YabbleDabble
07-05-05, 22:06
Disclaimer-This review has been posted here from an unknown poster on craiglist and is re-posted here solely as a courtesy PSA for mongers. I have not seen the woman reviewed and can in no way verify or deny the findings of this reviewer.
yabbledabble
----------------
Reply to: anon-82473235@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-07-05, 3:29AM EDT
(This review appears on Big Doggie using this provider's Eros name, Natasha. Some portions have been redacted to comply with CL rules)
Her most recent CL post
She advertises as Mallory on Craigslist and as Natasha on Eros. I called to negotiate a 1hr body rub, saying that I was stressed etc. Standard two-call, except that it was more like a three or four call. Enthusiasm is not her middle name.
I saw her ad on Craigslist advertising a $150 special. I call and find out that it is for 1/2 an hour. I explained that I was interested in a bodyrub with a ###### ending. Could that be done for 1hr at $200? (yes, yes, it is bad form to negotiate, but I really was not terribly up for F/S...). She agreed, and I headed over there.
It turns out the "she" on the phone was a, um, friend (madam?) of Mallory/Natasha, yet arrangements were made in the first person. After 15 minutes of waiting in front of the incall location (and several unanswered phone calls), I finally was told where to go.
When I finally met Mallory/Natasha she was forward and somewhat hurried. The incall location was okay. But the bed was the pullout sofa, not the actual bed. As for Mallory/Natasha’s appearance, she was heavier than she appeared in the photos, and her legs weren't terribly smooth. She looked tired as well. The photo's are accurate enough, but mentally add a paunch.
Then the fun started. Well, not fun. Then the whatever started. Here is a list of things she does not like to do:
1) Body Rubs.
2) Kissing.
3) Being kissed anywhere at all.
4) being on top.
5) cuddling.
6) taking it slow.
7) turning off the TV.
She is the GFE of every GF I ever hated. Maybe I should have used the time to practice break-up techniques for unhealthy relationships.
***Note: throughout all the events described below, King of the Hill was playing on the TV not 4 feet from the pull out sofa, and at high volume. She would not turn it off (see #7 above)***
Boomhauer is not a turn-on for me. But that’s just the way I am.
So, I want a stress-relief body rub with a ###### finish (Vive La #####!). She tells me she doesn’t like to do that (Meaning the body rub). I told her that it what I came there for. She relented (petulant acquiescence; this really *is* GFE). The back rub lasted maybe five minutes. Then she just wanted to get down to business. What a rush! She kept insisting that she was f/s, meaning, in fact, WBTYM (Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am).
I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m being rushed. I am not getting what I asked for. So I figure, “what the hell.” I’d lie on the bed like the lazy sack of shit I am, and I’d let her do the work.
No. Can. Do. ### #####’# #### ## ## ## ###. ##### # #### ##### #### #### ## ## ###, # #### ### #### ####### ### ## ######## ######## (##’# ### ########, ### #### ## ############### ####### ### #######, # ## ### ### #### ######). ### ######### ###### ## ### ## ###, ### ## ### # ####### ####### ### ##. She kept going too fast and wouldn’t slow down. It seems that most guys just want to use her and go – something she told me at least three times during the session. I asked her to take her time, I booked an hour after all.
At this point she uttered my favorite line in escort history “What do you expect us to do for a whole hour?”
I told her that I expected a body rub, taking it slow. But that wasn’t going to happen. I told her that maybe we could go again, but she told me “not for $200 - You only go once.” Finally I suggested that she get off me, and finish me in the style of the ######. Again she was unenthusiastic (“I already did that”). This is how I got a reluctant ####-###; the absolute epitome of GFE.
We finished with half an hour left in my paid-for hour. While I am not enough of an asshole to ask for a refund, I did want to get something out of the last half hour. But she doesn’t cuddle. She was done with the body-rub thing. So she sat in an armchair and started to channel surf.
I started to wonder if this was some kind of weird fetish humiliation thing.
Her coup de grace for the whole encounter came when she picked up her phone and made a call. “Yeah, he’s still here” “Wait before you come over” “Can you bring me some soup.”
With twenty three minutes remaining in my hour, I left. She had made it clear that she was F/S and that I had already received my F/S. We were done. So we would watch - wait for it - the Cosby Show until my time expired.
I am sorry for the extra-long review. If you are in the mood for WBTYM, and lack the imagination that God gave the common flea, knock yourself out. She is pretty enough, and she is unflappable about being treated as a car-ferry – “Roll on, Roll off.”
