View Full Version : Laughter and joke thread
KaintuckMan
07-03-16, 17:16
Post your laughs, jokes, best laughable experiences here. No fighting allowed or I will delete. Keep it funny under the USA rules.
One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores. ".
A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?
KaintuckMan
07-03-16, 18:21
Guy sits down on a bench next to a woman. Guy asks girl. Do you believe in the hereafter, woman said yes I do. Guy said. You know what I'm hereafter.
A panda picks up a SW and parks in a discreet location. The panda looks at the girl and immediately goes down on her voraciously. The lady has an amazing screaming orgasm when the panda opens the woman's door and starts to push her out of it. She protests, "Wait a minute, you haven't paid me yet! I'm a prostitute. The dictionary says 'has sex for money'. ". The panda replies, "Well, I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda. The dictionary says, 'eats Bush and leaves'. ".
A buddy of mine heard a bartender tell this to a girl that was flirting with him at the bar. The bartender said, "What's the best part about women using these two fingers to masturbate?" and he held up his middle and ring fingers. Before she could think up an answer, he emphatically said. "They're MINE!
We are all loyal infantrymen for dear old George and we pass a lot of dollars to our cause.
Come get this thick stallion.
I'll leave you wanting more!
I can't do anything because of a medical condition.
My name is Steve.
GolongHorns
07-17-16, 18:18
Rented, and with some grease on the bottom.
I thought this was a good one. There are some funny stories in this hobby. On a slow week like this I remember all those funny times.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 07:15
If anybody has more jokes place them here. I can provide a few good jokes privately on who to avoid in your pursuit of the game.
I call it My Sex, Lies, and Videotape joke! Lol
If anybody has more jokes place them here. I can provide a few good jokes privately on who to avoid in your pursuit of the game.
I call it My Sex, Lies, and Videotape joke! LolQ: What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
A: I-65, I-20 and I-10.
If anybody has more jokes place them here. I can provide a few good jokes privately on who to avoid in your pursuit of the game.
I call it My Sex, Lies, and Videotape joke! LolA man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Alabama fan and he was a Kentucky fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Alabama fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Alabama fan".
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO CARDS".
If anybody has more jokes place them here. I can provide a few good jokes privately on who to avoid in your pursuit of the game.
I call it My Sex, Lies, and Videotape joke! LolQ: What's the difference between a Alabama Girl and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker and the other is a fish.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 12:37
Q: What's the difference between a Alabama Girl and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker and the other is a fish.You just made my day with that one! Lmao.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 12:50
I never understood why she was so tired all the time!
LYING.
Must be exhausting even for someone who does it on a regular basis. Must be a ms phenomenal thing.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 13:35
I was going to the John F Kennedy center to watch the Amazing Crazies.
But when I entered and saw my ex- girlfriend there.
I turned around and left. I had seen enough crazy to last me a life time.
You just made my day with that one! Lmao.It was a phenomenal joke with a lot of truth in it.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 14:51
It was a phenomenal joke with a lot of truth in it.99.9 percent and Alabama girls think we are low life and they are high society shrimp.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 14:57
Alabama girls always say Roll Tide. Then use CHEER when they clean out your wallet LOL.
KaintuckMan
10-29-16, 15:17
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a Alabama fan and he was a Kentucky fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Alabama fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Alabama fan".
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO CARDS".Now the man was her husband. Go CATS!
Member #6040
10-30-16, 10:05
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=U57I6iRL5GM
KaintuckMan
11-05-16, 18:47
Deleted by
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629. ".
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best. " "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her breasts, and whisper in her ear, 'these feel almost as nice as your mothers. ' Then you try and hold on for 8 seconds. ".
Member #6040
11-07-16, 09:26
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W1018eVMMHk
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
AUniqueName
11-08-16, 18:28
Q: Why don't they vote in China?
A: They don't want to have a day called "Erection Day".
LightYagami
11-17-16, 10:44
This one gets me every time. Only had a couple ladies this good.
