View Full Version : My addiction.
Member #5933
08-14-15, 15:21
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!Thanks for sharing your story MMA. I've only been in the game for 7 months but can see it heading to where you're at. I'm in therapy trying to put my situation at home back into perspective and deep down, I hope this is just a "phase" or acting out period for me. There is an emptiness in receiving services for money that leaves you feeling emotionally dissatisfied even if your physical needs are met, and that emotional emptiness, for me, is what keeps me coming back for more. I encourage you to seek the services of a therapist who can guide you to finding the emotional connection in your relationship so you won't have to seek it in cash for services exchanges. Please let me know how you're doing. Best luck man.
MMA, sorry to hear this. My suggestion to you is to stay off this forum, stay off Craigs, BP and everything else along those lines. You have close to 500 posts and you have provided great info to the rest of us. Thanks, but this speaks to how often you've done the Research for us. So lay off. Long term, how about you move to a state with a lot less opportunity? Northern Wisconsin, Iowa, Nebraska. All of these dull places offer great hunting and fishing and very little in the way of AMPs. Of course if you really look you'll find it, so don't look.
I don't mean to make lite of your situation, but it does remind me of a bit from Richard Pryor's concert film, Live on the Sunset Strip, when he was deep into his cocaine addiction. He joked that it got so bad that even his drug dealers didn't want to sell to him anymore. Maybe that's what you need. Mammasan's who will kick you the Hell out.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!Mma,
Don't be so hard on yourself. You're human. You made some mistakes. We all makes mistakes. Women, even if it's a wife or a steady girlfriend cost money- taking them out for dinners, movies, concerts, etc. Kids cost money- clothes, food, health care, etc. College tuition is very expensive. A parent who can't afford to send their kids to college doesn't mean they're lousy parents. A lot of people can't afford college. Maybe consider telling your daughter business isn't going well instead of the truth in this case to save your relationship with her. The economy has been tough for the past few years so hopefully she'll understand. She might need go to junior college for 2 years, get a job, and then take classes one at a time at a local four year school. Or ask for financial aid. School counselors have info on scholarships and financial aid info. Starbucks has a benefit where employees can take classes online for Arizona State and receive free tuition I think.
I don't go for FS because I'm afraid of STD risks but those same risks are out there if you meet a gal at the store and start dating. I would assume the risks are less since their not pros but it's still a risk. I would say what's done is done so it's best to focus on the future, but in the future you need to consider your girlfriend or wife's health and try to avoid FS to avoid passing any STD's onto them. I'm not judging it's just a suggestion. You have an attractive girlfriend and a great daughter- so those are positives to look forward to.
I'm not perfect. I have had some hard times too. I lost my best friend to cancer. The last few years have been tough for me. I've probably gone way more than I should for massages and to strip bars to escape my loss, and just get out of my place. Alcohol is a depressant so I try to avoid too much of that. Going to the gym is good for you and always makes me feel better as well as going for walks and eating a healthy dinner like seafood. Of course one of the reasons I need massages is because of my damn aching, older muscles I get from working out haha! Hang in there man!
I have been going to CLV and ERS since the 1980's. I don't do BP or CL etc. It is addictive but I control it by going no more than 2 or 3 times per month. Driving to Belvidere is about 50 miles one way. Take care.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!Sent you a pm my friend just want to put this our there to go multiple AMPs a day is sick I now I gone to one seat and got of there time then another day gone to two and got of both time plus a selfie before or after then are days just one and done, was fun but now just chanceing it like a drug and personal life is all fucked now.
Head First
08-18-15, 17:00
I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
I'm so out of control!Last Dec. I was out doing some Christmas shopping and happened in on a mall. Passed by a Barnes & Noble and headed in. I was only browsing when I came upon the self improvement section. For some reason I paused and found myself in the addiction section. Being an addict (of many sorts) I picked up a book on sex addiction. Not to confirm I have it but to get some help getting out of it. I notice it's written by a former sex addict which gives the book instant cred, IMHO. I start flipping thru it and the words that I'm reading are hitting me smack dab in the face. Enough so that I take it to the check out and have her bag it for me as quickly as she can.
This was on a late Sunday afternoon and pretty chilly out. I get home, unbag it and throw it on the counter. Pick up my computer and start clicking on ads. I found one (Holly in Carpentersville) that was brand new and book an appt for a couple hrs later. Over I go, completely ignoring my new book.
Well eventually I pick up the book and start reading. It's an interesting subject which makes it an easy read and about a week later I'm finished with it. It's well written and because the author is a sex addict (in recovery) it makes sense, perfect sense. He's not beating around the bush and it's just what I need. Well actually I need some intense counseling but for now this is a temporary bandage. I read it 3 more X in the next 3 months, each time picking up a nugget or 2, which I've been using to curtail my activities.
I've been sober since 1981. Clean too. And I quit smoking in '87. So I have the will power and some experience to beat addictions but this one has still got a hold of me. I'm comfortable with the results I've gotten from reading this book and following some of the suggestions and points he makes, but I haven't been able to kick it to the curb completely yet.
With time and maybe some help from above hopefully the day will come when I can leave this addiction too but in the meantime I'm thankful for the $300-$500 I not spending on it each week. I'm not saying this one book is the magic bullet but I will say that for me it's giving me some relief. In fact it's time for a reread, so off I go.
Let me know if you have any interest in hearing more.
First, I wish you well. I had been sliding down the slope as well. My wife gives me sex every week, but she is not emotionally into it. As a result, it is quite un-enjoyable. I am 63 and have diabetes and it has caused me ED. I take Suhagra (Indian Viagra) but still getting harder to get off. So despite all this I am looking for sex almost every day. Here is where the story changes, at least for me. I have greatly reduced the AMPs. Instead, I have 3 Chinese girlfriends (plus the wife). Each one is a close personal relationship. Each is a non-pro I met at a foot spa. We do things together eating, talking about life, teaching English and learning Chinese. One woman, I am seeing every day. Met at a foot spa. Started going every damn day. Now we go to her apartment to study (English) and kiss and have intimate relations. I do WeChat every night with all three girls. Hours of Chat. I would say that for me I crave the physical touch and the human intimacy, and emotional closeness. Actually, it is very intimate to have sex without using words. So I am not going to pros. But I am having protected sex.
I am not sure about the advice I would give, but I do think the foot spas (especially the ones with private rooms like Yu's spa in Palatine) are a great place to get a good $29 massage and meet a sweet woman, who is a non pro. Learn some Chinese and they will go crazy over you. I truly think the addiction is not actually sex, but rather a quest for intimacy and physical touch. Of course the problem for me is keeping three women (and a wife) from finding out about the others. I guess I am just as fucked up as every body else. Bob.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
Sam Singer
08-20-15, 21:51
I truly think the addiction is not actually sex, but rather a quest for intimacy and physical touch. Bob.Bob, you may have something there. It is definitely worth checking out. If so, the tactic of attack to lessen the hold it has on us (I am including myself here in broad strokes) can be different.
Instead of a full withdrawal, a good 'half way house' may be these hugging companions who offer only 30 minutes of hugging. Close physical contact but no sex. Are there such services available in this area. It is at least worth a visit to check out this theory.
Well, I don't know about hugging specifically, but the foot spas are a very inexpensive ($29 + $20 or $30 tip) way to have time with a woman. All three of my girlfriends were foot spa folks. Just find the ones that have private rooms. Lux Spa in on Milwaukee Ave in Glenview, Yu's Spa on Dundee in Palatine (next to the Jewel). Both have the same owner. If you learn a few Chinese phrases, they will be impressed, and you have a chance at a conversation. Also use Google Translate on your phone. Bob.
Bob, you may have something there. It is definitely worth checking out. If so, the tactic of attack to lessen the hold it has on us (I am including myself here in broad strokes) can be different.
Instead of a full withdrawal, a good 'half way house' may be these hugging companions who offer only 30 minutes of hugging. Close physical contact but no sex. Are there such services available in this area. It is at least worth a visit to check out this theory.
BlueRoom23
08-21-15, 03:04
Look into SLAA (Sex Love Addicts Anonymous) or SA (Sexaholics Anonymous). It is a 12 step program patterned after Alcoholics Anonymous and can help.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
Look into SLAA (Sex Love Addicts Anonymous) or SA (Sexaholics Anonymous). It is a 12 step program patterned after Alcoholics Anonymous and can help.It would be pretty awesome if you joined one of those and it was a group full of beautiful women haha!
Member #5624
08-22-15, 07:30
I find that having a demanding job that keeps you extremely busy most of the time and is a great way to distract you from the hobby. If you don't have such a job, consider upgrading your skills, pushing yourself a little and getting a more demanding job. You'll make more money, have less time for the hobby, and likely be more satisfied with life overall. Additionally, cultivating other interests and committing your time to weekly activities (ideally with others so that you can't bail out of the commitment too easily) also helps. All the best!
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
I find that having a demanding job that keeps you extremely busy most of the time and is a great way to distract you from the hobby. If you don't have such a job, consider upgrading your skills, pushing yourself a little and getting a more demanding job. You'll make more money, have less time for the hobby, and likely be more satisfied with life overall. Additionally, cultivating other interests and committing your time to weekly activities (ideally with others so that you can't bail out of the commitment too easily) also helps. All the best!You could also try joining a gym. There are 24 hour places that have group sessions for specific activities. This could help twofold by keeping you busy, and tired, plus it may help with the social interaction that may be missing from not going to the AMP's.
The first step is always to admit that there is a problem. Maybe a support group that is not a part of this site would be better. The last thing you need is to be reading about what others are doing here and falling off the wagon again.
Good luck brother.
5 years it too short to be in the hobby and blow up 100 K at 500 per week. You burnt too much in so short a time and lack financial discipline which is a bigger problem than the addiction. Get a hold of your financial discipline now and see what it takes to get back on track. Blaming addiction for lack of financial discipline is escapism. I don't veer from some standard donations for dream walking irrespective of how hot or cold a provider happens to be.
This is not an addiction we are programmed in our DNA to be heterosexual. Doing what you do is the natural thing. Being monogamus is actually the abnormal thing. Actually calling it addiction is brainwashing that society does to keep all of us productive and as slaves to corporations toiling our lives away to pay mortgages and a life beyond means.
