View Full Version : Caring for / Getting attached to girls with issues
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?
FireBall99
06-03-21, 11:31
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?I will say #1 - Seriously, run like hell. This is the only appropriate advice to give in this situation. She's going to use you up and spit you out.
But since you're not going to listen to advice #1 - You need to get her into a treatment center ASAP. When she gets out, she needs to go to therapy immediately. Don't move her into your house. Don't give her cash. Set some hard boundaries. You can be into her and still keep a bit of distance. Enjoy the ride.
If you can help with an inpatient facility that is a start. She has to make the choices though to do right and also she has to make the decision to stay away from her old crew too. You obviously can't be with her 24/7 so a lot of this falls on her because you can only do so much to help.
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?
Get ready to spent a lot of money. But if you got it's yours to waste.
Good Luck!
SmokingVett
06-03-21, 12:37
I think if you spend time with a particular provider it's hard not to develop feelings. I'm a little sweet on Erin K. And before that I liked cake. Anyways don't expect it back and if they are on drugs don't expect it to change. You're going to just have to choose to care about that person where they are at. When drugs are involved that makes things complicated. They are going to want to have to change on their own.
I will say #1 - Seriously, run like hell. This is the only appropriate advice to give in this situation. She's going to use you up and spit you out.
But since you're not going to listen to advice #1 - You need to get her into a treatment center ASAP. When she gets out, she needs to go to therapy immediately. Don't move her into your house. Don't give her cash. Set some hard boundaries. You can be into her and still keep a bit of distance. Enjoy the ride.I concur, don't do it. "Heard" that some who go through rehab relapse at the drop of a hat. Also "heard" that some will use you until the funding runs dry. Even while saying they do t do that anymore. Don't believe them.
RUN FAR AWAY.
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?Don't try to save these girls. You're not the first person who's ever tried and failed, and you won't be the last. In almost all cases, she's not going to change until the grim reaper comes for them or they end up in prison. If her own close friends and family don't communicate with her anymore, that should be a huge red flag. Remember mongering 101 and keep the girls in the hobby separate from your personal life.
Run! Run and don't look back. Whether she gets clean or not, run. You don't want to put yourself through that hell.
1. If she's fighting demons then the person you feel like you've fallen for is not the person she really is. She is impaired by drug use and her decisions, personality, etc. Will all change when she becomes sober. Chances are when she does become sober even though she may appreciate the efforts you've gone through in helping her that doesn't mean she will care for you or even love you enough to continue the relationship.
2. Relapse is real and it's a cycle that will repeat. You don't want to get caught up in that roller coaster ride it's brutal.
3. It will change you! You may lose sight of who you are, your wants and needs and goals take a back seat when you focus your energies on an addict.
4. There's many reasons why people use drugs, but I've always looked at it as a mechanism for self medication. That's why people generally have a drug of choice and don't typically stray too far from that. Their body or chemical makeup has needs that their particular drug of choice fills. Again, going back to previous points what lies underneath that drug induced state may not be so pretty. It's masked by the way the drug they are taking effects their personality. While she may gain sobriety you may be looking at other personality disorders under the surface that you've never seen. In other words as much as you feel you may know this person you definitely do not.
I've been down this road and if I had it to do again I would have ran 100%. I can't think of a single reason why I would put myself through that train wreck once more. You can try and justify this to yourself all you want because you think it's what you want but believe me it's not.
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?You'd be enabling her, not helping her. I grew up on the streets and didn't use drugs myself, but saw it over and over again. More times than I can count easily. As others have said, if you want to give her any help at all, put her into a live in rehab center. If she wants to clean up, she will. Most don't. Most come out of rehab and go right back to drugs, or even sneak them into rehab. However, its the only chance she has to clean up. It will never happen if she is out on the street or being supported by someone. Sometimes 6 months or more in jail does it since it gets them clean for that long and shows them what the rest of their life will be unless they clean up.
AcquaDeJim
06-03-21, 18:38
Been there. Done that. Bought the tshirt.
Nothing to add other than get away before you get in any deeper.
Honestly, it has been years but one caught my fancy like 20 years ago when I was but a lad. It was hell for me.
Did she try to clean herself up at the time? Honestly, yes she tried her best I believe.
Few if any of us can understand the lives these girls truly lead and to be blunt how seriously fucked up reality is for most of these girls.
Even if you do succeed, there is no guarantee of what she will be when she comes out on the other side.
How did things end up for the one time object of my affection? She slipped up one night and that was it. She had no desire to even bother with trying to stay clean anymore. Waking up every morning, going to a shit job which paid her peanuts, trying to live a normal life-it just did not fit her.
Did not speak or hear from her for like 15 years. One day out of the blue got a message from her. She had finally pulled herself together, gotten her own apartment, license reinstated, got a car, job, even a couple of dogs.
Made plans to reconnect when I was in her area of the country again. Kept in touch for a few months then bam she was gone back into the ether.
Like a year and a half later was cruising through FB and came upon her profile. First thing I noticed was a "remembering" header. First post was from a friend of hers going on about it was hard to believe she had been gone a year, blah blah blah.
Made contact with her friend and got the story-apparently heroin overdose.
In the end, nobody can tell you what to do though. Hopefully you decide to use the big head. If not, I really hope you have the wherewithal to absorb a large financial loss for not much of a payoff. That is all secondary to the hell it will play with your emotions though. Bad mojo all around.
I appreciate all the feedback. And I don't doubt any of you.
In this case, I was able to go back through her phone and see much of her history (that was unpleasant), but I saw that she was pulling away, and in the 3-4 weeks prior to her getting into some trouble with the law, she was saying no. I'm not doing that, and flat not answering people. She was making the effort on her own. I witnessed her getting drug sick (didn't know what it was at the time), and she got herself locked up, where' she's getting a few weeks to detox and be alone with this. We've been able to call for a few days now. She had been hanging out at my place when I saw no reason for it and I asked her why, she told me she felt wanted here, and Like I had told her about many of her problems being the scumbags she ran with, and the folks in my circles were better folks and what she needed to be around. I sincerely think she was trying, while not wanting to admit the demons part.
I've researched, talked to family and friends (though the "friends" in these circles can't ever be believed). I'm blessed enough to have a large circle of friends and contacts to assist me. Can't get her into full inpatient treatment very soon, but moving her into my house and she's going to totally cut ties to the current group of friends. She had already found that the people around me are a better group, and she's apologized, swears she wants to get her life back without demons, and understands that she can lean on me if she feels the urge to screw up, but if she makes a single mistake I turn my back and she goes back to that life. I'm fortunate enough to work for myself and will be in the same locale all the time.