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=301051816933334&id=100010855545885
Teacher is holding a science review Her question is what grows up to 5 to 10 times it's normal size when irritated or stimuated.
A student threatens to tell her mother on the teacher for such a nasty question.
Teacher asks same question again and the kid says her mom will come to the principal and try to take her job.
Teacher asks same question third time and kid stands up and says I read the lesson it is the eye Teacher smiles.
Teacher then looks at the girl student and says there are three things I can guarantee you.
1 you did not do your lesson.
2. You have a very dirty mind.
3 when you grow up to be a teenager or young adult you are going to be very very very disappointed in what you were hoping for.
Alright, first the funny.
I had set an appointment with a beautiful provider we are lucky to have for 2 pm today. In preparation, I figured I'd do her a favor and try some manscaping. Never really had to do much of this, there isn't really a forest down there, but I heard from another provider that it wouldn't hurt.
So, there I was, just doing some trimming of the boys with the scissors, happily clipping away, when I felt this twinge of pain and realized I had cut myself. Sigh. Nothing major, but a lesson learned, BE MORE CAREFUL!
Then, even though lower head was doing all the thinking, upper head stepped in and put his foot down. I contacted the provider and cancelled my appointment. I even explained what happened, but for both our safety it was certainly the right thing to do, and something that I hope most of you would do in my position.
Oh well, out for a couple of weeks is going to cost our local providers some income, I hope it doesn't hurt them too bad this close to Christmas! ;)
Stay safe out there all!
BigBlue4523
12-15-16, 14:59
Alright, first the funny.
I had set an appointment with a beautiful provider we are lucky to have for 2 pm today. In preparation, I figured I'd do her a favor and try some manscaping. Never really had to do much of this, there isn't really a forest down there, but I heard from another provider that it wouldn't hurt.
So, there I was, just doing some trimming of the boys with the scissors, happily clipping away, when I felt this twinge of pain and realized I had cut myself. Sigh. Nothing major, but a lesson learned, BE MORE CAREFUL!
Then, even though lower head was doing all the thinking, upper head stepped in and put his foot down. I contacted the provider and cancelled my appointment. I even explained what happened, but for both our safety it was certainly the right thing to do, and something that I hope most of you would do in my position.
Oh well, out for a couple of weeks is going to cost our local providers some income, I hope it doesn't hurt them too bad this close to Christmas! ;)
Stay safe out there all!Bro. Use clippers with a guard. Rookie mistake but funny as hell!
LanceAlot507
12-15-16, 18:04
Alright, first the funny.
I had set an appointment with a beautiful provider we are lucky to have for 2 pm today. In preparation, I figured I'd do her a favor and try some manscaping. Never really had to do much of this, there isn't really a forest down there, but I heard from another provider that it wouldn't hurt.
So, there I was, just doing some trimming of the boys with the scissors, happily clipping away, when I felt this twinge of pain and realized I had cut myself. Sigh. Nothing major, but a lesson learned, BE MORE CAREFUL!
Then, even though lower head was doing all the thinking, upper head stepped in and put his foot down. I contacted the provider and cancelled my appointment. I even explained what happened, but for both our safety it was certainly the right thing to do, and something that I hope most of you would do in my position.
Oh well, out for a couple of weeks is going to cost our local providers some income, I hope it doesn't hurt them too bad this close to Christmas! ;)
Stay safe out there all!I had to cancel app for br last week cause I feel at work and didn't realize I had scraped my hip and was scratched up and bleeding a little. So yeah, hope everyone would be careful like that in those cases.
Bro. Use clippers with a guard. Rookie mistake but funny as hell!It hurt my pride when I bought it and so I wouldn't be seen with it I even went so far as to pay for it in the self check lane but I bought a woman's bikini shaver to do my manscaping with. My logic behind buying it was that I figured if it was safe enough for a woman's sensitive areas it should be safe enough for mine. So far not even a nick with it and it works well on the boys too.