Marriage as an institution is only 3000 yrs old. Society became productive with marriages, thanks to religion and society. Without it men would keep chasing women and get into fights with other males 'as in the the animal kingdom' and never be able to achieve what we have achieved as mankind.
Risk of STDs is something everyone in the hobby dreads. But its like any other disease. We don't have much control on what we all will succumb to eventually. Its the same immune system that needs to deal with it regardless of it being an STD or any other infection.
What brought you close to divorce (sorta)? Anything we can learn from it rather than just feel bad about it?
You don't have to feel that you have destroyed so many lives. You never were responsible for other peoples lives. They need to stand on their own legs. We all are born alone and brought nothing into this world and when we die we will take nothing along with us either. I won't worry much about losing respect or love. Those things were never there in the first place if it disappears when you stumble. Its only those who still stand beside you when you fall that truly ever respected or loved you. There are folks that still love and respect Bill Clinton one hell of a lot irrespective of what others think or say or make of him.
Fuck the shame and embarrassment and let it not destroy. File for bankruptcy and get a fresh start on the financial front. For heavens sake be discipline there! The final nail in the coffin is NOT how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund. It never was hers. She needs to work hard and earn a scholarship or take a loan out that she will pay for using her sweat like all the other kids. Save up your hard earned money for your retirement and pass on anything you are able to spare along with your life insurance to your progeny. Like I said we take nothing with us when we depart.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
Seriously, you have no idea what you're talking about. Sexual addiction can be a real thing. I'm not saying that all commercial sex is addictive, (though I know some addictive providers) but what the brother is talking about is a real thing. I'm not saying that guys shouldn't hobby and have "normal" lives, my life is far from normal. Until you have experienced an addiction you just don't know what the hell you're talking about. It's when sex with a provider stops being a fun thing you do because you want to and starts being something you HAVE to do because you can't think about anything else until you do.
Telling a junkie to "use a little discipline" when engaging in their drug of choice is about the dumbest fucking thing I've read this year and for me that's really saying something.
A2.
5 years it too short to be in the hobby and blow up 100 K at 500 per week. You burnt too much in so short a time and lack financial discipline which is a bigger problem than the addiction. Get a hold of your financial discipline now and see what it takes to get back on track. Blaming addiction for lack of financial discipline is escapism. I don't veer from some standard donations for dream walking irrespective of how hot or cold a provider happens to be.
This is not an addiction we are programmed in our DNA to be heterosexual. Doing what you do is the natural thing. Being monogamus is actually the abnormal thing. Actually calling it addiction is brainwashing that society does to keep all of us productive and as slaves to corporations toiling our lives away to pay mortgages and a life beyond means.
Marriage as an institution is only 3000 yrs old. Society became productive with marriages, thanks to religion and society. Without it men would keep chasing women and get into fights with other males 'as in the the animal kingdom' and never be able to achieve what we have achieved as mankind.
Risk of STDs is something everyone in the hobby dreads. But its like any other disease. We don't have much control on what we all will succumb to eventually. Its the same immune system that needs to deal with it regardless of it being an STD or any other infection.
What brought you close to divorce (sorta)? Anything we can learn from it rather than just feel bad about it?
You don't have to feel that you have destroyed so many lives. You never were responsible for other peoples lives. They need to stand on their own legs. We all are born alone and brought nothing into this world and when we die we will take nothing along with us either. I won't worry much about losing respect or love. Those things were never there in the first place if it disappears when you stumble. Its only those who still stand beside you when you fall that truly ever respected or loved you. There are folks that still love and respect Bill Clinton one hell of a lot irrespective of what others think or say or make of him.
Fuck the shame and embarrassment and let it not destroy. File for bankruptcy and get a fresh start on the financial front. For heavens sake be discipline there! The final nail in the coffin is NOT how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund. It never was hers. She needs to work hard and earn a scholarship or take a loan out that she will pay for using her sweat like all the other kids. Save up your hard earned money for your retirement and pass on anything you are able to spare along with your life insurance to your progeny. Like I said we take nothing with us when we depart.
I've met MMA, and he is a really decent, down to earth guy. All of us, whether in the hobby or not, have times when we regret our choices. Myself included. He is an inherently generous guy and cares about the people he is with. Based on what I've heard, many of the women he sees are addicted to him. Perhaps he should be charging them. I've talked before about my having relationships with women, and craving intimacy, in addition to physical satisfaction. The only way I can control the spending is to not have cash in my pocket. Bob.
5 years it too short to be in the hobby and blow up 100 K at 500 per week. You burnt too much in so short a time and lack financial discipline which is a bigger problem than the addiction. Get a hold of your financial discipline now and see what it takes to get back on track. Blaming addiction for lack of financial discipline is escapism. I don't veer from some standard donations for dream walking irrespective of how hot or cold a provider happens to be.
This is not an addiction we are programmed in our DNA to be heterosexual. Doing what you do is the natural thing. Being monogamus is actually the abnormal thing. Actually calling it addiction is brainwashing that society does to keep all of us productive and as slaves to corporations toiling our lives away to pay mortgages and a life beyond means.
Marriage as an institution is only 3000 yrs old. Society became productive with marriages, thanks to religion and society. Without it men would keep chasing women and get into fights with other males 'as in the the animal kingdom' and never be able to achieve what we have achieved as mankind.
Risk of STDs is something everyone in the hobby dreads. But its like any other disease. We don't have much control on what we all will succumb to eventually. Its the same immune system that needs to deal with it regardless of it being an STD or any other infection.
What brought you close to divorce (sorta)? Anything we can learn from it rather than just feel bad about it?
You don't have to feel that you have destroyed so many lives. You never were responsible for other peoples lives. They need to stand on their own legs. We all are born alone and brought nothing into this world and when we die we will take nothing along with us either. I won't worry much about losing respect or love. Those things were never there in the first place if it disappears when you stumble. Its only those who still stand beside you when you fall that truly ever respected or loved you. There are folks that still love and respect Bill Clinton one hell of a lot irrespective of what others think or say or make of him.
Fuck the shame and embarrassment and let it not destroy. File for bankruptcy and get a fresh start on the financial front. For heavens sake be discipline there! The final nail in the coffin is NOT how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund. It never was hers. She needs to work hard and earn a scholarship or take a loan out that she will pay for using her sweat like all the other kids. Save up your hard earned money for your retirement and pass on anything you are able to spare along with your life insurance to your progeny. Like I said we take nothing with us when we depart.
Hammerhead2
09-13-15, 23:31
You might claim "gambling" as the reason for lost money, but that will probably land you in a GA group.
I never leave the house with more money than I need for the day. It also worked when I tried to get off smoking years ago.
And / or.
Depending on your age. Older guys can't perform too often. Spend some time daily with self-satisfaction, so you can't get it up later.
Give an accounting of your time to someone each day, so that there just isn't the hour to spare.
DMichaels69
09-14-15, 08:07
Well said Bob. I only have a couple regular places I go now. Every time I try a new place in the recent past I regretted it. I would say I think I have one massage friend and that's even pushing it. I got too attached to one and I got burned. I thought she was different but in the end all she wanted was the money and could not be trusted.
I've met MMA, and he is a really decent, down to earth guy. All of us, whether in the hobby or not, have times when we regret our choices. Myself included. He is an inherently generous guy and cares about the people he is with. Based on what I've heard, many of the women he sees are addicted to him. Perhaps he should be charging them. I've talked before about my having relationships with women, and craving intimacy, in addition to physical satisfaction. The only way I can control the spending is to not have cash in my pocket. Bob.
Hey MMA, your situation reminds me of a Stephen King novel I read last year called Doctor Sleep, a sequel to The Shining. Yes, reading Stephen King is a my only vice, except this one.
In the book, our hero from the The Shining, little Danny, the creepy kid with the psychic powers, is all grown up and an alcoholic. He does something really bad, which has even worse consequences. He joins AA, but refuses to tell anyone what he did. At the end of the novel (spoiler alert) he finally tells the members of his AA chapter, and they don't even blink. They've heard it all.
I totally relate to this. I've got one massage "friend" I wish I had the will power to dump.
If it wasn't for her, I'd be completely done with this hobby. I've known her for 15+ years. She's not young.
She's older and was pretty when I started going to her. But she is very skilled. Every time I'm with her it's full on GFE mind-blowing sex. Every friggin' time. Even with DFK and BBFS. She's the only provider I've ever done that with.
Friggin' full on hard core addiction.
I totally relate to this. I've got one massage "friend" I wish I had the will power to dump.
If it wasn't for her, I'd be completely done with this hobby. I've known her for 15+ years. She's not young.
She's older and was pretty when I started going to her. But she is very skilled. Every time I'm with her it's full on GFE mind-blowing sex. Every friggin' time. Even with DFK and BBFS. She's the only provider I've ever done that with.
Friggin' full on hard core addiction.It's a love / hate thing. I have mms who I knew years ago when she was hot looking. Now not so much but she can suck the chrome off a bumper. One of the very few women who could make me erupt just with her mouth and she's all about the BBBJCIM. She liked what I had to offer too. Had another girl at another AMP who I had way too much chemistry with. I won't go into what we did I can't go into here. Many times we skipped the massage and just went to town.
Wouldn't you know it they both wound up at the same place. The younger one joked about us getting married and next week she was gone. Mms won't tell me where she is and now just keeps me to herself and let's me see other girls only from time to time. What also make it addictive is that not only is she good at what she does but I don't have to tip as much.
It's a love / hate thing. I have mms who I knew years ago when she was hot looking. Now not so much but she can suck the chrome off a bumper. One of the very few women who could make me erupt just with her mouth and she's all about the BBBJCIM. She liked what I had to offer too. Had another girl at another AMP who I had way too much chemistry with. I won't go into what we did I can't go into here. Many times we skipped the massage and just went to town.
Wouldn't you know it they both wound up at the same place. The younger one joked about us getting married and next week she was gone. Mms won't tell me where she is and now just keeps me to herself and let's me see other girls only from time to time. What also make it addictive is that not only is she good at what she does but I don't have to tip as much.LOL. We could be talking about the same person. I absolutely believe if they do it with me, they're probably doing it with others.