There will be structure and counseling, Routine, and support.
She literally told me that she's a master manipulator, it's been how she's survived, she's good at it, and would screw people over to get her way, that she wants to change, but she's no walk in the park and knows that she's dangerous. And wanted me to think on that before we talk again. The next time we spoke she asked what I thought I told her I knew those things and had learned them, my only question was why she told me. Her answer was that she knows that I'm good and she doesn't want to hurt me and to know what I'm up against.
That said. I've got a couple of weeks before the situation changes. I know the risks and know I might be a little crazy to take it, But I would rather someone get a hand up and a chance than read their obituary, and this truly is a good person who hit rough times and went down the wrong road. I'll protect myself and know she can fail. I also know that without a hand up and someone guiding and being shoulder to shoulder through it, she is guaranteed to fail.
EasyGoingJ
06-03-21, 20:11
You are obviously a kind caring person, unfortunately that doesn't change her. I agree that moving her in would be more enabling and may even expose you to some liability.
I'm with Team Inpatient Rehab asap.
Best of luck to both of you no matter which path you choose.
AcquaDeJim
06-03-21, 21:33
Sounds like your mind is already made up.
Seriously though man, stop for a minute and think about how much you could lose.
At a minimum, I would talk to a trusted attorney before she gets a key.
Face it dude, the laws favor women in domestic type situations.
She told you in no uncertain terms she is a master manipulator. If you are bound and determined to move forward-and it seems as though you are, all you can do is hope for the best but plan for the worst.
You have everything to lose here. Once she moves in, one call to uncle "claiming" abuse and your life is fucked.
Add in that once she establishes residency at your house, she is also granted certain rights legally.
Protect yourself as best as possible first. I really hope it works out for you (and her). Like I said in my earlier post, the emotional loss you are going to feel if things go bad is going to be hard enough. No point in screwing up your finances also if can be avoided beforehand.
Member #6269
06-04-21, 07:51
Sounds like your mind is already made up.
Seriously though man, stop for a minute and think about how much you could lose.
At a minimum, I would talk to a trusted attorney before she gets a key.
Face it dude, the laws favor women in domestic type situations.
She told you in no uncertain terms she is a master manipulator. If you are bound and determined to move forward-and it seems as though you are, all you can do is hope for the best but plan for the worst.
You have everything to lose here. Once she moves in, one call to uncle "claiming" abuse and your life is fucked.
Add in that once she establishes residency at your house, she is also granted certain rights legally.
Protect yourself as best as possible first. I really hope it works out for you (and her). Like I said in my earlier post, the emotional loss you are going to feel if things go bad is going to be hard enough. No point in screwing up your finances also if can be avoided beforehand.I have a step child that has mental and drug issues. There have been many occasions for the police to come to my house because he's gone off the deep end. One time, while standing I. The front yard dealing with the police, one of them told me, directly in front of him, that he has the right to anything in the house, can destroy anything he wants, except a car that is not titled in his name, and there is nothing they can do. At that moment, he decided to test what they had just told us. He ran to the front door, kicked it in, came back out with a 60" TV and said he was headed to the pawn shop. Guess what, all I could do is watch. I had to file an eviction notice. When we went to court, I lost. The judge sided with him because he had established residency and there were no conditions of residency, meaning I didn't have a lease in place. Who has a lease for their adult child living at home? Eventually we had to get a restraining order because of his violence. That was the only way to get him out.
And some people might wonder why a married man would participate in the hobby.
Never, never, allow someone to establish residency. If you do, make them sign a lease that details what they can and can't do.
I have a step child that has mental and drug issues. There have been many occasions for the police to come to my house because he's gone off the deep end. One time, while standing I. The front yard dealing with the police, one of them told me, directly in front of him, that he has the right to anything in the house, can destroy anything he wants, except a car that is not titled in his name, and there is nothing they can do. At that moment, he decided to test what they had just told us. He ran to the front door, kicked it in, came back out with a 60" TV and said he was headed to the pawn shop. Guess what, all I could do is watch. I had to file an eviction notice. When we went to court, I lost. The judge sided with him because he had established residency and there were no conditions of residency, meaning I didn't have a lease in place. Who has a lease for their adult child living at home? Eventually we had to get a restraining order because of his violence. That was the only way to get him out.
And some people might wonder why a married man would participate in the hobby.
Never, never, allow someone to establish residency. If you do, make them sign a lease that details what they can and can't do.Excellent point. If this moves forward, I'll have spoken to a lawyer.
Joesouncool
06-04-21, 13:33
I appreciate all the feedback. And I don't doubt any of you.
In this case, I was able to go back through her phone and see much of her history (that was unpleasant), but I saw that she was pulling away, and in the 3-4 weeks prior to her getting into some trouble with the law, she was saying no. I'm not doing that, and flat not answering people. She was making the effort on her own. I witnessed her getting drug sick (didn't know what it was at the time), and she got herself locked up, where' she's getting a few weeks to detox and be alone with this. We've been able to call for a few days now. She had been hanging out at my place when I saw no reason for it and I asked her why, she told me she felt wanted here, and Like I had told her about many of her problems being the scumbags she ran with, and the folks in my circles were better folks and what she needed to be around. I sincerely think she was trying, while not wanting to admit the demons part.
I've researched, talked to family and friends (though the "friends" in these circles can't ever be believed). I'm blessed enough to have a large circle of friends and contacts to assist me. Can't get her into full inpatient treatment very soon, but moving her into my house and she's going to totally cut ties to the current group of friends. She had already found that the people around me are a better group, and she's apologized, swears she wants to get her life back without demons, and understands that she can lean on me if she feels the urge to screw up, but if she makes a single mistake I turn my back and she goes back to that life. I'm fortunate enough to work for myself and will be in the same locale all the time.
There will be structure and counseling, Routine, and support.
She literally told me that she's a master manipulator, it's been how she's survived, she's good at it, and would screw people over to get her way, that she wants to change, but she's no walk in the park and knows that she's dangerous. And wanted me to think on that before we talk again. The next time we spoke she asked what I thought I told her I knew those things and had learned them, my only question was why she told me. Her answer was that she knows that I'm good and she doesn't want to hurt me and to know what I'm up against.
