Caring for / Getting attached to girls with issues

[JustMe129]

A curious reader would like to know how the story goes. Happy ending or sad tale of regrets.

Thanks for asking. I've been meaning to update the thread and hadn't made the time.

Overall absofuckinglutely fantastic!

I'll try to condense. She did slip once 8 months in. I did't see the signs (hell she didn't see it coming), she used once, nearly died - 3 days in ICU, effectively had a stroke. When she came out the sedation 2 days in she thought she had lost everything. At that point it had gone flawlessly for 8 months though it had been a lot of work. Counseling, very involved in recovery programs, and helping others. That one screw up was her bottom. She thought I would turn my back, but after she'd done so well I couldn't. It was crazy stressful to get her through that and the recovery, but we did it.

I will tell you these this. The "recovery community" is more about making money then helping someone trying to get clean and get their life straight. The frustration when you're trying to get actual help and see how they treat the people in need is hideous. The Financial hassles of going through what she has and getting clear of it were no easy task, but what price do you put on a life? Every persons demons and recovery are different, and finding the path that worked well with her was much of the work.

That said, we maneuvered the pitfalls. We're now husband and wife, take great care of each other. She's working at a job that's perfect for her and she rocks at. She's mended things with her family and they are proud of her again, Her work depends on her and she steps up and kills it. I honestly feel that she's free from the pitfalls (though I know it's never 100%) and stable. She still sees her counselor monthly and we're involved in a church recovery program. She helps others while continually working on herself. That growth and self consciousness will be a part of her life forever to keep herself on track, and that's her choice. We've got a couple of things in place that other people might not, but it works for us.

I'm happy. I've got a wonderful strong wife I can watch soar or hide from the world with when we want. We can trust each other to have our best interests at heart and not let anyone screw it up.

[AtsJax]

I truly read and respect all the feedback, and Know I'm stepping out on a limb, and it's mine to hang from, but I'm here heading forward. Only time will tell if my risk taking is worth it, But I'm in to see.

A curious reader would like to know how the story goes. Happy ending or sad tale of regrets.

[JustMe129]

I truly read and respect all the feedback, and Know I'm stepping out on a limb, and it's mine to hang from, but I'm here heading forward. Only time will tell if my risk taking is worth it, But I'm in to see.

[KnoxWorkingMan]

I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.

I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance..

I agree with you.

Love them from a distance.

[Member #6090]

I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.

I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance.

Stay vigilant,. ,. ,

Milfman.

My all time favorite former pro was giving me the goods for free after she was released, unfortunately that came to an abrupt halt when she was sentenced in September. I'll pick up where we left off in a couple of years, but until then her SD can put his $ on her books! LOL.

[MilfMan865]

Congrats and best wishes and thoughts that this continues!.

Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.

So here we are almost 6 months later. While it seems to be working, I'm unconvinced. If you can help her stay straight, that's great. The problem is that drugs and problems are like terrorism, they only have to get through once, and the other side has to be vigilante forever. Why do I say these things? Because 20 years ago, I was the naive guy trying to help some chick. I'm glad that you and her are having success. I got the calls and crying and all of that. She got beaten up by the old boyfriend, she had run her mouth well beyond what someone should say. I heard the stories, "I'm not going to be around him any more. I'm going to shut him out. " "I'm going to get a real job (she had a good college degree, not some bs art degree or humanities, but a real business degree.)". "I'm going to be stronger". Then it was that she had had surgery for something, don't even remember what, of course it was a lie. Then she tried to get tens of thousands of dollars out of me that I didn't have to clean up her life.

When I eventually challenged her to get off her azz and actually prove she was doing something, of course I was the evil person now and she attacked me for it. She would call and harass as me for months on end every day. This went on for years. I even talked to a detective, of course, his response "women don't harass men. " It made me crazy. I finally told all her friends what was going on, which caused a bigger explosion, but eventually solved the problem of the every day phone calls. The amount of harassment went down significantly, but not to zero. One of her friends saw me in Lenox Mall in atl. I was petrified that the harassment would start up again. It didn't, not a peep which surprised me. About a year later, I found out that she had committed suicide not long after I ran into the friend.