DMichaels69
11-13-15, 16:06
They are doing with others and accepting the tip that is given. But this topic has been beaten to death in this forum with mongers thinking they are the only special one.
LOL. We could be talking about the same person. I absolutely believe if they do it with me, they're probably doing it with others.
I agree man. The only "special one" in this game is the $$! Period. If she's done it with you she has done it with another before, remember that.
They are doing with others and accepting the tip that is given. But this topic has been beaten to death in this forum with mongers thinking they are the only special one.
They are doing with others and accepting the tip that is given. But this topic has been beaten to death in this forum with mongers thinking they are the only special one.I've never thought I was special. If they are doing it to one they are doing it to others no doubt. I just remember when I first started and was trying to find places to go. Places where they ladies did the things I like done and will let me do what I want to do. As I've traveled for business I've had some bad sessions especially as a noobie. But I must admit I've has a few good surprises too.
So all I'm saying is that it's great to have the problem of too many places to go for good service. It's not about being special it's about getting the most bang for your buck. Literally.
I know some people have gotten burned so they've made it their mission to focus on the negative. But some of us do see if for what it is and all it's possible flavors. We take the good and enjoy the ride. We've all been burned and some more than others. If you have deep scares I guess you do what you need to do. Me I'd rather see if I can find another 20 something who can suck the chrome off a bumper the way mamasan can.
I miss that 20 something. She taught me what it meant for a girl to have good head game. .
WhiteRookDown
11-18-15, 14:26
I've never thought I was special. If they are doing it to one they are doing it to others no doubt. I just remember when I first started and was trying to find places to go. Places where they ladies did the things I like done and will let me do what I want to do. As I've traveled for business I've had some bad sessions especially as a noobie. But I must admit I've has a few good surprises too.
So all I'm saying is that it's great to have the problem of too many places to go for good service. It's not about being special it's about getting the most bang for your buck. Literally.
I know some people have gotten burned so they've made it their mission to focus on the negative. But some of us do see if for what it is and all it's possible flavors. We take the good and enjoy the ride. We've all been burned and some more than others. If you have deep scares I guess you do what you need to do. Me I'd rather see if I can find another 20 something who can suck the chrome off a bumper the way mamasan can.
I miss that 20 something. She taught me what it meant for a girl to have good head game. .You've lost the basis of this thread. It's about a man who has lost tens of thousands of dollars to this "hobby", along with other things probably even more valuable. For him, it's become The Doobie Brothers album "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits". The whole dynamic of this is absurd if you really stand back and take a cold, hard look at it. You show up at a storefront, and within an hour, a woman is working your cock. And it goes right to the pleasure center of the brain, no doubt about it. I hate to say it, but it crosses my mind at some point every effing day. For whatever reason, I can withstand it, and it has not caused me any psychic or interpersonal or financial problems. I seem to be able to control or walk away from anything except cigarettes. I just remind myself of the cartoonish aspect of all of it. In my world, I see women in normal dating situations, though I am not deeply involved with them. This other thing is a hobby, a distraction, a getaway, a fantasy, a pleasurable time, maybe even a reward that I treat myself to for all the years I put my ex-wife and children ahead of anything for me, which is what a man, a husband, and a father does. I invest nothing on any level with any women I meet for a massage, nor do I pretend that any of them give a damn about me. I don't project or imagine any feelings flowing back and forth between us. The OP needs serious, laser-focused help, to stop the destruction he is causing to himself and those around him. That's the thread. That was his cry for help, if you will. He needs posts that give him answers.
You've lost the basis of this thread. It's about a man who has lost tens of thousands of dollars to this "hobby", along with other things probably even more valuable. For him, it's become The Doobie Brothers album "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits". The whole dynamic of this is absurd if you really stand back and take a cold, hard look at it. You show up at a storefront, and within an hour, a woman is working your cock. And it goes right to the pleasure center of the brain, no doubt about it. I hate to say it, but it crosses my mind at some point every effing day. For whatever reason, I can withstand it, and it has not caused me any psychic or interpersonal or financial problems. I seem to be able to control or walk away from anything except cigarettes. I just remind myself of the cartoonish aspect of all of it. In my world, I see women in normal dating situations, though I am not deeply involved with them. This other thing is a hobby, a distraction, a getaway, a fantasy, a pleasurable time, maybe even a reward that I treat myself to for all the years I put my ex-wife and children ahead of anything for me, which is what a man, a husband, and a father does. I invest nothing on any level with any women I meet for a massage, nor do I pretend that any of them give a damn about me. I don't project or imagine any feelings flowing back and forth between us. The OP needs serious, laser-focused help, to stop the destruction he is causing to himself and those around him. That's the thread. That was his cry for help, if you will. He needs posts that give him answers.I took some time to respond to what was said.
Back OT I like how you stated that. It also shows what I said and the response all comes together for the main topic.
Like you said it does play to our pleasure centers. Some get addicted, some get burned by thinking this is about love or affection when it's about money. Some celebrate unexpected pleasures and extras when really if you are in a real relationship should be the way it is. For example while I celebrate the good fortune I've had there is no true cause for celebration. What I've gotten for an entry fee should be freely given in a real relationship. This is an eff'ed up game that I probably need to get out of just like our addicted friend.
Like him the best way may be to walk away from this site and find a real partner who know what a man needs. Or maybe I should embrace being single and hitting up some strange when the mood hits me and never expect anything deeper. Time to be honest with myself and admit that I'm addicted to being content? Happy? Asian women? Sexy women? Sensual women?
OP is there enough room on the analyst couch for me!
Head First
11-20-15, 12:20
You've lost the basis of this thread. It's about a man who has lost tens of thousands of dollars to this "hobby", along with other things probably even more valuable. For him, it's become The Doobie Brothers album "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits". The whole dynamic of this is absurd if you really stand back and take a cold, hard look at it. You show up at a storefront, and within an hour, a woman is working your cock. And it goes right to the pleasure center of the brain, no doubt about it. I hate to say it, but it crosses my mind at some point every effing day. For whatever reason, I can withstand it, and it has not caused me any psychic or interpersonal or financial problems. I seem to be able to control or walk away from anything except cigarettes. I just remind myself of the cartoonish aspect of all of it. In my world, I see women in normal dating situations, though I am not deeply involved with them. This other thing is a hobby, a distraction, a getaway, a fantasy, a pleasurable time, maybe even a reward that I treat myself to for all the years I put my ex-wife and children ahead of anything for me, which is what a man, a husband, and a father does. I invest nothing on any level with any women I meet for a massage, nor do I pretend that any of them give a damn about me. I don't project or imagine any feelings flowing back and forth between us. The OP needs serious, laser-focused help, to stop the destruction he is causing to himself and those around him. That's the thread. That was his cry for help, if you will. He needs posts that give him answers.Well said. Your reference to The Doobies 'What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits' is spot on. It creeps up on us in oh so unsuspecting ways and then, BAM! One day we find "You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!" (The Eagles)
This is a very slippery slope we're playing on so we need to be constantly reminded there could be very very serious consequences to pay some day.
Again, Good Luck to him (and all) in our struggles to make good decisions daily, if that's the direction we choose to go in.
DMichaels69
11-20-15, 13:23
When I first started to monger a veteran monger told me to always remember its a business transaction. I thought I could be friends with a girl outside the spa. She said she wanted that too but in the end it was not true.
So its just a business transaction.
Well said. Your reference to The Doobies 'What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits' is spot on. It creeps up on us in oh so unsuspecting ways and then, BAM! One day we find "You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!" (The Eagles)
This is a very slippery slope we're playing on so we need to be constantly reminded there could be very very serious consequences to pay some day.
Again, Good Luck to him (and all) in our struggles to make good decisions daily, if that's the direction we choose to go in.
Just found this thread and wish I had found it sooner. Sucks to hear that a good senior member is going through tough times. I've been through the ringer myself over the past few years. Before mongering, I dabbled in the craigslist casual encounters game. I never actually hooked up with any providers or random deviants, but I came close and even got caught by my SO in the process. I almost got divorced, went to therapy, got back on track. But I could never shake the itch. I still thought about it all the time. Found myself on CL "browsing". It wasn't until my therapist "suggested" that I go the MP route. Yup, he actually suggested it. I was shocked. But then he explained that based on my urges, it's a much safer alternative, then say cruising for street walkers on 47th (no offense to anyone who does that). Luckily, I have a steady flow of small income that my SO is unaware of, that affords me to monger without any worries of breaking the bank. I have a healthy sex life with my wife. I'm still very much attracted to her and love her, but I also struggle with urges. Maybe I have an addiction, or maybe I'm just a guy. I don't know. I stopped going to therapy after I started mongering at AMPs. My once or twice a month visits keep me sane, if you will.
I'm not comparing my situation to MMAs, at all. Just thought I'd share my story to let you know that you're not alone and that we all struggle with similar issues.
Good luck, brother. I hope you figure out your situation and hang in there. Sometimes time is the best healer.
Head First
11-24-15, 18:20
It wasn't until my therapist "suggested" that I go the MP route. Yup, he actually suggested it. I was shocked.Some thing similar happened to me. A few years ago I'm sitting in my therapist's office spilling my guts about something else when out of my mouth I start talking about how good I always feel after having sex. He says yep, that's normal but I thought you were single. I'm like yeah I'm single not dead. He goes oh. He's like you have a girlfriend? I'm like make that plural. He's like huh? So I explain to him that I've been going to AMP's. He's like where they at? And he was serious. Huh? We talked a little more then it was time up. Thought it was weird and never talked about it again.
A year later I'm still having issues with too many visits to AMP'$ so I mention it to my psychiatrist. He's like, no, I don't think you have a sex addiction and he moved on. Huh? If only he knew but I left it at that.
Also I brought it up to my family Dr. one time and he suggested I start smoking some weed to relieve some of the pressure and anxiety. But this was like 5 yrs ago when medicinal cannabis wasn't even on the table here. WTF? I was still shaking my head when I got home.
