary, dark, and entirely plausible fantasies. Over the course of time, my thoughts gradually shifted to introspection. I realized several things through self assessment: I had low self esteem, I wasn't nurtured much by my mother and sought validation through girls and women to fill the void (since an adolescent), and I'd become so adept at spotting the right escorts because I'd been seeking out escorts who had the lowest self esteem and didn't give as much of a shit about themselves.

Over the last two years, I'd also started focusing seriously on my health. I changed my diet, started running, and going to the gym. It became a natural distraction. I saw my body changing and I felt the best that I'd ever fucking felt. I was motivated and naturally filling the void through simply realizing my potential and worth. The few times that I did partake during this time felt worse than ever. I felt like I was sabotaging myself and my progress. More importantly, I felt like I had no more excuses because I'd been shown all the answers, the reasons why I am this way, and the things that could most certainly happen if I stay active in this hobby. It's gotten to a point that, although I still browse escort sites, I don't have much taste for anything. I don't drive aimlessly along the "stroll". I can finally drive past the strolls most times without feeling an overwhelming need to turn down those streets. It's been almost eight months since I last dated. It might sound cliche but I feel so much better. Through my health journey, I realized how much I've begun to care about myself and how conflicting and threatening the hobby is to that notion. The stress and guilt of the hobby is unhealthy, as is the time and money wasted. Iv'e assessed myself, my marriage, and what I want from life that I know I can get, and the hobby doesn't fit into any of that. Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments. The challenges still linger and I still have urges. I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

I liked reading this post as well as most of the posts here. It indicates to me that you're tuned into a good frequency and you're hearing and listening to the recovery voice you and all of us have inside. Many nuggets of wisdom here.

[Rrayr]

As Men, why is having sex with exciting young beautiful women important in our lives?

Why do we equate having sex with a beautiful young woman as a "rare quality experience"? If I had stayed the straight and narrow with only a handful of lovers in my life, I would have never dreamed of having dates with fine beautiful quality women. And of course not so great. That experience is important to me. And doing it over and over and over again became habitual.

Trying to justify and weigh the pros and cons like any good addictive behavior person would. But I feel Drugs vs Sex are different.

Because doctors tell us that there IS a safe healthy sexual lifestyle.

There is no such thing as a safe healthy narcotic lifestyle.

Pros.

Makes me feel good.
Sex when ever I want.
Fulfilling fantasies.
Get to experience many different types of girls.
Collect fond memories and experiences for when I'm very old.
Adrenaline rush.
Potential genuine friendship.
Hear and collect many personal stories.

Cons.

Financial ruin.
Exploitation of the vulnerable.
Ruined marriage and family relationships.
Social Stigma.
Arrest.
Diseases.
Being robbed.
Potential Injury or Death.
Blackmail.

[Rrayr]

I was really trying to cut back (hopefully stop completely) and stay truer to my marriage. At least I wanted to refrain from mongering except while traveling. For a while I was doing better, but I've relapsed considerably in the past 3-4 months, to the point where I've BBFS at a local AMP twice in the past month. And that's just part of it, taking all sorts of my time, money and more. So conflicted as part of me is excited about these new adventures, and part of me dreads losing the quality of my marriage as well as much more.

I want to stop now, but already have plans for tomorrow, then want to stop after that. Crazy, no doubt.

Found this thread when looking at the SA archives. Thanks the JZ Lizard for posting the link.

The struggle is real and I appreciate everyone one this thread for their honesty and thoughts.

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I stopped for a few years too fellas. It's possible but I wasn't able to quit. After the relapse, it has been harder to quit even for a two days.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out. I suspect there are some smart guys here. Or at least smart enough to be well compensated. This ain't a cheap hobby if you're an addict. Thanks.

I don't even want to know how much $$ I through at this hobby in the last 4 years. It's depressing.

[Rrayr]

I was really trying to cut back (hopefully stop completely) and stay truer to my marriage. At least I wanted to refrain from mongering except while traveling. For a while I was doing better, but I've relapsed considerably in the past 3-4 months, to the point where I've BBFS at a local AMP twice in the past month. And that's just part of it, taking all sorts of my time, money and more. So conflicted as part of me is excited about these new adventures, and part of me dreads losing the quality of my marriage as well as much more.

I want to stop now, but already have plans for tomorrow, then want to stop after that. Crazy, no doubt.

I hear ya brother. After I got a great live in GF, feeling guilty like a POS. I said I'd stop. Telling myself "okay, after this one last time and I'll stop". Only to relapse after a payday. I have slowed down considerably, but only because of a change in my financial status. I've blocked 99% of the girls on my iPhone. Deleted my SA account and SB accounts. Gave away my dick pills. But it's still hard to legitimately quit. One step at a time.

One step at a time.

[JonWan]

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out.

If you want to stop, I can recommend:

Sex Addicts Anonymous: https://saa-recovery.org/.

SMART recovery: https://www.smartrecovery.org/intro/.