That said. I've got a couple of weeks before the situation changes. I know the risks and know I might be a little crazy to take it, But I would rather someone get a hand up and a chance than read their obituary, and this truly is a good person who hit rough times and went down the wrong road. I'll protect myself and know she can fail. I also know that without a hand up and someone guiding and being shoulder to shoulder through it, she is guaranteed to fail.A nickel's worth of free advice from someone that got hit by the "I just need a little help to get my life back on track. " Don't ever fucking do it. Walk away. They will fuck your life up for years and years.
I appreciate all the feedback. And I don't doubt any of you.
In this case, I was able to go back through her phone and see much of her history (that was unpleasant), but I saw that she was pulling away, and in the 3-4 weeks prior to her getting into some trouble with the law, she was saying no. I'm not doing that, and flat not answering people. She was making the effort on her own. I witnessed her getting drug sick (didn't know what it was at the time), and she got herself locked up, where' she's getting a few weeks to detox and be alone with this. We've been able to call for a few days now. She had been hanging out at my place when I saw no reason for it and I asked her why, she told me she felt wanted here, and Like I had told her about many of her problems being the scumbags she ran with, and the folks in my circles were better folks and what she needed to be around. I sincerely think she was trying, while not wanting to admit the demons part.
I've researched, talked to family and friends (though the "friends" in these circles can't ever be believed). I'm blessed enough to have a large circle of friends and contacts to assist me. Can't get her into full inpatient treatment very soon, but moving her into my house and she's going to totally cut ties to the current group of friends. She had already found that the people around me are a better group, and she's apologized, swears she wants to get her life back without demons, and understands that she can lean on me if she feels the urge to screw up, but if she makes a single mistake I turn my back and she goes back to that life. I'm fortunate enough to work for myself and will be in the same locale all the time.
There will be structure and counseling, Routine, and support.
She literally told me that she's a master manipulator, it's been how she's survived, she's good at it, and would screw people over to get her way, that she wants to change, but she's no walk in the park and knows that she's dangerous. And wanted me to think on that before we talk again. The next time we spoke she asked what I thought I told her I knew those things and had learned them, my only question was why she told me. Her answer was that she knows that I'm good and she doesn't want to hurt me and to know what I'm up against.
That said. I've got a couple of weeks before the situation changes. I know the risks and know I might be a little crazy to take it, But I would rather someone get a hand up and a chance than read their obituary, and this truly is a good person who hit rough times and went down the wrong road. I'll protect myself and know she can fail. I also know that without a hand up and someone guiding and being shoulder to shoulder through it, she is guaranteed to fail.What's in it for you? Free pussy? Are you going to marry this *****? Are you so bored with your life that you're going to try to save some hoe? Get a real hobby like fishing or golf. I've never had a fishing pole or 9-Iron try to blackmail me and have the police remove me from my own house.
BobJones2011
06-05-21, 01:49
A nickel's worth of free advice from someone that got hit by the "I just need a little help to get my life back on track. " Don't ever fucking do it. Walk away. They will fuck your life up for years and years.All these gentlemen's advice is spot. I got took for a lot of money was a lying sack of shit provider (very popular older woman). I was stupid, the money was no big deal for me and she is still sucking Dick at 60 years old. Don't do it but good luck.
GuitarMan53
06-05-21, 07:05
I met an English woman in 2019. She had just gotten out of jail for child custody nonpayment (red flag #1). She said she wanted to get her shit together. I thought she was sweet, hot and that f'and English accent. So, I set her up in a hotel in west Knoxville. We went on a few dates and it was great. Then, she told me she needed money to keep her out of jail. A child support payment. Mind you, I am not rolling in money but I wanted to help her. Then next week she needed more money for feminine hygiene products and what not. I eventually found out she had FOUR kids. None in her custody (another red flag). Every week I was paying good money to keep her in a good west Knox hotel. I lent her my new car while I worked under the impression she was going to child custody classes, looking for a job and blah, blah, blah. Eventually she said she doesn't like the west Knox hotel and misses her side of town. East Knox. She asked me to pay for a roach motel on Magnolia. At this point, I was lost in my feelings for her and was not really paying attention to what hindsight would eventually reveal. So she moved while I was at work. All of a sudden she had her "kids" with her at the HOtel and since I was her first white man, she didn't want me to just show up to her room until she was ready to introduce me to her kids. So, she would not give me her room number. She should have won an academy award for her acting. Things went like this for awhile. I saw her less and less to the point of maybe 30 minutes per weekend because she could never find anyone to watch her "kids. " One Saturday we were going out and I got a call that she was going to ER for a problem and her Aunt was taking her. So, no date. I waited hours to hear something. Not a call. So I called all ERs in area and said I just heard my girlfriend was there can they give me a status. Being of Libyan descent she had an unusual name. Surprise, surprise, no one in any ER with that name at all that day. So, I drove to the crappy motel and asked the front desk if they had seen her. The lady at the front desk took pity on me and said, "honey, I cannot keep watching this and saying nothing. That girl is staying in her room with a dude. " I seriously went into shock. She said he drives your car. There are no kids. So, I walked out numb. And there was my girl / ho walking down the steps in a dress that had a plunging neckline to her belly button, her hair done, her make up perfect. I confronted her. She denied. Said she went to ER at Fort Sanders West. I deliver medical supplies to Fort Sanders west. There is no ER there. I just walked away. I lost about $40 K on her. I had loans I took out to help her. I sold my car to pay some loans. I got evicted for having no rent money and had to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I'm now driving a piece of shit car, working a shitty job, bankruptcy declared, loss of belief in myself for being so stupid. In therapy e Rey week. On a ton of antidepressants and labeled by my therapist as a dumpster-diving Captain Sav-a-Ho. I found out later about skip the games. She had an ad. It's no longer up. I read reviews from guys on this forum about fucking her in my car. It was an unusual car. It was mine. She would pick me up after work and kiss me with those CIM lips. I called her, saw her (even after all of this), gave her money. I had a gun put to the side of my head by the guy she was staying with (her pimp, her man). Then months later I get a call and she's crying asking for help. I said no. The next day I found out from someone else that her pimp overdosed and died. That's why she called. We talked again. She went to rehab. Within 2 weeks of being home from rehab she was using again. I lost her number and changed mine along with email address. As far as I know she's still out there. Probably doing the same thing to someone else. My life sucks now because I'm having to build from ground up. However, I'm alive. There are no more daily calls where some ho needs money for some "emergency"(insert lie here). I want revenge so bad but I know if she isn't dead now, she will be. Either OD or she'll do what she did to me that says fuck it and does her in. The best revenge is for me to get my shit together and live a good life. Dude, there are plenty of women out there that have their shit together. They have legitimate jobs, homes, cars, custody if they have kids. Don't lose time, money and most importantly yourself to someone incapable of loving anything other than a pill or needle. Sorry for the essay. However, if one person can avoid what I went through then it was worth the telling.