It hurt my pride when I bought it and so I wouldn't be seen with it I even went so far as to pay for it in the self check lane but I bought a woman's bikini shaver to do my manscaping with. My logic behind buying it was that I figured if it was safe enough for a woman's sensitive areas it should be safe enough for mine. So far not even a nick with it and it works well on the boys too.Beard and mustache trimmer will also work well.
Beard and mustache trimmer will also work well.Agree with you OneSwiss.
Some days it seems like that.
Some days it seems like that.That's funny, it reminds me of what I feel like saying to some of these young dudes that try to come across like they know all about fucking. I read that shit and I'm thinking "Hell I've worn off more of my dick on pussy than most of those dudes had to begin with".
Trump had more fat women out walking on his second day in office then Michelle Obama did in eight years.
HotHotHot001
01-24-17, 00:25
OOOOO. Kenny Your Busted.
Self serve ain't so bad if you at least have something great to look at and feel of with your weak hand.
If there are any forum members that still have not memorized this video -you need to do so!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVyk
If there are any forum members that still have not memorized this video -you need to do so!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwbKYcBdVykI have seen this before but it never gets old and when you think about it what he says is so true.
This is how it is sometimes.
Hoosier Daddy1
03-25-17, 08:23
It hurt my pride when I bought it and so I wouldn't be seen with it I even went so far as to pay for it in the self check lane but I bought a woman's bikini shaver to do my manscaping with. My logic behind buying it was that I figured if it was safe enough for a woman's sensitive areas it should be safe enough for mine. So far not even a nick with it and it works well on the boys too.I'm guilty as well.
LightYagami
03-27-17, 19:48
Glasses LOL!
Police: Knock Knock.
Me: Who Is It?
Police: It's The Police.
Me: What Do You Want?
Police: We Just Want To Talk.
Me: How Many Of You Are There?
Police: Two Of Us.
Me: Then Talk To Each Other.
Don't you hate it when their nose is stuffy?
JustFriends
04-20-17, 12:11
I'm new to driving standard transmission and today I was set to meet a new provider and I didn't know beforehand that her incall was rested upon a steep fucking hill. Since I am only a week and half into driving manual, I'm not the best at it and this was the first time I ever attempted to drive up a hill like that. I tried 3 times, the first time I thought I could coast up it in 2nd gear, stupid me, stalled and started rolling back, tried 3rd gear and a lot more gas, still no luck, final try I put it in 4th gear and gave it the best I could do before I fucked something up and still ended up stalling near the top. That was fucking terrifying and will be the last time, if I can help it, that I ever try climbing a hill in this thing. This is why you always google maps the location beforehand.
LightYagami
04-20-17, 15:02
This is how I want to spend summer.
There are so many things funny about sex.
I'm new to driving standard transmission and today I was set to meet a new provider and I didn't know beforehand that her incall was rested upon a steep fucking hill. Since I am only a week and half into driving manual, I'm not the best at it and this was the first time I ever attempted to drive up a hill like that. I tried 3 times, the first time I thought I could coast up it in 2nd gear, stupid me, stalled and started rolling back, tried 3rd gear and a lot more gas, still no luck, final try I put it in 4th gear and gave it the best I could do before I fucked something up and still ended up stalling near the top. That was fucking terrifying and will be the last time, if I can help it, that I ever try climbing a hill in this thing. This is why you always google maps the location beforehand.If this post is for real, then you should have downshifted from second to first the first time you stalled. To climb you go to lower gears not higher ones.
Just another day in Mexico but a big deal to some here in the USA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jJkdRaa04g
Does any one else ever have trouble uploading Dick Pics onto eharmony dot com? Heh.
HotHotHot001
05-24-17, 16:42
Kids these days.
Foamy, foamy, foamy, creamy.
You can do it baby, it'll be ok, just do it.
Foamy, foamy, foamy, creamy.LMAO bro! SMO.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya_7CUqfsNI
This is how you should leave your hotel room bed.
LightYagami
08-05-17, 18:56
Thought this was a good one.
