PDA

View Full Version : Dr. Horrible's Escort Nightmares: Give Us Your Worst



Jeepster1
03-27-16, 00:24
Please post unbelievably god-awful experiences here.

Name names if you want to, because Enquiring Minds Want To Know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2r3Xs9sBEVg

-Jeepster1.

CanDoForU
03-29-16, 21:22
I posted this story about a month ago under the "Rants" page. However, it does fit perfectly under this new thread. Besides, since the new thread opened a few days ago and no one has jumped in yet, I would be humbled and honored to be one of the inaugural posts. So here goes. . .

Only now am I able to discuss this without having painful flashbacks. About three years ago I was on on a business trip in Detroit. Alone in my hotel room, the little guy was becoming restless. I opened the local BP and decided to do some shopping. As I was scrolling through the ads there she was. The "Kissing Grandma". Due to the fact that I am truly a dog with a questionable (being kind to myself) moral compass, my bucket list did contain nailing an old woman. Lucky for me an opportunity had presented itself. I called and much to my surprise she was available for outcall. Perfect I thought, until she arrived at my door. When I opened the door she was standing there dressed nicely and older than her online pic, I'd say somewhere north of 65. She came into the room and we chatted a bit. She seemed a little nervous. Then she started to undress. At that time I turned to flip the safety latch on my hotel door.

That's when it happened. I remembered hearing three large pops. I then thought, is this how it ends. Me in a hotel room with a call girl, my Johnson out and in full glory mode, that awful sound, the smell of death in the air. Yes, it's true, she had just farted and I had to make a decision about what I was going to do next. If I had known the woman I would have played this differently. I would have just thought ok, game on. I'm pretty confident in my abilities and quite respected as a formidable opponent in Dutch oven circles. But I didn't know her and honestly I was taken aback. I decided to handle the situation like the true gentleman (again being kind) that I am and pretend it never happened. The night progressed. One thing led to another and I found myself driving it home k9 style.

Then it happened again. This time instead of a popping sound it was a faint wisp of wind. I thought maybe I'm imagining things. Maybe she's getting into my head. She would not fart right on me, or would she? Without breaking stride I kept going. After about 5 more seconds the scent left no doubt that my worst fears had been realized. What should I do? I could of spanked her right then and there. Then again maybe that would make the problem worse. Still solid as a rock, I was not going to let these events detour me from my objective. I have faced adversity before and this was not adversity. When the going gets tough, well you know. Yet still, I did not want her to be embarrassed (just me thinking of others in my time of need). I quickly deducted that the k9 may not be the best position during these circumstances. We switched to BBBJ. Still fixated on my goal I asked her to stick her finger in my ass. I typically am not a big fan but I needed to quickly switch things up to stay focused. She commented, "ok, not sure what everyone's fascination with the butt is all about these days" she then complied and continued without an up charge.

Regaining my focus, It happened once more. This time she acknowledged the problem and stated,"sorry, just a little popcorn gas, no big deal". Yea, easy for her to say. I've had gas from popcorn before and it did not smell like this. This was gas from a turkey dinner, corned beef and cabbage, maybe a bad egg roll. I don't know but it was not popcorn. I started thinking, this is bullshit. What the hell is wrong with this woman? Has she no class at all? I can understand once, maybe twice, hell we are all human but this is getting ridiculous. Shit, I was beginning to lose my troops. My focus was fading, the little guy felt like he was starting to throw in the towel. Damn, I can usually get a second wind. Not this time. Although I won a few of the battles along the way, I had lost the war. I graciously accepted the defeat. I also ended our time early. First time I was responsible for doing that. No tip for this one.

I have often thought since that encounter, why me? Did I say something that pissed her off? Was this some sort of game for her? Why did this not seem to bother her as much as it did me? Was she ill? If so, why was she working tonight? Who knows. *.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. This is a true story and I have been unable to tell anyone since it happened. Am I alone? Has this happened to anyone else? Anyway, if tagging an old bird is still on your bucket list, I hope I did not ruin it for you. If you are still committed, you could take a trip to Detroit. I really can't believe it but this woman is still working the circuit. I looked her up in the Detroit BP last night. If interested, search "Kissing Grandma", not "Farting Grandma".

Remember boys, play safe. When you call to set up your next appointment, you may want to ask what she had for dinner. Just saying.

Jeepster1
04-02-16, 01:45
I posted this story about a month ago under the "Rants" page. However, it does fit perfectly under this new thread. Besides, since the new thread opened a few days ago and no one has jumped in yet, I would be humbled and honored to be one of the inaugural posts. So here goes. . .Thanks, it was your epic Flatulence Follies post that inspired this new category.

My worst was so mundane and common that I haven't figured out a worthwhile way to retell it. I mean, a bored bait and switch is just dull.

Although I MIGHT tell the story one day about an overnight drive from Vegas with a Pentouse centerfold I found on Backpage. Not exactly a BAD experience, but it had the feel of an episode of Cops. . .

-Jeepster1.

http://www.freeones.com/html/a_links/Alex_Arden/

CanDoForU
04-02-16, 23:37
Thanks, it was your epic Flatulence Follies post that inspired this new category.

My worst was so mundane and common that I haven't figured out a worthwhile way to retell it. I mean, a bored bait and switch is just dull.

Although I MIGHT tell the story one day about an overnight drive from Vegas with a Pentouse centerfold I found on Backpage. Not exactly a BAD experience, but it had the feel of an episode of Cops. . .

-Jeepster1.

http://www.freeones.com/html/a_links/Alex_Arden/First, I consider that high praise indeed coming from The Oracle.

Second, what kind of bullshit is that! If you are holding out on a story including Alex Arden and you driving through the desert and making frequent stops to have her drain the cactus, forget the MIGHT. Get on with it.

Last, I know there has to be a ton of stories out there. I refuse to believe that Blackhawk does not have one in his quiver. Although he may be shy.

HexNut
06-09-16, 20:55
I posted this story about a month ago under the "Rants" page. However, it does fit perfectly under this new thread. Besides, since the new thread opened a few days ago and no one has jumped in yet, I would be humbled and honored to be one of the inaugural posts. So here goes. . .

That's when it happened. I remembered hearing three large pops. I then thought, is this how it ends.

Remember boys, play safe. When you call to set up your next appointment, you may want to ask what she had for dinner. Just saying.That shit made my day.

Cromwell
07-19-21, 00:21
That's when it happened.5 years old but this is a really funny experience!