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?
That's horrible, and I hear you. ,. My case is quite a bit different and I'm very aware of what could happen. I'll be doing my all to protect myself and the first slip-up on her end it's over.
I met an English woman in 2019. She had just gotten out of jail for child custody nonpayment (red flag #1). She said she wanted to get her shit together. I thought she was sweet, hot and that f'and English accent. So, I set her up in a hotel in west Knoxville. We went on a few dates and it was great. Then, she told me she needed money to keep her out of jail. A child support payment. Mind you, I am not rolling in money but I wanted to help her. Then next week she needed more money for feminine hygiene products and what not. I eventually found out she had FOUR kids. None in her custody (another red flag). Every week I was paying good money to keep her in a good west Knox hotel. I lent her my new car while I worked under the impression she was going to child custody classes, looking for a job and blah, blah, blah. Eventually she said she doesn't like the west Knox hotel and misses her side of town. East Knox. She asked me to pay for a roach motel on Magnolia. At this point, I was lost in my feelings for her and was not really paying attention to what hindsight would eventually reveal. So she moved while I was at work. All of a sudden she had her "kids" with her at the HOtel and since I was her first white man, she didn't want me to just show up to her room until she was ready to introduce me to her kids. So, she would not give me her room number. She should have won an academy award for her acting. Things went like this for awhile. I saw her less and less to the point of maybe 30 minutes per weekend because she could never find anyone to watch her "kids. " One Saturday we were going out and I got a call that she was going to ER for a problem and her Aunt was taking her. So, no date. I waited hours to hear something. Not a call. So I called all ERs in area and said I just heard my girlfriend was there can they give me a status. Being of Libyan descent she had an unusual name. Surprise, surprise, no one in any ER with that name at all that day. So, I drove to the crappy motel and asked the front desk if they had seen her. The lady at the front desk took pity on me and said, "honey, I cannot keep watching this and saying nothing. That girl is staying in her room with a dude. " I seriously went into shock. She said he drives your car. There are no kids. So, I walked out numb. And there was my girl / ho walking down the steps in a dress that had a plunging neckline to her belly button, her hair done, her make up perfect. I confronted her. She denied. Said she went to ER at Fort Sanders West. I deliver medical supplies to Fort Sanders west. There is no ER there. I just walked away. I lost about $40 K on her. I had loans I took out to help her. I sold my car to pay some loans. I got evicted for having no rent money and had to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I'm now driving a piece of shit car, working a shitty job, bankruptcy declared, loss of belief in myself for being so stupid. In therapy e Rey week. On a ton of antidepressants and labeled by my therapist as a dumpster-diving Captain Sav-a-Ho. I found out later about skip the games. She had an ad. It's no longer up. I read reviews from guys on this forum about fucking her in my car. It was an unusual car. It was mine. She would pick me up after work and kiss me with those CIM lips. I called her, saw her (even after all of this), gave her money. I had a gun put to the side of my head by the guy she was staying with (her pimp, her man). Then months later I get a call and she's crying asking for help. I said no. The next day I found out from someone else that her pimp overdosed and died. That's why she called. We talked again. She went to rehab. Within 2 weeks of being home from rehab she was using again. I lost her number and changed mine along with email address. As far as I know she's still out there. Probably doing the same thing to someone else. My life sucks now because I'm having to build from ground up. However, I'm alive. There are no more daily calls where some ho needs money for some "emergency"(insert lie here). I want revenge so bad but I know if she isn't dead now, she will be. Either OD or she'll do what she did to me that says fuck it and does her in. The best revenge is for me to get my shit together and live a good life. Dude, there are plenty of women out there that have their shit together. They have legitimate jobs, homes, cars, custody if they have kids. Don't lose time, money and most importantly yourself to someone incapable of loving anything other than a pill or needle. Sorry for the essay. However, if one person can avoid what I went through then it was worth the telling.
That's horrible, and I hear you. ,. My case is quite a bit different and I'm very aware of what could happen. I'll be doing my all to protect myself and the first slip-up on her end it's over.Oh Lord, this is not going to end well.
You know that cartoon from Peanuts where Lucy is holding the football, and Charlie Brown tries to kick it thinking that maybe this time Lucy won't pull the ball away? "My case is quite a bit different. " Okay, Charlie Brown! Don't ever say you weren't warned.
AcquaDeJim
06-07-21, 16:39
Oh Lord, this is not going to end well.
You know that cartoon from Peanuts where Lucy is holding the football, and Charlie Brown tries to kick it thinking that maybe this time Lucy won't pull the ball away? "My case is quite a bit different. " Okay, Charlie Brown! Don't ever say you weren't warned.". but my girl is different".
Kinda makes me laugh every time I hear that. Invariably guys find out in a few months that their girl is indeed not different.
Guitarman53-that is one of the most fucked up stories I have heard. Thank you for taking the time to share.