But wait theres more. A year ago I bought a book about sex addiction. At the very end the author lists his website and an invitation to visit it. I do and there's a short survey and an area that asks Would I like a personal phone call from him. I plug in my number and a few days later my phone rings. Yep, it's him and we have a real nice conversation for 30+ minutes. He confirms what I already know about being addicted to this sport and would I like some help. I tell him I need some time to think about it. He asks why you need some time? I tell him about my 3 prior attempts to get some help and how they didn't pan out. He concludes that from what I've told him about the docs, he says he thinks they're addicts themselves but couldn't admit it. Ugh.
Point is, even doctors get caught up in this mess of ours. Please pm if anyone has a good one.
I hear you about being shocked. I was too. Still am. Strange world we live in.
The way you guys are talking I might as well stick with my little Asian therapist. She only. 6 an hour and offers a back rub.
Thing is no matter what I tell her she just says, "hard or soft" and "you like?
Just found this thread and wish I had found it sooner. Sucks to hear that a good senior member is going through tough times. I've been through the ringer myself over the past few years. Before mongering, I dabbled in the craigslist casual encounters game. I never actually hooked up with any providers or random deviants, but I came close and even got caught by my SO in the process. I almost got divorced, went to therapy, got back on track. But I could never shake the itch. I still thought about it all the time. Found myself on CL "browsing". It wasn't until my therapist "suggested" that I go the MP route. Yup, he actually suggested it. I was shocked. But then he explained that based on my urges, it's a much safer alternative, then say cruising for street walkers on 47th (no offense to anyone who does that). Luckily, I have a steady flow of small income that my SO is unaware of, that affords me to monger without any worries of breaking the bank. I have a healthy sex life with my wife. I'm still very much attracted to her and love her, but I also struggle with urges. Maybe I have an addiction, or maybe I'm just a guy. I don't know. I stopped going to therapy after I started mongering at AMPs. My once or twice a month visits keep me sane, if you will.
I'm not comparing my situation to MMAs, at all. Just thought I'd share my story to let you know that you're not alone and that we all struggle with similar issues.
Good luck, brother. I hope you figure out your situation and hang in there. Sometimes time is the best healer.Absolutely the AMP is a better option than street walkers. Today in the news. Transgender "women" are 49 times more likely than the general population to have HIV / AIDS. You say you don't go with transgender? Good. Just make sure you don't end up with a little surprise at the end. And you thought she just had big shoulders for a woman?
Head First
12-17-15, 21:40
A year later I'm still having issues with too many visits to AMP'$ so I mention it to my psychiatrist. He's like, no, I don't think you have a sex addiction and he moved on. Huh? If only he knew but I left it at that.I had another appt with him last week. Half way through it I somehow got enough balls to mention again that I think I may have an issue with sex addiction. He asks me some questions and we chat about it for a while. This time he nods his head and agrees there may be a problem.
He gets out his script pad and writes down a guys name and number in my hometown and suggests I get in touch ASAP. I've called 4 X and left 4 messages but so far haven't heard back. In the meantime I've been to 5 AMP's! LOL.
I'm trying to get better but it's not working out. I know the right thing to do is to call my Dr. back but I'm enjoying this free ride spelled D-E-N-I-A-L.
Oh well.
Saw this thread awhile ago, didn't bother to reply but after reading your most recent update, it reminded me so much f myself I had to register to post.
I'm a new user to this forum, so I'm not certain what the general stance is on addiction, but I know personally how destructive an addiction can be.
I may be somewhat young (late 20's), but before I was even legally able drink I had become a 3 year veteran heroin addict. Pretty much lost everything, ended up in state prison for 14 months, I was 19 at the time.
You would think it would be the wake up call I needed but after being released I pretty much started right where I left off. Eventually, after three overdoses, two friends dying, and countless amounts of money, I decided to make a change. I've been clean for nearly 6 years now.
Sorry for the life story, but I hope it can help you to see that there is always a way out. It's never too late.
I have a therapist that I saw in the first year of my sobriety, hes down to earth and I can say that unlike the doctors, he most definitely helped me. I also know for certain that he has seen patients with sex addictions. Shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to pass you the info.
Head First
05-25-16, 21:01
Saw this thread awhile ago, didn't bother to reply but after reading your most recent update, it reminded me so much f myself I had to register to post.
I'm a new user to this forum, so I'm not certain what the general stance is on addiction, but I know personally how destructive an addiction can be.
I may be somewhat young (late 20's), but before I was even legally able drink I had become a 3 year veteran heroin addict. Pretty much lost everything, ended up in state prison for 14 months, I was 19 at the time.
You would think it would be the wake up call I needed but after being released I pretty much started right where I left off. Eventually, after three overdoses, two friends dying, and countless amounts of money, I decided to make a change. I've been clean for nearly 6 years now.
Sorry for the life story, but I hope it can help you to see that there is always a way out. It's never too late.
I have a therapist that I saw in the first year of my sobriety, hes down to earth and I can say that unlike the doctors, he most definitely helped me. I also know for certain that he has seen patients with sex addictions. Shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to pass you the info.Congratulations!! On being clean for almost 6 years!! As we know its a struggle everyday but as we also know, the flip side of sobriety is Hell. You've chosen the right road my friend. Stay on it and never go back!
As for me and my struggles, I'm still out there. I sometimes get so high from this sport that it outweighs the lows so I continue. I know what I have to do and I'm working towards it. Recovery is a process and sometimes progress is slow. One of the main ingredients in a successful recovery is finding the right help. Thanks for offering your therapist. I'll shoot you a pm when I get enough whatever it is that i need to get to the point I need to get to. Or maybe I should just rephrase it to say "enough is enough." I agree with your statement that it's never too late.
One of my sons is currently away in E. Moline for similar reasons as you. I spend many sleepless nights wondering what his status will be when once he gets out in Jan. Your story of recovery gives me considerable hope that he too will be able to stay clean.
Thanks for sharing.
Welcome!
Head First
09-02-16, 17:13
14 days seems to be a wall for me. Twice in the past couple months and once to 13 days is as far as I've gotten before making a call for some relief. That's telling me it may be more physiological than psycological (big words). Years ago I remember making it 3 weeks but I was on anti depressants then too so that helped stretch it out. Don't want to go back on those so not sure what my next move should be.
In the meantime I'm saving a bunch of green.
AcrossTheUnive
09-06-16, 17:53
I'm admitting it. I have a problem. Wife seems not to care about me being attracted. Stress builds and away I go. AMPs, BP, SW,porn. Afraid to get help because I don't want to destroy my kids lives and my wife would be devastated.
My service to the country only makes it worse. I'm depressed and just down. Just today I risked work and traveled to see a BP gal. On the way home I saw a SW and resisted but then circled back to try. Fortunately she was gone.
I know that I have a problem because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy. I have recently run into the first SW that I ever saw. She helped me start this and she looks tohave cleaned herself up. It is my turn but I have to figure out a way. I cannot continue doing this. I have narrowly missed being the victim of two SW stings and have definitely been on the other end of the line with at least 3 LEO stings on BP. Thank goodness I stick to the rules and follow my reasonable monger instincts. I was acually pulled over in another state in a secluded area right after the deed was done. Thankfully I was with a WSW with a brain and instincts to match mine.
So how the hell does one get the problem fixed. Wait. How does one fix the problem without destroying everyone around him. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing? Eventually I'm going to get caught. It has been like 17 years. I'm not raping anyone. I'm not a violent criminal or a pimp. I'm a dude with a problem that started innocently enough with getting laid alot as a young man. Then when I found a way to get what I like without the hassle of nagging and needy women, I did it an became good at it. Yeah, I'm a liar. Yeah, I'm a cheater. Both of those things I do to keep my problem a secret. I feel bad but, it is a relief.
I see the shows demonizing the guys. I feel bad for the women that are trafficked. I don't want to contribute but how the hell am I supposed to know which ones are being trafficked. I don't mess with chicks with pimps.
I'm not a demon. Again, I do not rape women. I don't sleep with kids. I'm not an animal. The more I see this problem demonized, the less likely I am to get help.
I have done this hobby legally in locations where it is legal. Why is it that it is so shameful here in this country?
I guess I am forever to be a member of the shamed society. I often think that I will just leave my spouse and then half of my shame will be gone. Ill lose my kids and my wife can find a better man. Then I realize that it would only get worse if I was single. No regulation other then the law. I could move to a place where it is legal. Then 95% of the shame will be gone.
But that will never happen.
Trapped with no way out. As a veteran, this aint something that I am comfortable with. So what the fuck do I do? My parents would never understand. My siblings would never understand. I could never tell my friends. I'm on my own with this one.
Love my kids, Love my wife, Love my family, Love my job, Love alot of things but I hate my life as it is and as I have let it become.
Thanks for listening. Writing these thoughts helped a little. Hopefully I can look back to these words I wrote and detur myself from doing this eventually. I can't believe that I am finally going to hit the upload button this time. This aint the first time I typed one of these up. I never hit the send button.
Here goes nothing.
Good luck to you all.
First of all, thank you for your service.
You are not alone. It is conceivable you are looking for something other than sex when you go out. Maybe intimacy intead of sex. It was true in my case. And when I found the right girl I found what I was looking for. Aside from that possibility, maybe it is a form of depression or some sort of post traumatic stress thing. In either case, I would think you could get confidentuial help at a VA facility. My wife's (deceased) uncle was a VA psychiatrist for like 50 years. "Depression" is a socially-acceptable diagnosis for treatment without going into the details of your activity (other than with the shrink). Anyway, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I do wish you the best. Feel free to PM me if you want. Take care. Bob.
I'm admitting it. I have a problem. Wife seems not to care about me being attracted. Stress builds and away I go. AMPs, BP, SW,porn. Afraid to get help because I don't want to destroy my kids lives and my wife would be devastated.
My service to the country only makes it worse. I'm depressed and just down. Just today I risked work and traveled to see a BP gal. On the way home I saw a SW and resisted but then circled back to try. Fortunately she was gone.
I know that I have a problem because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy. I have recently run into the first SW that I ever saw. She helped me start this and she looks tohave cleaned herself up. It is my turn but I have to figure out a way. I cannot continue doing this. I have narrowly missed being the victim of two SW stings and have definitely been on the other end of the line with at least 3 LEO stings on BP. Thank goodness I stick to the rules and follow my reasonable monger instincts. I was acually pulled over in another state in a secluded area right after the deed was done. Thankfully I was with a WSW with a brain and instincts to match mine.