Or maybe this is my punishment for negotiating in the first place. But I doubt it.
yabbledabble
----------------
Reply to: anon-82473235@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-07-05, 3:29AM EDT
(This review appears on Big Doggie using this provider's Eros name, Natasha. Some portions have been redacted to comply with CL rules)
Her most recent CL post
She advertises as Mallory on Craigslist and as Natasha on Eros. I called to negotiate a 1hr body rub, saying that I was stressed etc. Standard two-call, except that it was more like a three or four call. Enthusiasm is not her middle name.
I saw her ad on Craigslist advertising a $150 special. I call and find out that it is for 1/2 an hour. I explained that I was interested in a bodyrub with a ###### ending. Could that be done for 1hr at $200? (yes, yes, it is bad form to negotiate, but I really was not terribly up for F/S...). She agreed, and I headed over there.
It turns out the "she" on the phone was a, um, friend (madam?) of Mallory/Natasha, yet arrangements were made in the first person. After 15 minutes of waiting in front of the incall location (and several unanswered phone calls), I finally was told where to go.
When I finally met Mallory/Natasha she was forward and somewhat hurried. The incall location was okay. But the bed was the pullout sofa, not the actual bed. As for Mallory/Natasha’s appearance, she was heavier than she appeared in the photos, and her legs weren't terribly smooth. She looked tired as well. The photo's are accurate enough, but mentally add a paunch.
Then the fun started. Well, not fun. Then the whatever started. Here is a list of things she does not like to do:
1) Body Rubs.
2) Kissing.
3) Being kissed anywhere at all.
4) being on top.
5) cuddling.
6) taking it slow.
7) turning off the TV.
She is the GFE of every GF I ever hated. Maybe I should have used the time to practice break-up techniques for unhealthy relationships.
***Note: throughout all the events described below, King of the Hill was playing on the TV not 4 feet from the pull out sofa, and at high volume. She would not turn it off (see #7 above)***
Boomhauer is not a turn-on for me. But that’s just the way I am.
So, I want a stress-relief body rub with a ###### finish (Vive La #####!). She tells me she doesn’t like to do that (Meaning the body rub). I told her that it what I came there for. She relented (petulant acquiescence; this really *is* GFE). The back rub lasted maybe five minutes. Then she just wanted to get down to business. What a rush! She kept insisting that she was f/s, meaning, in fact, WBTYM (Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am).
I’m tired. I’m stressed. I’m being rushed. I am not getting what I asked for. So I figure, “what the hell.” I’d lie on the bed like the lazy sack of shit I am, and I’d let her do the work.
No. Can. Do. ### #####’# #### ## ## ## ###. ##### # #### ##### #### #### ## ## ###, # #### ### #### ####### ### ## ######## ######## (##’# ### ########, ### #### ## ############### ####### ### #######, # ## ### ### #### ######). ### ######### ###### ## ### ## ###, ### ## ### # ####### ####### ### ##. She kept going too fast and wouldn’t slow down. It seems that most guys just want to use her and go – something she told me at least three times during the session. I asked her to take her time, I booked an hour after all.
At this point she uttered my favorite line in escort history “What do you expect us to do for a whole hour?”
I told her that I expected a body rub, taking it slow. But that wasn’t going to happen. I told her that maybe we could go again, but she told me “not for $200 - You only go once.” Finally I suggested that she get off me, and finish me in the style of the ######. Again she was unenthusiastic (“I already did that”). This is how I got a reluctant ####-###; the absolute epitome of GFE.
We finished with half an hour left in my paid-for hour. While I am not enough of an asshole to ask for a refund, I did want to get something out of the last half hour. But she doesn’t cuddle. She was done with the body-rub thing. So she sat in an armchair and started to channel surf.
I started to wonder if this was some kind of weird fetish humiliation thing.
Her coup de grace for the whole encounter came when she picked up her phone and made a call. “Yeah, he’s still here” “Wait before you come over” “Can you bring me some soup.”
With twenty three minutes remaining in my hour, I left. She had made it clear that she was F/S and that I had already received my F/S. We were done. So we would watch - wait for it - the Cosby Show until my time expired.
I am sorry for the extra-long review. If you are in the mood for WBTYM, and lack the imagination that God gave the common flea, knock yourself out. She is pretty enough, and she is unflappable about being treated as a car-ferry – “Roll on, Roll off.”
Or maybe this is my punishment for negotiating in the first place. But I doubt it.