Niterider450
06-07-21, 17:51
I met an English woman in 2019. She had just gotten out of jail for child custody nonpayment (red flag #1). She said she wanted to get her shit together. I thought she was sweet, hot and that f'and English accent. So, I set her up in a hotel in west Knoxville. We went on a few dates and it was great. Then, she told me she needed money to keep her out of jail. A child support payment. Mind you, I am not rolling in money but I wanted to help her. Then next week she needed more money for feminine hygiene products and what not. I eventually found out she had FOUR kids. None in her custody (another red flag). Every week I was paying good money to keep her in a good west Knox hotel. I lent her my new car while I worked under the impression she was going to child custody classes, looking for a job and blah, blah, blah. Eventually she said she doesn't like the west Knox hotel and misses her side of town. East Knox. She asked me to pay for a roach motel on Magnolia. At this point, I was lost in my feelings for her and was not really paying attention to what hindsight would eventually reveal. So she moved while I was at work. All of a sudden she had her "kids" with her at the HOtel and since I was her first white man, she didn't want me to just show up to her room until she was ready to introduce me to her kids. So, she would not give me her room number. She should have won an academy award for her acting. Things went like this for awhile. I saw her less and less to the point of maybe 30 minutes per weekend because she could never find anyone to watch her "kids. " One Saturday we were going out and I got a call that she was going to ER for a problem and her Aunt was taking her. So, no date. I waited hours to hear something. Not a call. So I called all ERs in area and said I just heard my girlfriend was there can they give me a status. Being of Libyan descent she had an unusual name. Surprise, surprise, no one in any ER with that name at all that day. So, I drove to the crappy motel and asked the front desk if they had seen her. The lady at the front desk took pity on me and said, "honey, I cannot keep watching this and saying nothing. That girl is staying in her room with a dude. " I seriously went into shock. She said he drives your car. There are no kids. So, I walked out numb. And there was my girl / ho walking down the steps in a dress that had a plunging neckline to her belly button, her hair done, her make up perfect. I confronted her. She denied. Said she went to ER at Fort Sanders West. I deliver medical supplies to Fort Sanders west. There is no ER there. I just walked away. I lost about $40 K on her. I had loans I took out to help her. I sold my car to pay some loans. I got evicted for having no rent money and had to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. I'm now driving a piece of shit car, working a shitty job, bankruptcy declared, loss of belief in myself for being so stupid. In therapy e Rey week. On a ton of antidepressants and labeled by my therapist as a dumpster-diving Captain Sav-a-Ho. I found out later about skip the games. She had an ad. It's no longer up. I read reviews from guys on this forum about fucking her in my car. It was an unusual car. It was mine. She would pick me up after work and kiss me with those CIM lips. I called her, saw her (even after all of this), gave her money. I had a gun put to the side of my head by the guy she was staying with (her pimp, her man). Then months later I get a call and she's crying asking for help. I said no. The next day I found out from someone else that her pimp overdosed and died. That's why she called. We talked again. She went to rehab. Within 2 weeks of being home from rehab she was using again. I lost her number and changed mine along with email address. As far as I know she's still out there. Probably doing the same thing to someone else. My life sucks now because I'm having to build from ground up. However, I'm alive. There are no more daily calls where some ho needs money for some "emergency"(insert lie here). I want revenge so bad but I know if she isn't dead now, she will be. Either OD or she'll do what she did to me that says fuck it and does her in. The best revenge is for me to get my shit together and live a good life. Dude, there are plenty of women out there that have their shit together. They have legitimate jobs, homes, cars, custody if they have kids. Don't lose time, money and most importantly yourself to someone incapable of loving anything other than a pill or needle. Sorry for the essay. However, if one person can avoid what I went through then it was worth the telling.Dang man I hate that! Women are money pits.
EasyGoingJ
06-07-21, 19:52
I mean this with much respect, as one has been through therapy and benefited greatly, along with an attorney, I would recommend sitting down for a few sessions with a qualified Therapist. I think it would be beneficial for you to learn what it is in you that makes you driven to do this.
As I have said before you are a kind, caring and compassionate individual. But I think you know in a deep down place where your judgement is not impaired by this wonderful gesture, that this will end badly.
Worst case situation she actually stays clean for a month or two but her demons return and her tolerance has not and you find her od'd somewhere in your house.
GuitarMan53
06-08-21, 02:27
I have to honestly say when I was in the midst of it, no one could talk me down. Family and friends tried. They were all telling me she was lying but I would not listen. I found out in therapy that I am a codependent person. Meaning, I get my high off taking care of someone. At first, she was seemingly very appreciative. After about two weeks she couldn't sustain the act because she is a narcissists. But, I kept chasing that high from the early days. That appreciation. It's no different than a drug addict. I remember in group therapy I was talking about all my losses (I lost my home, I lost my car, I lost tons of money, I was in debt up to my eyeballs, and I had lost my self respect). My therapist said "do you know what a drug addict says? I lost my home, I lost my car, I lost tons of money, I'm in debt and I lost my self respect. " It hit me then. She was my drug. Google codependent and narcissistic people and you see they fit like a glove until the codependent runs out of supply then the narcissist drops you to find another. Brother, save yourself a world of hurt. Let her go to rehab and leave her be. If she's real and wants to defeat those demons, give her a year. She will be back either way. She will be strung out again looking for a handout instead of a hand-up or she will be sober and have something to give and not just be a taker. I know I couldn't be talked down but my shit is real and my world is still fucked after almost two years. Dumpster diving has its consequences. Be careful and unlike me listen to your friends, family and especially your inner voice. I believe you wrote this because you know you are on thin ice. There are so many women out there without all this baggage. But in the end it is up to you. Don't be a mark or con like I was. Good luck, dude.
". but my girl is different".
Kinda makes me laugh every time I hear that. Invariably guys find out in a few months that their girl is indeed not different.
Guitarman53-that is one of the most fucked up stories I have heard. Thank you for taking the time to share.
EasyGoingJ
06-08-21, 17:52
My Therapist attributed my crazy attraction to " interlocking neurosis " Hope I spelled that right.
I got out before it was too late but I was ready to throw away 20 years I had spent building a business, walk away from my bestfriend is whose my also so.
The below poster had it right, a narcisisistic personality links perfectly with your codependent enabling.
This guy is different, his girl is different, their situation is different. Everyone trying to convince him otherwise is just spitting into the wind. Just sit back and let's watch the train crash happen.
This guy is different, his girl is different, their situation is different. Everyone trying to convince him otherwise is just spitting into the wind. Just sit back and let's watch the train crash happen.Well said, sad that it's true but it is what it is. Several of us have been there / done that, got the "I was played" t-shirt to go with it. Sincerely hope it works out for him & his gal, but not holding my breath.
DaddyLick123
06-11-21, 14:53
Been there and just happened to me with a 6 month relationship with my young 20 year old. She was saying she loved me and needed me and was way needy! I mean like wanted to see me everyday. We would go away for the weekend and king of developed into boyfriend / girlfriend thing. Then saw her on a Thursday night and had plans for the weekend and damn just never would respond to my text or phone calls. Drove by her place and damn so old loser boyfriend sitting on porch with her. Loser dupe smoking punk but guess she made her choice but it did hurt seeing that. I was taking good care of her and helping her get back in school, paid for it and he'll did her taxes and got her a nice refund. She's the one that started all of that I need you and love you daddy and I ended up having strong feelings for her and really was trying to help her have a better life and better pathway for her. I mean you can't just have a conversation with me and I would have respected that but just ghost me and. Or respond to anything just kind of sucked. So in the future I will just treat them like the little ****** they are and give them the money and stick to them. Well that's not really me but would just like to find an honest caring young lady to replace what I don't have and guess most are looking for on here. LOL I got over her and will find another one. Just sharing my experience of caring to much for one. Stay safe.