So how the hell does one get the problem fixed. Wait. How does one fix the problem without destroying everyone around him. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing? Eventually I'm going to get caught. It has been like 17 years. I'm not raping anyone. I'm not a violent criminal or a pimp. I'm a dude with a problem that started innocently enough with getting laid alot as a young man. Then when I found a way to get what I like without the hassle of nagging and needy women, I did it an became good at it. Yeah, I'm a liar. Yeah, I'm a cheater. Both of those things I do to keep my problem a secret. I feel bad but, it is a relief.
I see the shows demonizing the guys. I feel bad for the women that are trafficked. I don't want to contribute but how the hell am I supposed to know which ones are being trafficked. I don't mess with chicks with pimps.
I'm not a demon. Again, I do not rape women. I don't sleep with kids. I'm not an animal. The more I see this problem demonized, the less likely I am to get help.
I have done this hobby legally in locations where it is legal. Why is it that it is so shameful here in this country?
I guess I am forever to be a member of the shamed society. I often think that I will just leave my spouse and then half of my shame will be gone. Ill lose my kids and my wife can find a better man. Then I realize that it would only get worse if I was single. No regulation other then the law. I could move to a place where it is legal. Then 95% of the shame will be gone.
But that will never happen.
Trapped with no way out. As a veteran, this aint something that I am comfortable with. So what the fuck do I do? My parents would never understand. My siblings would never understand. I could never tell my friends. I'm on my own with this one.
Love my kids, Love my wife, Love my family, Love my job, Love alot of things but I hate my life as it is and as I have let it become.
Thanks for listening. Writing these thoughts helped a little. Hopefully I can look back to these words I wrote and detur myself from doing this eventually. I can't believe that I am finally going to hit the upload button this time. This aint the first time I typed one of these up. I never hit the send button.
Here goes nothing.
Good luck to you all.
First of all, thank you for your service.
You are not alone. It is conceivable you are looking for something other than sex when you go out. Maybe intimacy intead of sex. It was true in my case. And when I found the right girl I found what I was looking for. Aside from that possibility, maybe it is a form of depression or some sort of post traumatic stress thing. In either case, I would think you could get confidentuial help at a VA facility. My wife's (deceased) uncle was a VA psychiatrist for like 50 years. "Depression" is a socially-acceptable diagnosis for treatment without going into the details of your activity (other than with the shrink). Anyway, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I do wish you the best. Feel free to PM me if you want. Take care. Bob.I am not a doctor, but it seems obvious you're suffering from depression. The key was your quote: ". Because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy. " see a doctor.
Depression is common and very treatable. Get the help, and don't delay. Best of luck.
I'm admitting it. I have a problem. Wife seems not to care about me being attracted. Stress builds and away I go. AMPs, BP, SW,porn. Afraid to get help because I don't want to destroy my kids lives and my wife would be devastated.
My service to the country only makes it worse. I'm depressed and just down. Just today I risked work and traveled to see a BP gal. On the way home I saw a SW and resisted but then circled back to try. Fortunately she was gone.
I know that I have a problem because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy. I have recently run into the first SW that I ever saw. She helped me start this and she looks tohave cleaned herself up. It is my turn but I have to figure out a way. I cannot continue doing this. I have narrowly missed being the victim of two SW stings and have definitely been on the other end of the line with at least 3 LEO stings on BP. Thank goodness I stick to the rules and follow my reasonable monger instincts. I was acually pulled over in another state in a secluded area right after the deed was done. Thankfully I was with a WSW with a brain and instincts to match mine.
So how the hell does one get the problem fixed. Wait. How does one fix the problem without destroying everyone around him. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing? Eventually I'm going to get caught. It has been like 17 years. I'm not raping anyone. I'm not a violent criminal or a pimp. I'm a dude with a problem that started innocently enough with getting laid alot as a young man. Then when I found a way to get what I like without the hassle of nagging and needy women, I did it an became good at it. Yeah, I'm a liar. Yeah, I'm a cheater. Both of those things I do to keep my problem a secret. I feel bad but, it is a relief.
I see the shows demonizing the guys. I feel bad for the women that are trafficked. I don't want to contribute but how the hell am I supposed to know which ones are being trafficked. I don't mess with chicks with pimps.
I'm not a demon. Again, I do not rape women. I don't sleep with kids. I'm not an animal. The more I see this problem demonized, the less likely I am to get help.
I have done this hobby legally in locations where it is legal. Why is it that it is so shameful here in this country?
I guess I am forever to be a member of the shamed society. I often think that I will just leave my spouse and then half of my shame will be gone. Ill lose my kids and my wife can find a better man. Then I realize that it would only get worse if I was single. No regulation other then the law. I could move to a place where it is legal. Then 95% of the shame will be gone.
But that will never happen.
Trapped with no way out. As a veteran, this aint something that I am comfortable with. So what the fuck do I do? My parents would never understand. My siblings would never understand. I could never tell my friends. I'm on my own with this one.
Love my kids, Love my wife, Love my family, Love my job, Love alot of things but I hate my life as it is and as I have let it become.
Thanks for listening. Writing these thoughts helped a little. Hopefully I can look back to these words I wrote and detur myself from doing this eventually. I can't believe that I am finally going to hit the upload button this time. This aint the first time I typed one of these up. I never hit the send button.
Here goes nothing.
Good luck to you all.I think you might be wrong. Maybe you could tell your friends. If they're your friends, they'll understand and try and help you. Also seeing a counselor can't hurt. We're all human- no one is perfect. I know I'm not. Tiger Woods went for help so no one is immune. I would suggest staying away from porn, and places where you'll see SW, etc. That will only make it tougher to avoid because you'll be thinking about it. Try and get your mind on other stuff. Working out at the gym helps me deal with stress. I've made some friends there and I always feel better after a good workout. Going for walks looking at the birds, rabbits, ducks, etc it sounds stupid but it is therapeutic for me. Some people swim, others run, whatever works. Join a club or hobby or volunteer for others less fortunate or at an animal shelter and focus on that. I love sports so football pools, ncaa brackets, gets my mind on draft strategy or picking the right teams, etc. Instead of other stuff that get me down or worried.
Another suggestion, focus on your wife and kids- if you care about them than that would be a good spot to start improving. I'm sure there are books at the library that would help as well. Alcohol is a depressant so I'd suggest avoiding that. Eating healthy is another suggestion. Stuff like grilled chicken, fish and vegetables as well as some chocolate once in a while- it has endorphins which make people feel better.
One day at a time, one step at a time, try to be a better person. You can do it man. Hang in there. Thank you so much for your service, for putting your life on the line back then to protect us.
AcrossTheUnive
09-07-16, 23:06
I don't drink. Well hardly ever. I'm healthy. I eat healthy. I admit that I am depressed. Sex is a temporary cure and also fuel for fire.
I cannot avoid areas where there are temptations because I have literally done this all over. I would have to move out of state and I would be limited on where I could live because I have done this as my screen name implies. Acrosstheuniverse. States, Countries, pay for and non pay for. Sex is everywhere. The gym is honestly one of the worst triggers. The pool, the running trail.
Limiting my exposure to temptation is unrealistic. Ending my habit and self control is the answer. And here I sit, teaching young troops about self control and strength. How can I be so strong and so weak at the same time. Its kind of pathetic.
I will admit that I am currently military but will not go further to avoid identifying myself. My medical goes through the military so I won't get care because no matter what they say, I don't trust that it will not affect my career. For those that have served, I am sure you understand that.
So that's it. I have to find my own way. I quit smoking cold turkey by purposely going around smokers. I was able to resist so I knew that I could quit. I have to quit this the same way.
I have no other bad habits. No drugs, no gambling, no alcohol. This is my only real struggle. Without this, I would be a great guy. I am a role model to a bunch of young people. They look up to me. If only I could tell them my struggle.
Honestly, this is the darkest part of me even though I am surrounded by light. I just got to kill this habit. I don't like to refer this as a "hobby" because I have plenty of good hobbies that don't destroy me like this. This is not a hobby. It is a habit. After all these years, I can see that clearly.
And for the record, I have been doing this long before I found this site. Much, much longer.
Sorry to sound like such a pussy.
No action for me today. Lets see about tomorrow. I went to the hardware store today when I got the urge. Ran into two old buddies of mine. Talked politics (another source of my depression lately), talked about cars. Knocked some things off my to do list. Feel good. . we will see.
Honestly, this is the darkest part of me even though I am surrounded by light. I just got to kill this habit. I don't like to refer this as a "hobby" because I have plenty of good hobbies that don't destroy me like this.
And for the record, I have been doing this long before I found this site. Much, much longer.
Sorry to sound like such a pussy.
No action for me today. Lets see about tomorrow. I am in a similar place. I feel the pain and guilt. Love my wife and kid.
Join a 12 step program. I do not think man can solve it. Only a higher power. In my case Jesus.
Take it one day one victory at a time.
Peace.
Head First
09-08-16, 19:17
I'm admitting it. I have a problem. Wife seems not to care about me being attracted. Stress builds and away I go. AMPs, BP, SW,porn. Afraid to get help because I don't want to destroy my kids lives and my wife would be devastated.
My service to the country only makes it worse. I'm depressed and just down. Just today I risked work and traveled to see a BP gal. On the way home I saw a SW and resisted but then circled back to try. Fortunately she was gone.
I know that I have a problem because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy. I have recently run into the first SW that I ever saw. She helped me start this and she looks tohave cleaned herself up. It is my turn but I have to figure out a way. I cannot continue doing this. I have narrowly missed being the victim of two SW stings and have definitely been on the other end of the line with at least 3 LEO stings on BP. Thank goodness I stick to the rules and follow my reasonable monger instincts. I was acually pulled over in another state in a secluded area right after the deed was done. Thankfully I was with a WSW with a brain and instincts to match mine.
