A Married Monger's Lament

[Invisibleman22]

Here I sit on a dreary Thursday in late March, wife away visiting her sister, kid in school for another couple of hours, scrolling through other mongers' reports and clicking around on various ad sites.

And I wonder, why does it have to be this way?

Look, I'm married. If I can help it, that won't change. We have a small kid and I'm not trying to give up half my money and only see my daughter a couple weekends a month, nor watch my ex let my lawn go to shit while I scrabble away in a shitty one-bedroom apartment someplace farther away from my office.

But I'm also horny. And my wife is fat. It's not entirely her fault; having a baby does that to a woman. She never took the weight off and since he's almost five I'm guessing that by now she doesn't plan to. We keep a gym membership and she goes a couple times a month, probably to keep me happy more than anything else. I work out and keep myself just a tick to the good side of a Dad Bod. And from what I've seen at various events for my kid's preschool, I'm at least two or three ticks ahead of the next generation of dads. So yay for me.

Sex with my wife is. Adequate. I often think to myself that plain white bread will keep a man alive, and if that's all he gets for long enough he might even start to crave it. But you're kidding yourself if you think for one second that he'd choose the bread over even a plain peanut butter sandwich, were he given the choice. And me? I could eat twice a day, or at least 8-10 times a week if the food was appetizing. Scraping by on a few scraps of bread once a week means I won't die but damn.

I jerk off a lot. I recently discovered VR porn which is amazing for a guy in his late 30's who remembers watching bitmap files load one line of pixels at a time over dialup, and jacking it to low-res scans of Penthouse spreads. But every couple of months I want a warm, giggly body that smells good and at least acts like she likes touching my dick.

I only go trolling for something strange maybe 4-6 times a year. I'm not a regular monger, I don't have any ATFs, I used to have a nice UTR but I wasn't frequent enough for her and she's moved on (plus I suspect that this trade wears the ladies out and today's ATF UTR may be tomorrow's "block that number and try to forget about it"). I'm not interested in being a sugar daddy or trying to juggle dating apps on a secret burner phone. Those minutes and data plans expire too fast anyway, and who can remember to charge a phone the night before your dick gets too hard to handle?

I go to the AMPs but that's getting older than some of the mamasans, and there's always the creeping dread that *this time* will be the one that Uncle Sam busts in just as I'm busting a nut. Or that 4 chan will pull the door cam footage and put it on Reddit with my face for everyone to see (I wasn't at all upset by the masking requirements during COVID, I can tell you that! Plus even if I find a place that has what I want (largely a decent NOVA and the occasional BJ, covered or non-) the girls usually won't be the same the next time I feel the itch.

And I'm leaving aside the constant fear that I'll pick up something nasty and bring it home to Momma and then have to scramble to explain that one, or act outraged and accuse her of something.

WHY can't we have places that are clean, inspected, maybe even pay the girls a decent wage and give them insurance or something? I know in this area Johnny Law tends to turn a blind eye for the most part but god DAMN would I kill for a nice little blondie I knew didn't have the herp to bob on the ol' knob for a while every couple of months or so. It'd even be worth a bit more than I pay now for the reluctant claw-grip HJs from girls I can't understand who I also have to worry were forced into the trade at gunpoint or threat to their family back home.

Or failing that bring back CL or someplace besides this fucking bedpage and alligator shit where every other ad is fake pics or fake info or fake everything, and the rest are super-fatties or obvious trannys? I hate spending half a day digging up 3 legit numbers just to have 2 of them flake and the 3rd want 4 x what I'm willing to pay.

Argh. I sound super-whiny, sorry bros. Just had to get this all out and literally NOBODY in my life can hear it and understand. I guess the answer is "sort things with your wife" or "suck it up, buttercup" but man wouldn't it be nice if there were a better way?

[ArtistOfWar1]

Civie dating is just as bad these days. Flakes, 49 ers, disney princesses, foodie pros, born agains, Tinder rejects, and single moms.

Play safe and good luck.

[Squatty2]

First, you can (and I do) still wear a mask to the door and into any establishment. I'm not sure when I'll stop, but I might not ever stop when entering locations where I'm "up to no good". COVID is going to work for me at least through the end of 2022 in that regard.

Second, you should try the private viewing establishments. Might cost a bit more than the AMPs (for an hour) vs whatever the AMPs charge, but the girls will be a LOT more attractive you can build a rapport and know that they'll be around the next time you feel the urge. Vs walking into a crapshoot every time. You are only guaranteed a body run and a HJ, but you can likely get most to do covered oral at a minimum for an additional fee. (or not).