You forgot one Sex and Love Addicts Anon https://slaafws.org/

A2

[SugarBandit]

Found this thread when looking at the SA archives. Thanks the JZ Lizard for posting the link.

The struggle is real and I appreciate everyone one this thread for their honesty and thoughts.

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I stopped for a few years too fellas. It's possible but I wasn't able to quit. After the relapse, it has been harder to quit even for a two days.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out. I suspect there are some smart guys here. Or at least smart enough to be well compensated. This ain't a cheap hobby if you're an addict. Thanks.

I do it because I have the cash to do it. If you stop, what do you plan on doing with the money?

[Sarcastic King]

Found this thread when looking at the SA archives. Thanks the JZ Lizard for posting the link.

The struggle is real and I appreciate everyone one this thread for their honesty and thoughts.

There are a ton of seniors on here with huge post counts. What got me are the members with 50-60 posts asking for help on how to stop. We got no answers for them.

I stopped for a few years too fellas. It's possible but I wasn't able to quit. After the relapse, it has been harder to quit even for a two days.

I got no answers on how to stop so all I have is appreciation for those that shared.

Maybe as a group we can figure this out. I suspect there are some smart guys here. Or at least smart enough to be well compensated. This ain't a cheap hobby if you're an addict. Thanks.

[Head First]

My son is on maintenance (Thank God for this program!) for opioid addiction. In October the clinic lost 3 patients to the street. Fentanyl.

Last week (Thanksgiving week) the mother to one of the girls that was lost was handing this out to any that was brave enough to make eye contact with her as she stood in the lobby, alone, visibly broken.

Granted this forum is specifically for sex addiction but IMHO it fits to post it. Be warned it may touch a nerve.

Take a minute.

[UOnlyLiveOnce]

That paragraph about low self esteem had my attention for a while. But I don't think mongering can be explained away that easily.

After some pondering it occurred to me that it requires high self esteem to approach and succeed with some of the amazing looking girls that are out there (think SA). I can post my recent resume of pics if needed LOL.

Also, it requires high self esteem to earn enough money to be able to pursue the hobby.

So, I am not sold on this theory, although it has my attention. I wonder what others think.

Self esteem might have something to do with it in some cases. In others, not so much. My case is a mixed bag. I'm a sex addict, I admit it. In the last couple years, though, the hobby is the only place I've been getting any action. I'm married, but that part of the marriage is just over. After years of trying to keep it going at home, I just finally hit a point where I didn't care any more. But part of the reason I say I'm a sex addict is I was in the hobby before the love life at home completely went away.

In theory, I could find a side piece from every day life. I came close to bagging one once last year. Otherwise, nada. For the time and trouble I would spend trying to find a side piece in every day life, it's just easier to occasionally indulge in the hobby, where I get access to women I'd be very, very unlikely to ever bang in real life. I've gotten to where I can limit myself to seeing providers once, maybe twice a month depending on the monger budget. I can't afford any more often than that at this point.

So to put all this another way, I indulge in the hobby for both practical reasons (such as hating being celibate) and for psychological reasons, as there is a compulsive aspect where I'm trying to fill a psychological need I just can't ever seem to fill.

[JonWan]

I've been a "monger" for a bit over 10 years....

I'll likely always be an addict in that there's always a pit I could potentially fall into. Every day abstained just makes it far less probable. But I'm accomplishing more at this point than I have in years and regained a silly youthful optimism that had been buried under the guilt and shame I'd carried for the past decade.

Brothers, the road is fucking hard. This is an extremely hard thing to beat, and what spurred my change may not be what spurs yours. But I believe that we can all see the other side of this. It took a lot of soul searching to get here and there's more soul searching yet to do. Fundamentally changing yourself takes time, but the journey is way more than worth it. One day at a time.

Congrats on making a change before your addiction destroyed your marriage.

Congrats on improving your self esteem and getting more control over your compulsion.

Causes of addiction tend to be related to (1) genes and (2) environment. Genes play a role, and most addicts have an addictive personality. Addicts tend to have a lot of passion, and they tend to love the feeling that they get from a dopamine release. Sexual release also produces other hormonal and neurochemical changes, and these changes can also be addictive. Environment also plays a role. If you had a lot of partners when you were single, you may bring your addiction into your marriage. Effective social support (I. E. , a good emotional environment) can lessen the likelihood of addiction even for those who are at high risk genetically. So, bad genes and a bad environment can contribute to addiction.

As you stated, addiction can be tied to self esteem. Compulsive behaviors can mask insecurities, and addiction can certainly lower one's self esteem. A person with low self-esteem may have trouble overcoming insecurities, negative thoughts and feelings and therefore turn to outside experiences or activities to change those negative thoughts into positive ones. Also, as you stated, improving one's self esteem can help with treatment of addiction. Also, one needs to treat depression, anxiety or other mood disorders, since these can also contribute to addiction. Getting control over addiction requires attending to one's emotional health.

Congrats again.