So how the hell does one get the problem fixed. Wait. How does one fix the problem without destroying everyone around him. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing? Eventually I'm going to get caught. It has been like 17 years. I'm not raping anyone. I'm not a violent criminal or a pimp. I'm a dude with a problem that started innocently enough with getting laid alot as a young man. Then when I found a way to get what I like without the hassle of nagging and needy women, I did it an became good at it. Yeah, I'm a liar. Yeah, I'm a cheater. Both of those things I do to keep my problem a secret. I feel bad but, it is a relief.
I see the shows demonizing the guys. I feel bad for the women that are trafficked. I don't want to contribute but how the hell am I supposed to know which ones are being trafficked. I don't mess with chicks with pimps.
I'm not a demon. Again, I do not rape women. I don't sleep with kids. I'm not an animal. The more I see this problem demonized, the less likely I am to get help.
I have done this hobby legally in locations where it is legal. Why is it that it is so shameful here in this country?
I guess I am forever to be a member of the shamed society. I often think that I will just leave my spouse and then half of my shame will be gone. Ill lose my kids and my wife can find a better man. Then I realize that it would only get worse if I was single. No regulation other then the law. I could move to a place where it is legal. Then 95% of the shame will be gone.
But that will never happen.
Trapped with no way out. As a veteran, this aint something that I am comfortable with. So what the fuck do I do? My parents would never understand. My siblings would never understand. I could never tell my friends. I'm on my own with this one.
Love my kids, Love my wife, Love my family, Love my job, Love alot of things but I hate my life as it is and as I have let it become.
Thanks for listening. Writing these thoughts helped a little. Hopefully I can look back to these words I wrote and detur myself from doing this eventually. I can't believe that I am finally going to hit the upload button this time. This aint the first time I typed one of these up. I never hit the send button.
Here goes nothing.
Good luck to you all.
I'm admitting it. I have a problem. Afraid to get help because I don't want to destroy my kids lives and my wife would be devastated.
I know that I have a problem because I have started becoming disinterested in other things that used to bring me joy.
So how the hell does one get the problem fixed. Wait. How does one fix the problem without destroying everyone around him. Do I just keep doing what I'm doing? Eventually I'm going to get caught. It has been like 17 years.
Trapped with no way out. As a veteran, this aint something that I am comfortable with. So what the fuck do I do? My parents would never understand. My siblings would never understand. I could never tell my friends. I'm on my own with this one.
Love my kids, Love my wife, Love my family, Love my job, Love alot of things but I hate my life as it is and as I have let it become.
Thanks for listening. I came across a definition for addiction: An addiction is an *activity* or a *substance* a person uses to *avoid* dealing with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings that need to be faced. If that fits then there you go. If it doesn't then there you go. Only you can answer that.
I'm sure you've heard this before but it still rings true. By admitting, to yourself, AND one other person, that you have a problem, you've taken a huuuuge step onto the road of recovery. You've decided to hit 'pause' and take control of your life back. See where it leads.
There's more than one way to beat this so if one way doesn't work don't hesitate to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get up again. Imo, tapering off and using self control is a good place to start. Going cold turkey in this hobby would be like never peeing again. We can get to a certain point but then we HAVE TO get relief. Make sense?
It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for. Concentrate on the positives. Don't let the other parts that you need help with drag you down (into depression). Nobody's perfect.
Thank you for your service. The work that you (and all) persons serving and protecting this great country we live in, is immeasurable. The least we can do is offer any kind of assistance we can to help out a fellow countryman or countrywoman.
Join me and give yourself an "Attaboy. ".
I came across a definition for addiction: An addiction is an *activity* or a *substance* a person uses to *avoid* dealing with uncomfortable thoughts or feelings that need to be faced. If that fits then there you go. If it doesn't then there you go. Only you can answer that.
I'm sure you've heard this before but it still rings true. By admitting, to yourself, AND one other person, that you have a problem, you've taken a huuuuge step onto the road of recovery. You've decided to hit 'pause' and take control of your life back. See where it leads.
There's more than one way to beat this so if one way doesn't work don't hesitate to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get up again. Imo, tapering off and using self control is a good place to start. Going cold turkey in this hobby would be like never peeing again. We can get to a certain point but then we HAVE TO get relief. Make sense?
It sounds like you have a lot to be thankful for. Concentrate on the positives. Don't let the other parts that you need help with drag you down (into depression). Nobody's perfect.
Thank you for your service. The work that you (and all) persons serving and protecting this great country we live in, is immeasurable. The least we can do is offer any kind of assistance we can to help out a fellow countryman or countrywoman.
Join me and give yourself an "Attaboy. ".Glad to see this thread getting some more posts. I think it's invaluable to be able to talk about your problems, especially without having to be afraid of the response.
I personally was not a fan of the 12-step programs, I found they really didn't provide the right type of environment that was most beneficial to me being and staying clean.
If it is working for you, by all means, pursue it. But I would highly suggest making it personal, challenge yourself to beat the addiction, don't expect a 12-step program to 'cure' you.
Glad to see this thread getting some more posts. I think it's invaluable to be able to talk about your problems, especially without having to be afraid of the response.
I personally was not a fan of the 12-step programs, I found they really didn't provide the right type of environment that was most beneficial to me being and staying clean.
If it is working for you, by all means, pursue it. But I would highly suggest making it personal, challenge yourself to beat the addiction, don't expect a 12-step program to 'cure' you.All I can say is without them I would be dead. Simple as that. I'm not saying they are the only way for everybody, saying that they work for a lot of people.
"You don't need any help, just pull yourself up and do it yourself" has put a lot of people in the grave.
Addiction is a complicated issue. To the brother that started this:
One of the things that addiction is is when somebody takes something, sex, food, drugs, work, and uses it to supply a lot more things than it's intended for. Drugs are good things, they alleviate pain, the cure disease, the help people. Addicts don't use drugs for that, they use them to cover up inadequacies, feelings of emptiness, emotional support, managing emotional pain, the list is endless. Of course there's never enough.
Sex is a good thing. Commercial sex can be fun. Up to the point you're trying to buy something that's not for sale. To fill an intimacy vacuum on the homefront, to feel the hunt of the chase, to hide from stress, again an endless list.
Seek out many forms of support, as a vet talk to the VA, there are support groups, if nothing else you won't feel alone in this thing, mental health professionals can help. When you're in the bottom of the pit the walls look pretty high but you can always get out.
I wish you the best.
A2.
AcrossTheUnive
09-11-16, 01:08
Within the last 36 hrs I hit 1 SW, 1 AMP and 1 "friend that needs help".
I failed this week but I am ready to quit this. Going to try harder. I might not be around here much any more for obvious reasons. I am going to start my winter "trim down" at the gym early and plan some other stuff. Don't know what will happen but I have to try.
Within the last 36 hrs I hit 1 SW, 1 AMP and 1 "friend that needs help".
I failed this week but I am ready to quit this. Going to try harder. I might not be around here much any more for obvious reasons. I am going to start my winter "trim down" at the gym early and plan some other stuff. Don't know what will happen but I have to try.The important thing to remember is when you have a set back, you must start again. Like anything else, this will take hard work and dedication. I agree with a few others that have posted on your issue especially since you are a VET. Seek help through the VA.
JolieThornDog
09-11-16, 21:02
The important thing to remember is when you have a set back, you must start again. Like anything else, this will take hard work and dedication. I agree with a few others that have posted on your issue especially since you are a VET. Seek help through the VA.If you trip and fall start AGAIN. And find some support so that when you get the itch and can talk / visit someone else to occupy your mind and do something else. Good luck.
Head First
09-17-16, 12:19
Made it only 6 days this cycle. Was driving thru the western burbs when I saw a sign for a spa. Never been to this one so I pulled in. Out comes a 30 ish hottie with a smoking body wearing a tight lbd and some heels. How much? 45 or 65. Asked her if she was fun and right there in the lobby she leaned over and flashed me her top along with a smile.
Into the room where I was waiting naked when she came back. She brushed against me and I smacked her ass and she giggled. Told her to turn out the light and come back over here. Off came her dress, bra and panties, just like that. No negotiating, no talking, no nothing. Within a minute she was on the table, on her back, with her legs spread wide open.
She didn't disappoint and neither did I.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened that made me go off the wagon. When I saw the spa sign it was automatic. Instantaneously I pulled in and got out of my car. I've had that happen before and was able to turn around and leave. But not this time. The spa sign was like a huuuuge electro magnet and once I got in it's range I didn't stand a chance.
I left happy. And sad. And disappointed in myself. But I'll get over it.
I love this hobby. I hate this hobby.
Chicago Monger
09-17-16, 17:04
Made it only 6 days this cycle. Was driving thru the western burbs when I saw a sign for a spa. Never been to this one so I pulled in. Out comes a 30 ish hottie with a smoking body wearing a tight lbd and some heels. How much? 45 or 65. Asked her if she was fun and right there in the lobby she leaned over and flashed me her top along with a smile.
Into the room where I was waiting naked when she came back. She brushed against me and I smacked her ass and she giggled. Told her to turn out the light and come back over here. Off came her dress, bra and panties, just like that. No negotiating, no talking, no nothing. Within a minute she was on the table, on her back, with her legs spread wide open.
She didn't disappoint and neither did I.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened that made me go off the wagon. When I saw the spa sign it was automatic. Instantaneously I pulled in and got out of my car. I've had that happen before and was able to turn around and leave. But not this time. The spa sign was like a huuuuge electro magnet and once I got in it's range I didn't stand a chance.
I left happy. And sad. And disappointed in myself. But I'll get over it.
I love this hobby. I hate this hobby.What spa? What burb? Pm if you want.
Made it only 6 days this cycle. Was driving thru the western burbs when I saw a sign for a spa. Never been to this one so I pulled in. Out comes a 30 ish hottie with a smoking body wearing a tight lbd and some heels. How much? 45 or 65. Asked her if she was fun and right there in the lobby she leaned over and flashed me her top along with a smile.
Into the room where I was waiting naked when she came back. She brushed against me and I smacked her ass and she giggled. Told her to turn out the light and come back over here. Off came her dress, bra and panties, just like that. No negotiating, no talking, no nothing. Within a minute she was on the table, on her back, with her legs spread wide open.