There is another side of this my friend. It's not pretty. I wouldnt wish what happened to me on anyone, not even a foe. Be very, very careful.

I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.

I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance.

Stay vigilant,. ,. ,

Milfman.

[Joesouncool]

Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.

Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.

Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?

So here we are almost 6 months later. While it seems to be working, I'm unconvinced. If you can help her stay straight, that's great. The problem is that drugs and problems are like terrorism, they only have to get through once, and the other side has to be vigilante forever. Why do I say these things? Because 20 years ago, I was the naive guy trying to help some chick. I'm glad that you and her are having success. I got the calls and crying and all of that. She got beaten up by the old boyfriend, she had run her mouth well beyond what someone should say. I heard the stories, "I'm not going to be around him any more. I'm going to shut him out. " "I'm going to get a real job (she had a good college degree, not some bs art degree or humanities, but a real business degree.)". "I'm going to be stronger". Then it was that she had had surgery for something, don't even remember what, of course it was a lie. Then she tried to get tens of thousands of dollars out of me that I didn't have to clean up her life.

When I eventually challenged her to get off her azz and actually prove she was doing something, of course I was the evil person now and she attacked me for it. She would call and harass as me for months on end every day. This went on for years. I even talked to a detective, of course, his response "women don't harass men. " It made me crazy. I finally told all her friends what was going on, which caused a bigger explosion, but eventually solved the problem of the every day phone calls. The amount of harassment went down significantly, but not to zero. One of her friends saw me in Lenox Mall in atl. I was petrified that the harassment would start up again. It didn't, not a peep which surprised me. About a year later, I found out that she had committed suicide not long after I ran into the friend.

There is another side of this my friend. It's not pretty. I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on anyone, not even a foe. Be very, very careful.

[JustMe129]

Hey that's awesome, bro. Congrats on her (and your) success so far. Hope it works out for you both. Keep us updated!

Will do. This is a long journey, nothing guaranteed, but it's going really well so far.

[MaxOptimus]

Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.

Congrats and best wishes and thoughts that this continues!.

[FireBall99]

Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.

Hey that's awesome, bro. Congrats on her (and your) success so far. Hope it works out for you both. Keep us updated!

[JustMe129]

Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.

[JustMe129]

Update: she's 141 days clean, 110+ of that is with me since getting out.

She's still rocking it. With her being supported and secure, she's cleanly turned away the temptations to trouble, and she often makes it clear she appreciates me and is happy for being secure and knowing she's loved.

I'm a workahic. If I'm working and haven't eaten, she'll appear in the shop with lunch, politely tell my customers I need to stop and eat, and make sure I do. When she sees me stressing, she actively seeks out what she can do to help. If I tell her I need her to address something she's on it.

Our life is busy, with both work and her recovery process, and she's traded the hectic lifestyle of supporting a habit for the hectic lifestyle of building / enjoying life. If we've not taken time to recreate, she'll gently remind me we're due, and when I say "let's go x", she's ready. She has zero complaints, be it about where we go to eat or to stay home and her make us dinner.

I could go on and on. I'm not saying it's perfect, and I know the possibility of relapse or tragedy does exist, but she's clear about it not being an option, and she's owning her past and addressing it while making her future.

Not every addict is doomed to repeat. Treat all with respect, and if one really tries to help themselves, weigh it out yourself. I'll update again at some point, good or bad, but currently good is winning.

[JustMe129]

Sorry. I didn't see the Dm.

I had DM'ed him asking if was a specific person a while back, got no reply. I wished them the best of luck.

Update. On Monday she'll hit 90 days clean (I was going to post then) - everything is actually going excellent. There have been a couple of people from her old world (we've nicknamed it the swamp) who have tried to gt hold of her, and we shut them down immediately. Counseling, Celebrate recovery, and every Friday she cooks dinner for her papaw and we bring it to him. He's a 35 year recovering Alcoholic who tried to help her before when she wasn't ready and failed.