Every girl wants one, hell I want a Sugar Momma.
This would not be funny.I would find this funny, provided it happened to anyone but me.
JustFriends
09-04-17, 03:14
I'm guilty."Sad" thing is, that's the whole purpose of taking those kinds of pics. They want guys to know where the cum is supposed to go.
BlazerLazer
09-05-17, 14:59
So I'm not the only one! Duck lips capture that with spit moment as well.
I'm guilty.
JustFriends
09-24-17, 01:37
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies and reliable strategies His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
I literally laughed out load at this one.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies and reliable strategies His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.I'm actually more worried about the death of Expertise. We've reached a point where his stepbrother, Ignorance, is becoming a virtue. Especially if it is a subject related to public policy or actual science.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies and reliable strategies His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.This is great and sadly so very true. I honestly worry about the situation oureally children are inheriting.
AUniqueName
11-28-17, 00:04
I mean, don't get me wrong. I love my gal and all that, but sometimes it's good that she leaves shortly after the deed is done. lol (no, that wasn't supposed to be mean).
Watch the video with the sound on.
Wait for it.
Too fucking funny.
http://louisville.backpage.com/WomenSeekMen/plan-your-get-away-with-paris/15806313
Dickens Cider
11-29-17, 18:02
Watch the video with the sound on.
Wait for it.
Too fucking funny.
http://louisville.backpage.com/WomenSeekMen/plan-your-get-away-with-paris/15806313What the F* was that? DnC.
This made me spew my load. I mean my coffee.
LightYagami
01-28-18, 03:23
Gave me a good laugh.
I know a good deal when I see it.
LightYagami
02-04-18, 20:01
F ing Nailed it!
KentuckyKatana
02-16-18, 13:01
What is the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
You don't have to pay your wife to blow your paycheck.
I heard it this morning on one of those videos were those dad's tell jokes back and forth and you can't laugh.
KentuckyKatana
05-25-18, 18:52
https://www.facebook.com/BuzzFeed/videos/10156835224695329/
This sounds oddly familiar. Hahaha.
GreyDaddyInTN
01-20-19, 20:18
This sounds oddly familiar. Hahaha.Thanks! That was a good one. LOL!!
ChefPablo40
01-21-19, 15:11
Just going to leave this here.
Swallowing makes a lot of problems disappear.
Member #6042
05-10-21, 10:11
Apparently a few neighbors have complained that there is illegal activity goin on at six mile lane. They have moved a police officer upstairs secretly, and have sent notices out to surrounding apartments. The sheriffs office delivers a notice at least once a week and it is constantly being ignored. No telling when the door will be kicked in, but it's coming soon. Have tried to post this once but it never goes through. Don't want someone to be caught in a crossfire. Don't believe it?? Give the apartment complex a call, they'll confirm that they have detectives on a "case".This is a complete bs report. I haven't been there in awhile as I haven't seen ads from the 2 girls I like. This is not how LEO operates and even then, what these girls are doing is not half as bad as what some of the other residents are doing. If LEO was really watching the place, which it's not, they would be looking at the dealing way more that the rubs.
Just to lighten things up a bit.
This is an actual request for treatment at a hospital Emergency Department. You can't make this stuff up.
Beware of this species of fish.
I'm left smh on some of the posts that mongers are now doing. I guess it is a sign of the times Bro! SMO.
I'm left smh on some of the posts that mongers are now doing. I guess it is a sign of the times Bro! SMO.My reactions often seem appropriate to the title of this thread.
And probably can identify with it.
And probably can identify with it.So much truth right there!
It's surprising that this isn't happening more with what a tank full cost.
Sometimes you just lower your standards.
So that's where she went!
I've had such great sex with my twice a year hookup with my married UTR that I have wanted to brag about it to my wife.
WalterTomFrank
01-31-24, 02:23
I've had such great sex with my twice a year hookup with my married UTR that I have wanted to brag about it to my wife.Reminds me of when you get such good head from a provider that you want to tell your gf to give head like her LOL.
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