GuitarMan53
06-14-21, 02:55
My story is now known, but I, sincerely feel for anyone that falls for their con. So, brother, I hate to hear your story. The truth is most of these girls / women are hustling addicts doing and saying anything to get that next fix. The English tart that ruined me, from day 1 started all the "I love you. " "We are exclusive. " She was so good at reading what I wanted and knew how to exploit it to get what she wanted. I had suspicions that she was a pro. I asked her many times because things seemed not right. Always, "no. I respect myself more than that. Islam doesn't allow that. Blah, blah, blah. " And then right before I severed contact I got this email from her that said. "you (meaning me) said there were signs. " So, in effect she's saying I was to blame when she would lie right to my face when directly asked. There is no shame in an addict.
Been there and just happened to me with a 6 month relationship with my young 20 year old. She was saying she loved me and needed me and was way needy! I mean like wanted to see me everyday. We would go away for the weekend and king of developed into boyfriend / girlfriend thing. Then saw her on a Thursday night and had plans for the weekend and damn just never would respond to my text or phone calls. Drove by her place and damn so old loser boyfriend sitting on porch with her. Loser dupe smoking punk but guess she made her choice but it did hurt seeing that. I was taking good care of her and helping her get back in school, paid for it and he'll did her taxes and got her a nice refund. She's the one that started all of that I need you and love you daddy and I ended up having strong feelings for her and really was trying to help her have a better life and better pathway for her. I mean you can't just have a conversation with me and I would have respected that but just ghost me and. Or respond to anything just kind of sucked. So in the future I will just treat them like the little ****** they are and give them the money and stick to them. Well that's not really me but would just like to find an honest caring young lady to replace what I don't have and guess most are looking for on here. LOL I got over her and will find another one. Just sharing my experience of caring to much for one. Stay safe.
Just to update. It's going well. 10 days in, she's staying clean, meetings, counseling, projects, and working hard at it, and I couldn't be happier.
EasttnnFun
07-01-21, 21:59
Theres been no recent posted content on this subject in 2 weeks so he resurrected it with an update. Dude, get over it. Make your own decisions and live with them. If that means you find a long term "something", great. If it means you get burned and go down in flames, sorry to hear that but you choose the path you walk.
If you really think your going to get the answers you want from this forum, a bunch of mongers who mostly only want to f*ck with NSA, bang your head against a concrete wall for 10 minutes. It will feel so good once you stop.
This guy is different, his girl is different, their situation is different. Everyone trying to convince him otherwise is just spitting into the wind. Just sit back and let's watch the train crash happen.
Just to update. It's going well. 10 days in, she's staying clean, meetings, counseling, projects, and working hard at it, and I couldn't be happier.Congratulations, but be cautious. So much more to go.
I was only updating to say its possible. Long way to go? Yup.
Worth the risk? Absolutely.
I was only updating to say its possible. Long way to go? Yup.
Worth the risk? Absolutely.No pussy is worth that risk. You know this deep down inside, and that's why you're seeking validation on this message board. Everyone on here thinks you're an idiot for taking in all of her baggage. But more power to you.
EasyGoingJ
07-15-21, 14:06
I was only updating to say its possible. Long way to go? Yup.
Worth the risk? Absolutely.It has been another two weeks, I sincerely hope it is still going well.
Did you ever talk to a lawyer as suggested by board members? Or let the little head take care of that?
It has been another two weeks, I sincerely hope it is still going well.
Did you ever talk to a lawyer as suggested by board members? Or let the little head take care of that?It's going excellent, she's rocking her recovery, taking great care of me and herself, and all is well. I could go on about it, but short story is she's proving she wants recovery and is doing what it takes.
She's started some part time work for some of my close friends, and other than that once a week!, she's with me 24/7. I'm actually a bit spoiled, though supporting her through meetings and such can be a hassle, she helps in my work quite a bit.
I did speak to an attorney, and effectively once you allow someone to live in your home and they establish residency, you're pretty screwed if you ever need to remove them. I did install a safe.
It's going excellent, she's rocking her recovery, taking great care of me and herself, and all is well. I could go on about it, but short story is she's proving she wants recovery and is doing what it takes.
She's started some part time work for some of my close friends, and other than that once a week!, she's with me 24/7. I'm actually a bit spoiled, though supporting her through meetings and such can be a hassle, she helps in my work quite a bit.
I did speak to an attorney, and effectively once you allow someone to live in your home and they establish residency, you're pretty screwed if you ever need to remove them. I did install a safe.I'm glad it's going good for both of you. I hope it continues and you and her have a long and healthy relationship.
EasyGoingJ
07-15-21, 20:25
It's going excellent, she's rocking her recovery, taking great care of me and herself, and all is well. I could go on about it, but short story is she's proving she wants recovery and is doing what it takes.
She's started some part time work for some of my close friends, and other than that once a week!, she's with me 24/7. I'm actually a bit spoiled, though supporting her through meetings and such can be a hassle, she helps in my work quite a bit.
I did speak to an attorney, and effectively once you allow someone to live in your home and they establish residency, you're pretty screwed if you ever need to remove them. I did install a safe.I hope you know while we come across as harsh, we are all cheering the both of you on!
Could your attorney write up anything that would protect you?
I hope you know while we come across as harsh, we are all cheering the both of you on!
Could your attorney write up anything that would protect you?Not really.
And I know the dangers. This is the start of a long road. . I'm protected as well as I can be, and we'll see how it goes. I'm hopeful and have faith in her. We'll see if its warranted.
Member #6269
07-17-21, 08:04
Is she a hooker or just someone with demons?
Is she a hooker or just someone with demons?She was low volume, mostly UTR, An Occasional ad. That's how I met her.
GuitarMan53
08-19-21, 01:08
It's been awhile since we've heard from you. After my catastrophic event with trying to tame the savage beast, I can't help but wonder how things are going for you. None of my business. I hope it's going well. I just know the way they can turn. There's a song by Ministry from the 90's and the one line that has stuck with me after my downfall is "Never trust a junkie!" Hope it's going well. If you want, I'm curious for an update. I definitely don't need to share anything you tell me with anyone else.
She was low volume, mostly UTR, An Occasional ad. That's how I met her.