[Bunker Buster]

I go to the AMPs but that's getting older than some of the mamasans, and there's always the creeping dread that *this time* will be the one that Uncle Sam busts in just as I'm busting a nut. Or that 4 chan will pull the door cam footage and put it on Reddit with my face for everyone to see (I wasn't at all upset by the masking requirements during COVID, I can tell you that! Plus even if I find a place that has what I want (largely a decent NOVA and the occasional BJ, covered or non-) the girls usually won't be the same the next time I feel the itch.

And I'm leaving aside the constant fear that I'll pick up something nasty and bring it home to Momma and then have to scramble to explain that one, or act outraged and accuse her of something.

Argh. I sound super-whiny, sorry bros. Just had to get this all out and literally NOBODY in my life can hear it and understand. I guess the answer is "sort things with your wife" or "suck it up, buttercup" but man wouldn't it be nice if there were a better way?Some of them are pretty good looking, as well as friendly, they'll give a solid massage in a safe, comfortable environment (apartment or townhouse), with a hot shower, and they'll drain your build-up while letting your hands roam. If you want more, many are open to that too.

They might cost a bit more than the AMPs, but not a lot more considering the upgrade in overall experience.

[LoveTheCurves]

Second, you should try the private viewing establishments. Might cost a bit more than the AMPs (for an hour) vs whatever the AMPs charge, but the girls will be a LOT more attractive you can build a rapport and know that they'll be around the next time you feel the urge. Vs walking into a crapshoot every time. You are only guaranteed a body run and a HJ, but you can likely get most to do covered oral at a minimum for an additional fee. (or not).

Yes, PV and private asian massage places are much safer than AMP's. As Squatty said, you get a better looking woman and there is no stress of LE busting in and so it is worth the extra $$.

[LizardLeader18]

It's this country and their archaic behaviors around sex work. I browse international ads sometimes. Canada, UK, Germany, etc. You get better looking girls, for less money, and they're better protected. I don't understand our system.

[Derilious89]

I understand your frustration (though I am not married), but I also have to mention that we chose and continue to choose this. We literally just elected a governor who campaigned not only to not keep the status quo, but to actively go back and make mongering harder. We are being given the choice every few years to elect representatives who will loosen, and potentially, even legalize the profession and we continue to pick idiots who actively promise to send us back in time. Mongering should be the same as getting a haircut or a massage yet we allow fear mongers, pearl-clutchers, and woke scolds to scare us with stupid culture war garbage. People should be able to have conversations with their significant others about these needs without the added stress of dealing with illegal behavior and societal shame.

It's why I always recommend to be people to vote on things that tangibly impact you, not the lies you see bandied about by the talking heads to make you vote for their poltical / corporate masters. And if you do find yourself voting for regressive while lamenting your marital issues and illegality of mongering, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Arty33]

Mongering should be the same as getting a haircut or a massage yet we allow fear mongers, pearl-clutchers, and woke scolds to scare us with stupid culture war garbage. People should be able to have conversations with their significant others about these needs without the added stress of dealing with illegal behavior and societal shame.
It's what a lot of people vote for so the politicians trend the line. American culture on sex and morality is way behind France, Germany, Spain, or even Canada. We like to make fun of the French for their propensities in sex, but they are far more evolved and aren't afraid to go where Americans won't. So many things are still taboo even within accepted sexual relationships over here. We're also fed too much into porn culture and fake masculinity.

[JustJohn007]

Private Viewing.

Assuming you can get through, you won't be disappointed. Be warned, 4-6 x / year can go up rapidly.

[Sexingit]

I know you said that you didn't want to have to deal with extra work like maintaining accounts on the burner but I'll have to admit that I'be gotten amazing results on Tinder. I got a platinum membership and went to town on likes.

Right now I have three girls that I am juggling. I want to add more to the stable but it takes some effort and lots of following up but at the end it's much more worth it plus I don't have to pay for anything but good weed.

[GAGuy2020]

The problem with Tinder is the exposure. On sugar sites for example girls value privacy so are less likely to expose you because they don't want to be exposed themselves for basically escorting. On Tinder it's full of sex but hides behind the mask of a dating site.

So if a girl from your life recognizes you she will keep quiet or reach out to meet. On Tinder I could easily see girls spreading rumors of seeing you on there because there's no shame or stigma for her to be on there. The risk of mutual destruction is not there so it's dangerous.

