Thread: Jokes & Humorous Stories
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04-08-24 20:04 #2526
Posts: 60Gyno's Office
3 pregnant women are waiting to see their gynecologist: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
The brunette starts bragging, "I think I'm having a boy! We fucked in the boy position!
The blonde says, "The what?
The brunette says, "You know. Man on top?
The redhead says, "I think I'm having a girl. We fucked in the girl position. ".
The blonde says, "The what?
The redhead says, "You know. Woman on top?
The blonde starts to cry. The brunette and the redhead ask what's wrong.
The blonde says, "I think I'm having puppies!
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03-21-24 18:02 #2525
Posts: 2558"What's an edging party?
"It's the party where you can't come."
"I'm not going to attend. I just want to know what it is."
"You can attend. You just can't come."
"What?
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11-04-23 01:27 #2524
Posts: 510You'd be amazed how many SBs love this line
"Roses are red, so is some wine.
I'll be your six, if you be my nine".
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08-23-22 11:07 #2523
Posts: 665Breaking News
I heard that due to inflation and rising costs 69 will now be referred to as 96.
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07-12-22 06:54 #2522
Posts: 139At the Monastery
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son. ".
So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong.
"You fuckers", he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, "the word was celebrate!
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06-01-22 06:50 #2521
Posts: 122Hello
Originally Posted by Earl2211 [View Original Post]
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05-30-22 23:45 #2520
Posts: 43Here's a few
Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am?
Man: We've already established what you are. All we're doing is negotiating price.
Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
A man is meeting a client in Japan, yet arrives a day early. When night hit he went out with a prostitute.
They're having sex, yet the prostitute kept shouting "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji! So the man thinks he doing a good job.
The next day, the man meets his client and they go golfing and the client gets a hole in one. The man praises him by going "Fuji, Fuji, Fuji!
His client turns around confused and says "What do you mean wrong hole!?
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?.
Full.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road and she started gaging on it a little.
And he said oh yeah baby you like that big dick don't ya and she oh baby its not that, ya asshole stinks.
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03-17-22 14:31 #2519
Posts: 139A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.
Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you. " The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver. ".
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02-19-21 21:04 #2518
Posts: 17A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?
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08-08-20 09:27 #2517
Posts: 665Planning Ahead
Originally Posted by SwiftChariot [View Original Post]
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08-07-20 09:27 #2516
Posts: 158Ocd
Hi!
Not really a direct joke, but I got to tell ya if I am getting a happy ending and the provider is using her left hand I will not get to the finish line. All I can think about is whether or not she is actually left-handed and if she's not then why the hell is she using her left hand. Very distracting.
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02-10-20 00:48 #2515
Posts: 44Originally Posted by FigLeaf [View Original Post]
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02-09-20 17:54 #2514
Posts: 501Wh*res
If having sex for money makes a woman a wh*re, does not charging money for sex make a woman a nonprofit whoreginization?
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01-17-20 10:23 #2513
Posts: 44I hear you
Originally Posted by HardBall99 [View Original Post]
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12-14-19 11:28 #2512
Posts: 52Cops and humor
So about 15 years or so ago, I'm in a 95 mustang having sex with my boyfriend at about 2 am. It's cold out so we've got the heater running and we're full on involved in this. Theres a tap on the window, I jump over a shirt on real quick and roll the window down. It's a cop. Ask what we're doing oh, I tell him we're talking. He asked if I planned on driving home. I replied"no sir I just looked right across the street". The cop that asks me why I don't just take this back to my house. I told the cop that I would but my husband doesn't like me taking strange men home. At that point the cop shakes his head looks at me and says shut the car off and leave.