It's been awhile since we've heard from you. After my catastrophic event with trying to tame the savage beast, I can't help but wonder how things are going for you. None of my business. I hope it's going well. I just know the way they can turn. There's a song by Ministry from the 90's and the one line that has stuck with me after my downfall is "Never trust a junkie!" Hope it's going well. If you want, I'm curious for an update. I definitely don't need to share anything you tell me with anyone else.I had DM'ed him asking if was a specific person a while back, got no reply. I wished them the best of luck.
Sorry. I didn't see the Dm.
I had DM'ed him asking if was a specific person a while back, got no reply. I wished them the best of luck.Update. On Monday she'll hit 90 days clean (I was going to post then) - everything is actually going excellent. There have been a couple of people from her old world (we've nicknamed it the swamp) who have tried to gt hold of her, and we shut them down immediately. Counseling, Celebrate recovery, and every Friday she cooks dinner for her papaw and we bring it to him. He's a 35 year recovering Alcoholic who tried to help her before when she wasn't ready and failed.
My friends have welcomed and embraced her. One of them pics her up once a week to clean their house, and what little she makes at that she readily spends on needs for both of us. She actually bought me dinner for my birthday. - she's nested, Reworked the flower beds out front. Did an awesome job and they needed it, and she tends to it, as well as taking breaks to work on her own art projects. She's got a portion of my office for her artwork and she uses that to relax. She's seen jobs / chores that needed done and tackled them. Pressure washed the house, jumped in on a couple of labor intensive jobs that she didn't want me to tackle alone when she could help. Did some minor redecorating in the house, and takes great care of the house and our dogs. It's nice to have a clean house and know that if I ask her to take care of something, she does it and takes pride in it. She helps me with my work when I need it, and I'm a workaholic. If she realizes I'm busy in the shop and haven't eaten mid day, she'll show up with food and make me stop and eat, and apologize to a customer if one is waiting and tell them I need to fit it food with their job. When I'm dome for the day she's happy to cook us dinner or get me a drink, or both. (she's a great bartender),. About a month ago I told her we need to take one day a week to screw off, and she's held me to it. We either get out for a ride or to kayak and fish once a week, and if I start taking on too much work, she reminds me that I need to make that time, and she's right.
I have learned MUCH abut addiction and how far reaching it is going through this. You might be surprised, but the recovering addict population I are there to support each other, and she's taken control of her recovery and has the support she needs and is rocking it. I can't say enough about how well she is doing.
What does it take for a person to do this? It varies with every Addict, but first is the addict has to decide, and she has. 2nd. The change of environment is huge, she's got safety, Security and support like she's never had. The Counseling is key. Most addicts start with some past trauma that gets them started, and addressing the root cause helps. Finding the right counselor was a bit difficult, but now she has one and that is going really well. She OWNS her mistakes, problem, and is dealing with it, not hiding from it. There's a long way to go, but she knows it and is tacking it. Celebrate recovery program is awesome, and the groups afterwards. I attend a group for men when she's in hers, and I've made friends and gotten perspective, even though I'm not an addict. There are various other things that can help, but it seriously is individual.
Now the negatives: the system is difficult and expensive. The legal fees and fines initially were a hit. Probation is simply there to take money and make it difficult, and they are, but we've learned to smile at them and know that at the end of it they are still the bitter people they are, and we hope they get over it. Counseling is expensive, but it's a HUGE help and she needs it, so I'll do what I need to. It's going to be a while before she can get out and go anywhere on her own, including working, and frankly, if I am able to manage it financially, I'm fine with her not working. She doesn't have her license back yet, and has flat told me she doesn't need it or the ability to go anywhere on her own yet. Doing the required meeting, plus the counseling appointments, and the weekly dinner with her papaw. It's a bit of a schedule to manage, but in truth, having something other than work that I have to do isn't a bad thing. This process will be long and ongoing. As long as she's succeeding it's worth it. But it will be months / a year or more before she'll be able to slack off a little bit. She can't travel out of state for the time being, so I've had to change some travel plans, but we can make up for it later.
Yes, relapse can happen, and we've discussed that there will be bad days. She's had 2 particular ones, but got through them. She told me that no one single day could be as bad as being back in the life, and she never wants to be there again.
If you've read this far, I appreciate those of you who were wondering. I know some of you think I'm nuts, and I don't disagree you could be right. I know that if this is successful in the long run we will have beaten the odds, but to this point it's going absolutely great, and this is a wonderful person who needed and deserved the support. She appreciative and thankful, and stands a real chance here, with no sign of failure being an option. Time will tell.
Update: she's 141 days clean, 110+ of that is with me since getting out.
She's still rocking it. With her being supported and secure, she's cleanly turned away the temptations to trouble, and she often makes it clear she appreciates me and is happy for being secure and knowing she's loved.
I'm a workahic. If I'm working and haven't eaten, she'll appear in the shop with lunch, politely tell my customers I need to stop and eat, and make sure I do. When she sees me stressing, she actively seeks out what she can do to help. If I tell her I need her to address something she's on it.
Our life is busy, with both work and her recovery process, and she's traded the hectic lifestyle of supporting a habit for the hectic lifestyle of building / enjoying life. If we've not taken time to recreate, she'll gently remind me we're due, and when I say "let's go x", she's ready. She has zero complaints, be it about where we go to eat or to stay home and her make us dinner.
I could go on and on. I'm not saying it's perfect, and I know the possibility of relapse or tragedy does exist, but she's clear about it not being an option, and she's owning her past and addressing it while making her future.
Not every addict is doomed to repeat. Treat all with respect, and if one really tries to help themselves, weigh it out yourself. I'll update again at some point, good or bad, but currently good is winning.
Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.
FireBall99
11-23-21, 19:37
Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.Hey that's awesome, bro. Congrats on her (and your) success so far. Hope it works out for you both. Keep us updated!
MaxOptimus
11-23-21, 21:55
Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.Congrats and best wishes and thoughts that this continues!.
Hey that's awesome, bro. Congrats on her (and your) success so far. Hope it works out for you both. Keep us updated!Will do. This is a long journey, nothing guaranteed, but it's going really well so far.
Joesouncool
11-24-21, 11:38
Yep. You bastards can laugh at me, but I'm going to say it. I met a woman and we REALLY hit it off. Long story, started as helping with housework and business stuff, turned into a relationship, and After a few weeks I came to realize she had a problem with demons. Addressed it with her, and she appeared to be trying to get her act together, get away from the wrong crowd and do the right things.