Tinder is cheap but another risk factor would be a waste of time with a large amount that people that actually want to go out on multiple dates before any action takes place or free meals. I'm sure you can dig for hookups but sounds like work and over exposure.


I know you said that you didn't want to have to deal with extra work like maintaining accounts on the burner but I'll have to admit that I'be gotten amazing results on Tinder. I got a platinum membership and went to town on likes.

Right now I have three girls that I am juggling. I want to add more to the stable but it takes some effort and lots of following up but at the end it's much more worth it plus I don't have to pay for anything but good weed.

[Sexingit]

The problem with Tinder is the exposure. On sugar sites for example girls value privacy so are less likely to expose you because they don't want to be exposed themselves for basically escorting. On Tinder it's full of sex but hides behind the mask of a dating site.

So if a girl from your life recognizes you she will keep quiet or reach out to meet. On Tinder I could easily see girls spreading rumors of seeing you on there because there's no shame or stigma for her to be on there. The risk of mutual destruction is not there so it's dangerous.

Tinder is cheap but another risk factor would be a waste of time with a large amount that people that actually want to go out on multiple dates before any action takes place or free meals. I'm sure you can dig for hookups but sounds like work and over exposure.I don't use my photo but I use a photo of a person that closely resembles me. The amount of time invested is priceless considering hooking up with people is legal and prostitution is not.

I'm just saying that my sex life hasn't been this good ever. I'm spending more time for sure but I know for a fact that I don't have to worry about uncle on the other side. I've truly found girls that only want FWB and it's awesome. I can stop by essentially whenever I want, I get a standard NOVA at the very least, and it's all spontaneity. Some of the girls actually demand me to stop by. I promise it's very fruitful if you put in some effort, if not the same effort you invest into verifying reviews, comments, research on old ads etc.

Good luck mongering!

[Chulgoon]

Wish I would have found this board sooner. I'm in the same boat. Have to put up appearances. I'm a song leader at my church and have wonderful children. But my wife doesn't satisfy me sexually and I still have a thirst to get laid. So I've been seeing a lot of working Korean girls as well as a few Indies. It's hard and I feel guilty but a man has needs.

Hopefully we married mongers can support one another. I'm trying to get into the new Kagency without giving PII.

Shibale.

[Chulgoon]

Wish I would have found this board sooner. I'm in the same boat. Have to put up appearances. I'm a song leader at my church and have wonderful children. But my wife doesn't satisfy me sexually and I still have a thirst to get laid. So I've been seeing a lot of working Korean girls as well as a few Indies. It's hard and I feel guilty but a man has needs.

Hopefully we married mongers can support one another. I'm trying to get into the new Kagency without giving PII..Didn't realize this was a northern Virginia board as I live in the PNW. It was late and I may have been a little drunk when I posted.

[ClassySemite]

I've been married 20+ years and we have a wonderful daughter off to college. My wife has her very successful career and social life and she respects that I have my own life too. I won't ever tell her about this secret hobby of mine but in my mind it has nothing to do with her. These young Asian hotties exist only as a a fun hobby and release for me. An opportunity to live out my fantasies. My wife is the love of my life and the woman I adore and even worship. And although I find her beautiful her interests aren't in fulfilling my desires like it was when we first met and that's ok!

[FarFarAway]

Didn't realize this was a northern Virginia board as I live in the PNW. It was late and I may have been a little drunk when I posted.There is a similar thread for Orange County, CA.

[Old Chinese Guy]

I've been married 20+ years and we have a wonderful daughter off to college. My wife has her very successful career and social life and she respects that I have my own life too. I won't ever tell her about this secret hobby of mine but in my mind it has nothing to do with her. These young Asian hotties exist only as a a fun hobby and release for me. An opportunity to live out my fantasies. My wife is the love of my life and the woman I adore and even worship. And although I find her beautiful her interests aren't in fulfilling my desires like it was when we first met and that's ok!Was in the same boat as you a few years ago and felt the same way. But then she found out and that was it! How do you think your wife would feel about your hobby if she knew?

[ThrobbinWood]

Wish I would have found this board sooner. I'm in the same boat. Have to put up appearances. I'm a song leader at my church and have wonderful children. But my wife doesn't satisfy me sexually and I still have a thirst to get laid. So I've been seeing a lot of working Korean girls as well as a few Indies. It's hard and I feel guilty but a man has needs.

