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KaintuckMan
07-03-16, 17:24
Share your best jokes and laughable experiences here. No fighting is allowed among each other or I will delete. Follow all forum rules. Time to lighten everybody up.

LuvSpinners
07-03-16, 17:34
A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su! Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?

BoutToExplode
07-03-16, 18:59
So, this guy told me, "Man, all I can do any more is eat that pussy. ".

And I said, "Well, you may be too old to cut the mustard, but at least you can still lick the jar!

BWAAAHAHAHAHA.

KaintuckMan
07-04-16, 05:08
Everyone has heard of King Arthur. He was going on one his crusades and wants to make sure Guinivere was faithful. He had the blacksmith make a chasity belt. Anything that went in was cut off. Satisfied the king went on his crusade. When Arthur came back he called a meeting. Knights of the round table. Pull down your drawers. When they did, every knights dick was cut off except sir Lancelot. The king looked at him and said "my friend, my first knight, your wish is my command. Lancelot opened his mouth and pointed to his tongue and said "ugh, ugh, ugh.

Ps: I sure was glad I went to the Greek isles while he was gone and had a bbbj. Lol

ShermanLex
07-04-16, 14:20
Have you heard about ISIS' new inflatable sex dolls?

They blow themselves up!

DeaconBlues
07-04-16, 17:32
One day this big, tall Texan visiting Lexington decided to check out a strip club. One of the dancers came over to say hi, took his ten-gallon hat off his head, looked at its size, and said, "Cowboy! How big is this hat?" He answered, "It's a size fourteen, Ma'am. I'm from Texas, and things grows big in Texas. " She grinned at him, sat down beside him, started playing footsie with him, and then noticed the size of his feet. "Cowboy!" she said. "How big are those boots you're wearing?" He replied, "Ma'am, they're size 21. I'm from Texas, you know, and things grows big in Texas. ".

So then she winked at him and said, "Well, why don't you visit the VIP room with me? If the bouncer looks the other way, I might be able to see what ELSE grows big in Texas!" So he grinned back at her and agreed. He paid his money to the bouncer and the dancer took him to the VIP room, had him sit down, and jumped up on his knees, sticking her girly parts right in his face. "There, Cowboy!" she exclaimed with a big grin, standing on his knees with her hands on her hips and wiggling a little. "What do you think of THAT?

The big cowboy looked, his eyes went wide, and he took off his ten-gallon hat, placed it over his heart, and looked up at her humbly. "I'm from Dallas, Ma'am," he answered respectfully. "What part of Texas are YOU from?

TwaddleFuss
07-05-16, 11:10
A man comes home from work and says to his wife, "Honey I got fired today fro sticking my dick in the pickle slicer".

She said, "Oh my God! What happened?

He replied, "she got fired too. ".

ShermanLex
07-06-16, 12:11
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it. " "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up. ".

ShermanLex
07-06-16, 12:13
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks. " The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there. " "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either. ".

ShermanLex
07-06-16, 12:14
A boss said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn't even have enough time to undressed himself. " So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, "The Bastard used coins I'm still picking and he is still fucking!

L Yeah
10-31-16, 14:03
Thought it was funny.

Wally Creek
12-21-16, 18:09
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down.

From the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.

"I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the.

Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second.

Room on the right.

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker.

And two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked.

The door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking.

For the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon. ".

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found.

Her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to.

Open those beers first. ".

MaxTantric
02-06-17, 21:15
Stories and especially ones with humor or banter seem to be really disliked by a few here. This report I will try to keep to funny story and pertinent identifying facts and try to keep the banter down.

I wasn't sure where to post this story. And since most would not give cash first. I'm probably the big joke. But one that might save quite a few others. If this is deemed to be the wrong place. Sorry. My take is that is going to be hard to have good sex with a woman who is about to get evicted or have utilities cutoff. And up all night with sick child. I would rather the thieves show themselves quickly and rip me off in a limited and controlled manner. And if they don't. Maybe. Just maybe I could trust them just a little. And it seems there is probably not just one. There is another I'm giving a few days grace. Be careful in berea.

I answered a C. L ad djd4 j-5988913056.2 SB's from danville on Feb. 4th. This ad has been flagged for removal now. We exchanged about 9 CL emails and then went to text from 859 xxx 4048. Seems like no SB has a fully paid up working phone and they use wifi text only. A worst way to get to know and a train wreck coming way to meet in a strange place different city.

Since I only know danville somewhat. I suggested what I knew for sure the hub coffee house on main. Letting an SB take control by text is generally not good. This one did. Logic was use of wifi from the hospital and she set meet for CVS pharmacy next door. I took once around the block to spot it. Another time to hit the right street. When I come back around. Its blue light swarm. Blue lights move on. But there are various squad cars still patrolling. I pull in and park. I'm here. Your a cop says she by text. Hardly! I reply. But if you think so. I will move on. Her look up the mcdonalds on jane trail. Meet me there. So I go out to Mcd's. Well when I get there. The cops have chased the perpetrator right out there and pulled him over. SB freaks even more. Me. At mcD's. And of course that's where all the cops went. They pulled over who ever they were after. Offering to pay the babysitter is NOT a crime. No freakin way. Her so what's up are you coming. Me. I'm sitting waiting at mcD's. I've waited cause I promised to pay the sitter. This is part of why I'm single. I have rotten luck. Her I'm coming. Me well if cops freak you out then say so now because they are right down the street. I'm running out of patience. The car I was driving was soooo not a undercover car. I'm tired of waiting and I'm ready for a beer. And I figure I cop would never buy beer on an undercover. So as I walk across the street she shows. My babysitter is calling and I have to go. So I get a look at her standing for like 2 minutes and hand over 40. And I tell her. If your going to be an SB for anyone. You have to set meets that happen and don't waste time. Sunday I had another SB berea. That was a strikingly similar story. There were a few texts from madison but I was too busy to engage and didn't want to go back to cop swarm town on Super Bowl party night. Monday about mid day I contact her. She wasn't real responsive so I say. It seems like I lost your interest me not responding yesterday. Maybe you found someone else. Her no my wi fi is crappy. This time we set meet for the hub coffee house main and 3rd. She is 45 minutes late. Sick child and new prescription needs was the excuse. She finally shows. I'm impressed and I'm really wanting to get hold of her. We talk about her situation. What she wants. Get to know stuff. And then onto paying bills. First KU in danville. Then she says she is going to pay the gas bill at dollar general. I tell her that SDing is often like this. A good deed never goes unpunished and I tell her that it will all be ok if she really intends to be my SB. She says yes. Goes into dollar general. I wait. I get a bad feeling and go look. No madison. I ask the cashier, can a person pay their gas utility bill here?? Not at this store. Both bathrooms had out of order signs. I go back to vehicle and text. Your not in the store. If your there and want a ride. I'm going to wait 5 minutes. During the wait a plain black SUV pulls in the parking lot across the street. I watch them intently. They act like parking but shift around there a number of times. Then they pull out and leave.

Some more info. 3 kids. 1 special needs. 1 young one serious respiratory issues presently. She said she was searching for a job. But also had some houses she was responsible for renting.

She really did not seem to be a junkie or high. I tend to pass on that. Hope we don't have to have another english lit or composition lesson now. Some people have expressed that they want the full story. Its too much to write or cut and paste to every PM.

MaxLuvin
01-31-24, 01:01
This true. I've had such great sex with an UNDER THE RADAR girl that I have wanted to brag about it to my wife.