Long story short. I've got the ability to help her break free from that. And she says she wants to. Start over, new atmosphere, shoulder to shoulder support, treatment, etc. Has anyone here had any experience? She's a long time user, has had plenty of trouble due to it, she's a great manipulator and has alienated most of her own family. All she has left is the crowd you end up with in that situation, and me.
Anyone had any experience like this? Any tips other than run like hell?So here we are almost 6 months later. While it seems to be working, I'm unconvinced. If you can help her stay straight, that's great. The problem is that drugs and problems are like terrorism, they only have to get through once, and the other side has to be vigilante forever. Why do I say these things? Because 20 years ago, I was the naive guy trying to help some chick. I'm glad that you and her are having success. I got the calls and crying and all of that. She got beaten up by the old boyfriend, she had run her mouth well beyond what someone should say. I heard the stories, "I'm not going to be around him any more. I'm going to shut him out. " "I'm going to get a real job (she had a good college degree, not some bs art degree or humanities, but a real business degree.)". "I'm going to be stronger". Then it was that she had had surgery for something, don't even remember what, of course it was a lie. Then she tried to get tens of thousands of dollars out of me that I didn't have to clean up her life.
When I eventually challenged her to get off her azz and actually prove she was doing something, of course I was the evil person now and she attacked me for it. She would call and harass as me for months on end every day. This went on for years. I even talked to a detective, of course, his response "women don't harass men. " It made me crazy. I finally told all her friends what was going on, which caused a bigger explosion, but eventually solved the problem of the every day phone calls. The amount of harassment went down significantly, but not to zero. One of her friends saw me in Lenox Mall in atl. I was petrified that the harassment would start up again. It didn't, not a peep which surprised me. About a year later, I found out that she had committed suicide not long after I ran into the friend.
There is another side of this my friend. It's not pretty. I wouldn’t wish what happened to me on anyone, not even a foe. Be very, very careful.
MilfMan865
11-25-21, 13:28
Congrats and best wishes and thoughts that this continues!.
Today she celebrates 6 months clean! Still kicking ass and hanging in there. Remember to be respectful and not give up on a girl.
So here we are almost 6 months later. While it seems to be working, I'm unconvinced. If you can help her stay straight, that's great. The problem is that drugs and problems are like terrorism, they only have to get through once, and the other side has to be vigilante forever. Why do I say these things? Because 20 years ago, I was the naive guy trying to help some chick. I'm glad that you and her are having success. I got the calls and crying and all of that. She got beaten up by the old boyfriend, she had run her mouth well beyond what someone should say. I heard the stories, "I'm not going to be around him any more. I'm going to shut him out. " "I'm going to get a real job (she had a good college degree, not some bs art degree or humanities, but a real business degree.)". "I'm going to be stronger". Then it was that she had had surgery for something, don't even remember what, of course it was a lie. Then she tried to get tens of thousands of dollars out of me that I didn't have to clean up her life.
When I eventually challenged her to get off her azz and actually prove she was doing something, of course I was the evil person now and she attacked me for it. She would call and harass as me for months on end every day. This went on for years. I even talked to a detective, of course, his response "women don't harass men. " It made me crazy. I finally told all her friends what was going on, which caused a bigger explosion, but eventually solved the problem of the every day phone calls. The amount of harassment went down significantly, but not to zero. One of her friends saw me in Lenox Mall in atl. I was petrified that the harassment would start up again. It didn't, not a peep which surprised me. About a year later, I found out that she had committed suicide not long after I ran into the friend.
There is another side of this my friend. It's not pretty. I wouldnt wish what happened to me on anyone, not even a foe. Be very, very careful.I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.
I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance.
Stay vigilant,. ,. ,
Milfman.
Member #6090
11-25-21, 13:42
I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.
I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance.
Stay vigilant,. ,. ,
Milfman.My all time favorite former pro was giving me the goods for free after she was released, unfortunately that came to an abrupt halt when she was sentenced in September. I'll pick up where we left off in a couple of years, but until then her SD can put his $ on her books! LOL.
KnoxWorkingMan
11-25-21, 13:44
I applaud you brothers for sharing such personal and instrumental tales of your experiences.
I'd like to strongly offer that: You can give a damn without giving a f**k. Some aspects with a provider, like addiction, are best kept a safe distance..I agree with you.
Love them from a distance.
I truly read and respect all the feedback, and Know I'm stepping out on a limb, and it's mine to hang from, but I'm here heading forward. Only time will tell if my risk taking is worth it, But I'm in to see.
I truly read and respect all the feedback, and Know I'm stepping out on a limb, and it's mine to hang from, but I'm here heading forward. Only time will tell if my risk taking is worth it, But I'm in to see.A curious reader would like to know how the story goes. Happy ending or sad tale of regrets.
A curious reader would like to know how the story goes. Happy ending or sad tale of regrets.Thanks for asking. I've been meaning to update the thread and hadn't made the time.
Overall absofuckinglutely fantastic!
I'll try to condense. She did slip once 8 months in. I did't see the signs (hell she didn't see it coming), she used once, nearly died - 3 days in ICU, effectively had a stroke. When she came out the sedation 2 days in she thought she had lost everything. At that point it had gone flawlessly for 8 months though it had been a lot of work. Counseling, very involved in recovery programs, and helping others. That one screw up was her bottom. She thought I would turn my back, but after she'd done so well I couldn't. It was crazy stressful to get her through that and the recovery, but we did it.
I will tell you these this. The "recovery community" is more about making money then helping someone trying to get clean and get their life straight. The frustration when you're trying to get actual help and see how they treat the people in need is hideous. The Financial hassles of going through what she has and getting clear of it were no easy task, but what price do you put on a life? Every persons demons and recovery are different, and finding the path that worked well with her was much of the work.
That said, we maneuvered the pitfalls. We're now husband and wife, take great care of each other. She's working at a job that's perfect for her and she rocks at. She's mended things with her family and they are proud of her again, Her work depends on her and she steps up and kills it. I honestly feel that she's free from the pitfalls (though I know it's never 100%) and stable. She still sees her counselor monthly and we're involved in a church recovery program. She helps others while continually working on herself. That growth and self consciousness will be a part of her life forever to keep herself on track, and that's her choice. We've got a couple of things in place that other people might not, but it works for us.
I'm happy. I've got a wonderful strong wife I can watch soar or hide from the world with when we want. We can trust each other to have our best interests at heart and not let anyone screw it up.
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