Hopefully we married mongers can support one another. I'm trying to get into the new Kagency without giving PII.

Shibale.Like the old saying goes, "For most married men monogamy isn't a problem, it is the celibacy that is difficult".

[MechanicJack]

Was in the same boat as you a few years ago and felt the same way. But then she found out and that was it! How do you think your wife would feel about your hobby if she knew?OCG- I am sorry to hear that your wife found out. If you are willing to share I would be curious how, and what the fallout was after. It's a concern I share and wonder if I am being careful enough.

[ClassySemite]

Was in the same boat as you a few years ago and felt the same way. But then she found out and that was it! How do you think your wife would feel about your hobby if she knew?We survived my affairs that were unearthed several years ago. I'm confident we'll survive. I'm also very careful now. Unless she hired a PI, I'm not at all worried.

[SonChi]

OCG- I am sorry to hear that your wife found out. If you are willing to share I would be curious how, and what the fallout was after. It's a concern I share and wonder if I am being careful enough.I think all attached men carry the fear of getting found out. It will not be pretty financially, reputationally, or emotionally. You are probably NOT being careful enough, so increase your Operational Security or OpSec (we have an entire forum on this). Start there and stay low.

[Old Chinese Guy]

OCG- I am sorry to hear that your wife found out. If you are willing to share I would be curious how, and what the fallout was after. It's a concern I share and wonder if I am being careful enough.My own carelessness and stupidity leaving my cell phone out. Things always work out for the better and although we are done, think it is better this way. To try and find someone I'm more sexually compatible with than living in a sexless relationship. The trouble with most of us is everything else is good except for sex, and that keeps us in it for years. I'm convinced it all can be good, rare, but possible.

[SonChi]

My own carelessness and stupidity leaving my cell phone out. Things always work out for the better and although we are done, think it is better this way. To try and find someone I'm more sexually compatible with than living in a sexless relationship. The trouble with most of us is everything else is good except for sex, and that keeps us in it for years. I'm convinced it all can be good, rare, but possible.Again, I will push everyone to up their OpSec, here are some rules:

Get a hobby e-mail address, you will need that to set up your hobby phone.

Get a prepaid burner smart phone. Then get a Google Voice number as your hobby phone number, it masks your burner number. You want to be able to top it off with cash.

Make up a hobby name. I do not use my real name with anyone in the hobby.

Find a picture of someone on the Internet that sort of looks like you. But is NOT you. That's your new I'd.

Call yourself and see what the caller I'd says. Mine actually has someone else's name, I use that from time to time.

Add private communication apps like Kik and Line. Some people say get Snap, I have not done this yet.

Use Firefox Focus as your mobile browser, it deletes all cookies when you are done. DuckDuckGo is also good. NEVER use Google. It will keep track of your browsing.

Hide your burner and disavow any knowledge of it if it ever surfaces. The drawer at work is a good place.

Now your real phone is free and clear for you to walk in and leave on the kitchen counter for all to access.

Or never get married or get divorced and live your truth.

[FarFarAway]

I recommend TracFone, I have posted on it before. Yes, cash or prepaid debit to keep it going, like $80 / year total.

I love using GV because I can get on a browser and check texts when I am at home, so the burner never need be here.

I use the Brave browser. VPNing into a large corporate server untraceable back to me. In the past I have used others, including Tor and those including VPN, but sometimes the sites you want to enter don't work w / them. Brave seems to work w / all.

[Garmadon]

Again, I will push everyone to up their OpSec, here are some rules:

Get a hobby e-mail address, you will need that to set up your hobby phone.

Get a prepaid burner smart phone. Then get a Google Voice number as your hobby phone number, it masks your burner number. You want to be able to top it off with cash.

Make up a hobby name. I do not use my real name with anyone in the hobby.

Find a picture of someone on the Internet that sort of looks like you. But is NOT you. That's your new I'd.

Call yourself and see what the caller I'd says. Mine actually has someone else's name, I use that from time to time.

Add private communication apps like Kik and Line. Some people say get Snap, I have not done this yet.

Use Firefox Focus as your mobile browser, it deletes all cookies when you are done. DuckDuckGo is also good. NEVER use Google. It will keep track of your browsing.

Hide your burner and disavow any knowledge of it if it ever surfaces. The drawer at work is a good place.

Now your real phone is free and clear for you to walk in and leave on the kitchen counter for all to access.

Or never get married or get divorced and live your truth.Sorry just bookmarking for the future.