She didn't disappoint and neither did I.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened that made me go off the wagon. When I saw the spa sign it was automatic. Instantaneously I pulled in and got out of my car. I've had that happen before and was able to turn around and leave. But not this time. The spa sign was like a huuuuge electro magnet and once I got in it's range I didn't stand a chance.
I left happy. And sad. And disappointed in myself. But I'll get over it.
I love this hobby. I hate this hobby.Read the previous post again and again. If you trip and fall start AGAIN.
The other thing you have to admit to yourself is, Do you really want to quit? Just my opinion but if you are not ready to quit mentally, you never will.
Al Melrose
09-17-16, 22:09
What spa? What burb? Pm if you want.I wanted to write the same comment, but wimped out.
ReadyForRub
09-18-16, 14:06
Made it only 6 days this cycle. Was driving thru the western burbs when I saw a sign for a spa. Never been to this one so I pulled in. Out comes a 30 ish hottie with a smoking body wearing a tight lbd and some heels. How much? 45 or 65. Asked her if she was fun and right there in the lobby she leaned over and flashed me her top along with a smile.
Into the room where I was waiting naked when she came back. She brushed against me and I smacked her ass and she giggled. Told her to turn out the light and come back over here. Off came her dress, bra and panties, just like that. No negotiating, no talking, no nothing. Within a minute she was on the table, on her back, with her legs spread wide open.
She didn't disappoint and neither did I.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened that made me go off the wagon. When I saw the spa sign it was automatic. Instantaneously I pulled in and got out of my car. I've had that happen before and was able to turn around and leave. But not this time. The spa sign was like a huuuuge electro magnet and once I got in it's range I didn't stand a chance.
I left happy. And sad. And disappointed in myself. But I'll get over it.
I love this hobby. I hate this hobby.The identification of this spa will help the weak avoid temptation, and a report of the expenses will help enthusiasts keep good places open.
Head First
09-19-16, 19:15
What spa? What burb? Pm if you want.Hop in your car and drive away from the City. It's the one with the neon OPEN sign on. You've probably been there done that and already removed it from your line up. But hey, it's new to me so I'm going to play it out till it's no fun anymore. I'm not naming names because I don't want it to get Belvideered just because I found it, albeit late. It's been there for years.
Also this. It took me this long to get to some sort of level headedness about your request for info from my post. Didn't you see what section it was posted in? If I wanted to share info about pussy and where to find it I would've posted in the massage section.
And this. One thing I've learned about recovery is that 99% of the time, an addicts first thoughts are wrong. This reply is about my 7th thought on the subject. Next time you should keep your fucking nose and questions out of this section unless you have something (on topic) to add.
Not cool to be fishing for pussy in the 'My Addiction' section. About on par with losers scanning the obits for leads with surviving spouses or going to SA meetings to get dates.
Head First
09-21-16, 19:23
Within the last 36 hrs I hit 1 SW, 1 AMP and 1 "friend that needs help".
I failed this week but I am ready to quit this. Going to try harder. I might not be around here much any more for obvious reasons. I am going to start my winter "trim down" at the gym early and plan some other stuff. Don't know what will happen but I have to try.Fall Down 7 Times. Get Up 8.
We're here if you need a little support.
Keep in touch.
JolieThornDog
09-22-16, 19:00
Within the last 36 hrs I hit 1 SW, 1 AMP and 1 "friend that needs help".
I failed this week but I am ready to quit this. Going to try harder. I might not be around here much any more for obvious reasons. I am going to start my winter "trim down" at the gym early and plan some other stuff. Don't know what will happen but I have to try.Wish I could afford to participate that much.
Head First
10-23-16, 20:31
Thats how many days I made it this cycle from the last time. Thats the longest I've gone without a visit to a whorehouse, or an AMP, or an EMP, or a strip club, or anywhere there are females willing to accept money for sex. And that also includes only one visit to a porn site which BTW didn't result in a happy ending. I've been doing this since the late 80's so I'm quite proud of myself.
I got to thinking this was achievable. That I could give this behavior up.
And then my birthday came. And I thought since nobody was baking me a cake or throwing me a party, and I didn't even hear from my daughter, that I should reward myself / have my own party.
So I splurged and went to my new goto. By the time I got there I was so excited that even the Great Wall of China couldn't have stopped me from going in. And in I went. My new atf greeted me and soon we were both naked and doing things that gave me great pleasure.
An hour later I'm on the way home and feeling guilty for going. But also proud. For staying away for 23 days!!
It's giving me hope that I may be able to do this. Just not this time.
Thats how many days I made it this cycle from the last time. Thats the longest I've gone without a visit to a whorehouse, or an AMP, or an EMP, or a strip club, or anywhere there are females willing to accept money for sex. And that also includes only one visit to a porn site which BTW didn't result in a happy ending. I've been doing this since the late 80's so I'm quite proud of myself.
I got to thinking this was achievable. That I could give this behavior up.
And then my birthday came. And I thought since nobody was baking me a cake or throwing me a party, and I didn't even hear from my daughter, that I should reward myself / have my own party.
So I splurged and went to my new goto. By the time I got there I was so excited that even the Great Wall of China couldn't have stopped me from going in. And in I went. My new atf greeted me and soon we were both naked and doing things that gave me great pleasure.
An hour later I'm on the way home and feeling guilty for going. But also proud. For staying away for 23 days!!
It's giving me hope that I may be able to do this. Just not this time.I say CONGRATULATIONS. You have to remember even alcoholics and drug addicts have to start over many times. Also remember just like them you are an addict for life and you need to fight the battle every day. Maybe next time you will go 46 days, maybe only 4. Either way keep the faith.
Member #5363
12-26-16, 18:45
Made it only 6 days this cycle. Was driving thru the western burbs when I saw a sign for a spa. Never been to this one so I pulled in. Out comes a 30 ish hottie with a smoking body wearing a tight lbd and some heels. How much? 45 or 65. Asked her if she was fun and right there in the lobby she leaned over and flashed me her top along with a smile.
Into the room where I was waiting naked when she came back. She brushed against me and I smacked her ass and she giggled. Told her to turn out the light and come back over here. Off came her dress, bra and panties, just like that. No negotiating, no talking, no nothing. Within a minute she was on the table, on her back, with her legs spread wide open.
She didn't disappoint and neither did I.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened that made me go off the wagon. When I saw the spa sign it was automatic. Instantaneously I pulled in and got out of my car. I've had that happen before and was able to turn around and leave. But not this time. The spa sign was like a huuuuge electro magnet and once I got in it's range I didn't stand a chance.
I left happy. And sad. And disappointed in myself. But I'll get over it.
I love this hobby. I hate this hobby.What spa is this can you PM me.
Thrillseeker2
12-27-16, 13:29
What spa is this can you PM me.Dude, you REALLY need to learn to RTFF. Two mongers have already politely told you to RTFF but you can't take a hint and continue to ask question after question that has already been answered in these pages. Usually several times.
Had you read this particular thread you would know the that OP (and probably everyone else) finds it in poor taste to ask questions like yours in the addiction section.
Usually seniors with many more posts than me deal with newbs like you. Harshly. But maybe it's the Christmas spirit or for what ever the reason they went easy on you and your questions. Some even trying to help you via PM for reasons I don't understand.
TS2.
Mister Quick
01-10-17, 11:23
Saw this topic and thouht of this.
Retirement time for me boyos after 30+ years. After two times where I couldn't finish, I've decided that it's not a good use of time, money and quite frankly my ego. I've had ED issues over the years, but the crew at ERS never failed me. But, after one HE massage and another 'dream' which included BBBJ and cfs, the failure to complete isn't worth the chase. Enjoy it while you got it and I'll check it once and a while to catch up on the happenings.
DMichaels69
01-19-17, 10:59
30 years is a long time. Best wishes and good luck to you.
Retirement time for me boyos after 30+ years. After two times where I couldn't finish, I've decided that it's not a good use of time, money and quite frankly my ego. I've had ED issues over the years, but the crew at ERS never failed me. But, after one HE massage and another 'dream' which included BBBJ and cfs, the failure to complete isn't worth the chase. Enjoy it while you got it and I'll check it once and a while to catch up on the happenings.
Head First
03-24-17, 23:13
I say CONGRATULATIONS. You have to remember even alcoholics and drug addicts have to start over many times. Also remember just like them you are an addict for life and you need to fight the battle every day. Maybe next time you will go 46 days, maybe only 4. Either way keep the faith.Thanks.
It's quite a slippery slope. My recovery seems to move in cycles. I'll be Ok for a time and think I've got this and next thing I know I'm pulling into a spa for some relief. Dec. Jan. And Feb seemed to be good but March not so good. 2 visits this week to 2 different places.
But I want to beat this so I'll keep trying.
Fall Down 7 Times, Get Up 8.
ReadyForRub
03-25-17, 16:35
Thanks.
It's quite a slippery slope. My recovery seems to move in cycles. I'll be Ok for a time and think I've got this and next thing I know I'm pulling into a spa for some relief. Dec. Jan. And Feb seemed to be good but March not so good. 2 visits this week to 2 different places.
But I want to beat this so I'll keep trying.
Fall Down 7 Times, Get Up 8.All things in moderation. It's an expensive hobby. Don't let the dollars get in the way of living with your friends and relatives.
Iancognito
05-13-17, 00:27
I'm new to this hobby and though I am excited, I'm scared about getting caught by LE. This may be apart of the fun of it, but I haven't seen much on this forum about what happens if you get caught / arrested.
It seems to me that LE cannot be stupid, and must realize this is going on in their towns. Are they just going after the business' rather than the customers? Has anybody gotten in trouble? What happened?
This is my fear! Am I over reacting as a new guy?
I'm new to this hobby and though I am excited, I'm scared about getting caught by LE. This may be apart of the fun of it, but I haven't seen much on this forum about what happens if you get caught / arrested.
It seems to me that LE cannot be stupid, and must realize this is going on in their towns. Are they just going after the business' rather than the customers? Has anybody gotten in trouble? What happened?