My friends have welcomed and embraced her. One of them pics her up once a week to clean their house, and what little she makes at that she readily spends on needs for both of us. She actually bought me dinner for my birthday. - she's nested, Reworked the flower beds out front. Did an awesome job and they needed it, and she tends to it, as well as taking breaks to work on her own art projects. She's got a portion of my office for her artwork and she uses that to relax. She's seen jobs / chores that needed done and tackled them. Pressure washed the house, jumped in on a couple of labor intensive jobs that she didn't want me to tackle alone when she could help. Did some minor redecorating in the house, and takes great care of the house and our dogs. It's nice to have a clean house and know that if I ask her to take care of something, she does it and takes pride in it. She helps me with my work when I need it, and I'm a workaholic. If she realizes I'm busy in the shop and haven't eaten mid day, she'll show up with food and make me stop and eat, and apologize to a customer if one is waiting and tell them I need to fit it food with their job. When I'm dome for the day she's happy to cook us dinner or get me a drink, or both. (she's a great bartender),. About a month ago I told her we need to take one day a week to screw off, and she's held me to it. We either get out for a ride or to kayak and fish once a week, and if I start taking on too much work, she reminds me that I need to make that time, and she's right.

I have learned MUCH abut addiction and how far reaching it is going through this. You might be surprised, but the recovering addict population I are there to support each other, and she's taken control of her recovery and has the support she needs and is rocking it. I can't say enough about how well she is doing.

What does it take for a person to do this? It varies with every Addict, but first is the addict has to decide, and she has. 2nd. The change of environment is huge, she's got safety, Security and support like she's never had. The Counseling is key. Most addicts start with some past trauma that gets them started, and addressing the root cause helps. Finding the right counselor was a bit difficult, but now she has one and that is going really well. She OWNS her mistakes, problem, and is dealing with it, not hiding from it. There's a long way to go, but she knows it and is tacking it. Celebrate recovery program is awesome, and the groups afterwards. I attend a group for men when she's in hers, and I've made friends and gotten perspective, even though I'm not an addict. There are various other things that can help, but it seriously is individual.

Now the negatives: the system is difficult and expensive. The legal fees and fines initially were a hit. Probation is simply there to take money and make it difficult, and they are, but we've learned to smile at them and know that at the end of it they are still the bitter people they are, and we hope they get over it. Counseling is expensive, but it's a HUGE help and she needs it, so I'll do what I need to. It's going to be a while before she can get out and go anywhere on her own, including working, and frankly, if I am able to manage it financially, I'm fine with her not working. She doesn't have her license back yet, and has flat told me she doesn't need it or the ability to go anywhere on her own yet. Doing the required meeting, plus the counseling appointments, and the weekly dinner with her papaw. It's a bit of a schedule to manage, but in truth, having something other than work that I have to do isn't a bad thing. This process will be long and ongoing. As long as she's succeeding it's worth it. But it will be months / a year or more before she'll be able to slack off a little bit. She can't travel out of state for the time being, so I've had to change some travel plans, but we can make up for it later.

Yes, relapse can happen, and we've discussed that there will be bad days. She's had 2 particular ones, but got through them. She told me that no one single day could be as bad as being back in the life, and she never wants to be there again.

If you've read this far, I appreciate those of you who were wondering. I know some of you think I'm nuts, and I don't disagree you could be right. I know that if this is successful in the long run we will have beaten the odds, but to this point it's going absolutely great, and this is a wonderful person who needed and deserved the support. She appreciative and thankful, and stands a real chance here, with no sign of failure being an option. Time will tell.

[Radengrtn]

It's been awhile since we've heard from you. After my catastrophic event with trying to tame the savage beast, I can't help but wonder how things are going for you. None of my business. I hope it's going well. I just know the way they can turn. There's a song by Ministry from the 90's and the one line that has stuck with me after my downfall is "Never trust a junkie!" Hope it's going well. If you want, I'm curious for an update. I definitely don't need to share anything you tell me with anyone else.

I had DM'ed him asking if was a specific person a while back, got no reply. I wished them the best of luck.

[GuitarMan53]

It's been awhile since we've heard from you. After my catastrophic event with trying to tame the savage beast, I can't help but wonder how things are going for you. None of my business. I hope it's going well. I just know the way they can turn. There's a song by Ministry from the 90's and the one line that has stuck with me after my downfall is "Never trust a junkie!" Hope it's going well. If you want, I'm curious for an update. I definitely don't need to share anything you tell me with anyone else.

She was low volume, mostly UTR, An Occasional ad. That's how I met her.