This is my fear! Am I over reacting as a new guy?A little dose of fear isn't necessarily a bad thing, it helps you think with your big head. Apart from that it depends on which aspect of this hobby you're referring to, SW's, AMP's, independents, aamps, escorts? Everyone has to decide for themselves how much they're comfortable with because it's always a concern. Just remember though, if you are in an AMP when it's raided just let them know you were only there for a massage and do not offer any more information. If they don't catch you doing anything then they can't do anything but try to harass you into saying what they want to hear.
-w.
Iancognito
05-13-17, 13:26
Yea I'm only considering AMP at this point. It just seems to me that walking into one of these, you have a target on your back from those LE patrolling the area. But I suppose its hard to prove anything unless they are physically in the room. Maybe a reverse type sting is the only way to get caught?
A little dose of fear isn't necessarily a bad thing, it helps you think with your big head. Apart from that it depends on which aspect of this hobby you're referring to, SW's, AMP's, independents, aamps, escorts? Everyone has to decide for themselves how much they're comfortable with because it's always a concern. Just remember though, if you are in an AMP when it's raided just let them know you were only there for a massage and do not offer any more information. If they don't catch you doing anything then they can't do anything but try to harass you into saying what they want to hear.
-w.
I'm new to this hobby and though I am excited, I'm scared about getting caught by LE. This may be apart of the fun of it, but I haven't seen much on this forum about what happens if you get caught / arrested.
It seems to me that LE cannot be stupid, and must realize this is going on in their towns. Are they just going after the business' rather than the customers? Has anybody gotten in trouble? What happened?
This is my fear! Am I over reacting as a new guy?If you go to an AMP or an EMP, your chances of getting caught by Uncle LEO are practically nil. They are not going to set up a massage parlor for you to walk into, give you a massage, and wait for you to proposition the nice officer who also happens to give a good massage. No, the danger is on the massage therapists side. They are the ones who have to be sure of you, not the other way around.
I recall like 15 years ago I took a business trip to North Carolina. Looking for potential fun, I started to read the forums for that state. Read a post about a guy who came out of an AMP and was confronted by a cop. Cop asked him if he'd received sex. At first the guy said no. Cop persisted along the lines of You Can Tell Me! The guy does, gets himself and the girl who gave him a handy, busted. Idiot. Just say you went to get a massage, nothing else, and can I go now, and my neck and shoulders feel so much better.
Occasionally you will hear about stings, especially in the northern burbs where I live. The cops will put ads in Craigslist or Backpage, with ridiculous headings.
Hot Teen in Schaumburg wants to see you! 80 for one hour!
Absolutely too good to be true, right? It is. But guys fall for it. They go to the hotel and into the waiting arms of the cops, who will arrest they, take their car, post their picture on a John list along with name and place of residence. Again, the idiots.
Now if you're worried about getting caught by your significant other, you're on your own.
Head First
10-30-18, 11:43
Thats how many days I made it this cycle from the last time. Thats the longest I've gone without a visit to a whorehouse, or an AMP, or an EMP, or a strip club, or anywhere there are females willing to accept money for sex. And that also includes only one visit to a porn site which BTW didn't result in a happy ending. I've been doing this since the late 80's so I'm quite proud of myself.
I got to thinking this was achievable. That I could give this behavior up.
And then my birthday came. And I thought since nobody was baking me a cake or throwing me a party, and I didn't even hear from my daughter, that I should reward myself / have my own party.
So I splurged and went to my new goto. By the time I got there I was so excited that even the Great Wall of China couldn't have stopped me from going in. And in I went. My new atf greeted me and soon we were both naked and doing things that gave me great pleasure.
An hour later I'm on the way home and feeling guilty for going. But also proud. For staying away for 23 days!!
It's giving me hope that I may be able to do this. Just not this time.I had another B'Day last week and it reminded me of the promise I made to myself a while ago to stop paying for pussy.
At the height (or is it the lowest) of this addiction I was going 5-7 X a week, every week, for years. I could so I did. Then some things changed but I also recognized that what I was doing was harmful (to me) so I decided to stop it. But I soon realized what a hold it had on me. Many visits with a psychiatrist and a psychologist didn't work and I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be spending this cash on pussy than doctors.
As with my other addictions I learned that tapering works best for me. So I've been doing that and after 2 years it's gotten me to the point of 2-4 visits / rewards a month. I've not gotten this monkey completely off my back but it seems to be working and I consider it progress.
Curbing my Appetite (For Destruction) has allowed me to consider getting into a healthy meaningful relationship again. But the other side of that coin has me fantasizing about buying an AMP. It should be a no-brainer but it's not (yet), so...
So I was at a similar level of activity until I met Mei. And then all of a sudden, I no longer felt the urge to go hunting. My self-analysis was that there was a void in my life, even though I'm married. American wife is a good person (I don't deserve her, and she doesn't deserve me) but she just doesn't do it for me. So with Mei I'm happy and fully satisfied. Nearly every day. So I don't feel the need to go hunting. I can't speak for anybody else on the forum, but at least in my case it was a scenario where I was missing intimacy and physical fun. That's what pushed me to do it.
I had another B'Day last week and it reminded me of the promise I made to myself a while ago to stop paying for pussy.
At the height (or is it the lowest) of this addiction I was going 5-7 X a week, every week, for years. I could so I did. Then some things changed but I also recognized that what I was doing was harmful (to me) so I decided to stop it. But I soon realized what a hold it had on me. Many visits with a psychiatrist and a psychologist didn't work and I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be spending this cash on pussy than doctors.
As with my other addictions I learned that tapering works best for me. So I've been doing that and after 2 years it's gotten me to the point of 2-4 visits / rewards a month. I've not gotten this monkey completely off my back but it seems to be working and I consider it progress.
Curbing my Appetite (For Destruction) has allowed me to consider getting into a healthy meaningful relationship again. But the other side of that coin has me fantasizing about buying an AMP. It should be a no-brainer but it's not (yet), so...
Head First
11-07-18, 11:52
So I was at a similar level of activity until I met Mei. And then all of a sudden, I no longer felt the urge to go hunting. So I don't feel the need to go hunting. I can't speak for anybody else on the forum, but at least in my case it was a scenario where I was missing intimacy and physical fun. That answers that. I've been wondering if the beast still needs to be fed once in a satisfying relationship.
As a member of this hobby, I can usually quench the physical fun part by going out and getting off. But it's the intimacy that's not fulfilled and what keeps me searching, which will never happen because I'm looking in all the wrong places.
Makes perfect sense.
MickSwagger
11-07-18, 22:25
Looking for potential fun, I started to read the forums for that state. Read a post about a guy who came out of an AMP and was confronted by a cop. Cop asked him if he'd received sex. At first the guy said no. Cop persisted along the lines of You Can Tell Me! The guy does, gets himself and the girl who gave him a handy, busted. Idiot. Just say you went to get a massage, nothing else, and can I go now, and my neck and shoulders feel so much better.How can you get busted for sayin that.
You could slways say you were lying and embellishing the story for fun.
They can't prove it.
I've had plain clothes guys ask me how was it, and of course I say nothing. I agree they probably can't make such a thing stick. No Miranda warning or anything. I would guess the plan is to scare the guy, threaten to get his name published in the Police Blotter- in essence outing him to the community. Do all this to get the guy to testify against the MT.
How can you get busted for sayin that.
You could slways say you were lying and embellishing the story for fun.
They can't prove it.
If you step out of your house and a cop asks you if you had sex with your wife, go ahead. Tell him anything. Tell him such stories that he'll get a hard on and return to his cruiser to jack off. But come out of an AMP or EMP? No, it is not illegal to have sex with a someone you do business with. But if the business is massage, it raises all sorts of red flags, and the cops will have no problem finding a judge to order the business shut down.
Just tell them you got a massage. Worked on those stressed out lower back muscles. Don't even mention a tip.
I've had plain clothes guys ask me how was it, and of course I say nothing. I agree they probably can't make such a thing stick. No Miranda warning or anything. I would guess the plan is to scare the guy, threaten to get his name published in the Police Blotter- in essence outing him to the community. Do all this to get the guy to testify against the MT.
Very eye opening and heart breaking. Thank you for sharing and I hope that you're doing much better.
I have been in this "hobby" for about 5 years now. I no longer see it as a hobby, its an addiction and a very bad one at that. I'm going to share with everyone my heart felt story.
In only 5 short years this has caused me a divorce (sorta), near 100 k,2 stds (nothing permanent), and now my business and my daughters college fund. I really have no idea if anyone else is this bad but I am and I want everyone to know how bad it can be.
I spend around 500 bucks a week and sometimes more. Sometimes I go to multiple AMPs or places in a day! I have a girlfriend whos hotter then most everyone I see. Its like I can't control it and I just go go go.
When I first started it was like once every 2 weeks but grew to so much more. This really is like a drug and I need out. I have destroyed so many lives and now I am in so much debt with my business and I spent my daughters 25 k I had for college. I have no way to replace it. I will probably lose my daughters love and for sure respect. I have take out short term title loans before to pay for services, I have sold shit to pay for it.
I know many of you and even via pm I would love to hear if anyone else is in my position. I seriously feel like theres noway out. The shame and embarrasment is destroying me. The final nail in the coffin is how do I tell my daughter I spent her college fund? I'm so out of control!
Very random, but I really wanted to take time and say thank you to Head First and Bob *because Bob is amazing* and pretty much everyone who posts here. I my self have never been good at posting here. Or any where to be honest. But I read a lot. I've lurked here now for well over a decade. Reading about other people who deal with the same struggles I do helps bring some peace knowing I'm not alone in said struggles. It's been 9 days since I've been any where. Here I've been for the last hour debating trying to find bullshit reasons to talk my self in to going than right back out of going. I had pretty much made up my mind and said screw I'm going. On a fluke I clicked the general tab and noticed for the first time this My addiction section. Reading through this has drastically helped clear up my head. Thank you Thank you Thank you. For the last 3 years I've told my self I want to stop, but one reason or another I continue, if I had to guess, I think my longest period of time not seeing anyone would be around the 20 day mark. Around 3 weeks of nothing I start to become insanely restless. My thought process has slipped my mind, so I'll end quickly with saying again to everyone who posts on this site Thank you Thank you Thank you! Head First I wish you the very best of luck! Hoping this year I can make it to the triple digits on not paying for pussy!
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